Film Reviewed: "Resident Evil: Retribution"
Film Year: 2012
Genre: Action, Horror, Science Fiction
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Michelle Rodriguez, Li Bingbing, Boris Kodjoe, Johann Urb, Kevin Durand, Oded Fehr, Colin Salmon, Shawn Roberts
The Movie
*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UN...REVIEWED...I GUESS*
I think one of my pet peeves when I read a review of a movie is when someone states "Who is this movie for?" which is usually just a mask for people seeing a movie that wasn't made for them therefor they didn't think the audience for it existed. Even the worst movies you watch, the ones you or I really don't get, have an appeal to someone. It doesn't matter what it is, from the most bombastic and noisy Michael Bay movie to a cheap direct to TV film by The Asylum. Audiences are more diverse than a lot of people give them credit for.
However in watching any of the Resident Evil movies by Paul W.S. Anderson it's really hard to pinpoint what they are. They contain horror elements but aren't scary at all. They're action movies that are flashy but are never really exciting. They're based on a video game, but leaves the storyline and characters of that video game on the sidelines in favor of a different story and main character. Despite this these movies built an audience, not because they're successful at any of this but because they're goofy, kinetic, and silly visual noise, and to the right person that's immensely satisfying. Sometimes you pass up the fine wine and just want to drink a goddamn Mountain Dew Code Red, you know?
I should probably point out my history with the video games, or lack thereof. I played thirty minutes of the first game, got bored with it, and turned it off. I haven't played any of the others. So the faithfulness of these movies to the games means nothing to me. I suppose I understand the frustration of making a film adaptation of something you love, throwing out the things you cherish about it and having it star a fan fiction Mary Sue instead of the characters you're attached to. I guess I'd be pissed about that too. But I'll leave that to someone more versed in the game mythology to type out a fifty page rant on that subject.
What of this specific movie, Resident Evil: Retribution? It's the fifth film in the franchise, having followed the non-video game main character of Alice from a sexy amnesiac in a red dress to a superhero in a deserted wasteland. Here she is captured by the Umbrella Corporation and questioned by a brainwashed former ally Jill Valentine (who was in the games, for the record). Alice escapes from captivity and makes her way through a endless maze of holographic simulations of various landscapes around the world.
Damn that's stupid shit. But you know what? I enjoyed it. I don't discriminate against bad movies, but rather embrace them with open arms. I tend to like Paul W.S. Anderson's level of bad moviemaking more than most, to be honest. He usually makes a breezy slice of doofy with creative sets and good looking cinematography. Resident Evil: Retribution is one of the Resident Evil films I've enjoyed the most if I'm putting all of my cards on the table, probably the only on I enjoyed more is the knee-slappingly hilarious Resident Evil: Apocalypse.
Retribution also feels like a little bit of a celebration of this franchise that probably shouldn't exist. At the time it had been ten years and five movies, and the film puts forth a collection of characters from the previous films, even if said characters had been long since killed in action. Sienna Guillory, Michelle Rodriguez, Oded Fehr, and Colin Salmon were all invited back to the insanity, and it's a little charming to see all these familiar faces of cannon fodder. More characters from the game are introduced and done nothing with, such as Johann Urb as Leon Kennedy and the delicious Li Bingbing as Ada Wong. Though admittedly there is probably very little that can be done to win game fans over at this point.
I could say more about the content but that's assuming there is any content. There's hardly a story here, and it's not worth emotionally investing in it. Paul Anderson has a knack for introducing storylines and characters in this franchise and abandoning them completely in the followup film. These are bad movies that very much exist in the now, with the five-year-old way of storytelling of "...THEN THIS HAPPENED AND SHE DID THIS AND THEN THERE WAS A HUGE EXPLOSION AND PEOPLE DIED BUT NOT HER BECAUSE SHE'S SO COOL AND THEN..." I've long had a theory about movies with the actor Kevin Durand in them. Usually when I see his name in the credits, be it an X-Men Origins: Wolverine or a Legion, I know what to expect. I scream "FUCK YEAH," slap my knee, turn my brain off, and enjoy the stupidity. Resident Evil: Retribution has Kevin Durand in it. You've been warned.
The Episode
With this episode I think I've finally identified what my disconnect with ICWXP is. You have this style of humor that takes films and overlays humorous comments on them, and most of the time it's taking a film of low quality and giving it a shot at being something more enjoyable. The question becomes how do you perceive this? I am in the camp in which I watch an episode of Mystery Science Theater and I think of the movie as the episode's guest star, something they work with to create an whole new experience. I believe the guys of ICWXP are in the camp of seeing MST as something that degrades the film and "tears it a new one." While the movie riffing audience is made up of viewers who respond to that I personally am much more attracted to the concept of working with the movie and not working in spite of it.
But this latter perception of MST seems to have inspired many people in the YouTube generation to target aggression at things they dislike, Honest Trailers, Nostalgia Critic, Red Letter Media, and various different people who are apart of this riffing renaissance that took place online. I can enjoy the occasional video, but there is only so much hatred I can take before I become impatient with the negativity. I'm more responsive to something like Angry Video Game Nerd, which is more of a mock anger fueled by a genuine passion and love for what he's talking about.
This review of Resident Evil: Retribution is a product of pure hate. And I had absolutely zero fun watching it.
It's not even that I enjoy the movie more than they do that bugs me about this episode, mostly because defending this movie is a thankless task. It's a dumb movie, I don't give a shit if they don't like it because it's understandable why they wouldn't. I also think reviewing this movie is a thankless task also, because it doesn't try to appease standard film study practices but rather goes off in its own direction. It is exactly what it wants to be, and if you didn't like that it is exactly what it is then the movie's attitude is basically "tough titties." As such the Resident Evil films are poor targets for film criticism, because they have achieved a level of ignorance towards it so that it's best to just shake your head and move on. And I'd be lying if I said that wasn't part of their appeal, if I'm being honest.
Now if the episode were funny I might forgive all of this, but unfortunately it just seems like a therapeutic venting session than an actual exorcise in comedy. I don't think I laughed once during the review segment. Though to be fair I don't think I laughed once outside the theater as well, which leads me to believe it's just a bad episode all around. Most of the humor of the episode comes from them making custom memes based around footage (to be fair, some of them are pretty clever) while they state spiteful critiques all of which sound very similar and repeated. There is a rare occasion where they try to change it up, such as Topsy's game show round of "Just 'Cause," which is four minutes of a single joke told over and over again and wears out it's welcome long before it ends. Rick also seems to get a kick out of making up new names for the film, all of which are just plays on titles of other films that are not related to the film. In other words, if you think the titles "Resident Evil: The Squeakuel" and "Resident Evil: Dumb and Dumberer" are hysterical then watch this episode, because there is a lot of that.
The host segments mostly revolve around a toy called "Dookie-Poo," which the Bots try to give Rick the heebie jeebies with. I'll be honest, I don't get it. Creepy inanimate objects I get, but this toy is just a brown lump that kinda looks like Gumby, which they seem to think is funny just because they call it "Dookie-Poo." But unfortunately I don't get a laugh out of it. I thought it was bland and strange right until the end, where they parody a sequence from the film. The other joke of the host segments has Cylon brainstorming ideas for a movie he wants to make, which is just a lead-up to a weak gag about a Legend of Zelda movie done in the style of Resident Evil.
I thought long and hard about whether I was going to review this episode. Even after I watched it something deep down within me said that I should just leave it alone. It's not a riff, therefor I shouldn't really be talking about it. But it's also an episode, so I felt obligated to. I get they were trying to branch out the ICWXP brand and try new things to help sell the show, but this is not my speed. In fact it provided a convincing argument to me that I probably shouldn't be watching ICWXP, because they obviously aren't on the same frequency as myself. What it boils down to is that this episode isn't devoted to riffing, it's devoted to bitching. There's an audience for that, but I have no interest in it.
I'm glad this episode is free on YouTube, because if I paid money for it I'd probably be more irritated about this.
Not Recommended
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