Genre: Drama, Crime
Director: Roger Corman
Starring: Beverly Garland, Carole Matthews, Mike Connors, Marie Windsor, Jill Jarmyn, Susan Cummings
MST Season: 5
Short Featured: "What to Do on a Date"
The Short
A little advice to those who dare ask the question "What to Do on a Date?," a date can be anything. You can go get something to eat, you can go get some coffee, you can go to a movie, you can go for a walk, you can even stay home and watch TV or hang with family and friends. And yes, it can even be sneaking up into someone's room and mutually taking each other's pants off. What makes something a date is the company you keep, common interest in the activity, and whether or not they have that serious condition known as "I think I like-like that person!"
What to Do on a Date is a short about a guy named Nick, who has that "like-like" feeling for a girl at school named Kay. He is goaded into asking Kay to the movies, but while Kay is enthusiastic, she has already has seen the picture. Nick then asks Kay to help out at a scavenger sale, which he initially thinks is a dumb idea, but they both wind up enjoying the activity quite a bit.
The short's point is the same as my opening paragraph. A date is anything. Rob's issue is mostly jitters of being labeled a dork for asking her to something mundane or that can be considered work, basically. Knowing what type of activity your partner may want to do is a scary prospect, because you haven't gotten to know them well enough to know what that mutual enjoyment is. What to Do on a Date is simple and old fashioned, but some messages never change, and this is one of them.
Minor note: The actress playing Kay played a character named Kay again in a short titled "More Dates for Kay" (which was riffed by Rifftrax). Sorry to hear you and Nick didn't work out, Kay, but good for you getting back on that horse!
The Movie
Roger Corman starlet Beverly Garland stars in this early Corman film, the first of several collaborations, included fellow MSTed films It Conquered the World and Gunslinger. In this film, Garland is one of several convicted felons who know the location of stolen diamonds hidden in the swamp. The police decide to stage a breakout with a policewoman working with the escaped convicts posing as a fellow inmate, but the plan doesn't exactly go smoothly.
Originally titled Swamp Women when it was released, the film is about what you'd expect from a film directed by Corman about women in jail. It's a bit sleazy and exploitative, often feeling like it was only made so we can see two women wrestling in the dirt. But dammit, those gals wrestle in the dirt well.
There isn't a lot to make of the plot, which feels like it could have been interesting but it mostly done simply so it can be filmed on the cheap. Most of the drama comes from the in-fighting among the convicts, while there is a bit of extra tension once civilians get dragged into their scenario, which potentially puts innocents in danger. If characterization was Swamp Diamonds' strong point, this might be some exciting stuff, but instead even when a character is presumably eaten by an alligator,it's hard to generate any sort of reaction except apathy. Most of the characters are blank and angry, and just want to wrestle in the dirt.
Swamp Diamonds is a pretty nothing movie with a mildly engaging concept but it simply goes on for too long without much to draw our attention for 80 minutes except hot pants. Not helping is the print here is pretty washed out, which isn't the movie's fault, but it doesn't help when you feel like you're watching a giant blob of khaki.
The Episode
There is a quaintness to What to Do on a Date that is a lot of fun. It's easy to just make fun of its old-fashionedness, though all things considered Joel and the Bots keep the ribbing friendly. They more or less mostly make jokes about Nick's awkward first date attitude toward Kay and how easily it could be crashing and burning. Probably the biggest laugh of the short is when Nick comes up with the idea to go on another date at a weenie roast, to which the trio respond with the slang-term generation gap response of "NICK, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" There is also a slight bit of sexual attraction riffs between Nick and his friend Jeff, as the short opens with the two of them in a field causing Crow to respond "These two are on a date?" There are a few more lines that follow it up, but I find this particular gag amusing because of the quaint old-timey heteronormative nature of the short and the fact that it's not a mean spirited gay joke. It's just a funny idea that Nick starts this short with a desire for Kay only to deal with his feelings for Jeff. That's good comedy.
The short bleeds into the host segments, which rides on the concept of embarrassing first dates by having the short inspire Tom Servo to ask Gypsy (the only lady character on the show, except maybe the disembodied Magic Voice) out on a date. What makes these segments so endearing is that they are a great platform for Servo's trademark self-confidence-is-a-mask-for-own-littleness trait. Servo is very assured in what he is doing, even if what is actually happening is contradicting how he believes it will play out. Crow is a bit of a mischievous antithesis to Servo as he is just kind of a snarky side-player who cuts the legs out from under Servo at every chance he can get.
"It's Lucy and Viv in the big house!"
Since the short and the host segments are so interlocked, the movie portion can get drowned out. This makes Swamp Diamonds a bit of a questionable movie selection for this episode, because the film is fairly drab and awkwardly paced. But season five is peak riffing for the trio of Joel, Servo, and Crow and they know full well what they're doing. Since we're dealt a lot of female interplay in this movie, the riffers get very catty and gossipy, just about every lady group cliche you can think of. But it's a Corman feature, so that can't be the only target. Lacking production, questionable characters, and poor editing come under fire as well, especially a hilarious scene where a hostage is killed by an alligator, which is just so haphazardly assembled that even the riffers are confused by its assembly ("I can't wait for all these movies to come together!").
It's a pretty solid episode, even if the movie itself can prove to be underwhelming in comparison to everything else that is going on. But I'll give it credit for being constantly enjoyable and funny, right down to a swell Invention Exchange bit where Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank invent a TV where they can watch what they'd be doing if they weren't at home watching TV. I myself do not want to picture a world where I'm not watching my MST though, so you can take that reality and shove it.
Good
The DVD
This episode was featured on Rhino's Volume 10 box set, as well as it's Volume 10.2 reissue. Audio and video were both good, and there were no bonus features. Shout Factory rereleased the 10.2 set under their label, featuring a bonus compilation of Rhino's DVD menus from their box set.
What to Do On a Date was one of the shorts featured on the Shorts Volume 2 compilation on Rhino's Volume 3 set. This compilation was featured as a special online bonus disc for The Essentials box set, while Shout Factory featured it on their Singles Collection.
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