K03-Star Force: Fugitive Alien II (lost episode)

Film Year:  1987 (compiled from a 1978 TV series)

Genre:  Science Fiction, Adventure
Director:  Kiyosumi Kukazawa, Minoru Kanaya
Starring:  Jou Shishido, Tatsuya Azuma, Miyuki Tanigawa, Choei Takahashi, Tsutomu Yukawa, Hiro Tateyama
MST Season:  KTMA

The Movie

Because who gives a shit about proper story context, Mystery Science Theater offers up the sequel before they touched the original.  Granted this episode is not available to fans in any form other than what little we've pieced together, so it's possible we can just ignore it entirely and say Star Force:  Fugitive Alien II wasn't seen on the series until season three.

But getting up to speed, when we last saw the crew of the Bacchus 3, they had adopted the former alien warrior Star Wolf known as Ken into their crew (with only Captain Joe knowing of his past).  Now they must survive an exploding star, then destroy a diabolical weapon, and face down the leader of the Star Wolves.

There's not a lot to say about Star Force that you can't say about the first Fugitive Alien.  If you want my two cents about the series in general, one might find it in those reviews.  What can I say about Star Force that I can't about the first?  It's a bit more inane (which is saying something).  The first three quarters of the film have a reasonable plot thread that connects before it compiles the conclusive episode of the series in an out of nowhere final act.  Given that this film isn't really the way the Star Wolf series is intended to be seen I can be somewhat forgiving of it however

I love these Japanese effects shows, and I'd hate to disappoint anybody who clicks these reviews expecting me to tear them a new one.  I don't have that anger within me.  They're fun escapism, and I give this Fugitive Alien saga a pass.

The Episode (or what we know about it)

For years the first three KTMA episodes of Mystery Science Theater's run were considered lost.  Technically copies existed, but the fans didn't have access to them, making them highly sought after.  In 2016, as a reward for the revival Kickstarter Joel shared the first two episodes with the fans, but the curious omission was Star Force.  This leads to speculation that the master tape is lost, damaged, or destroyed, or it could possibly be that Star Force had more complicated rights issues to sort out (the third season episode was cleared for DVD release, but this might have been a separate contract altogether).  Joel or Shout Factory have both not commented on what the case might be.

If we were only to get two out of the three missing episodes, I'm glad we received Invaders from the Deep and Revenge of the Mysterons from Mars instead.  While I have some curiosity on Star Force due to the third season episode being a beloved favorite of mine, the reality is that we already have this movie in our line-up, and it's most likely in a superior form.  I'd have rather had the films we didn't already have as remade episodes.

That said, having any episode missing from our roster really sucks.

We have about four minutes of footage of the episode, from various snippets we've gathered from compilations.  Three of the host segments survive, none of which are really all that funny.  The first is Joel demonstrating inventions, which are really props from his stand-up, including the Chiropractic Helmet that we saw in the Green Slime pilot.  In the second, Crow explains Thanksgiving to Gypsy in his own mischievous way.  The third has Joel explaining drugs to Gypsy.  The only surviving riff of the episode is "They must have spent tens of dollars on this."  I'll admit, it made me laugh.

As for what we know about it that isn't in the footage, we know for certain Josh changed his voice for Servo in this episode.  The previous episode found him speaking in a deep almost dimwitted drawl, while the following episode (as well as the riffing clip) has him speaking in a higher squawking voice.  While he isn't done finding Servo's voice, this choice is definitely a change for the better.  We also all should be familiar with the movie, which was reriffed in season three.  For this curiosity piece I viewed the movie segments of the third season episode.  The riffing for this episode would obviously be sparser and improvised in the KTMA style.  But I'm just pointing out "No shit, Sherlock" deductions at this point.

Will we ever see the KTMA version of Star Force in its entirety?  I'm sure the only people who know the answer to that question are the people who work at Shout Factory and have access to it's master copy.  I'd of course would love to see the episode.  I guess I'll have to settle for what we can get though.  After all, one hole in my collection is better than three.

The Oozing Skull (Cinematic Titanic)

Film Year:  1971
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Al Adamson
Starring:  Grant Williams, Kent Taylor, John Bloom, Regina Carrol, Vicki Volante, Angelo Rossitto, Reed Hadley

The Movie

Initially titled Brain of Blood, this gross horror flick is a more graphic tale in the vein of The Brain That Wouldn't Die or The Atomic Brain.  In The Oozing Skull a dying foreign ruler plans on saving his own life by transplanting his brain into another body.  But when a proper body is unavailable, his brain is transplanted into the body of a disfigured simpleton until a new one can be found.  But he finds the simplistic and violent personality taking over.

Director Al Adamson is fairly known in cult circles for directing Dracula vs. Frankenstein, while MSTies would eventually best know him for his bizarre but memorable final film Carnival Magic.  Knowing what types of films Adamson made over his career helps put The Oozing Skull in perspective, knowing it's not exactly unique among his filmography.

This is a fairly cheap and inane Frankenstein-like tale of body switching.  The film's monster, the mentally handicapped and disfigured Gor, is poorly designed.  His defining face is less a disfigurement and more of a melted bald cap that's wrapped around his face.  Even worse, its unable to cover his entire head, leaving giant gaps of the actor's hair visible (humorously enough a sideburn that's just sitting at the side of his face).  It makes the production look even cheaper than it already is.

There's a bit of gore here as well, with some gooey operation sequence porn for anybody who is interested.  We also get long lingering shots of brains, which according to IMDB trivia were acquired from a local butcher.  It's the only real sensation of this movie, which is unfortunate because it makes an ugly movie cause an even bigger gag reflex than it might have had it been fake looking.

The Riff

Cinematic Titanic bursts onto the scene of the riffing world, welcoming Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff, and J. Elvis Weinstein back into the riffing world, joined by Mary Jo Pehl (who had previously done riffs for Glitter and The X-Files for Rifftrax at the time).  The Oozing Skull is not a very appealing movie for them to start out with, but I have to give them points for making this thing pretty funny.

Unlike other releases by the Titans, this show features no intro as our performers jump right in.  The first thing you notice is that they slip right into the riffing format like a glove, as if they never left.  The chemistry is sound as well, as J. Elvis re-establishes himself and Frank and Mary Jo make their onscreen riffing personas very notable, despite neither being regular riffers on MST (Frank had riffed a portion of Last of the Wild Horses, while Mary Jo had done a segment of Quest of the Delta Knights).  The Oozing Skull helps re-establish an appreciation for all three, as they are often overlooked in favor of the more prominent actors on the show.  Cinematic Titanic especially helped make me a big fan of Mary Jo, whose delivery often plays like gangbusters for me.

"She's got two stalkers?  That tramp!"

There are four host segments, none of which are all that memorable.  If anything they're examples of what host segments could be in this format, keeping the performers in silhouette while performing little skits that leave a bit to the imagination.  They're usually pretty fun if not outright funny, as we have Frank bring in a weak stomached special guest, Joel generates a discussion on tasteful entertainment value, Trace fixes the lead actress's makeup, and J. Elvis comes up with a love theme (this last one is probably my favorite).  These segments rarely last very long and really seem to be a road to a singular punchline, but they're fine.

With a gross and ugly movie at the center, the riffing needs to sell this first release by the Titans hard.  And it does sell it.  When this disc came in the mail way back when I felt like it was money well spent.  Right out the gate Cinematic Titanic establishes itself as a wonderful successor to the Mystery Science Theater legacy.

Good

The DVD

The Oozing Skull was initially released by Cinematic Titanic exclusively through their website.  Audio and video were both good, though the film itself was at a lower resolution than standard def.  There were no special features.  Shout Factory later rereleased it in their Complete Collection set, in which it shared a disc with the following show, Doomsday Machine.  This disc also contained a bonus interview with J. Elvis Weinstein, where he discusses the history of the show, how it evolved from studio to live, and briefly touches upon why it ended.

The Clean Club (Rifftrax Shorts)

Rifftrax Year:  2012
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

"I'm tellin' ya', young punks, there's nothin' like livin' on a real dirty kid."
"...is a sentence that should prompt immediate jail time."

If you're wondering what your underwear's voice might sound like, this is the short for you (and they actually sound like Kermit the Frog).  This is a more recent short than most that Rifftrax and MST have tackled, filmed and released around 1990, which sees a California Raisins style claymation portraying germs "jiving" and "rapping" about the horrors of cleanliness.  The stories they tell see children being lectured by inanimate objects around the house about how dirty they are before they are forced to clean up, killing all germs on their body.

It's one of those educational films that tries to make learning "cool" for kids, which was especially painful in that late-80's/early-90's way that adults tried to emulate the way they thought children talked or responded to.  Picture those lectures by people who walk into a room that start out "Hey man, I know what's cool!" ::turns hat around and sits in a chair backwards:: "And I need to talk to you about somethin' totally lame that thinks it's cool, know what I'm sayin'?"  Most of the time it was about drugs, while this one is about washing your hands, which feels like too much effort for that lesson.

80's kids like me might get a bit of a cheap thrill in the animation style, which was fairly popular back in the day.  The designs of these creatures is horrid, but then again they're supposed to be.  And we might get a laugh out of remembering lame videos like this we've sat through back in our day.

Mike, Kevin, and Bill are here to laugh with us too, and for the most part this short is a slam dunk.  The short gives them plenty of strange, surreal images to react to, while the jive talk gets imitated and mocked to great effect.  If there is a fault with this short it's not a fault of the riff itself, but rather the short, which gets heavily repetitive about halfway through.  But this one had me throwing my head back and laughing quite a bit.

Thumbs Up

👍

The Dark Knight (Rifftrax)

Film Year:  2008
Genre:  Superhero, Action, Crime, Drama
Director:  Christopher Nolan
Starring:  Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Morgan Freeman
Rifftrax Year:  2008
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

I was alive back in 1989.  I lived through the hype of Batman, and felt just how crazy people went for that movie, though I was five at the time so I didn't really care.  Like every child born in the 80's, I grew up with the movie and while I always thought the movie was cool I never really liked it all that much.  When I grew up I finally figured out why.  There was just such a disconnect between it and...well, anything human.  I'm not emotionally engaged by anything happening, the characters act like drones that only go from point A to point B because the script tells them to, and for the most part I don't really understand a lot of their motivation behind what they're doing at all.  The movie was certainly visually stimulating though.  I'll be honest, at the time I was more invested in Adam West reruns on TV.

If that opinion angers you, don't get me started on Batman Returns.  That rant will get me hate mail for the rest of my life.  I honest to god would rather watch Batman & Robin.  At least that has Freeze puns.

Given that the closest I've ever considered to a genuinely great Batman film at the time was Batman:  Mask of the Phantasm (which is fucking magnificent, if you haven't seen it), it was little wonder that I latched onto 2005's Batman Begins when it came out.  The film was more based in character and got into Batman's head, giving us an idea of why a man would dress as a bat and fight crime at night.  It didn't follow the basic previous Bat-film plot of "villains do random shit, Batman walks around town and punches people" that dominated the prior films.

Then The Dark Knight came out, and the universe exploded.  For a lot of us it was the Batman film we've been waiting for and perhaps the best superhero movie ever made.  I wouldn't go that far.  I'd say a Batman film I'd like to see lies somewhere in between Christopher Nolan's character driven films and Tim Burton's otherworldly fairy tale (maybe Ben Affleck and Matt Reeves' future Batman film might find that medium, at least I have that hope).  I'd also say my personal favorite superhero movie is Spider-Man 2, which probably maintains that sort of balance the best out of any superhero movie I've ever seen.  The Dark Knight is certainly the best Batman movie that has yet come out though.  It may even be argued that it's the best movie based on a DC comic, though I tend to prefer Wonder Woman.

The mob war aspect of the film works in its favor, along with a memorable turn by Heath Ledger as Batman's most notorious villain, The Joker (for which he won a posthumous Oscar for).  It's a memorable movie with many memorable sequences, and I distinctly remember being in that theater in 2008 and exclaiming "Holy shit!" during many instances (many of which during the dark humor moments of Ledger).  Not many movies of this type make me remember strong reactions that I felt while watching it, which leads to believe that The Dark Knight is something special.  Even if it wasn't exactly the Batman film I had been waiting for, it was a ride that I wasn't expecting nor did I know I wanted.

But even the most well received movie of all time isn't universally loved.  There are people in the world who would just rather not sit through three hours of The Godfather or even the much less demanding hour-and-a-half of Casablanca.  Some people don't like The Dark Knight, more often than not preferring Burton's films, and that's perfectly fine.  We all like different things, and we're all entitled to diverse forms of entertainment.  Some people take diversity in taste a little too personally, as critics who disliked the film had been sent death threats and the like.  See, this is wrong.  Your opinion may be that someone who dislikes something you love should die, but let's just say I disagree.  Please just enjoy your movie and let the people who don't just not watch it.

The Trax

Mike, Kevin, and Bill waste no time in mocking the rabid fanboys of this particular film, which at the time was notorious for people sending reviewers who dared to say anything lukewarm or negative about it hate mail and death threats.  The film still managed to be quite well-received despite a handful of people not liking it, but then again no film ever made is universally loved by EVERYONE with the exception of the masterpiece known as G.I. Joe:  Rise of Cobra.  But not liking this particular film is unfortunately an offensive taboo of some kind.

Even though I think this film is quite excellent, I never had any problem with Rifftrax taking the film on.  I would have been more interested in a riff of the godawful Batman Returns, sure, but the thing about any Christopher Nolan movie, and not just his Batman movies, is that they're all so very stone-faced.  They can have humor, but those moments are few and far between in the middle of long sequnces of thoughtful pondering and aggressive drama.  I've always felt riffing works best when the movie is a straight man, and when the movie has less humor in it the humor the riffers throw at it will stand out as more refreshing.  Compare this to another superhero movie that received a Rifftrax in 2008, Iron Man, which approaches self-depreciation in the way it presents itself.  I see way more potential in riffing The Dark Knight because it actually gives them a solid foundation of earnestness to work with.

For about twenty minutes or so, The Dark Knight is hilarious.  The opening bank heist with the Joker is quite possibly among the funniest sequences I've ever seen in a Rifftrax, as Mike, Kevin, and Bill latch onto the clown concept and work it even further into the scene.  One of the best lines of the entire riff comes early on when Bill notes "Grim, humorless, a little frightening...yeah, this lines up with every experience I've ever had with clowns."  From there on we go straight into Batman's first action scene where he takes down the Scarecrow, and the humor maintains itself as quite strong.  Mike's patented Nick Nolte impression is even more than welcome here, with another great observation from Bill being made:  "...Nolte sounds like Batman..."

Ah yes, folks.  Get used to the gravely voice mocking, because the Rifftrax gang is going to drive that into the ground this riff.  Like any running gag, sometimes it can be funny while often it just seems to be called back to because they have nothing funnier to do.  There is an above average patch, slow spot, running gag, repeat method going on here.  And with a movie that's two and a half hours long, it makes me feel there is a flaw in the plan.

Maybe the Joker is right about plans after all.

The Dark Knight however maintains itself as a really good riff that's worth a listen.  If you like the movie just be forewarned that during slow patches you might find the riff fading into the background and just wind up watching the movie instead, then snapping back to attention when you realize you were supposed to be listening to the comedy track instead.  If you don't like the movie, then you might like this riff more than most because you're seeing a hype train you didn't jump on being mocked, and it's a good Trax so it's worth sitting through the movie again for.  But for those who worship the movie entirely and wish ill on those who think differently...may I recommend skipping this riff and maybe going for a long walk to rethink your life instead?

Good

Batman and Robin: Chapter 1 - Batman Takes Over (Rifftrax Shorts)

Rifftrax Year:  2013
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS SERIAL UNRIFFED*

"Remember folks, people actually WATCHED this in a THEATER!"

It's been a long time coming, but it seems the folks at Rifftrax have finally said "You know, we failed to do a complete serial on Mystery Science Theater thrice, so let's take one and go the distance."  Can they maintain constant commentary for fifteen straight chapters?  Let's find out!  One of the drawbacks to MST's dips into serial territory was that they did them really early on in their run.  The guys at Rifftrax have been in the riffing game for decades, so maybe the time is right.

What to tackle?  Why Batman and Robin of course!  Sharing the name with the most notorious superhero movie of all time, Batman and Robin is actually the second of two serials featuring the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder.  And believe it or not this is actually the less crappy of the two.  This one is a bit less monotonous, a little bit more unintentionally funny, and at the very least has a villain that isn't a white guy in Asian makeup.

This Batman story begins as Gotham is being terrorized by a mysterious villain known as the Wizard.  Yes kids, as easy as it would be to put some jackass in clown makeup and call him the Joker, we're going to put a hood on a guy and make up our own villain.  This Wizard, who displays no wizard-like attributes whatsoever, sends his thugs out to collect a remote control device, while Commissioner Gordon sends Batman and Robin after him.

Cheap as it may be, the serial is a fair representation of the pulp comic adventures of the 40's meeting the repetitive allowance thieving serial storytelling of the time.  Batman and Robin can often be looked down upon, but I'll give it this:  of all the serials I've seen I'd definitely state that it's one of the ones I was bored by the least (The Adventures of Captain Marvel and The Phantom Creeps are probably among the best of these few I've sat down and watched).

That doesn't mean there is nothing to make fun of.  If anything the fact that it's both bad and watchable helps it be even more riffable.  Mike, Kevin, and Bill seem to relish their shot at this, as while they've given the old MST treatment to the opposite ends of the spectrum representations of Batman, Batman & Robin and The Dark Knight.  While both films lent themselves to the format in different ways, a serial has an old-fashioned type of cheesiness that you don't really get from a blockbuster film, with its simplistic childlike innocence and, well, hilarious lack of budget.  They zero in on the flaws:  the fact that the Batmobile is just a broken down old car, Batman and Robin's silly Halloween style costumes, the cheap sets, and long periods of simplistic exposition being drawn out.  The old-timey punch-and-tumble-heavy fight scenes also get noticed, as Bill quips "This Batman didn't learn combat from no League of Shadows, just an old Irish drunk."

This is an easy recommend, to Batman fans and non-fans alike.  The short is a bit of a dumb hoot and the riffing is quite hilarious.  It gives us hope for this serial and any attempt they may make to riff another serial in the future.

Thumbs Up

👍

Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory (ICWXP)

Film Year:  1961
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Richard Benson (Paolo Huesch)
Starring:  Barbara Lass, Carl Schell
Featured Short:  "Ghost Rider"

The Short

Nicolas Cage stars in this film based on the Marvel comic, as a death defying daredevil is gifted with extraordinary demonic powers from hell itself...oh wait, wrong Ghost Rider.

This somber and depressing short is about a boy who is haunted by a girl who died in a bus accident.  She urges him to read up on bus safety, but at least she's not crawling out of a TV and punishing everyone who might still be using VHS like other ghost girls I know.  As luck would have it, the bus is in an accident the following day.  Instead of being freaked out and accusing the ghost girl of being the freakishly supernatural cause, he leads everyone to safety with what he has learned.

Educational short films can be worse.  The story presented here is silly and poorly acted, but the safety protocol emergencies presented are well executed.  There's nothing too wrong with Ghost Rider other than it's limited production value and the fact that it's title rips off a Marvel comic, leading one to think this will be cooler than it really is.  I will say maybe it gets so plot heavy that it's lessons are a little buried in it.  But it does give a sense of urgency to learning what it wants to teach, which is something I suppose.

The Movie

Well, that title is pretty self-explanatory.  Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory is about a werewolf killing off female students in a panty raid gone horribly wrong.  Suspicions follow the faculty's newest teacher as to whether or not he is the vicious beast killing budding teenagers, or just a perv.

Originally titled Lycanthropus in its native country of Italy, it's easy to see why this film was made.  Horror is a hot genre, and female victims drive up the sex appeal.  However this film can be a bit of a dank and rough watch.  The film tries to spice itself up by being a bit of a mystery, though the red herrings prove to be rather inane and thrown at us carelessly.

This film can be a bit plodding, so don't be surprised if your attention wanders.  Once werewolf action hits the screen, the film becomes a bit more amusing.  Often due to unintentional humor, because the attacks can be comical in how pitiful they can be.  The deaths can be comical as well, with the frozen face of terror of the first victim being quite the laugh-getter.

Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory is mostly for the trash crowd, as werewolf and horror fans won't find it very interesting or exciting.  For those of us who dwell in the bottom of the barrel cinema it's fairly watchable and far from the worst movie you'll find, but that doesn't make it good.

The Episode

The gang at Incognito Cinema Warriors XP regroups to film a finale to "season one" of their series as they prep up a fairly more ambitious "season two" that tries to distance itself further from Mystery Science Theater.  They have a new, one-timer voice for Topsy (Gregory Wyatt Tinnen) and a new antagonist in Kincaid (also played by Tinnen).  As of this writing this is the final full length feature film riff ICWXP has done, though Rikk Wolf claims that episode six of "season two" will be a full feature as well.

I enter this episode of ICWXP with a fair amount of tepid curiosity.  I've been running hot and cold on the group since starting making my way through these episodes, and my opinions have varied all over the place.  I think these guys can showcase talent at the best of times, but it often feels like they need to be reeled in.  So I have no expectations of episode four because I don't really know what to expect to feel anymore.

The short Ghost Rider is a very serious presentation, which would create the perfect straight man.  However I'd say the riffing on it is fair at best.  There are a few standout lines (Topsy's Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption impression was pretty aces), but overall the effort didn't generate too much enthusiasm from me.  Rifftrax reriffed this short in 2013, and while I can't speak for that short at this time, I will say there is room for improvement.

Pushing on to the movie, I'd say the middling string of riffs continue for a time, at least until the first host segment.  But the gang snowballs with the film's ugly crazyness and the episode gets progressively funnier.  Rick and the Bots seem to be having a good time with this silly movie, looking past the pain it brings to see the pleasure in just how goofy it is under the surface.  All of this in consideration, some of ICWXP's worst tendencies do come into play.  Sometimes they throw out a reference that vaguely resembles what's happening onscreen, but just barely too far removed that it doesn't feel like it belongs.  At other points they just ride on a few gags that feel like they are there to amuse themselves, such as the leather chair noise gags.  There are points they can make it work, but in others it feels as if they should just let it go.

On the host segment end, I got a good laugh out of the first segment where Johnny Cylon puts on a "ghost hunter" reality show.  The other segments didn't quite do much for me, though I didn't particularly hate any of them.  We have the gang create their own coffee shop, put up a birthday party for Topsy's grandfather, and Topsy dresses in drag.  Meanwhile, Kincaid sends Dr. Blackwood for "re-education" and takes over with his own brand of maniacal laughter.  I preferred Blackwood, though Kincaid is fine.

Note:  Kincaid threatens to send Rick both The Happening and Crossroads, two movies that were riffed by Rifftrax.

Now having seen the entirety of ICWXP's first season I find myself amused by most of it, but still not entirely as infatuated with the show as it's rabid fanbase would have me believe.  I think as far as fan-based riffing projects go these guys might be among the head of the pack, but I'm still not entirely won over.  In certain areas they aren't working at the same frequency as my own sense of humor, though in others they line up quite well.  As for this episode as an individual, it's one of the better ones so far, though Lady Frankenstein is a bit more consistent.  I'd recommend it.

Good

The DVD

You can find this episode sold as a single through icwxp.com, or as a part of the "Season 1 Collection," which also features Lady Frankenstein and Bloody Pit of Horror.  This is the first ICWXP episode to be filmed and presented entirely in anamorphic widescreen, and undoubtedly it's the best looking episode so far.  The one issue I have is that since the short and film were filmed in full screen, series creator Rikk Wolf opts to present them in a stretched format to fill the entire 1.78:1 screen.  As someone who believes in aspect ratio preservation, I am firmly against this practice.

But I have to admit, it's no different than watching TV with my dad, so I'll manage.

This is also the first disc with bonus features, so yay!  The first feature is a Q&A with Wolf and his fellow riffers Zach Legler (Johnny Cylon) and Greggory Wyatt Tinnen (who played Topsy-Bot 5000 and Kincaid solely in this episode).  They talk about the series and movie they like, don't like, and what could be riffed or not.  Following that we have separate features devoted to Wolf discussing the set and the Bot puppets.

Moving on there are three music videos.  At first glance they're entirely irrelevant, but upon closer inspection they were all directed by Rikk Wolf, which I imagine is somewhat of Wolf putting together some demo material for anybody who might be on the lookout.  There's also a bonus song from the band of the voice of Johnny Cylon.  There's also a photo gallery of fans showing off their ICWXP DVDs, which is...fine...I guess.  Good for them.

Rikk Wolf also does something that is pretty unheard of for a riffing show...he provides an audio commentary!  But only for the host segments since, as he points out, commentating over the commentary would be silly.  He's more technical than anything.  There is no mention of the switching cast, more or less just pointing out origins of skits and how the show is made.  It's about 20 minutes or so of commentary.

Measure Metric Volume 2: Doc Cranshaw and the Kid - The Contest (Rifftrax Shorts)

Rifftrax Year:  2017
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

This short that attempts to teach volume in cubic decimeters is way more frustrating than it needs to be.  It's storyline that pretends it's going somewhere but is really as aimless as someone hopped up on the cough medicine grandpa is selling goes something like this:  a peddler and his grandson are in town while there is a local contest asking you to guess how much candy is in a jar and the winner gets a puppy.  While at school, the grandson learns about volume and tries to use it to win the puppy.

Spoiler alert:  By the short's end we discover that the duo aren't even staying in town long enough to see who wins the contest, leaving how much candy is in the jar and whether or not the boy won the puppy up in the air, so if you're looking for closure this isn't the short for you.  The closest I can figure is that it was a setup for real classrooms to have their own contests where students guessed how much candy was in a jar so they can use the lessons taught in the short and bring conclusion to it themselves.  I doubt they won a puppy, but meh.

What concerns me is that this is "Volume 2," which means there is a "Volume 1" of some sort.  Maybe even more.  This doesn't really seem like a great idea for an educational series, which might have followed peddlers from town to town so they can learn metrics (this is assuming the series followed these two characters at all, which might not have been the case).  What I can say is that most of what we learn in this short is from the kid's teacher droning on about cubic decimeters, which is something students could have had in actual class, and if the storyline about a puppy goes nowhere, what is the point?

The riffing is fairly solid throughout this thing.  They love to mock the main characters' profession as professional con artists.  The classroom setting provides plenty of jokes about "special" students, while also mocking that maybe an old west setting feels like the wrong place to teach volume.  They have some great jabs at the production itself, like when this short hilariously makes a mule whinny like a horse.

My favorite dark riff of the short:  The shopkeep asks the boy in to take a closer look at the puppy, prompting the response of "And tell me if you think 30 cents a pound is fair."

This short isn't always on fire, but it's just funny enough to be recommended.  Be warned that the short is a bit of a drone, and it doesn't quite go anywhere special, but you'll laugh enough for it to be a worthwhile endeavor.

Thumbs Up

👍

Carnival of Souls (Audio Commentary)

Film Year:  1962
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Herk Harvey
Starring:  Candace Hilligoss
Commentator:  Michael J. Nelson

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

Carnival of Souls tells the story of a woman who is the sole survivor of a car crash and finds her life feeling off.  Following her dream of becoming an organist (you go, girl!), she has trouble relating to other people and finds that there is a strange pale man following her around.

Some of this movie's most interesting aspects come from its twist ending, so I hope you forgive me if I discuss spoilers openly.  If not, you've been warned.  But I assume most riffing fans don't care.

Carnival of Souls is somewhat the Sixth Sense of its day.  In that it's poorly acted, poorly written, popular for some reason, and has pretty much the same twist ending.  It's pretty plain after a while that this woman didn't survive the opening accident and this is the story of ghouls dragging her soul into the afterlife.  Stories like this predate this movie, and there is even a Twilight Zone episode called The Hitchhiker which is almost the exact same thing.  I don't know if the film was all that surprising or shocking at the time, but it's pretty easy to stay two steps ahead of it.  Especially when it's as meandering as it is.

The film's best attribute, also like The Sixth Sense, comes from its atmospheric direction.  Interestingly enough the director, Herk Harvey, should be familiar with riffing fans, but not by films.  He is actually the director of many educational short subjects that have been featured on MST and Rifftrax, including the likes of What About Juvenile Delinquency?, Why Study Industrial Arts?, and Shake Hands With Danger.  Harvey shows genuine talent and genre diversity, which makes it a shame he didn't direct more films.  But one can look at some of the actors featured both in this film and his shorts, and it becomes clear he wasn't really an actor's director, so maybe it's for the best.

Carnival of Souls is a kinda classic.  Some people insist it is completely, though it seems more like a cult film than anything.  It has strong moments of suspense, but they're surrounded by too many moments of "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh."  This movie probably could have been quite good, but it just misses its mark.

The Commentary

From what I remember, this seems to be the last commentary Mike did for Legend Films where he actually tried to be semi-informative, dropping tidbits here and there on the making of the film and ending with a joke.  This is probably because all parties involved likely realized if one were likely to pick up the disc solely to listen to Mike's commentary (which, let's be honest, was probably most, if not all, who bought these discs, because nobody gives a shit about colorizing old films really), then they probably want to laugh more often than hear about the making of the movie.

But since Mike's teetering a bit on not knowing where the line between technical and historical audio commentary and riffing should lie yet, I'd say he did a pretty good job for the most part in these early releases.  They're funny, and even if the tidbits weren't interesting he did often find a way to twist it into a solid gag.  Though sometimes he apologizes for the gag, as if risking offending someone from the actual production who might be listening in.

There is quite a bit of this in Carnival of Souls.  But for the most part I got some pretty strong laughs out of the affair.  This movie is fairly easy to make fun of, with the stiff acting and inane plot.  Mike likes to joke around with the film settings, telling people to never move to Utah and the like.  There are one or two characters he latches onto, such as the sleazy boarding house neighbor who hits on our heroine constantly, and the odd landlady.

Yet, there are quite a few elements that slip through Mike's fingers.  There are strange occurrences and hilariously bad acting that seem to be begging for something to be said about them, but Mike just drifts by them.  Future riffs of this film will correct the issue, so it's easy to forgive Mike's solo venture as just a rough draft.  I will say that the third act needed a lot of work, as our main character finds herself in the titular Carnival of Souls, while Mike just rambles on about music acts that are entirely irrelevant.  It's kinda funny at first, but as it goes on it feels like he's out of steam and is just ready for this damn movie to end.

I'm of two minds on this commentary.  On one hand the successful laughs are very funny and consistently entertaining for a while, but as we enter the climax this riff nosedives quite hard.  I'm going to say as a commentary venture this is fairly strong and is probably worth picking up, though don't be surprised if your attention drifts at the end.

Good

The DVD

As a part of Legend Films' colorization line, Carnival of Souls is a disc made to show off their color print of this traditionally black and white film.  The color print is fine, though skin tones look unnatural and everyone's hair looks like bad wigs.  They seem to have had fun with the film's ghouls, which received minimal colorization to create a simplistic otherworldlyness.  This color print is worth checking out for how well this take on these ghosts come off.

As for bonus features, we have a black and white print as well as a batch of trailers for this film, Night of the Living Dead, and The Flesh Eaters.  The former two are colorized, though The Flesh Eaters is in black and white.  There is also a trivia section.

Shapes We Live With (Rifftrax Shorts)

Rifftrax Year:  2016
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

Just when you thought the Drawing for Beginners films were the most rudimentary shorts that Rifftrax would ever tackle, here comes Shapes We Live With.  This daring and sophisticated film teaches us veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry...sloooooooooooooooowwwwwwwllllllllyy the shapes of spheres, cylinders, cones, and cubes and repeats endlessly how to tell them apart.

I realize this short was intended for children, but I have to conclude it was for very young ones.  This short is repetitive and spacious, to let it sink in the differences between these four shapes.  I will never forget the difference again, I'll tell you that.  Because now it's burned in my memory.

Because of how spacious this short is, there are plenty of open opportunities for riffing.  Mike, Kevin, and Bill are more than able to fill in the long gaps of nothing in this short, often pointing out how it talks down to the viewer and how repetitive the lesson is.  But if there is one thing that can be said about this short it's that maybe there is too little dialogue.  We have grand portions where even the riffers don't seem to have anything to say because there is nothing happening, and we're given gaps of nothing in return.

However, the material here is quite funny, and strong enough to recommend fully.  At this shorts worst you'll just sigh as you'll be learning things you already know...repeatedly.  But the laughs will make it all worthwhile.

Thumbs Up

👍

The Giant of Marathon (The Film Crew)

Onscreen Title:  "La Bataille de Marathon"
Film Year:  1959
Genre:  Action, Adventure
Directors:  Jacques Tourneur
Starring:  Steve Reeves as NOT Hercules!

The Movie

This Italian production tells the tale of the famed Battle of Marathon.  Steve "Hercules" Reeves plays Philippides, an Athenian commander who encourages the Spartans to help Athens fight the Persians, and happens to fall in love with a pretty blond dame as well.  ACTION AND ROMANCE!

Given this is from the star of Hercules and it's yet another sword and sandal tale of a Greek epic, Giant of Marathon is most likely to be enjoyed by those on board for these Italian flicks.  I certainly enjoy them, so Giant of Marathon is a bit up my ally.  That said, it meanders for a while leading up to the ultimate battle scenes, which are pretty cool.

Crew of note:  The director of this film, Jacques Tourneur, is best known for his collaborations with producer Val Lewton, including the horror classic Cat People.  His director of photography on this film was Mario Bava (who also did some uncredited reshoots), who MSTies will know as the director of Diabolik, and later became a noted cult horror director as well.

I'm not much inspired to write more about this movie.  Those who are inclined to enjoy it likely will, and it's easily the best film riffed by the Film Crew (not hard when your runner up is Killers From Space).  It's simply just solid and standard.

The Riff

Today we bid farewell to the Film Crew, the short but sweet series of DVD releases where Mike, Kevin, and Bill tried to give the fans what they wanted, but then decided to do Rifftrax instead.  Ironically, with the fairly simple and to the point opening I somewhat suspect that this final release may in fact have been the first filmed.  But at any rate nothing special is planned for this grand finale to this four episode series, as we're just given another movie and another riff.

This particular movie has echos of Hercules and Colossus and the Headhunters, giving old-timer MST fans like myself a familiar flavor to latch onto.  The riffing is among the strongest this type of film has seen, with some stellar delivery and timing by Mike, Kevin, and Bill, with some great targets in our oily, beefcake men in loincloths and dubbed production itself, while playing with the ancient setting itself.  If I were to detract anything from this riff it's that they often go for a safe running gag, such as saying the men are all wearing diapers or alluding to homosexual subtext.  Certain lines of these are funnier than others, but the over-reliance on them can get pretty boring.  The funniest running gag is about exposed genitalia on the statues, which are often quite hilarious.

The host segments are fair and brief.  The most detailed is the Lunch Break, in which Bill tries to teach Mike about the Battle of Marathon using Kevin's lunch.  The finale involves the trio wearing stupid hats, while Mike mocks Persians, which is added onto in the DVD's bonus features.

Giant of Marathon isn't as memorable an episode as Wild Women of Wongo, though it is the one Film Crew exorcise that approaches being nearly as funny.  While I think at times it can be a bit too one-note this one is a must see, concluding the Film Crew's mostly stellar, if brief, run.

Good

The DVD

Like all Film Crew releases, Giant of Marathon was filmed in 2005 but shelved and released in 2007 by Shout Factory.  This is the only Film Crew episode where both the host segments and the movie itself are in widescreen, despite this the entire episode is non-animorphic.

Bonus features kick off with a video apology by Mike for slandering Persians during the episode, which results in more slurs against Italians and Norwegians.  The second is a commentary by "Walter S. Ferguson," which is really Mike playing a character who was supposedly an actor on the film, playing just about every role imaginable.

The Litter Monster (Rifftrax Shorts)

Rifftrax Year:  2016
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

Despite the title, this short has very little to do with a "litter monster" of any kind.  Instead it's a preachy short about littering and how to prevent it (you know, like using a garbage can or something).  It shows "fun" ways children can promote their anti-litter movement, most of which involve creating useless crap out of paper which will probably all wind up crumpled up and on the ground anyway.

I'm an advocate of this short's goals, but it's not very good at selling it.  As mentioned above, there's too much arts and crafts involved, which I think works against the short's moral lesson.  Preventing litter involves individuals using proper waste disposal methods, not signing a petition.  And the short completely lost me by the time a group of pranksters made a talking garbage can that harassed people who walked by.  Fuck that.

As for the riffing, it's fairly workmanlike.  There's some nifty pop-culture references, like Bill Cosby rape allegations and Nick Fury asking the Litter Monster to join the Avengers.  I'd hesitate to say the short had bad material, but most of it isn't very inspired.  The second half however does pick up a bit.  One gag that made me laugh was when the short showed a rodeo, to which Kevin made a joke about cows littering cowboys on the ground.  Soon after there's a spot where children take photos of litter "to show the ugliness of it," to which Bill criticizes "instead of picking it up."  I also like that Mike's interpretation of the short's moral is that litter can be prevented by "unpaid child labor."

But biggest laugh of the short:  little girl throws a soda can into the garbage, and Bill says "Screw recycling!"

This short isn't exactly a waste of time, but when there are other shorts out there to consider it's hard to recommend.  I'd say other shorts demand your attention more than this one.

Thumbs Down

👎

Legacy of Blood (Cinematic Titanic)

Film Year:  1971
Genre:  Horror, Mystery, Thriller
Director:  Carl Monson
Starring:  John Carradine, Rodolfo Acosta, Merry Anders, Norman Bartold, Faith Domergue
CT Number:  4

The Movie

Spooky mansion, one-by-one murder, whodunit mystery, brothers and sisters DOING IT...Legacy of Blood has it all!

Originally titled Will to Die, this film stars John Carradine (very briefly) as a rich man who has passed away and left his fortune to a group of heirs.  After the will has been read, the family stays the night at his mansion.  However someone seems to be killing all the heirs off one by one.  Is someone trying to inherit the entire fortune?  Is there anyone NOT busy screwing their siblings long enough to even try?

This is a tough one, even with a bunch of formerly riffed alumni to play with (in addition to Carradine, we also have Women of the Prehistoric Planet's Merry Anders and This Island Earth's Faith Domergue).  As a thriller, Legacy of Blood isn't very thrilling, though it's mystery is moderately intriguing, by the time you find out where it's leading the movie has clearly flown off its rocker.  There are so many twists to the ending you can clearly see that the movie thinks it's smarter than it is, and by this point you just want to smack it.

It's just an ugly, trashy little horror movie that wants to off people, which kinda makes it a slasher movie too.  Even worse is its desire to be an erotic thriller as well, shot in the foot by all the film's characters being related to each other.  I don't know who came up with this approach, but it doesn't really make your movie sexier through taboo, it just makes it feel like the person killing people isn't the creepiest thing going on in that house.

The Riff

Legacy of Blood could very well be the worst film of Cinematic Titanic's catalog, probably contending with War of the Insects.  Those who firmly believe that worse movies enhance the riffing experience will be right at home here, and luckily the Titans deliver a stellar commentary that helps their argument.

That said, Legacy of Blood is a very dirty movie.  The characters are dirty, the morality is dirty, the lust is dirty, even the film print is dirty.  If one prefers a less sleazy form of badness, this should be an easy pass.  Those with the guts to enter into this disgusting film will find a lot of hilarity at the expense of its sleaze.  The incestuous undertones of the film are blatant and glaring, and the Titans are rightfully creeped out.  Luckily they also seem to find it amusing.

"Oh come on!  Brothers aren't supposed to do this!  They're supposed to sit on your head and fart!"

While this is the biggest point that they emphasize in this movie, the fact that it's a horror movie doesn't escape them.  This is one of my favorite genre's for projects like this, because of the visual stylings and long sequences of silent suspense bring a lot of openings for commentary.  Legacy of Blood is no different, as sequences of people in bedrooms undressing each other with their eyes usually tend to have the Titans talking over dialogue, while the scenes of "tension" let them riff away without worry.

The host segments are mostly given to a gag that there is a new rule that chewing gum isn't allowed in the theater, which Frank defies.  One of them is devoted to Frank breaking this rule, which is brief and very funny, but I almost wish there was another segment to make up for the one burned out on it.  The other host segment features Trace hosting a game show called "What Won't Kill You?," where he forces J. Elvis to pick the item that won't kill him.  It's solid.

Legacy of Blood is a jewel in the crown of Cinematic Titanic.  While I'd probably point to Doomsday Machine as the better gateway episode into this string of riffs (Legacy is a bit of a movie that isn't for riffing amateurs), this is one of the best of its series.

Classic  

The DVD

Legacy of Blood was initially released through Cinematic Titanic's website, with a low quality movie though otherwise solid picture and good audio.  There were no special features.  Shout Factory re-released it in their Complete Collection set, where it shares a disc with the preceding show, The Wasp Woman.

Peer Pressure: Nobody Tells Me What to Do! (Rifftrax Shorts)

Rifftrax Year:  2016
Riffers:  Bridget Nelson, Mary Jo Pehl

Peer pressure is a bad thing.  Unless my peer pressure is forcing you to read this blog.  If that's the case, then it's fucking AWESOME.

This tale of teenagers in their thirties shows several forms that peer pressure can take, as boys and girls find themselves slacking off, shoplifting, and breaking and entering just because the other kids are doing it.  Interestingly enough, it's only the peer pressure kids who get punished in the end, giving the impression to the viewer that only the bad people get caught.

It's not a terrible short, just a simplistic and very old-fashioned one.  The situations feel forced and the actors look uncomfortable playing the roles they're given.  The moral of actions having consequences is solidly executed, though not in a very interesting fashion.  There's a bonus lesson of choosing what type of person that you want to be that's appreciated as well.

"Hey audience, here's a shoplifting tip:  SUPER LOUD SHOES!"

I'm going to squeal with glee every time something from Bridget and Mary Jo comes up in the rotation of shorts or features, as I've found the duo a force to be reckoned with in the riffing world.  They have a brilliant chemistry and record their riffs with an impromptu flavor by cracking up at each other's jokes or leaving in flubs.  There is so much natural charisma in Peer Pressure right down to the end where Mary Jo sings Radar Love off key and Bridget mocks her for it.

There is a lot to make fun of in this particular short, with the over-abundance of silly clothing styles and stiff performances front and center of every scene.  They seem to have the most fun riffing the shoplifting segment with the teenage girls, as their feminine snapbacks fit in naturally with the gang seen on the screen.  Plus the airheaded running gag of "I'm Debbie!" just cracks me up every time.  But the boys get their fair share of mockery as well, since they dominate the short.  And the kooky peer pressure of trying to seem cool to a loser provides plenty of fuel for the duo.  And with everything so 80's, it's hard to not hit a home run with this short.

"I played Pac-Man for hours."
"I would only play Mrs. Pac-Man."
"Must you drag feminism into everything?"
"No, I just wanted to support her endeavor."

This is a quality short from Bridget and Mary Jo, among the best shorts Rifftrax ever released.  For those who want to start checking out the duo, this short would be a great place to start.

Thumbs Up

👍

xXx (Rifftrax)

Film Year:  2002
Genre:  Action, Adventure
Director:  Rob Cohen
Starring:  Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Asia Argento
Rifftrax Year:  2006
Riffer:  Michael J. Nelson

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

Back in 2002 it was hard to get away from the star/director combo of Vin Diesel and Rob Cohen.  The duo had just had a huge hit with the first Fast and the Furious movie (and I think all film fans know by now what that lead to), and they were about to reteam for a new action movie named xXx which was being touted as the new 007 franchise.  Helping it's favor was that later in 2002 Die Another Day was about to lay a giant fart in the James Bond franchise.  This movie sees Diesel playing an outlaw extreme sports...guy of some sort who is hired by the NSA to be a secret agent for...reasons, I guess.  Cue random action scenes that mean little to nothing.

In the immediate aftermath both Diesel and Cohen seemed to struggle quite a bit even after the success of xXx, seemingly because both deciding against returning for the immediate sequels to their star making films.  Diesel in particular banked it all on turning Pitch Black into his winning franchise, and while I quite enjoy a Riddick movie more that F&F and xXx myself, I guess that was more cult flavor than he anticipated.  The world would have preferred to see him return to the fast cars thing as opposed to outer space.

I haven't seen xXx since it came out.  Mostly because I hated it.  I have no ill-feelings toward Diesel, because I think he's a particular kind of actor who knows how limited he is and is aware of what type of roles he can play.  Rob Cohen on the other hand just rubs me the wrong way.  He seems to take concepts that are exciting in theory and then makes them as bland and boring as possible (I cite The Mummy:  Tomb of the Dragon Emperor as probably the ultimate example).

As I watch xXx for the first time in about fifteen years, I found myself fairly stupefied by the opening thirty minutes, which is probably the biggest assault of pointless nothing I've ever seen in a dumb action movie.  Diesel's Xander Cage character disagrees with a politician who dislikes rap music and video games for promoting violence, so he retaliates by stealing his car and driving it off a bridge (boy that proved him wrong.  Great job.  ::thumbs up:: ).  After this Diesel is given a string of tests without context that never really seem to have a point, not to mention the second one is just plain strange.  During that second test we're given some action that kinda looks neat, but feels like it serves no purpose and has no consequence.  It's just an excuse to see Diesel ride a bike through an invisible track where explosions aren't going to be.

And that kinda sets the tone for the rest of the movie:  to just be an excuse.  An excuse for Diesel to shoot this, an excuse for Asia Argento to wear that, an excuse for motor bikes and cars to drive, an excuse for bikinis.  And unfortunately very little of it is fun or exciting.  Granted the climactic action scene is fine, if lengthy, but I can't see myself forgiving an entire movie for not boring me for ten minutes.

I like a dumb action movie as much as the next guy, believe me I love Commando unconditionally, but xXx is dumber than normal and it fumbles any form of entertainment it goes for.  When a movie can't make exotic dancing look properly seductive then I just feel sorry for it.

The Trax

Mike's then recently debuted riffing machine of Rifftrax won my heart early on by riffing this silly movie, which would have been a dream episode of MST3K for me way back when.  Unfortunately I'm just now getting around to listening to this riff since I never really had a fair way to watch this movie without paying money for it, which I was very hesitant about doing.  But this blog lit a fire under my ass and I finally relented on buying a cheap blu-ray, though I may admit part of that is probably because I have at last aged enough to have forgotten just how shitty this movie was.

Note:  The page at rifftrax.com makes a note that this commentary might not sync up with the blu-ray, presuming it's the director's cut.  I'd like to point out that it syncs up just fine with it, since it's the theatrical version.

When Mike hits his target with this movie, he is on fire.  I threw my head back and barked a laugh at his observation of the film's many logic holes quite a bit, especially during Diesel's inane stunt with a politician's car because of political disagreement, which Mike points out might have been better solved by voting.  Unfortunately there seems to be a lot of dead space between laughs here, as at times Mike just degrades himself into coming up with his own cheesy one-liners to this cheesy action movie.  Mostly xXx is a fairly inconsistent humor stream, as Mike sometimes struggles to really have anything to say about the hollow emptiness of the movie.  During points like this in other riffs sometimes an amusement factor in the movie's badness can help push the grade up a little bit, but xXx just doesn't offer much in the way of "so bad it's good" to make up for it.

Also, and this is just a minor detail that has no bearing on the quality of Mike's humor work as a whole, but the syncing at the beginning is a bit botched.  Mike chooses the sync start to be the film's bizarre opening title, when one of the opening logos probably would have been more serviceable.  The first sync checkpoint is a good five minutes in, and I was having a hell of a time trying to figure out if I was drifting or not.

I don't want to be completely down on Mike's solo work, because Rifftrax had to start somewhere.  Sometimes a movie is just too much for one man to take on by himself.  A larger writing crew, or a co-riffer would have probably worked the energy in the room wonders.  That said, I'm a bit on the edge with this one, because when it's funny it's really funny.  But since that enjoyment isn't maintained against an unenjoyable movie I'm going to have to round down.

Average

Halloween Party (Rifftrax Live Shorts)

Rifftrax Year:  2014 (Live Performed), 2015 (Released On Website)
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

Originally filmed for Rifftrax's 2014 Live show Anaconda, yet due to rights issues with the film used they were unable to release the entire show for streaming.  However, the Rifftrax website had no copyright issues with the short film they used so they released it the following year outside of the actual show.

This short is about a family getting ready for Halloween but the young son's costume (read:  paper bag that was drawn on) was destroyed by the dog.  The mother then brainstorms a new costume for him to wear in a flash.

This short is really short, only about five minutes or so, but it's breezy and suitably wacky.  The initial Halloween "fun" featured in the short is about as forced as you can get, and there isn't really much of a payoff to it, seeing how it barely has a story at all.  I assume they were going for the idea that the kid's second costume is better than the first because of improvisational magic, but since the kid's first costume was just a paper bag literally anything would have been better.

The riffing is fairly solid for such a kooky short full of manufactured family enjoyment, though there are some missed opportunities with the children's costumes at the end.  There is literally a child in blackface that they don't comment on, all the while they're more interested in the fact that the boy's second costume is a "lady scarecrow," though they had already rode that joke a bit too hard when there are fresh ones to make.  But this strange beast of a short is solid and it's great to have it as a part of our library even if the rest of the show is not with it.

Thumbs Up

👍

Bloody Pit of Horror (ICWXP)

Film Year:  1965
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Domenico Massimo Pupillo
Starring:  Mickey Hargitay, Walter Bigari, Luisa Barrato, Ralph Zucker
Featured Short:  "The Talking Car"

The Short

In this deleted sequence from the Pixar film Cars, a little boy named Jimmy forgets the rules of the road and runs into oncoming traffic.  Three talking cars take Jimmy into car purgatory where they judge him and decide his fate.

This traffic safety short is a bit humdrum.  It lectures children, but tries to be fun by having said lecture be bellowed out by cars with animated mouths.  Once the thrill of the pre-Roger Rabbit combination of live action and animation is gone, basically what you're left with is a droll drone telling us to look both ways before crossing the street for fifteen minutes.

Sometimes "Making learning fun" forgets the "fun" part.  Just because your short is called "The Talking Car" doesn't make it enjoyable.  But I promise never to run out into traffic again, just don't show me this thing again.

The Movie

If you thought Saw was the movie that started the torture porn subgenre, check out this little Italian number from 1965.  In this film a killer known as the Crimson Executioner is sentenced to death in the 17th century, and 300 years later a group of photographers, models, and an author break into his castle wishing to shoot sexy ladies being murdered...in photos that is.  The reclusive homeowner reluctantly lets them stay the night, so they break into his dungeon because they obviously haven't trespassed enough.  Soon the phony killings start becoming real as one by one each member of the group starts dying.  Has the Crimson Executioner returned from the grave?

Bloody Pit of Horror was filmed long before the title of "torture porn" was devised, but I have to wonder if the person who coined it was familiar with this film.  Films like Saw and Hostel depict torture indeed, but Bloody Pit of Horror sensualizes it in an almost disturbing way.  It's not enough to see women be tortured, we have to see them being tortured in underwear and bikinis, with focus on the breast region, and we see their sweaty skin glistening as they moan in pain.  The dub does this aspect no favors, as the moans in this version almost sound orgasmic.

Looking outside of it's somewhat misplaced eye for sex, the film is quite strange, with lengthy sequences that could easily be trimmed, such as montages of photography or repetitive fight or fleeing scenes.  It's a drawn out movie, mostly because it isn't about anything in particular except seeing people get tortured because they exist.  This also isn't the first bad movie in which I've seen a woman get killed by a plush spider, but it probably is the first where she gets killed by a plush spider that's actually supposed to be a plush spider in the movie.

Because of all of this there is a weird aura of hyper-reality to the film that almost makes it interesting and hard to not watch.  It's godawful, but in a unique way that you have to give it credit for.

The Episode

Here we are with another offering from the guys at Incognito Cinema Warriors XP.  So far I've found them initially disappointing but eventually enjoyable in the course of two episodes.  I go into Bloody Pit of Horror hoping for more of what Lady Frankenstein offered and less Bride of the Gorilla.

Bloody Pit of Horror was riffed by Rifftrax in 2012, though this ICWXP riff precedes it by about four years.  I have yet to see the Rifftrax version so it's not possible for me to compare at this time, but I have to say that once I get around to it I hope it's better.  While the guys at this riffing project haven't quite reverted back to the lackluster delivery of their first outing, this episode mostly sees them being a bit overzealous again, giving enthusiastic riffs that just aren't that funny or misdelivered.  Maybe it's just me, but it also feels as if the timing is sluggish at points as well, with riffs that feel like they would have worked better coming in two seconds earlier.

At times the guys shine.  There is a fairly solid patch of riffing during a lengthy scene where photo shoots are being setup to polka music, which I have to give them an A+ for because they never leave it silent and the vast majority of jokes are above average.  The climax has some decent howlers as well, mostly because by this time the film is actually delivering some actual content to work with.  Riffs on the really bad dub for the film also tend to hit more often than miss, as the sync on this movie is genuinely atrocious.

We also get ICWXP's first riff of a short film, The Talking Car.  Like Bloody Pit it too was also riffed by Rifftrax, who tackled it as an opener in their 2016 live MST3K Reunion show.  While I'm going to have to refresh my memory on what they did with this short, I remember thinking it was quite strong.  But is it better than the ICWXP version?  Hard to say, because this one is pretty funny too.  There are a lot of dark riffs contrasting the pleasant suburbia family life in this short, with riffs of matricide and the like while Rick, Topsy, and Cylon almost seem to be pushing for little Jimmy to run out into traffic at every turn.

One thing I definitely noticed about the riffs that ICWXP throws out is that sometimes they're targeting a "blink and you'll miss it image" that puzzles me for a moment, forcing me to rewind to see exactly just what they're riffing.  There's a point where an odd looking flaw in the print of the short makes Rick duck and say "Ugh, what is this stuff!" and at another point he references a car colored like a cow to which he cries "COW-MAN AWAY!"  After rewatching these moments I found myself "Oh I get it!" and having a bit of a laugh, but I find myself hesitating as to whether I'd consider it good riffing or not.  It's sharp-eyed, no doubt due to watching these films over and over again for the scripts, but they're a bit too sharp to a point that it takes me out of the experience because it becomes overly precise.  Precision is a great thing to work into your riff script, but riffing on slight less than a second instances that your eye isn't exactly drawn to makes something of a chaotic experience at times.  But there are people who would disagree with me and say rewatching episodes and catching riffs you didn't get before is part of the fun.  That I can't deny, though I think this situation is a bit different.  But perhaps I'm just not as astute as ICWXP seems to want me to be, as there are points during the film in which they throw a riff out and even after closer inspection I'm still not entirely sure what they're getting at.

The host segments mostly revolve around the group getting a "pet" zombie head named Zed, who is an atypical articulate zombie.  A lot of little moments in the host segments are devoted to Rick, Topsy, and Cylon mocking and torturing him for fun.  Outside of that, the segments are pretty bad.  The closing segment where the Crimson Executioner visits via a viewscreen is just godawful and excruciating.  I also find myself not a fan of the Talking Car segment where the grumpy car haunts their dreams or the lengthy and one-note static electricity segment.  The only one I find myself looking on rather fondly is the opener where the trio eats old doughnut holes and get sick, which is kinda funny in that simplistic way I think they're going for.  Plus it has the line "I'll show you bowel obstruction!"

With a film, a short, and host segments, this episode of ICWXP runs damn near 130 minutes, longer than any episode of MST3K even WITH commercials.  The guys making this are having a blast, though this feels a tad self-indulgent.  I'm used to lengthy Rifftrax MP3s on movies that run past two hours, though in those cases they're at the mercy of the runtimes of what they're trying to sync up with.  ICWXP has no excuse except they're independent and they can make it lengthy because they can.  I personally found myself checking the timer at several points to see how much I have left.  Perhaps I wouldn't have if the riffing were more consistent, but at least I got some good chuckles and a mostly solid short out of this lengthy outing.

Note:  This was the last episode of the series for Rob Atwell, who played Dr. Blackwood and was the original voice of Topsy-Bot 5000.  I'm not sure if there was ever a reason given for his departure, but I'm sorry to see him go.  His voice could be nails on a chalkboard for Blackwood at times, but I thought the character itself had its moments.  Topsy was also usually one of the funnier characters in the theater as well.

Average

The DVD

Sold via icwxp.com Bloody Pit of Horror is offered both as a single and in the (incomplete) Season 1 Collection along with Lady Frankenstein and Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory.  Video was fair, with host segments being filmed in widescreen but presented in full screen while the theater segments stayed in full screen presentation.  The print of the movie is godawful though, and there are no special features.