Multiplex Madness
In the Lost Lands
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Action, Science Fiction, Adventure
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring: Dave Bautista, Milla Jovovich
One of my weirdest indulgances in cinema is the filmography of Paul W.S. Anderson. I've seen all of his movies, will likely see the rest of them, and giggle like a schoolgirl when I see his name attached to a project. He's exactly my vibe of bad movie filmmaker, as he strikes just the right balance in self-serious actors delivering nonsense dialogue, high abundance of trite stylistic flourishes, storylines you'd see on a hundred movies and TV shows on the Sci-Fi Channel way back in the day, and having just enough of a tongue planted firmly in his cheek to convince me to leave all preconceived notions of this bullshit idea of "quality" at the door and just enjoy the junk food. It feels like the time when his kind of crap flourished has gone by (we don't seem to be in a climate where people will pay to see Milla Jovovich kick zombie faces in Resident Evil fan fiction anymore), so I imagine it's getting harder for him to gain funding for his movies at this late stage in his career. The last time we saw a major studio give him money was his third stab at a video game film franchise with his adaptation of Monster Hunter in 2020. That one didn't pan out so well, not only battling the pandemic climate but also facing mass rejection in its primary target territory of China over one of his dumb dialogue jokes that was interpreted as offensive over there. This was done mostly by accident through ignorance, and the line was eventually cut from all other releases. But that was the last we had heard of him until now. This time he's got his hands on material that was written by George R.R. Martin to adapt.
Oh boy, oh boy. Game of Thrones by way of the director of Alien vs. Predator. I am dying to see this!
Dave Bautista stars as a wanderer in a post-apocalyptic landscape, rescuing a witch from a group of baddies, and wandering the landscape with her. As expected, I didn't understand what was going on half the time, but it was mostly just an excuse to see Bautista and Jovovich jump around in slow motion. That's kind of Anderson's thing. I imagine the continuing of putting Jovovich in movies like this was part of his wedding vows back when they got hitched. When watching a movie by Anderson, the question should never be "Is this good?" If it is, you're woefully naïve. The question is "Is this something I can slap my knee at while eating an ungodly amount of unhealthy snacks?" Movies like Mortal Kombat and Death Race are a resounding "yes." In the Lost Lands is a bit more in the "eeeeeehhhhhhhhhh" camp. It's more operatic with its drama than Anderson usually makes (save, perhaps, Pompeii), and while its stone face can be funny by itself, it can also get wearisome. The film feels more like a video game than any Anderson film that's actually based on a video game. The fight scenes feel a lot like grinding and leveling up, while the CGI backdrop makes most of the movie look like a glossy computerized open world on a Playstation. This last aspect is a bit of a letdown for me because, of all their faults, most Anderson movies tend to have really interesting set design. In the Lost Lands has some fun florishes with its production, but a lot of it is just a monochrome yellow animated desert. This makes In the Lost Lands one of Anderson's duller movies, and the day when his movies can be called dull is the day when he's losing his mojo.
Mickey 17
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Science Fiction, Comedy
Director: Bong Joon-ho
Starring: Robert Pattinson, Mark Ruffalo, Toni Collette, Naomi Ackie, Steven Yeun, Anamaria Vartolomei
Paul W.S. Anderson isn't the only auteur making his long awaited return this weekend, as the Academy Award winning filmmaker behind Parasite, Bong Joon-ho, finally releases his long-awaited follow-up to his masterpiece. Mickey 17 is an adaptation of the novel Mickey7, bumping the number up by ten because it's likely Robert Pattinson dying and being cloned seventeen times is funnier than only seven. The film is a sci-fi black comedy about a guy named Mickey who signs up for a space expedition as an "expendable," which, under normal circumstances, means he joined a mercenary team headed by Sylvester Stallone. In this scenario, Mickey basically signs up to be a lab rat, used to test dangerous scenarios that will likely result in death, only for him to be cloned over and over again. Eventually, one of the Mickeys accidentally survives, leading to two Mickeys at the same time. Shenanigans ensue. The idea isn't all that dissimilar to the Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle The 6th Day, but that film was an action entertainer made to milk a concept, while Mickey 17 is more interested in silliness and social commentary. Like Parasite, the film is social class divide commentary. It's broader and not as savage, aiming for more animated caricatures that are all-encompassing of a government system that will take advantage of while not caring about the well-being of the working man. Mark Ruffalo and Toni Collette are allowed to chew the scenery in depicting this, portraying practically every talking propaganda head you've ever seen on Fox News rolled into two hammy creations. The movie is a bit of a fun throwback to the type of smart, if quirky, sci-fi event you would see from the likes of Paul Verhöeven way back in the day, though it could have stood for some more intricate plotting work to really push it into the next level. The version they have here is a pretty good standard adventure, but you can see greatness on the tip of its tongue and it doesn't quite know how to tap it.
Queen of the Ring
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama, Sports
Director: Ash Avildsen
Starring: Emily Bett Rickards, Josh Lucas, Tyler Posey, Francesca Eastwood, Marie Avgeropoulos, Deborah Ann Woll, Cara Buono, Adam Demos, Martin Kove, Kelli Berglund, Damaris Lewis, Gavin Casalegno, Walton Goggins
We head off to the early twentieth century for a new sports biopic, this time centering on a pioneer in women's wrestling, Mildred "Millie Muscles" Burke. The film follows Burke and her tumultuous relationship with her manager/husband, Billy Wolfe, and they and a group of lady wrestlers (that Wolfe has not-so-secret affairs with) lay the groundwork for women in contact sports. It's an interesting story on the surface, even if a few hiccups doom Queen of the Ring to mediocrity. Fortunately, the cast is not one of these shortcomings. Emily Bett Rickards hasn't had much of a career outside of her sole claim-to-fame of the CW superhero series Arrow. It's somewhat unfortunate because she's a charismatic performer, which she has displayed on Arrow. This is only when she's not fed soap opera melodramatics to choke on, which she has also displayed on Arrow. If you find her the right role, she could shine like a star (this woman was built for comedy, so if anybody has a spare romcom script lying around, she could become the next chick flick favorite). Queen of the Ring seems like a meaty dramatic role for her to play with, but it's also one that's weighed down by traditional biopic drama anchors, which still involves both charisma and soap operatics. Rickards is good in the role, capably doing the determined close-ups where her shoulders are sweaty but her make-up and hair are perfect. The movie is content on coasting on the charisma of her and her wrestling gal pals, but one would wish it applied itself more to be the best it can be rather than leaning on the shoulders of it's likeable female leads.
The thing is, I'd be willing to ride with this movie's mediocrity to a certain extent. It's pretty entertaining during its best moments, though its plotting is too haphazard to maintain a fun momentum. It loses me as it fails to depict the passing of time, of which our only reference is Burke's aging child, who is a baby one scene, six years old the next, then becomes a teenager out of nowhere. It's sloppy and confusing plot progression. The movie is also not above fabricating events for dramatic license, most glaring being the "death" of Burke's fellow wrestler Gladys Gillem, played by outspoken MSTie Deborah Ann Woll, to give Burke a vendetta to drive her in the third act. Gladys Gillem lived to be eighty-fucking-nine. What is this noise? This isn't a minor detail, it's a set-in-stone fact. When biopics play around with things like this, the true story illusion is shattered.
If one is cool with the film being a dramatic interpretation rather than an actual life story, the movie is a capable distraction with wonderful performers giving it heart. It tried. It really did. And even though it's not bad, and there are certainly worse biopics than this, it doesn't have the stamina to become a champion either.
Rule Breakers
⭐️1/2
Genre: Drama
Director: Bill Guttentag
Starring: Nikohl Boosheri, Noorin Gulamgaus, Amber Afzali, Nina Hosseinzadeh, Sarah Madal Rowe, Mariam Saraj, Nasser Memarzia, Ali Fazal, Phoebe Waller-Bridge
Angel Studios has a habit of making movies with a shallow presentation of meaning that are essentially nothing at their core. The worst thing about Rule Breakers is that it's a story that could be something meaningful, but they found a way to turn it into nothing. Waving the opportunity to make a half-assed Christian-based movie, they instead center on people from the more Muslim prominent nation of Afghanistan, but still don't put the effort in to make it more than half-assed. Rule Breakers centers on the oppressed women of the culture, as a group of talented young girls are gathered to be a robotics team, representing their country in science and sporting competitions across the globe. Of course, if you're familiar with how women are treated in Afghanistan, then let's just say that reception of the team is not quite as enthusiastic as you would hope. It's a true story, one that is powerful and inspirational based on the achievements of intellegent young women in an environment that works to confine them. Unfortunately, the movie devoted to their achievements is solely intent on riding on the achievement of the women rather than make a movie to honor them. There is nothing here with the heft to truly represent their story. The movie's drama is clumsy, it's conflict is presented by stating pressure and possible danger without depicting urgency, their successes feel superficial rather than life-changing, and even what cheeky humor it attempts falls flat on its face. The movie is just an awkward presentation with a smile on its face. It's a pleasant smile, but it can't hide how it didn't put the work in. And somehow Phoebe Waller-Bridge is in this, which completely took me off-guard. I'm kind of amazed that somehow a talent that has a hit TV series and has worked on Star Wars, James Bond, and Indiana Jones got roped into a lacking inspirational drama made by a faith company, but I hope this isn't a sign that her career is sinking. She neither helps nor hurts the movie's cause, because she's merely present to be present. The movie gains nothing from her.
It's a movie that I take zero joy in putting down because it's essentially a movie about the dreams of the oppressed, and there are few things more distasteful to me than squashing the hopes of a dreamer. But there is also little point in dreaming without being open to learning, and if the flaws in the design can't be pointed out, the machine is going to fall apart. Watching this movie on the same screen that plays movies that are more astute to dramatic technique than an after-school special tells me that the filmmakers just aren't as ready to compete as their plucky protagonists.
The Rule of Jenny Pen
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Horror
Director: James Ashcroft
Starring: John Lithgow, Geoffrey Rush, George Henare
Geoffrey Rush plays a stroke victim who is living in a senior center where the residents are being tortured by psychotic resident John Lithgow for his own amusement. It's a story that feels like it should have been a Simpsons episode centered on Grampa at the retirement home, but somebody decided it needed to be a horror movie. What weight it's given is owed entirely to the powerhouse actors at the center of it, especially with John Lithgow going full wacko, but the movie isn't nearly as interesting as he is. The Rule of Jenny Pen is essentially a story about bullying, with a few thematic attempts at elder neglect and victim blaming. The movie never quite works with them properly, though it delivers them just competently enough, even if it's never more than a time-waster.
Seven Veils
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama
Director: Atom Egoyan
Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Rebecca Liddiard, Douglas Smith, Mark O'Brien, Vanessa Antoine
It's often said that one can't make art without pain. Seven Veils seems like an entire movie devoted to chipping away at that idea. This psychological drama stars Amanda Seyfried as theater director putting together an opera production as repressed trauma begins to surface. Seyfried is pretty good in this, as she successfully grows more intense with her character. The movie is lucky to have her, because it doesn't always feel as if the filmmakers are as into the turmoil as she is. Seven Veils is a flat and flavorless production, sometimes failing to convey its point properly even when what it wants is plainly obvious. A story of trauma is messy and painful, and there is a certain smoothness and grandiose aspect of the filmmaking that makes it feel disconnected from its themes, while also jumping into meandering elements that seem to both undercut itself and slow the film to a crawl. The movie is only a hundred minutes long, and while I don't feel as if it was wasting my time, it certainly felt like it was wasting its own. Maybe this movie could have been great, but in its current state it struggles to even be "good enough."
Movies Still Playing At My Theater
Anora ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Dog Man ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Last Breath ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Monkey ⭐️⭐️1/2
Mufasa: The Lion King ⭐️⭐️1/2
One of Them Days ⭐️⭐️1/2
Paddington in Peru ⭐️⭐️⭐️
New To Physical
The Count of Monte Cristo ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Gladiator II ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Red One ⭐️⭐️
Coming Soon!
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