Multiplex Madness
Abigail
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Horror, Thriller, Comedy
Director: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett
Starring: Melissa Barrera, Alisha Weir, Dan Stevens, Kathryn Newton, Kevin Durand, Will Catlett, Angus Cloud, Giancarlo Esposito
The filmmaking team of Radio Silence, Best known for the Samara Weaving vehicle Ready or Not and the last two Scream movies, enter the Universal Monsters legacy with a film that is very loosely based on the film Dracula's Daughter, which, in turn, was very loosely based on the Bram Stoker short story Dracula's Guest. Abigail largely has nothing in common with Dracula's Daughter, instead just taking the idea that Dracula might have a daughter and running with it. Hell, the movie doesn't even mention Dracula by name, making the link between the two films tenuous, at best. But I suppose it doesn't matter what the inspiration was, as the selling point is a vampire kid terrorizing thugs. And it absolutely rocks.
Scaling down Gloria Holden's sultry and sapphic vampire mistress from 1936 to a 12-year-old girl in 2024, Abigail sees the young vampire kidnapped by a group of thieves who wish to hold her for ransom, only to find out the tables have turned the entire ordeal was a trap to group them all together as her prey. The film is a spectacular showcase of gore, thrills, and laughs, all brought together by a mesmerizing performance by Alisha Weir as the title character. It's very possible that if Weir were a weaker antagonist, the movie might succumb to it's trite aspects, because it's less interesting when it's setting itself up than when it's executing. Once the cat-and-mouse games start, the movie becomes a wild chase movie full of guts and glory, with a silly, no-nonsense attitude about taking each section to an even more wild next level. Abigail is a full-stop blast for horror fans, and quite possibly Radio Silence's best movie yet. If you're one who embraces the dark side of cinema, this flick should be topping your must-see list.
Hard Miles
This true story based inspirational movie sees a teacher of troubled students taking them on a seven-hundred mile bike trip to the Grand Canyon, hoping to teach them perseverance. Well-meaning, but spiritless and boring, Hard Miles is inspiring in theory, but in execution it's a flat and characterless dramatization that does the bare minimum to keep the audience invested. Those who don't demand their movies to be compelling and just desire uncomplicated takes on life problems with simple solutions might find the most to enjoy in the film. Matthew Modine is friendly-looking enough to play the likeable teacher role, but he isn't charismatic enough to pull off the whole inspirational life-changer schtick. If anything, the movie would have benefited from having Cynthia Kaye McWilliams as the lead. She wasn't the person this true story was based on, but she's the only person here who is breathing life into the movie. Otherwise, the only personality the movie has are based in a lot of generalized takes on deliquency and a few jokes about butt lube.
Sasquatch Sunset
Sasquatch Sunset is a dry and dull failure, but at least it's an ambitious one. Following a group of sasquatches throughout a year, doing sasquatch things, usually in crudely humorous ways. The joke of the movie falls on its "beauty of nature" framing device centered on humanoid characters, who often indulge in their more primitive, uncivilized instincts. It's a lot of juvenille humor littered throughout a prestige format, and to it's credit, it's not exactly unfunny, but it feels like a ten minute sketch stretched to ninty minutes. It's a movie where I found myself wishing it would tell its joke and fuck off, but it winds up telling it to me for ten minutes straight just to make sure I understand it then brings it back a half hour later, hoping I'd laugh this time. The movie does also attempt a sense of poignancy in the "nature of man," but it's never observant nor clever enough to pull it off. It's certainly an interesting try, though.
Villains Inc.
I've seen castmembers of Whose Line Is It Anyway? in movies before, but I don't think I've ever seen Colin Mochrie in one. Not saying he hasn't been, just saying I haven't seen them. He always seemed to me like he's the most firmly "improv theater" of the group, so that probably should have tipped me off as to what type of movie Villains Inc. was going to be, which seems to be primarily produced by people who work on a YouTube sketch series that I've never heard of called Studio C. It might be super popular, I don't know, though this movie had a higher attendance in the theater than I expected, so I assume they were Studio C fans.
Housekeeping for Beginners
Another queer drama from Goran Stolevski, this film sees a woman vowing to raise her girlfriend's children after she dies of cancer, marrying her gay roommate to create the illusion that he's the father. It's an intriguing approach to a mixed family dynamic, though it does tend to dive in several directions that make it seem like it lacks focus. But the family is well played, their relationships are interesting, and the drama is compelling. I think the movie could use a bit more room to breathe in some areas, because it feels confined and its ending is slightly abrupt, but maybe that's just me hoping to hear more about the direction these people are going. If I was that invested, this movie was doing something right.
Rebel Moon: Part Two - The Scargiver
Hard Miles
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama, Sports
Director: R.J. Daniel Hanna
Starring: Matthew Modine, Cynthia Kaye McWilliams, Jahking Guillory, Jackson Kelly, Damien Diaz, Zach Robbins, Leslie David Baker, Sean Astin
This true story based inspirational movie sees a teacher of troubled students taking them on a seven-hundred mile bike trip to the Grand Canyon, hoping to teach them perseverance. Well-meaning, but spiritless and boring, Hard Miles is inspiring in theory, but in execution it's a flat and characterless dramatization that does the bare minimum to keep the audience invested. Those who don't demand their movies to be compelling and just desire uncomplicated takes on life problems with simple solutions might find the most to enjoy in the film. Matthew Modine is friendly-looking enough to play the likeable teacher role, but he isn't charismatic enough to pull off the whole inspirational life-changer schtick. If anything, the movie would have benefited from having Cynthia Kaye McWilliams as the lead. She wasn't the person this true story was based on, but she's the only person here who is breathing life into the movie. Otherwise, the only personality the movie has are based in a lot of generalized takes on deliquency and a few jokes about butt lube.
Sasquatch Sunset
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Comedy
Director: Nathan Zellner, David Zellner
Starring: Riley Keough, Jessie Eisenberg, Christophe Zajac-Denek, Nathan Zellner
Sasquatch Sunset is a dry and dull failure, but at least it's an ambitious one. Following a group of sasquatches throughout a year, doing sasquatch things, usually in crudely humorous ways. The joke of the movie falls on its "beauty of nature" framing device centered on humanoid characters, who often indulge in their more primitive, uncivilized instincts. It's a lot of juvenille humor littered throughout a prestige format, and to it's credit, it's not exactly unfunny, but it feels like a ten minute sketch stretched to ninty minutes. It's a movie where I found myself wishing it would tell its joke and fuck off, but it winds up telling it to me for ten minutes straight just to make sure I understand it then brings it back a half hour later, hoping I'd laugh this time. The movie does also attempt a sense of poignancy in the "nature of man," but it's never observant nor clever enough to pull it off. It's certainly an interesting try, though.
Villains Inc.
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Comedy, Superhero
Director: Jeremy Warner
Starring: Mallory Everton, Colin Mochrie, Jason Gray, Billy Mann
I've seen castmembers of Whose Line Is It Anyway? in movies before, but I don't think I've ever seen Colin Mochrie in one. Not saying he hasn't been, just saying I haven't seen them. He always seemed to me like he's the most firmly "improv theater" of the group, so that probably should have tipped me off as to what type of movie Villains Inc. was going to be, which seems to be primarily produced by people who work on a YouTube sketch series that I've never heard of called Studio C. It might be super popular, I don't know, though this movie had a higher attendance in the theater than I expected, so I assume they were Studio C fans.
Villains Inc. sees a group of freelance henchmen-for-hire who are down-on-their-luck after they accidentally kill their latest supervillain boss, who also stiffed them on their paycheck. One of them tries to join an evil organization to dominate the world, only to be rejected (and barely escape) and returns to her friends by lying to them, claiming to be a new head honcho supervillain and hires them as her goons. It's a dumb movie, told in a hammy way, but I'll give it points for its consistent tenacity. It feels like it was made by people whose favorite superhero movie is Mystery Men and get unreasonably upset every time a TV series based on The Tick gets cancelled. And I mean that statement in a loving way. I totally get the people who made this movie. I would have a beer with them after a hard day and have a good laugh. It's so rambunctiously goofy, made with a cast that's fearless over how silly they might look. I especially enjoyed Mallory Everton as the lead, as her personality really lends itself well to the movie's strange, hammy tone. But everyone really dives right into this off-beat slice of nonsense and chews the scenery for all it's worth. This movie isn't particularly great, but I kinda love that it exists.
Art Attack
Housekeeping for Beginners
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama
Director: Goran Stolevski
Starring: Anamaria Marinca, Alina Serbin, Samson Selim, Vladmir Tintor, Mia Mustafi, Dzada Selim
Another queer drama from Goran Stolevski, this film sees a woman vowing to raise her girlfriend's children after she dies of cancer, marrying her gay roommate to create the illusion that he's the father. It's an intriguing approach to a mixed family dynamic, though it does tend to dive in several directions that make it seem like it lacks focus. But the family is well played, their relationships are interesting, and the drama is compelling. I think the movie could use a bit more room to breathe in some areas, because it feels confined and its ending is slightly abrupt, but maybe that's just me hoping to hear more about the direction these people are going. If I was that invested, this movie was doing something right.
Netflix & Chill
Rebel Moon: Part Two - The Scargiver
⭐️⭐️
Streaming On: Netflix
Genre: Science Fiction, Action, Adventure
Director: Zack Snyder
Starring: Sofia Boutella, Djimon Hounsou, Ed Skrein, Michiel Huisman, Doona Bae, Ray Fisher, Staz Nair, Fra Fee, Elise Duffy, Anthony Hopkins
It was possible that I went in with low expectations, or I was just in a good mood while watching a movie I was almost certain was going to make me miserable, but I do remember liking the first Rebel Moon. I would hardly call it a great movie, and I certainly didn't rewatch it before Part Two came out, but it seemed like I was in a minority in leaving that movie with some positive words to say. I have some positive words to say about the second film as well. Some. Though, maybe my low expectations have been raised enough that I find its lesser aspects to be more grating. The word saying it's Zack Snyder's worst movie is still hyperbole, because that would still be Sucker Punch, and that is unlikely to change any time soon. I still like it more than Army of the Dead, too, but that movie bored the piss out of me.
Based on the second half of the Seven Samurai formula, the second Rebel Moon sees the intergalactic ronin warriors teaching the colony of peasants to defend themselves, preparing for an hour long battle in the back end. The action sequence is pretty spectacular, though be forewarned that it is littered with Snyder's trademark flourishes/indulgences. That can be said for the entire movie, really, because he wants all of his characters to have a tragic backstory, and it's always told in a hyper-dramatic style that can only be described as hilarious. I have no problem with Snyder's tendencies to be self-serious, though he would be best to not crank his drama to eleven in making his characters tragic out of creative cruelty. While I enjoyed Rebel Moon more than most, that tendency turns his "epic saga" into a bit of a joke.
Movies Still Playing At My Theater
Arcadian ⭐️1/2
Bob Marly: One Love ⭐️⭐️1/2
Civil War ⭐️⭐️1/2
Dune: Part Two ⭐⭐1/2
The First Omen ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire ⭐️⭐️1/2
Kung Fu Panda 4 ⭐⭐1/2
Late Night with the Devil ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Long Game ⭐️⭐️1/2
Monkey Man ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
New To Digital
Asphalt City ⭐️1/2
Dune: Part Two ⭐⭐1/2
Immaculate ⭐️⭐️
Late Night with the Devil ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Problemista ⭐️⭐️⭐️
New To Physical
The Peasants ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Coming Soon!
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