Cinema Playground Journal 2025: Week 14 (My Cinema Playground)

Multiplex Madness

The Friend

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Drama

Director:  Scott McGehee, David Siegel

Starring:  Naomi Watts, Bill Murray, Sarah Pidgeon, Carla Gugino, Constance Wu, Ann Dowd

In this adaptation of a novel of the same name, Naomi Watts plays a writer whose mentor, Bill Murray, commits suicide, and she inherits his rather large Great Dane afterwards.  Together, they both size each other up while also processing their own grief in their own ways.  The Friend is yet another "power of pets" movie about companionship, of which there probably isn't a lot new that can be done in a relationship between human and canine in a movie at this point.  The film's psychological aspect proves more intriguing, as Watts deals with a sudden loss while also learning to live with the one thing he left behind.  The movie is about turmoil as much as friendship, the pondering of a continuing life after another's has ended.  It's more of a poem than a story.  It doesn't even seem certain of what it's saying but taking solace in what is currently happening over what has happened or will happen.  The movie does struggle to settle on a definitive ending, finding itself stretching into an epilogue long past its logical conclusion point, even climaxing with a bit of a prank that makes you think of unfair inevitability.  I don't know how much of a spoiler that is, but it's an interesting moment that it wallows in then pulls back on, almost saying that you can think of the inevitable, but it hasn't happened yet, so don't waste your time.  I kinda like that message, if I'm being honest.

Hell of a Summer

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Comedy, Horror

Director:  Finn Wolfhard, Billy Bryk

Starring:  Finn Wolfhard, Billy Bryk, Abby Quinn, Fred Hechinger, D'Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai

I sometimes wonder at where the line is before making fun of horror movie tropes becomes a trope in of itself.  But I've never been one to believe that just because a movie attempts to be subversive automatically makes it a good attempt at subversion.  If it did, I would think more highly of movies like Cabin in the Woods and You're Next, movies that show effort on full display but just broke their own movie with a very dimwitted definition of "cleverness."  We might as well just admit Scream did it best and it's probably not going to be topped, even if we do occasionally get a Behind the Mask:  The Rise of Leslie Vernon.  I would encourage any movie to try and have fun with itself, but only something special can outthink its genre and truly get away with it.

Hell of a Summer is a movie that takes the Friday the 13th setting of counselors dying at summer camp and turns it into a goofball subversive comedy made by zoomers for zoomers.  There is very little to the movie with the exception of young actors saying sitcom lines of dialogue during and after tame horror scenes.  If the movie had a laugh track, it would be a Roseanne Halloween special.  It's not about spooking the audience but having a laugh while paying homage to better movies.  It's pretty clear the only reason the movie exists is because Finn Wolfhard made a hell of a lot of money from doing Stranger Things and It and is jumping right into trying to give directing a shot.  I'm happy that he's in a position to expand his horizons and cut his teeth with something fun, but I would probably hope that if he has a future in this department that he would start making movies that don't play out like a self-written ensemble piece for high school drama club.  Every stab at humor is played up to amuse bored teenagers who just happen to be there but really just want to go home.  It's not an unpleasant experience, just not one that's worth going out of its way to see unless your kids are in it and want to offer moral support.

The Luckiest Man in America

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Drama

Director:  Samir Oliveros

Starring:  Paul Walter Hauser, Walton Goggins, Shamier Anderson, David Strathairn, Masie Williams

Press Your Luck was my favorite game show when I was a kid.  This was mostly for the silly "Whammy" cartoons at the bottom of the screen, but the game itself was always a fun bit of "play to win but risk it all by doing so."  Years later, I watched one of those documentaries someone made about Michael Larson, who at the time had won the most money in the history of game shows by gaming the system (since been beaten, but at the time it was a big deal).  While watching it, I sat up in my seat and went "I've seen that guy!  I've seen this episode!"  I'm not sure if I watched it when it first aired, but I know I definitely watched it in reruns when I switched over to Game Show Network on boring afternoons.  It didn't occur to me at the time that he was maybe cheating the game, even though my OCD mind had noticed the similar patterns in the Press Your Luck wheel that he did, but I never really applied myself into figuring it out.  But in watching the story unfold, everything about his appearance suddenly had a new context that I had found fascinating.

The Luckiest Man in America is Larson's story of this low-level grifter and his appearance on that game show, chronicling how he memorized the board patterns into winning over a hundred thousand dollars on a show that normally only handed out about five to fifteen.  There are certain levels of detail that the film amused me with, right down to his fellow contestants, which included a guy at his right who was just happy to be there and a woman at his left who is getting increasingly pissed off because she's not getting a chance to play.  Even Larson's wardrobe is a kick, because he's dressed for television above the desk, but wearing a simple pair of khaki shorts underneath.  The little details are where this movie shines, as well as a quality central performance by Paul Walter Hauser, who is one of the most underappreciated actors currently working and is, quite frankly, perfectly cast as Larson.

The movie's attempts to spice up the story winds up hurting it.  Granted, Larson's appearance on Press Your Luck was the highlight of his life story, and the movie wants to prolong it as long as possible by making it the primary setting, but the unfolding of the context of who exactly this guy is while the game show is going on stretches credibility.  It's true that there was craziness behind the scenes by people who were trying to figure out what Larson was doing to this simple game show, but some of this is just nonsense.  The movie is at its best when it's not trying anything special and just letting Larson play and beat a bunch of suits at a game they created to give the illusion of Hollywood generosity.  That's also the appeal of this true story in general, despite how slimy an individual Larson was, and the movie does understand that.  That gives it some value even when the drama hits a Whammy.

A Minecraft Movie

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Comedy, Fantasy, Adventure

Director:  Jared Hess

Starring:  Jack Black, Jason Momoa, Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers, Sabastian Hansen

Based on the popular, and I mean popular, video game, A Minecraft Movie sees a group of misfits sucked up into the blocky universe and are tasked by the legendary warrior Steve to fend off a magic orb that is shaped like a cube from an army of evil pigs.  But the film's story doesn't seem that important, what seems to matter more is the earnest adaptation of the Minecraft world in live action.  Neveryoumind that it looks hideous in live action, but it's the thought that counts.  A Minecraft Movie is a movie that is specifically created to play itself up to the fans of the video game, similarly to The Super Mario Bros. Movie.  The primary difference between the two is that Mario at least found something of a throughline story in its pandering, while A Minecraft Movie is just about Minecraft things happening to people because whatever.  The movie's enthusiasm for itself is almost enough to off-set how uncreative it is.  Unfortunately, the saddest thing a movie based on a video game that rewards creativity can be is to be uncreative.  The movie is all gusto and no heart.  But at least Jack Black looks like he's having the time of his life, because how often does he get to play a legendary fantasy warrior?  But if you want a movie that is practically the same premise but uses Jack Black more consistently than this, I'd recommend Jumanji:  Welcome to the Jungle.

The most telling thing about this movie is that it was home to one of the most curious theater experiences I've had, where the theater was filled with rowdy teenagers who erupted with applause whenever the movie showed off something from the game but just chatted casually (and loudly) when the actual story was in motion, not even stopping to laugh at the jokes.  Granted, they weren't great jokes, but it was an audience that seemed more interest in how many Easter Eggs they received than watching an actual movie.  Oddly, there was also another guy in the front of the theater who was getting increasingly pissed off at them, mocking their applause at random points when the movie was doing nothing, standing up and calling the entire theater "a bunch of virgins," and finally ran out of the theater whilst giving everyone the finger while screaming "MINECRAFT SUCKS!" two minutes before the movie ended.  No, this guy was not me, thanks for asking.  I don't know what was up with him; maybe he was just hoping to watch a movie without dealing with a bunch of rowdy teens that wouldn't shut up.  If anything, it probably points to the difference in audience that A Minecraft Movie is aiming for, because the people who enjoyed it most didn't seem to care that the movie wasn't really about anything.  I encourage fan enthusiasm, but I also haven't played Minecraft.  I've watched people play Minecraft, so I'm not completely blind to what was going on.  I'd also have appreciated it if the movie were more than a bunch of people screaming inside a blocky environment if it wants me to cheer with the rest of them.

Movies Still Playing At My Theater

Captain America:  Brave New World ⭐️1/2

Death of a Unicorn ⭐⭐1/2

Mickey 17 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Snow White ⭐️⭐️

The Woman in the Yard ⭐⭐

A Working Man ⭐⭐

New To Digital

Black Bag ⭐️⭐️1/2

The Monkey ⭐⭐1/2

Opus ⭐

Paddington in Peru ⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Unbreakable Boy ⭐⭐

New To Physical

Companion ⭐⭐⭐1/2

A Complete Unknown ⭐⭐⭐

Dog Man ⭐⭐⭐

Flight Risk ⭐⭐

Love Hurts ⭐⭐

Mufasa:  The Lion King ⭐️⭐️1/2

Coming Soon!

Cinema Playground Journal 2025: Week 13 (My Cinema Playground)

Multiplex Madness

Audrey's Children

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Drama

Director:  Ami Canaan Mann

Starring:  Natalie Dormer, Clancy Brown, Jimmi Simpson, Evelyn Giovine, Brandon Michael Hall

This bio-drama tells the story of Dr. Audrey Evans, who pushed boundaries in advancing chemotherapy studies while also laying the foundation for the Ronald McDonald House Charities.  The film stars Natalie Dormer in the title role.  I'm not sure how much of a household name she is, but she would probably be recognized by fanbases across the spectrum ranging from The Hunger Games to Game of Thrones.  She's also recognizable to MCU fans as one of several adorable British women who make Chris Evans uncomfortable in the first Captain America movie (an impressive list that includes Hayley Atwell and Jenna Coleman).  Dormer is someone who probably should have been a leading lady her entire career, because she is striking, witty, and charismatic, which are all tools she puts to good use in Audrey's Children.  She's unfortunately stuck in a movie where she is the only one stepping up to give it the heart it deserves.  Part of this is by design, because this is one of those movies where a woman is fighting for progress but isn't allowed to because "lol woman."  Even though she has a group of characters who try to assist her, Dormer is the only performer here who is in it to win it.  When the story largely hinges on the survival of young children, one would like to see stronger initiative taking place.

The thing I struggled with while watching this movie is that its drama would never shift out of neutral, settling for base ideas such as just feeling bad for very sick children and observing casual sexism.  It's a movie that has enthusiasm for its subject but no enthusiasm to make it more compelling than its surface elements of a determined woman pushing herself on resentful white guys in power.  There is probably a really good movie to be made out of Audrey Evans, and Audrey's Children feels like foundation more than a complete entity.  I wouldn't call this a bad movie, just one that lacks stamina.  It's a film that understands core elements of drama but is unsure how to use them to embellish its themes outside of just saying them outright.  The film is an okay option for people who think inspirational drama has had a lacking presence in multiplexes lately as studios move away from it in favor of IP pusing.  It's not a strong argument that more movies like it should be made, though.  That's probably too much to put on one movie's shoulders, but, as the film's main character understands, if you're going to vie for attention, one needs to demand attention.  Audrey's Children isn't as persistent as its protagonist, which seems like it's undercutting her.

Day of Reckoning

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Action

Director:  Shawn Silva

Starring:  Billy Zane, Zach Roerig, Cara Jade Myers, Scott Adkins, Trace Adkins

Oh boy.  A low-budget movie starring Billy Zane.  Chances are that this won't end well for me.

Surprisingly, Day of Reckoning is a flawed, yet more entertaining than you might expect, low budget actioneer.  I'm not saying it's likely to impress, but if you've seen as much shlock as I have, you might recognize that the movie isn't exactly heartless.  It's a simple story, seeing Zane playing an on-the-edge U.S. Marshall who is holding an outlaw lady in a little house in the middle-of-nowhere, trying to lure her husband and his gang out to fetch her.  The movie has the flavor of a modern day take on a classic Roger Corman produced crime potboiler, where the people making it had a set handy and wrote a swift screenplay about people yelling at each other in it with limited money on hand to make it.  Appreciation of it will vary, but it is decent for what it is.  I usually have zero expectations for movies like this that pop up at my cinema, so when one startles me with some value for my buck, I'll give it credit.  But still, it plays best if one were to stumble across it on Tubi, and if someone told you it was actually in theaters you'd look at them like they were crazy.

Death of a Unicorn

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Comedy, Horror, Fantasy

Director:  Alex Scharfman

Starting:  Paul Rudd, Jenna Ortega, Will Poulter, Téa Leoni, Richard E. Grant

A24 has become one of the few actual studios with cinephile groupies for being reliable for three things:  1) really artsy dramas, 2) really bizarre comedies, and 3) really fucked-up horror movies.  And, when we're lucky, they do a combination of the bunch.  Their latest, ignoring the dud from a few weeks ago that was Opus, is a cross-breed between the latter two, offering up gory chaos in a comedic package.  The high-concept premise sees father/daughter duo Paul Rudd and Jenna Ortega accidentally hitting a baby unicorn with their car, causing a rich family headed by Richard E. Grant to attempt to capitalize upon its magical properties, only to see baby's vicious parents seeking their child.  It's a fun fantasy/horror/comedy idea, playing around with the idea of how sterile the reputation of unicorns have become, even though, if you look at mythology, they are supposed to be a bunch of self-superior, petty bitches.  Death of a Unicorn feels like it should be a knee-slapping riot that is funny, weird, and crazy, but the idea of the movie is stronger than it is in practice.  It's not that the movie doesn't apply itself; it's just easy to watch while thinking "Could be funnier," "Could be weirder," or "Could be crazier."  It feels like a sterile representation of how wild this movie could be, which is even reflected in its characterization.  Despite a talented cast all around, Will Poulter is the only stand-out, playing a narcissistic trust-fund butthead to perfection.  Paul Rudd, by comparison, is used surprisingly sparingly, while Jenna Ortega is relegated to being a voice-of-reason straightman.  The caricatures that Richard E. Grant and Téa Leoni are given feel like they should be more impressionable than they are, while they both feel underutilized as well.  It's a script that feels like it's on to something, but is probably a draft way from really tapping into what it wants to be.  That being said, the themes of the movie are interesting, ranging from the stripping of nature to just a genuine commentary on the capitalization of big pharma, finding a way to make the idea of a miracle cure for cancer sound as gross as possible.  Death of a Unicorn has its merits, but it only barely glimpses its own potential.

The Penguin Lessons

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Comedy, Drama

Director:  Peter Cattaneo

Starring:  Steve Coogan, Jonathan Pryce

Steve Coogan plays a disillusioned English teacher in 1976 Argentina, failing to bring order to a room full of rowdy students in a country that is being ruled by a dictatorship.  By happenstance, he rescues a penguin on a beach while trying to impress a woman, but he gains a little companion that slowly brings passion back into his life.  It's probably best not to compare, but it's hard to not think about last year's My Penguin Friend while watching The Penguin Lessions, as they're both cutesy sentimental movies based on true stories about broken men who somehow gain a penguin as a pet.  My Penguin Friend fell flat for me in a number of ways, and The Penguin Lessons is a flawed film as well, albeit it has a slightly more filled out screenplay that isn't entirely filled with melodramatic nonsense.  The tone of The Penguin Lessons is a bit more off-beat, sometimes with a fumble, especially during it's set-up when it's struggling to capture the attention of the viewer.  Things pick up when the penguin, Juan Salvador, is introduced and the film's themes come into play.  The film becomes an ode to the therapeutic nature of pets, but it is also on a collision course with a counter-theme of era-appropriate human rights issues.  The tonal mixture is jarring, but the movie remains cute, albeit to the backdrop of attrocity.  The Penguin Lessons might be a slave to when and where this story actually takes place, and I'm curious about the dramatic liberties it takes, because I assume there are many.  But if you're looking for the better slice of penguin schmaltz, The Penguin Lessons is pretty okay.

A Working Man

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Action

Director:  David Ayer

Starring:  Jason Statham, Michael Peña, David Harbour

David Ayer reteams with his Beekeeper star Jason Statham, probably hoping lightning would strike twice after last year's surprise hit.  This time we also have Statham's Expendables co-star, Sylvester Stallone, in tow, helping draft a screenplay based on a novel called Levon's Trade.  Stallone and Ayer now try to pass off the British martial arts expert as a redneck construction worker, who goes decides to use his ex-military skills to rescue the daughter of Michael Peña from a sex trafficking ring.  Also, David Harbour is in this movie for five minutes of doing absolutely nothing, because why not have David Harbour in your movie?  For those who are big fans of The Beekeeper, and there are apparently more than you'd expect, the question is whether on not A Working Man is a worthwhile diversion until Beekeeper 2 arrives (and yes, they're making one).  Those who want to see Statham wisecrack in his distinctive accent and kick people's teeth in will get Jason Statham doing his thing.  A Working Man is also less ludacris fun than The Beekeeper, choosing instead to lean into stoic action hero leading man melodrama.  This is undoubtedly the contribution Stallone made to the screenplay, because while The Beekeeper felt like a silly Schwarzenegger movie, A Working Man feels like a mid Satallone movie.  Stallone is not an untalented writer, because, as everyone knows, his first sold script resulted in an Oscar winner.  Stallone's Achilles Heel has always been when he works with tropes, because he'll always lean into heavy dramatics to try and give them weight, but it most always results in absurd theatrics.  A Working Man is very tropey, and it's also very melodramatic, with occasional hit-and-miss one-liners to try and lighten the mood (even from the damsel that Statham is trying to save).  If one is big into action movies and is used to all of this, A Working Man is an easy recommendation.  For those who have seen enough of that, you should probably skip it.

The Woman in the Yard

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Horror

Director:  Jaume Collet-Serra

Starring:  Danielle Deadwyler, Okwui Okpokwasili, Peyton Jackson, Estella Kahiha, Russell Hornsby

Blumhouse's latest high-concept horror cheapie sees a grieving family haunted by a lady who just sits in their yard, waiting for seemingly nothing.  Instead of doing what any smart person would do and just spray her with the hose, they just let her stay there until she finally makes her move.  Anticipation is an important tool in any horror movie's playbook.  It's one that The Woman in the Yard bases its entire premise on but doesn't seem certain on how to use.  We know the woman is there, we're all waiting for her to do something, we all know that once she does something, it's probably not going to be good.  While we're waiting for her to do bad, there needs to be built tension.  Her presence mostly seems just irritating.

👏 This. 👏 Is. 👏 Why. 👏 You. 👏 Spray. 👏 Her. 👏 With. 👏 The. 👏 HOSE. 👏

The movie's primary goal is more metaphorical, though.  It wants everything to snap in place at the end as a representation of an emotional state instead of story.  Without going into heavy details, it's The Babadook, except it sucks.  That might be underselling it, because both The Woman in the Yard and The Babadook have very distinct representations of inner darkness and turmoil, the former being self-abusive and the latter being abusive to others, they're both based on similar ideas of people who have taken a dark turn at a low point in their adult life and manifested a monster through it, somehow.  The key difference between the two films is that The Babadook manages to turn its metaphor into a full story with a reasonable open conclusion, while The Woman in the Yard has based several setpieces around it and seems aware of what kind of point it's making, but never figuring out what the whole is supposed to be or how to represent its open conclusion properly.  I liked some of the things it was trying to do with it, but it definitely needed to go about it in a less dull and plodding way.

Movies Still Playing At My Theater

The Alto Knights ⭐️⭐️

Ash ⭐️⭐️1/2

Black Bag ⭐️⭐️1/2

Captain America:  Brave New World ⭐️1/2

The Day the Earth Blew Up ⭐️⭐️1/2

Last Breath ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Mickey 17 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Mufasa:  The Lion King ⭐️⭐️1/2

Novocaine ⭐️⭐️1/2

Paddington in Peru ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Snow White ⭐️⭐️

New To Digital

Bring Them Down ⭐️⭐️⭐️

New To Physical

The Brutalist ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Coming Soon!

Cinema Playground Journal 2025: Week 12 (My Cinema Playground)

Multiplex Madness

The Alto Knights

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Drama, Crime

Director:  Barry Levinson

Starring:  Robert De Niro, Debra Messing, Cosmo Jarvis, Kathrine Narducci, Michael Rispoli

Robert De Niro in a mafia movie?  I can't recall if that's ever happened before.  Nope.  Nothing springing to mind.

The Alto Knights is based the true story of mob bosses Vito Genovese and Frank Costello.  Even though "Genovese & Costello" sounds like a comedy duo for the ages, they actually come into conflict during the final years of their rule, where Frank wants to get out and Vito orders a hit on him.  Also, De Niro is playing both.  I'm not sure why De Niro needs to do this.  Is it some "They're actually alike at their core" bullshit symbolism?  It's a cute novelty to have De Niro play off of himself, but it's more distracting than it is engaging.  Eddie Murphy can get away with it because he's in an absurdist comedy when he does it.  Director Barry Levinson wants us to take this deadly seriously, which is all well and good, but I'm left wanting De Niro to play off a formidable actor who is in the same goddamn room.  I did appreciate that the movie used rubbery make-up and bad wigs instead of the ropey CGI Martin Scorsese lathered De Niro with when he made The Irishman.  De Niro still looks fucking ridiculous, but at least it's charming this way.

As to the story itself, it's interesting enough.  Levinson adds very little pizazz to it, probably hoping the actors will suck the viewer into the proceedings.  But I did like little touches Levinson made to make the film feel very of-its-era, with some clever usages of stock-footage blended with new footage.  I'm not sold that this is the best possible version of this story because it feels like it was made by boomers for boomers.  It's not a very exciting nor enticing watch, just floating around with a base story and allowing the viewer to wallow in it.  The Alto Knights is a serviceable mafia movie made for people who are mad that there aren't more mafia movies every year.  It's a bone thrown to the dogs.  If you're really that hungry, it will probably do, but it lacks the sustenance of a hearty meal.

Ash

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Horror, Science Fiction

Director:  Flying Lotus

Starring:  Eiza González, Aaron Paul, Iko Uwais, Kate Elliott, Beulah Koale, Flying Lotus

Flying Lotus is pulling a Rob Zombie, jumping from music to directing distinctive horror movies.  Ash is his second effort, after one of the more bizarre segments of the V/H/S franchise.  Ash is also a different beast in comparison to that small segment, directing a very visual-focused sci-fi horror movie.  Eiza González stars as an astronaut who wakes up on another planet with portions of her memory missing and her entire crew dead.  She tries to figure out what happened through trippy imagery and a few melting faces.  Flying Lotus uses this blank slate main character as an excuse to curiously wander through the visceral imagery that he wants to flash at the viewer.  Ash would be much more striking if it had any momentum behind it.  Without it, it's a mildly disturbing series of flashing colors.  The movie's story has a very basic foundation, one that branches out with psychedlia while occasionally throwing the audience a bone with a plot turn.  The movie thinks it has masked it's biggest twist at the end with all of this, but it's actually a bit obvious what is occurring and how the visuals play into it.  That's not to say it doesn't have value, because the way the story and its imagery intertwine is actually interesting in of itself, even if it is pretty anemic from a writing standpoint.  If nothing else can be said about it, Ash is a visually creative triumph.  Unfortunately, little-to-nothing else can be said about it.

Locked

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Thriller

Director:  David Yarovesky

Starring:  Bill Skarsgård, Anthony Hopkins

Based on the Argentinian thriller 4x4, Locked sees Bill Skarsgård breaking into a vehicle, only for owner Anthony Hopkins to lock him inside and psychologically torture him.  Basically its one of those box thrillers where someone is in one spot and can't leave for some reason.  Phone Booth.  Buried.  You know, one of those.  Some are better than others, and while Locked gets pretty goofy at its worst moments, I'd call it a solid effort.  The movie is more entertaining than you might expect.  Bill Skarsgård stuck in a confined space screaming at a speaker could grow monotonous, however the opportunity to have all eyes on him makes Skarsgård shoot for the moon while his spicy interplay with Anthony Hopkins keeps things lively.  Locked's weak spots tend to be more when the movie starts delving into ideology and the nature of people who do bad things.  Hopkins would be a better villain the movie played him as if he had some sort of point he was trying to make.  The movie gives him motivation, but his only ambition is to just be bad to bad people.  The movie's bland attempts to explore the gray in between black-and-white morality are a belly flop, and whether you can look past the shallow writing is up to you.  Those who can will probably get a few thrills out of it.

Magazine Dreams

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Drama, Thriller

Director:  Elijah Bynum

Starring:  Jonathan Majors, Hayley Bennett, Taylor Paige, Harrison Page, Harriet Sansum Harris, Mike O'Hearn

No, Jonathan Majors is not back.  Magazine Dreams was initially going to be released during award season 2023 while Majors was at the height of his promising career.  Then a fall-from-grace so astounding occurred as Majors was convicted of domestic assault, right during the high-point of 2023 where he was showcased as a villain in both a Marvel movie and a Creed movie, causing the entirety of Majors' Hollywood future to tank practically overnight.  Magazine Dreams sat on a shelf over at Disney before finally being sold off, meanwhile Majors is coming out of the woodwork to promote it, likely testing the waters to see if he still has a career.  Considering this movie has been getting positive responses so far, there is a possibility that he might just end this period crawling out of the gutter.

Majors plays an amateur bodybuilder who ambitions to become a household name.  However, things tend to not go his way, as he struggles with his mental health while doubling down and pushing himself further.  It's a role I'm sure Arnold Schwarzenegger or Lou Ferrigno would have been sought for if this movie were made in the 80's, because they were actors that hailed from bodybuilding.  The movie is better for casting an actor who just happened to be enormous instead, allowing for a more focused performance to enhance the film's psychological drama.  Regardless of what I feel about Majors' actions at home, and I assure you that I have full disdain for them, I also have to call it like it is because Majors is a hell of an actor.  There was an incredible future for him that I mourn for, one that likely would have eventually garnered Oscar attention, though I won't lose sleep over the loss of it because it was his own doing.  His performance in Magazine Dreams is interesting because he's playing a reclusive shut-in, one who dreams big but doesn't exactly experience reality.  The film is a story of the repressed and the danger of going further inward as you reject everything around you, and what happens when that kind of mind reaches its limit.  One sees Majors looking for human connection, but he goes beyond socially awkward to the point that all human contact is uncomfortable, and his desperation makes one grow concern for the well-being of those around him as he sits way too close to the edge.

I'm a little lost on whether the film wants us to sympathize with him or to just be afraid of him.  Maybe a little bit of both?  It's not entirely clear what the movie exactly honing in on with its character study, though it is compelling enough to take a look at.  I'm also not sold that bodybuilding was the best profession to center this story on, though I suppose it does play with the stereotypes of testosterone and manly men while making a statement on men's mental health.  The movie is a startling watch, in a good way.  At the very least, it's something that will shake you awake and make you contemplate what it's getting at.

Snow White

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Fantasy, Musical

Director:  Marc Webb

Starring:  Rachel Zegler, Gal Gadot, Andrew Burnap

Hi-ho!  It's another Disney remake to go!  This time they've doubled back to their very first full-length feature for inspiration, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  What took them so long to get here?  Not sure.  Maybe they were avoiding the stuffed 2012 roster featuring two Snow White movies (one with Julia Roberts and Lily Collins and another with Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, and Charlize Theron), but Disney plowed straight through the Andy Serkis Jungle Book movie with their own until it submitted and went straight to Netflix.  Disney isn't a company that runs scared.  They are definitely a company that will blunt force its way to success, even if the product itself is creatively inert.  Time will tell if they've achieved success again with Snow White.

There probably isn't a person alive that doesn't know the story of Snow White, where a humble young girl escapes from an evil queen who is jealous of her beauty, taking refuge with a hardworking group of dwarfs in the woods.  There are little flourishes in the film to expand it so the movie isn't a simplistic bore, mostly to make Snow White a little more empowered and her love interest less of a blank slate catchall of Prince Charming perfection, while also by embellishing the climax, by not having the traditional "True Love's Kiss" be the conclusive victory but rather the start of the third act conflict.  Oherwise it's just a musical theater performance of Disney-flavor Snow White.  It's an inconsistent performance, though I doubt the youngest of children will mind its imperfections because it's pretty much made to play up to them specifically.  The vibe of the movie is like spending an hour-and-a-half in the Land of Make-Believe on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.  It's wholesome in an odd and plastic way, interpreting whimsy in a very sterile storybook fashion.  I don't know what I expected, but some of these Disney remakes at times strive for more, even when that extra effort creates a garish nightmare, like Beauty & the Beast.  Director Marc Webb strives for simple and light, probably hoping for charming, but sacrificing weight in doing so.  It's a pretty movie to look at (ropey CGI people notwithstanding), but not pretty enough to immerse for a theatrical experience.

There have been choice words (some fair and some bizarre nonsense) said about the cast in the months leading up to the movie, but judging based solely on their work in the film, it's a bit all-over-the-map.  Rachel Zegler looks so goddamn cute cosplaying in Snow White's trademark blue and yellow dress and her little bob, and even though she's asked to do a very theatrical performance of innocence in a pouty "I'm modest, but still pretty" way, she at least puts those West Side Story vocal chords to work.  Gal Gadot is a more complicated case, because she's given a role where she's not only a Queen in title, but also playing it like she is a full-blown primadonna.  Gadot is really, really into it, and is elbow-deep in scenery-chewing camp.  She stumbles through the few musical numbers she has while trying to mask her musical inexperience with ham.  The Seven Dwarfs are simply terrifying, as the film barrels straight into the uncanny valley with hideous and expensive CGI creations rather than giving jobs to a group of talented little people.  I'm not ready to lay blame at the production for this, because it reeks of a corporate decision for merchandising rather than a creative one.  It really sucks in practice, though.

Watching Snow White, it started to re-settle-in exactly why I've always felt that Kenneth Branagh's Cinderella is the best of these live-action remakes that Disney has been doing.  Cinderella is a very similar story to Snow White, but when Branagh made his movie, he approached it as a distinct interpretation of the Cinderella story that shared the DNA of the Disney movie it was supposedly remaking, resulting in something charming and creative while also comfortable and familiar.  Snow White just wants to be a live-action version of a cartoon.  For better or worse, it commits to the bit.

Fun Note:  The theater for this movie was full of families.  The lights dimmed, as all the children started anticipating the PG-rated princess movie that was about to play, the first thing they saw was the teaser trailer for M3GAN 2.0.  Granted, this is one of my favorite trailers of the year, because it's just M3GAN serving like the absolute queen that she is, but it was really funny to me that they opened Snow White with a teaser to a slasher movie that is almost presented as if it's for children (with the exception of a few uses of the word "bitch").  In fairness, M3GAN is PG-13, and the next trailer was for Jurassic World:  Rebirth, which is a part of a franchise that is more graphic and has a higher body count than the first M3GAN movie, so I guess it's not a huge deal, but it was certainly funny.  I'll never forget hearing a five-year-old in the row behind me, undoubtedly unable to form long-term memories when the first M3GAN came out, who told her mom "I want to see that."  The mom just simply responded "No."

Movies Still Playing At My Theater

Black Bag ⭐️⭐️1/2

Captain America:  Brave New World ⭐️1/2

The Day the Earth Blew Up ⭐️⭐️1/2

Last Breath ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Mickey 17 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Monkey ⭐️⭐️1/2

Mufasa:  The Lion King ⭐️⭐️1/2

Novocaine ⭐️⭐️1/2

Opus ⭐️

Paddington in Peru ⭐️⭐️⭐️

New To Digital

Last Breath ⭐️⭐️⭐️

My Dead Friend Zoe ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Riff Raff ⭐️⭐️

New To Physical

Moana 2 ⭐️⭐️

Wolf Man ⭐️⭐️

Coming Soon!

Cinema Playground Journal 2025: Week 11 (My Cinema Playground)

Multiplex Madness

Black Bag

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Thriller

Director:  Steven Soderbergh

Starring:  Cate Blanchett, Michael Fassbender, Marisa Abela, Tom Burke, Naomi Harris, Regé-Jean Page, Pierce Brosnan

Steven Soderbergh's third collaboration with screenwriter David Koepp, and second in only the last two months, Black Bag is a low-to-the-ground spy thriller rather than a genre tinkering like their last film, Presence.  It's also not quite as interesting, but it has its moments.  Michael Fassbender and Cate Blanchett star as a married couple who work at an intelligence agency.  Fassbender is then hired to keep tabs on his wife when she is suspected of being a mole, though things aren't as clearcut as they seem, as they usually aren't.  The movie tries out some slick plotting techniques that it seems to be wryly self-confident in.  If the viewer isn't smitten with the film's tone, they're likely to be bored with how stationary that plotting is.  I can't blame anyone for being bored, though I can easily picture the type of audience that will nod along to the movie's rhythm as if it were a banger.  I don't find that there is much in the film to be genuinely enthusiastic about, as it's pace is so casual that it should make up with characterization, which feels to be only superficial conversations about sex lives and affairs.  The film was ultimately a bit too plain for me, lacking seasoning and flavor.  The twisty-turny plot could turn this around, but ultimately the film's story is so casually tossed in the backseat in favor of tone that I learned early on that the movie doesn't really care what its about or how it ends and I found little reason to care, too.  It's a solid, swift casual watch, but only a select few of cinephiles with certain creative leanings will genuinely love it.

The Day the Earth Blew Up

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Comedy, Science Fiction

Director:  Peter Browngardt

Starring:  Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Eric Bauza, Candi Milo, Peter MacNicol

I don't know what Warner Brothers has against Looney Tunes.  It's bad enough that they seemingly committed domestic abuse against it by making Space Jam:  A New Legacy, but they went out of their way to create exclusive movies for their Max streaming service only to toss them.  Instead of pushing their Looney Tunes movies into theaters with a few other streaming releases they had planned, they sold one off to another studio and outright deleted the other, despite being finished (the now-infamous Coyote vs. Acme).  For a studio that is seemingly obsessed with IP, they have shown nothing but negligence and incompetence with the oldest and most iconic IP that they own (Edit:  Since writing this, it's now come to light that they have removed all of Looney Tunes from the Max streaming service, furthering my point).  But welcome to David Zaslav's Hollywood, who has done more damage to the film media since the days where works were actively destroyed because nobody wanted to bother maintaining it.  But who cares about cartoons when you can make whatever the fuck Joker:  Folie à Deux was supposed to be.

The lucky one in the whole ordeal was The Day the Earth Blew Up, which was purchased for theatrical distribution by the small-scale company of Ketchep Entertainment.  This sounds like a fake name to a phoney ponzi scheme, but I assure you they exist.  I've even seen a few of their movies.  It doesn't stop me from being surprised every time I see their logo, though.  I'm sure getting a Looney Tunes movie is a big deal for them.  Interestingly enough, The Day the Earth Blew Up is the very first fully original animated feature film from the Looney Tunes.  All previous fully animated movies were shorts compilations, while the films that weren't were live-action hybrids like Space Jam and Looney Tunes:  Back in Action (Coyote vs. Acme was one of these).  So, this movie kinda breaks new ground for the Looney Tunes.  If it were successful (which it's not going to be), it could have ushered in something special for these characters (which it won't).  But it's not really a full Looney Tunes roster, as it scales back and only features Daffy Duck and Porky Pig, portrayed as adopted brothers who find themselves in the middle of an alien plot to turn humanity into zombies using chewing gum.

I've never liked chewing gum.  This is just one of the reasons why.

There's a full effort on display to make the movie feel like a classic Looney Tunes short blown up into feature length.  This is for better or for worse.  To an extent, those shorts were very of the time period that made them, and The Day the Earth Blew Up often comes across as a photocopy, with some bizarre modernized jokes involving butts.  Daffy can also lay eggs now, despite being a male duck.  This is actually a plot point, kind of.  Also, how can you do an alien invasion story without Marvin the Martian?  That's just wrong.  Setting any misgivings aside, this is actually an impressive attempt at replicating the classic style of cartoons of yesteryear.  It even takes a step beyond that and feels like it's also harkening back to comedy teams of the Golden Age and the types of films they would produce.  The movie feels like the type of movie the Three Stooges made when they transitioned into features.  It's a lot of comedic routines that were reliable in small doses trying to plot themselves out into a full comedic adventure.  Sometimes it feels like it's crossing the streams into accidentally becoming a parody of its classic comedic duo routines, but it's a fun watch for Looney Tunes enthusiests.  It's not very theatrical, and it's more wacky than hilarious, but it's a pleasant ninety minutes of Looney antics.

Novocaine

⭐️⭐️1/2

Genre:  Comedy, Action

Director:  Dan Berk, Robert Olsen

Starring:  Jack Quaid, Amber Midthunder, Sam Nicholson, Betty Gabriel, Jacob Batalon

Jack Quaid has a medical condition where he doesn't feel pain.  Naturally, that makes him an action hero.  When maybe-girlfriend Amber Midthunder is taken hostage by bank robber Sam Nicholson, he quests to chase the bad guys and save the girl, where he finds his tolerance to pain comes in super handy.  I mean, it's a real condition.  I don't encourage anybody who has it to actively try anything from this movie.  Except maybe getting Amber Midthunder as a girlfriend.  That seems safe enough.  But it's a high-concept comedic premise, where Jack Quaid is doing his tweedy Jack Quaid thing when suddenly he's in an unlikely action hero scenario with an abnormality that just might work to his benefit.  The test of an action-comedy lies, not so surprisingly, in its action and its comedy.  How's the action?  Solid.  How's the comedy?  Hearty chuckles.  Novocaine has the makings of gathering a cult fanbase based on those alone, though I'd say its construction is a bit flimsy.  I found that the film's pacing sometimes stuttered at times as it was trying to juggle the two genres.  The film has a tendency to forget itself as it's switching gears, sometimes even forgetting the gimmick it's trying to sell itself on.  Even outside of it, certain areas outside of Jack Quaid's point-of-view start lacking, as certain characters are given small glimpses of traits that the movie denies them from exploring because it doesn't want to distract itself from its central story.  Even Sam Nicholson's villain feels like he needs just a little more, as all he provides is a charming smile masking a cackling madman.  But if you ever wanted a movie where Dennis Quaid and Jack Nicholson's sons beat the ever-loving shit out of each other, you've come to the right place.

Opus

⭐️

Genre:  Thriller

Director:  Mark Anthony Green

Starring:  Ayo Edebiri, John Malkovich, Juliette Lewis, Murray Bartlett, Amber Midthunder, Stephanie Suganami, Young Mazino, Tatanka Means

Well, holy shit.  There were two movies this week that starred Amber Midthunder and I didn't even realize she was in either one.  It's good to see her career launching after her starmaking turn in Prey.  Opus is going to do nothing for that, but at least she has a potential cult classic in Novocaine to make up for it.

Opus is one of those thrillers where people go on a relaxing experience/vacation of some sort, and things gradually go from pleasant to uncomfortable to disturbing over its duration as their host is clearly evil for some reason.  It's one of the most go-to templates for filmmakers cutting their teeth on genre work, like last year's Blink Twice or Speak No Evil.  Opus features John Malkovich as an eccentric pop artist who invites a group of guests from the media to his home to sample his new album.  Then bad things happen.  Oh no.  To be frank, the movie is not good.  Oddly, it's not based on anything it does poorly; it's more that it's flamboyant attempt at a thriller never connects.  It's a movie that thinks it's taking a swing at a new flavor of thriller, but it comes off as a bitchier carbon copy of The Menu, where an artist mentally tortures those who leech off his profession.  And that's the thing.  I've seen The Menu.  I love The Menu.  I wish more movies took inspiration from The Menu's creativity.  I'd rather that inspiration was to make something original that is distinctly their own, instead of just trying to make a more obnoxious version of something The Menu did.  The only thing I'll give Opus is that it's distinctly within its own headspace rhythm, but it's so off in its own world that it's not noticing that it doesn't thrill, it doesn't shock, it doesn't engage, nor does it even entertain.  The movie is a flat tire on the way to nowheresville.

Netflix & Chill

The Electric State

⭐️1/2

Streaming On:  Netflix

Genre:  Science Fiction

Director:  Joe Russo, Anthony Russo

Starring:  Millie Bobby Brown, Chris Pratt, Ke Huy Quan, Jason Alexander, Woody Harrelson, Anthony Mackie, Brian Cox, Jenny Slate, Giancarlo Esposito, Stanley Tucci

Truth be told, I have very little context for what the Russo Brothers' career exactly is other than watching their contributions to Marvel Studios and bingewatching Community for the first time last year.  Both notches in their belts were rock solid, but it's always seemed that my only point of reference for them were the only good things they've done.  Hands on, that is, because they were producers of Everything Everywhere All at Once, which is better than anything I've ever seen from them.  I haven't seen that movie about Owen Wilson in a threesome probably.  I haven't seen the AppleTV Tom Holland movie about cherries or something.  I haven't even seen their last movie with Netflix, which I think was supposed to start a "cinematic universe" maybe, but we're three years later and there is still nothing on the horizon on that.  The Russos made The Electric State instead, then signed up for more Marvel movies, so whatever they were doing with The Gray Man looks dead-in-the-water.  ALSO, and this is my rant for the week so bear with me, Netflix has always teased exclusive blockbuster challengers to theatrical franchises and failed to deliver.  Need I remind everyone of Bright, Army of the Dead, and Rebel Moon?  All starts of franchises that never happened, a lot of people probably watched, yet nobody remembers.  Netflix might as well just come out and say that their defining franchise is the Kissing Booth trilogy.

Electric State is their latest try, another collaboration with the Russos, while starring Millie Bobby Brown, one of the few stars that Netflix can safely say that they introduced to the world, through their Stranger Things TV series.  In this movie Brown plays a girl living in the aftermath of a human/robot war, which was probably less awesome than it normally is in movies.  She then befriends a big-headed robot man that she believes is controlled by her thought-deceased brother, who she follows into a landscape of robot wreckage with Chris Pratt to find him.  It's a lot of stale, nobody-cares plot-false-starters.  If I were to bitch this movie out, I'd say nothing in this movie really matters to it except how cute and quirky it can make its cybernetic creations look.  The movie spends its first ten minutes trying really hard to justify its aesthetic.  Its excuses are so vanilla that it stops being worth the effort, feeling like it would have been more interesting without any context.  I'm not sure I can blame them for trying to earn it, because the cutesy mascot look does have a visual appeal, though finding a story within it is a tall task.  Watching it put forth the effort is exhausting.  The Electric State is one of those movies where the people who made it obviously thought it was going to be really cool, but once it's assembled in front of you, it just sucks and there is no discernable reason why except that it was probably something that was neater in concept art without a plot tying it together.  The movie is a lot of effort to bring about so little.

If you weren't paying attention to the movie, you might think it was pretty good.  I'm almost convinced that's what Netflix shoots for when they make movies like this, something to put on while you're doing something else, occasionally glancing at and thinking "Oh yeah, I think I'm following this."  There are aspects to it that are charming in those small glances.  Millie Bobby Brown is usually a plus, because she always gives a movie heart even when it doesn't seem to have one of its own.  Chris Pratt does the Chris Pratt routine.  I don't think he's evolved it in over a decade, but it might be time.  The further from Starlord he gets, the less it works.  Arguably there is not much wrong with this movie when you boil down its fundamentals. It's functional in a very base way, it just doesn't achieve anything beyond functional. If there is a point where you acknowledge that there is a film playing in front of you but it barely registers as it's doing so, that is a form of failure.  I'll give it slight kudos for not being unpleasant to watch.  I'd have given them more if I could guarantee I'd remember watching it in two hours.

Last Take:  Rust and the Story of Halyna

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Streaming On:  Hulu

Genre:  Documentary

Director:  Rachel Mason

Starring:  Halyna Hutchins, Alec Baldwin, Joel Souza, Hannah Guiterrez-Reed

Anybody who follows film closely is undoubtedly familiar with the accidental death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins on the set of a western called Rust in 2021, where actor Alec Baldwin pulled the trigger of his gun that was supposed to be carrying blanks, but a live round went straight through Hutchins and also striking director Joel Souza, killing Hutchins and leaving Souza critically injured.  The impact of this incident in the film community was seismic.  People who worked in film or were even in film-watching communities were shook, angry, and confused about the whole incident, myself included.  It wasn't the first gun misfire on a set, but it's a contender for the one that has had the most impact, next to the death of Brandon Lee on the set of The Crow in 1993.  Hulu has just dropped a documentary chronicling the ordeal, which I actually wasn't aware of until they put it up and I just happened to be paying for a month of Hulu at the moment.  My curiosity was never satisfied on what actually happened that day, and I clicked on it, hoping to be enlightened.

Director Rachel Mason starts the film by saying that she was asked to make a film about Hutchins life but says she wasn't able to, because she didn't understand her death.  And indeed, there isn't a lot that is actually about Hutchins in this movie.  I guess everything in it is about Hutchins, in a sense, but detail on the woman whose death shattered so many people is very light.  I would have appreciated more, but I also did appreciate that the movie was very laser-focused on the production of the movie, everything leading up to the incident, and the aftermath.  The film is a very easy-to-follow account of a tragedy, and it doesn't do what a lot of true crime documentary narratives do by pointing fingers in certain directions while looking for a single person to blame.  What's refreshing is that Last Take treats everyone with humanity, showing everyone involved through a calm and open lens.  The film shows the many things that led to the incident, pointing out the neglect and carelessness, but it also is resigned to the idea that no matter who takes the blame for what happened that day, a woman is dead and everyone is devastated by it.  The film even treats the eventual conviction of armorer Hannah Guiterrez-Reed as bittersweet, because even as her negligence led to the accident, Hutchins is still no longer with us and Guiterrez-Reed was as shocked by what happened as anybody else, claiming this is an instance where true justice cannot be served.  The film seems to have a harsher tone for the news outlets, media organizations, and social media influencers who farmed off the incident, taking the death of Hutchins and turning it into "content."  It was a sickening display that made the ordeal even worse, and the film was right to call it out.

This documentary is also imperfect in little ways, some of which are nitpicks while others are down to constraints about what we do and don't know.  I'd argue that the presentation of interviewees is a little wonky, as it always captions them with only their first name and not a lot of information on their relevance.  But that might just be me thinking it's weird to caption Alec Baldwin as just "Alec."  The film also frustrates with how open a lot of the questions still are, but I suppose that's to be expected.  We still don't know where the live ammunition on that set came from.  Nobody had the answer then, and this documentary doesn't have the answer now.  Because of this, there is a sense of being incomplete, but it's hard to imagine more details coming to light about this.

Now that I have all the information the film was able to give me, I'm not sure what to do with it.  I got to see the on-set response to everything that happened.  I got to see Alec Baldwin's filmed reaction to the news that he had killed a woman.  I got to see Guiterrez-Reed's guilt and devastation in the moment.  I got to see O.S.H.A. bringing to light some hard questions that stemmed in many directions, not just at Baldwin and Guiterrez-Reed.  It's a lot of answers to a question that still isn't answered, because no matter what answer is given, there is no reason that is good enough.  The only real thing both I and the filmmakers know for certain is that Halyna Hutchins should still be here today, in the middle of what should have been a long career.  Hutchins, sadly, didn't have a large body of work to celebrate, working mostly on indies and shorts (her biggest production was the Netflix slasher movie Time Cut, which she was uncredited on).  Probably the best thing this film offers is a montage of some of her work that it is unlikely that a lot of people have seen, including the shots she had completed on Rust.  Almost all of it looked really good.  The fact that she was talented makes it hurt just that much more.

Movies Still Playing At My Theater

Anora ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

Captain America:  Brave New World ⭐️1/2

Dog Man ⭐️⭐️⭐️

In the Lost Lands ⭐️⭐️

Last Breath ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Mickey 17 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Monkey ⭐️⭐️1/2

Mufasa:  The Lion King ⭐️⭐️1/2

Paddington in Peru ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Queen of the Ring ⭐️⭐️

Rule Breakers ⭐️1/2

The Rule of Jenny Pen ⭐️⭐️

New To Digital

I'm Still Here ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

New To Physical

Wildcat ⭐️⭐️

Coming Soon!

Cineama Playground Journal 2025: Week 10 (My Cinema Playground)

Multiplex Madness

In the Lost Lands

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Action, Science Fiction, Adventure

Director:  Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring:  Dave Bautista, Milla Jovovich

One of my weirdest indulgances in cinema is the filmography of Paul W.S. Anderson.  I've seen all of his movies, will likely see the rest of them, and giggle like a schoolgirl when I see his name attached to a project.  He's exactly my vibe of bad movie filmmaker, as he strikes just the right balance in self-serious actors delivering nonsense dialogue, high abundance of trite stylistic flourishes, storylines you'd see on a hundred movies and TV shows on the Sci-Fi Channel way back in the day, and having just enough of a tongue planted firmly in his cheek to convince me to leave all preconceived notions of this bullshit idea of "quality" at the door and just enjoy the junk food.  It feels like the time when his kind of crap flourished has gone by (we don't seem to be in a climate where people will pay to see Milla Jovovich kick zombie faces in Resident Evil fan fiction anymore), so I imagine it's getting harder for him to gain funding for his movies at this late stage in his career.  The last time we saw a major studio give him money was his third stab at a video game film franchise with his adaptation of Monster Hunter in 2020.  That one didn't pan out so well, not only battling the pandemic climate but also facing mass rejection in its primary target territory of China over one of his dumb dialogue jokes that was interpreted as offensive over there.  This was done mostly by accident through ignorance, and the line was eventually cut from all other releases.  But that was the last we had heard of him until now.  This time he's got his hands on material that was written by George R.R. Martin to adapt.

Oh boy, oh boy.  Game of Thrones by way of the director of Alien vs. Predator.  I am dying to see this!

Dave Bautista stars as a wanderer in a post-apocalyptic landscape, rescuing a witch from a group of baddies, and wandering the landscape with her.  As expected, I didn't understand what was going on half the time, but it was mostly just an excuse to see Bautista and Jovovich jump around in slow motion.  That's kind of Anderson's thing.  I imagine the continuing of putting Jovovich in movies like this was part of his wedding vows back when they got hitched.  When watching a movie by Anderson, the question should never be "Is this good?"  If it is, you're woefully naïve.  The question is "Is this something I can slap my knee at while eating an ungodly amount of unhealthy snacks?"  Movies like Mortal Kombat and Death Race are a resounding "yes."  In the Lost Lands is a bit more in the "eeeeeehhhhhhhhhh" camp.  It's more operatic with its drama than Anderson usually makes (save, perhaps, Pompeii), and while its stone face can be funny by itself, it can also get wearisome.  The film feels more like a video game than any Anderson film that's actually based on a video game.  The fight scenes feel a lot like grinding and leveling up, while the CGI backdrop makes most of the movie look like a glossy computerized open world on a Playstation.  This last aspect is a bit of a letdown for me because, of all their faults, most Anderson movies tend to have really interesting set design.  In the Lost Lands has some fun florishes with its production, but a lot of it is just a monochrome yellow animated desert.  This makes In the Lost Lands one of Anderson's duller movies, and the day when his movies can be called dull is the day when he's losing his mojo.

Mickey 17

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Science Fiction, Comedy

Director:  Bong Joon-ho

Starring:  Robert Pattinson, Mark Ruffalo, Toni Collette, Naomi Ackie, Steven Yeun, Anamaria Vartolomei

Paul W.S. Anderson isn't the only auteur making his long awaited return this weekend, as the Academy Award winning filmmaker behind Parasite, Bong Joon-ho, finally releases his long-awaited follow-up to his masterpiece.  Mickey 17 is an adaptation of the novel Mickey7, bumping the number up by ten because it's likely Robert Pattinson dying and being cloned seventeen times is funnier than only seven.  The film is a sci-fi black comedy about a guy named Mickey who signs up for a space expedition as an "expendable," which, under normal circumstances, means he joined a mercenary team headed by Sylvester Stallone.  In this scenario, Mickey basically signs up to be a lab rat, used to test dangerous scenarios that will likely result in death, only for him to be cloned over and over again.  Eventually, one of the Mickeys accidentally survives, leading to two Mickeys at the same time.  Shenanigans ensue.  The idea isn't all that dissimilar to the Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle The 6th Day, but that film was an action entertainer made to milk a concept, while Mickey 17 is more interested in silliness and social commentary.  Like Parasite, the film is social class divide commentary.  It's broader and not as savage, aiming for more animated caricatures that are all-encompassing of a government system that will take advantage of while not caring about the well-being of the working man.  Mark Ruffalo and Toni Collette are allowed to chew the scenery in depicting this, portraying practically every talking propaganda head you've ever seen on Fox News rolled into two hammy creations.  The movie is a bit of a fun throwback to the type of smart, if quirky, sci-fi event you would see from the likes of Paul Verhöeven way back in the day, though it could have stood for some more intricate plotting work to really push it into the next level.  The version they have here is a pretty good standard adventure, but you can see greatness on the tip of its tongue and it doesn't quite know how to tap it.

Queen of the Ring

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Drama, Sports

Director:  Ash Avildsen

Starring:  Emily Bett Rickards, Josh Lucas, Tyler Posey, Francesca Eastwood, Marie Avgeropoulos, Deborah Ann Woll, Cara Buono, Adam Demos, Martin Kove, Kelli Berglund, Damaris Lewis, Gavin Casalegno, Walton Goggins

We head off to the early twentieth century for a new sports biopic, this time centering on a pioneer in women's wrestling, Mildred "Millie Muscles" Burke.  The film follows Burke and her tumultuous relationship with her manager/husband, Billy Wolfe, and they and a group of lady wrestlers (that Wolfe has not-so-secret affairs with) lay the groundwork for women in contact sports.  It's an interesting story on the surface, even if a few hiccups doom Queen of the Ring to mediocrity.  Fortunately, the cast is not one of these shortcomings.  Emily Bett Rickards hasn't had much of a career outside of her sole claim-to-fame of the CW superhero series Arrow.  It's somewhat unfortunate because she's a charismatic performer, which she has displayed on Arrow.  This is only when she's not fed soap opera melodramatics to choke on, which she has also displayed on Arrow.  If you find her the right role, she could shine like a star (this woman was built for comedy, so if anybody has a spare romcom script lying around, she could become the next chick flick favorite).  Queen of the Ring seems like a meaty dramatic role for her to play with, but it's also one that's weighed down by traditional biopic drama anchors, which still involves both charisma and soap operatics.  Rickards is good in the role, capably doing the determined close-ups where her shoulders are sweaty but her make-up and hair are perfect.  The movie is content on coasting on the charisma of her and her wrestling gal pals, but one would wish it applied itself more to be the best it can be rather than leaning on the shoulders of it's likeable female leads.

The thing is, I'd be willing to ride with this movie's mediocrity to a certain extent.  It's pretty entertaining during its best moments, though its plotting is too haphazard to maintain a fun momentum.  It loses me as it fails to depict the passing of time, of which our only reference is Burke's aging child, who is a baby one scene, six years old the next, then becomes a teenager out of nowhere.  It's sloppy and confusing plot progression.  The movie is also not above fabricating events for dramatic license, most glaring being the "death" of Burke's fellow wrestler Gladys Gillem, played by outspoken MSTie Deborah Ann Woll, to give Burke a vendetta to drive her in the third act.  Gladys Gillem lived to be eighty-fucking-nine.  What is this noise?  This isn't a minor detail, it's a set-in-stone fact.  When biopics play around with things like this, the true story illusion is shattered.

If one is cool with the film being a dramatic interpretation rather than an actual life story, the movie is a capable distraction with wonderful performers giving it heart.  It tried.  It really did.  And even though it's not bad, and there are certainly worse biopics than this, it doesn't have the stamina to become a champion either.

Rule Breakers

⭐️1/2

Genre:  Drama

Director:  Bill Guttentag

Starring:  Nikohl Boosheri, Noorin Gulamgaus, Amber Afzali, Nina Hosseinzadeh, Sarah Madal Rowe, Mariam Saraj, Nasser Memarzia, Ali Fazal, Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Angel Studios has a habit of making movies with a shallow presentation of meaning that are essentially nothing at their core.  The worst thing about Rule Breakers is that it's a story that could be something meaningful, but they found a way to turn it into nothing.  Waving the opportunity to make a half-assed Christian-based movie, they instead center on people from the more Muslim prominent nation of Afghanistan, but still don't put the effort in to make it more than half-assed.  Rule Breakers centers on the oppressed women of the culture, as a group of talented young girls are gathered to be a robotics team, representing their country in science and sporting competitions across the globe.  Of course, if you're familiar with how women are treated in Afghanistan, then let's just say that reception of the team is not quite as enthusiastic as you would hope.  It's a true story, one that is powerful and inspirational based on the achievements of intellegent young women in an environment that works to confine them.  Unfortunately, the movie devoted to their achievements is solely intent on riding on the achievement of the women rather than make a movie to honor them.  There is nothing here with the heft to truly represent their story.  The movie's drama is clumsy, it's conflict is presented by stating pressure and possible danger without depicting urgency, their successes feel superficial rather than life-changing, and even what cheeky humor it attempts falls flat on its face.  The movie is just an awkward presentation with a smile on its face.  It's a pleasant smile, but it can't hide how it didn't put the work in.  And somehow Phoebe Waller-Bridge is in this, which completely took me off-guard.  I'm kind of amazed that somehow a talent that has a hit TV series and has worked on Star Wars, James Bond, and Indiana Jones got roped into a lacking inspirational drama made by a faith company, but I hope this isn't a sign that her career is sinking.  She neither helps nor hurts the movie's cause, because she's merely present to be present.  The movie gains nothing from her.

It's a movie that I take zero joy in putting down because it's essentially a movie about the dreams of the oppressed, and there are few things more distasteful to me than squashing the hopes of a dreamer.  But there is also little point in dreaming without being open to learning, and if the flaws in the design can't be pointed out, the machine is going to fall apart.  Watching this movie on the same screen that plays movies that are more astute to dramatic technique than an after-school special tells me that the filmmakers just aren't as ready to compete as their plucky protagonists.

The Rule of Jenny Pen

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Horror

Director:  James Ashcroft

Starring:  John Lithgow, Geoffrey Rush, George Henare

Geoffrey Rush plays a stroke victim who is living in a senior center where the residents are being tortured by psychotic resident John Lithgow for his own amusement.  It's a story that feels like it should have been a Simpsons episode centered on Grampa at the retirement home, but somebody decided it needed to be a horror movie.  What weight it's given is owed entirely to the powerhouse actors at the center of it, especially with John Lithgow going full wacko, but the movie isn't nearly as interesting as he is.  The Rule of Jenny Pen is essentially a story about bullying, with a few thematic attempts at elder neglect and victim blaming.  The movie never quite works with them properly, though it delivers them just competently enough, even if it's never more than a time-waster.

Seven Veils

⭐️⭐️

Genre:  Drama

Director:  Atom Egoyan

Starring:  Amanda Seyfried, Rebecca Liddiard, Douglas Smith, Mark O'Brien, Vanessa Antoine

It's often said that one can't make art without pain.  Seven Veils seems like an entire movie devoted to chipping away at that idea.  This psychological drama stars Amanda Seyfried as theater director putting together an opera production as repressed trauma begins to surface.  Seyfried is pretty good in this, as she successfully grows more intense with her character.  The movie is lucky to have her, because it doesn't always feel as if the filmmakers are as into the turmoil as she is.  Seven Veils is a flat and flavorless production, sometimes failing to convey its point properly even when what it wants is plainly obvious.  A story of trauma is messy and painful, and there is a certain smoothness and grandiose aspect of the filmmaking that makes it feel disconnected from its themes, while also jumping into meandering elements that seem to both undercut itself and slow the film to a crawl.  The movie is only a hundred minutes long, and while I don't feel as if it was wasting my time, it certainly felt like it was wasting its own.  Maybe this movie could have been great, but in its current state it struggles to even be "good enough."

Movies Still Playing At My Theater

Anora ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

Captain America:  Brave New World ⭐️1/2

Dog Man ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Last Breath ⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Monkey ⭐️⭐️1/2

Mufasa:  The Lion King ⭐️⭐️1/2

One of Them Days ⭐️⭐️1/2

Paddington in Peru ⭐️⭐️⭐️

New To Digital

Heart Eyes ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Love Hurts ⭐️⭐️

New To Physical

The Count of Monte Cristo ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

Den of Thieves:  Pantera ⭐️⭐️

Gladiator II ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Kraven the Hunter ⭐️

Red One ⭐️⭐️

Coming Soon!