321-Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Film Year:  1964
Genre:  Fantasy, Comedy
Director:  Nicholas Webster
Starring:  John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Breck, Bill McCutcheon, Vivtor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Chris Month, Pia Zadora
MST Season:  3

The Movie

This infamously cheap Christmas film tells the story of Martians realizing that their children live monotonous, dull lives.  Somewhat envious of the sense of wonder that the children of Earth have, Martians come to Earth to kidnap Santa Claus and make him deliver the Christmas spirit to the children of Mars.  However a joyless grump of a Martian named Voldar likes things just the way they are.

HOORAY FOR SANTY CLAUS!

There's a lot of vile spewed toward this movie for being obnoxious and cheap, with a crappy story to back it up.  Let's face it, it's a fairly lousy movie and it's easy to dislike.

...but...

I don't know.  Maybe I'm just a softy at Christmas, and it's the feel-good optimism of the season that gets to me, but bad holiday movies don't seem to annoy me as much as other people.  I even have some deep down, probably misguided, enjoyment in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.  It's a pretty bad movie, but it has something of a schmaltzy heart to it.  There's genuine effort to make an enjoyable movie for kids, even if the production values won't allow it.

Does it have aspects that grate me?  Absolutely.  Droppo is a bit much, and his shtick tends to run way too long and is never really that funny.  Voldar is a fairly weak villain, providing a bit of a forced conflict that I strain to become invested in.  I find myself gravitating more toward the emotional conflict of the Earth children who have been taken against their will, not really mistreated, but miss their families and their home.

These are mostly the tip of the iceberg on what's wrong with this movie, but I forgive it's sins.  This movie's dumb, but harmless.

The Episode

"By the time the decade is out, we will have rescued Santa from Mars!"

The first of Mystery Science Theater's Christmas specials (not counting the Christmas referential KTMA episodes) is still the best after all these years.  I suppose in some ways Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a bit too on-the-nose for the show.  It's not bad in any specific way, like just how lost-in-translation the fifth season's Santa Claus movie is, or just how obnoxiously dumb The Christmas That Almost Wasn't is, but rather Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a cheesy movie that doesn't seem to be made by real filmmakers, made with actors that didn't really have talent, put together sets that look like they'll crumble if the wind hits them wrong, and talks down to it's audience, assuming everyone had the intellect of an infant.  Is there really anything that can be done with this movie that isn't glaringly obvious?

No.  What actually happens is that Joel and the Bots go for the obvious, because part of the charm of this film is because of that obviousness, so they don't fight it.  They see a prop that's obviously a Wamo Air Blaster toy, so they point it out.  They pick apart the corny sets and unprofessional nature of the film, and in a genius move they give it a bit more of a personality.  They play with the way Santa is portrayed in the film, as he's a bit on the spacey side, so they go whole hog and riff him as he loves his liquor ("Poor Santa." "Stuck on a planet with no booze.").  Voldar is enhanced with a bit of a mustache twirling flair, while they take Droppo's infantile humor of silly faces and high pitched squeaking to a turn it around on him, twisting it into something that actually is funny.

The host segments are Christmas themed, and are highlighted by Crow's attempt at a Christmas carol, A Patrick Swayze Christmas, inspired by the movie Road House.  What can I say?  It's a classic.  And it's even funnier if you've seen the goofball, inanity of Road House, but it's probably not required.  There are some fun present exhcanges, as well as Christmas essays (Servo's is so funny that Satellite News posts it at the top of their website every December).  The Invention Exchange highlights Joel and the Bots coming up with new present ideas (one of which is also Road House inspired), while the Mads have invented a machine that turns fun presents into boring ones.  'Tis the season!

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians has been revisited by the two other major riffing machines by the MST crew, Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic.  While both have their moments, each just doesn't have the quaint charm or holiday spirit of this early effort, which to this day still wins me over in laughs and the warm fuzzies.  It's not roll-on-the-floor hilarious, but the episode just clicks.  You can keep your new versions, I'll die by my Patrick Swayze Christmas!

Good

The DVD

Both Rhino and Shout Factory have provided Santa Claus Conquers the Martains as stocking stuffers for MSTies across the nation.  Rhino initially released the episode as a part of their double feature set, The Essentials, which paired it with "Manos" The Hands of Fate as they were the two most demanded episodes of the series on a poll Rhino held on Satellite News.  The video was slightly flawed on this release, but not horrible.  Audio was good.  There were no extras.

Shout Factory later released the episode on a group of odds and ends episodes that Rhino previously released but they themselves hadn't yet called The Singles Collection.  The video is better on this set, audio is about the same.  Spicing up the package are special features, including an intro by Joel!  Joel discusses how he remembered seeing the movie as a kid and insisted on having it on the show, while building a Christmas episode around it.  He also discusses the origins of Patrick Swayze Christmas, which was, of course, Mike Nelson's obsession with the movie Road House.  Also featured is a trailer for the film and a group of MST Hour wraps.