805-The Thing That Couldn't Die

Film Year:  1958

Genre:  Horror

Director:  Will Cowan

Starring:  William Reynolds, Andra Martin, Jeffrey Stone, Carolyn Kearney

MST Season:  8

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

As if the Brain That Wouldn't Die wasn't bad enough, now we got another immortal head giving us shit...

One of Universal International's last gasps of in-house horror in the 1950's, The Thing That Couldn't Die is about a group of ranchers that use their psychic youngling Jessica to find water for their ranch.  Jessica accidentally discovers a mysterious box buried beneath the soil instead.  Thinking they've struck gold, Jessica's family unearths it only to discover a disembodied head inside, which can control people at a glance.

Let's be frank, it's not very good.  The Thing That Couldn't Die feels half-baked at every corner.  It feels like half a concept cooked up with minimal effort, likely thrown together just to make use of ready sets and to have a product to sell.  The story isn't very interesting, though the film has a bit of sex appeal in its lovely leads Andra Martin and Carolyn Kearney, who will keep a red-blooded male's attention with their good looks.  Unfortunately the script doesn't really give them anything to do except be the objects of male desire.  Kearney is supposed to be the lead, but she doesn't really do anything but look pouty, yell, and change into a nighty.

The horror of the piece lies in how terrifying you find the head, which just stares at people wordlessly.  Supposedly this head is the "Thing that COULDN'T die," but in the end it dies anyway.  Rather easily too.  It doesn't really sell itself as a threat in this movie, making it one of the lamest movie monsters in Universal's long history.  I've seen quite a few of Universal's trademark horror pictures, and there is an argument that can be made that The Thing That Couldn't Die may be the worst of Universal's long legacy of horror.  It is genuinely at the bottom of the heap.

The Episode

One can feel something of a dirty mind in the writers room while writing for The Thing That Couldn't Die.  The riffs are oddly sexually charged, as it seems to pick up on the idea that one of the primary appeals of the movie is how busty the leads are, and it just wrings it for whatever laughs it can.  There are admittedly more than a few shots where the film lingers on the chest of the main actress, supposedly showing her necklace but more likely showing her neckline, and the jokes about cleavage and breasts come about.  Probably the most blatant example of projecting sex onto the film is that there are a bizarrely large amount of scenes featuring two women in bed together during this movie, to which Crow and Servo seem very ready, willing, and able to imply a Sapphic fantasy on, much to the joy of hormonal 13-year-old boys everywhere.  But the biggest laugh from any of this is when the head monster hypnotizes one of the lady leads, then Servo has him kindly ask his minion to insert him into her cleavage.  Both Bots are pretty horny throughout this riff.

Of course, while the riff tends to get pretty blue, it stays pretty funny.  The movie has no shortage of material to work with, from its terrible script to its laughable monster.  The latter, in particular, gets its share of attention, with a grand share of head gags being thrown at the film.  The characters can be pretty scummy too, and its often pointed out how greasy and unappealing they can be.  They can even turn it into campfire songs at the best of times.

The host segments find us reaching the planet of the Observers, making this the first appearance of the final Mad of Pearl's crew, the Observer lovingly called "Brain Guy" by us fans, played by Bill Corbett.  In his debut, he is one of three Observers (played by Michael J. Nelson and Paul Chaplin) who intercept Pearl, Bobo, and the Satellite of Love.  They observe (natch) and study, knowing they are superior to these lesser beings but curious about how much lesser they are.  A lot of these bits see them putting Pearl and Bobo in comforting surroundings as they prepare their future testing for them, while Paul's Observer pops up to the Satellite to study Mike in one of the most amusing segments of the episode ("I hate him...").  Paul also pops up to the Satellite again, this time as someone Mike accidentally conjures up from a memory due to a power the Observers bestow upon him, and then he promptly beats the crap out of him.  I don't know why this segment tickles me the way it does, maybe it's because the attack Paul lays on Mike is so unprovoked, and then Mike tries to conjure up different people (the Bots beg for Adrienne Barbeau, played by Bridget Jones), only to have the same result.  The sole segments that have nothing to do with the Observers feature Crow presenting a Civil War documentary and Tom Servo as an artist depicting Crow as an evil authoritarian.  They're so-so.

Concluding our early eighth season quest through the Universal International catalog, we find ourselves faced with yet another winner.  The Thing That Couldn't Die isn't the home run that The Deadly Mantis is, but it's at the very least on a par with The Leech Woman.  It's a fun episode and a great debut to the Observers, proving once again that the Sci-Fi run could be every bit as good as the Comedy Central run.  Of course, maybe five Universal International films in a row may be a bit much, but that would all come to an end soon.

Good

The DVD

This Thing didn't die as a part of Shout Factory's Volume XXIX collection.  Video was spotty, but audio was swell.  Bonus features featured Tom Weaver discussing the film's history in a documentary called The Movie That Wouldn't Die, chronicling how the film was conceived and put into production during a troublesome time at Universal's studios causing it to be a cost saving effort.  Casting is overviewed, and while poor reviews are skimmed through, Weaver points out that the film was mostly successful, thanks to a double bill with the far superior Hammer film Horror of Dracula.  Also featured is a theatrical trailer for the film.