Chopping Mall (The Last Drive-In)

Film Year:  1986
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Jim Wynorski
Starring:  Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, John Terleski, Russell Todd, Karrie Emerson, Barbara Crampton, Suzee Slater, Nick Segal

The Movie

From the visionary director of Munchie, The Return of Swamp Thing, and The Bare Wench Project comes this unsung classic from early in his career.  Several couples are determined to have sex in a mall after hours, unaware that the mall's security guard robots are malfunctioning and killing everyone in sight.

I've heard of this movie before but I have never seen it, even though it seems like a movie I should have watched ages ago.  Let me tell you what, this movie is amazing.  It's such a nonsensical parade of sex and violence.  The main characters have no reason to sneak into a mall and have an orgy, they just do, because they also don't have a reason to not do it.  The robots don't really have a reason to go berserk, they just do because...KILL ALL HUMANS!

Chopping Mall is astonishingly simple, astonishingly silly, and I have a hard time picturing why you average genre fan wouldn't have fun with it.  It's a dumb, breezy fun, with exploding heads and pyrotechnics that look surprisingly good on the cheap.  The robots are somehow both intimidating and adorable.  I just want to give this movie a hug, because it's the type of goofball movie that appeals to my single digit IQ brain.

The Drive-In

The Drive-In is back, motherfuckers!  The double features have returned for another ten week run, conveniently right in the middle of a pandemic quarantine.  What better way to hide from Covid-19 than to watch teenagers getting slaughtered?  And what a better way to open it than a Joe Bob rant on incels and sex robots!  (Though I'd note that if large amounts of single, horny men are stuck in quarantine, the last thing you'd want to do is take away their sex dolls)

Joe Bob opens this new season with a special guest star, Kelli Maroney.  She discusses her time as an 80's sex symbol/jailbait symbol and her time working on the film.  She also addresses the rumors that she was only cast in the movie because director Jim Wynorski wanted to date her and shoots down Wynorski's claim that he slept with all his leading ladies.

Speaking of Wynorski, Joe Bob talks in depth about his career, and how he started working for Roger Coreman and New Horizons.  Darcy even reveals that she was almost cast in one of his softcore skin flicks (The Devil Wears Nada), but declined before finding out Wynorski was directing.  There is some great mojo flying around making this fun movie even more of a blast.

Also, Darcy confirms women don't talk about vagina depth nearly as much as men talk about penis length.  It's not a thing.

Joe Bob's Rating

⭐⭐1/2