1113-The Christmas That Almost Wasn't

Onscreen Title: "Il Natale Che Quasi Non Fu"

Film Year:  1966

Genre:  Fantasy

Director:  Rossano Brazzi

Starring:  Rossano Brazzi, Paul Tripp, Alberto Rabagliati, Lydia Brazzi

MST Season:  11

The Movie

Christmas has faced many conflicts in the past...a grumpy man who needed to learn empathy from three ghosts, a hairy green thing that stole presents, a martian invasion, Santa falling off a roof and getting his clothes swapped by Tim Allen, Macaulay Culkin being left home alone, Santa fighting a devil, Jimmy Stewart trying to jump off a bridge, Macaulay Culkin getting lost in New York, Ernest P. Worrell "saving" it, Home Alone 3, 4, and 5 being made at all...

Nothing has prepared us for the one thing that could destroy Christmas for good:  Santa getting evicted!  But who would be dastardly enough to charge Santa for rent (and who the hell owns property at the North Pole)?  Why, Phineas T. Prune, of course!  He is here to collect the rent and will only absolve it if Santa promises to never deliver presents ever again.  Seems like an unfair trade, but whatever.  Santa seeks help from a lawyer named Sam Whipple, who told Santa in a letter when he was a child that if he "ever needed anything, let him know."  Whipple concocts a scheme to get Santa a job as a "Department Store Santa" to raise money.  But Prune, determined to destroy Christmas, tries to thwart it.

One thing that I should probably mention is that of the three Christmas movies on Mystery Science Theater 3000 so far, The Christmas That Almost Wasn't is arguably the best.  It's not as charmingly doofus as Santa Claus Conquers the Martions or as memorably weird as Santa Claus, but as an actual movie, it actually feels like a real movie, you know?

Kinda sorta.

Well, that might be giving it too much credit.  It heads in the most competent direction anyway.

If there is one word I'd use to describe this Italian import, it would be "theatrical."  And what I mean by that is that the film feels like it is staged and blocked like a stage play.  Things are just a bit exaggerated to emphasize emotions in ways that would project in a live audience.  Settings are few, feeling like they could be easily switched behind curtains in between scenes.  At times it bursts into song, and if it embraced that it would probably help enhance these qualities, but sadly this seems like its most restrained aspect, like it's really afraid to go that extra mile.  It's a weird presentation for this movie, because it wants to have a feelgood storybook vibe, but it feels a little too stage shy to get there.

You can get glimpses of the film that Christmas That Almost Wasn't is trying to be in Phineas T. Prune actor Rossano Brazzi, who also directed this film.  Brazzi is a big giant ham here, and it seems like that hamminess is his vision for it, especially as he dumpster dives straight into the "Prune has a change of heart" schmaltzy ending, where he creepily fondles kids and invites them into his house without the supervision of their parents (this movie would totally not be made like this today).  I get the intent of this film, if nothing else, but it always seems to be doing something to undermine it.

The Episode

On the last day of the Kickstarter campaign that brought back Mystery Science Theater 3000, Joel Hodgson threw us a curveball by saying that if we raised an extra $300 thousand on the total, we would get a bonus holiday special, giving the Jonah era an episode to mingle with Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Santa Claus.  We passed that amount early in the concluding telethon, and the moment was magic (we then stretched our arms for a fourteenth episode that became At the Earth's Core).  Here we are with The Christmas That Almost Wasn't.  It was our Christmas miracle.  Unfortunately, it doesn't live up to the impossible measurement of "miraculous."

One thing I notice about this movie in comparison to the other holiday specials is that while the movie is silly, there's a flatness to it and it's pretty forgettable.  There are an amount of words you can say about Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Santa Claus, but "flat" and "forgettable" aren't among them.  The Christmas That Almost Wasn't has an inane premise, which maintains a mild interest in seeing it through to the end, but it's mostly this light and low demanding watch that you might not even be paying attention to.  Crossing that over into MST territory is a little dangerous, because one thing a good episode of MST needs to be is fun.  The Christmas that Almost Wasn't has moments of flavor that try to make the episode fun (the opening credits are a gas), but overall it's just some vague thing that happens to be on the series.

As for the riffing, it's a swing, and there are some clever bits spread throughout.  I love the early on prediction that the reason Santa is so bummed in December is because "It's all about Jesus now."  There is also his strange lawyer who assists him, who doesn't seem to charge his clients.  "A lawyer that forgets to send out bills?  This movie JUST became unrealistic!"  The episode also points out late in the game that the easy solution to all the problems in this movie is if he just bills his clients, but...you know.  There is also a slide show montage late in the movie that is just fantastic.

There are a few things in this episode that counter that though, including the slow pace of the film and when the riffing lulls, there is never a momentum to it.  But the big torpedo to this episode, as far as I'm concerned, is a running gag where they refer to the lawyer character, Sam Whipple, as "I'm a wittle baby," which I suppose is supposed to be a representation of his glee toward being around Santa Claus.  While I understand what it's supposed to be, the gag doesn't really work because he's the one protagonist that seems to be working the hardest at achieving the main goal.  It's kind of dumb, not funny at all, and they ride the gag so hard that the episode becomes cringy.

That running gag unfortunately bleeds over to what should be the highlight of the host segments, a visit from Santa Claus, of course played by series creator Joel Hodgson.  Head writer Elliot Kalan plays Whipple, who jumps up and says "Wittle baby" while Joel tries to push him off.  You can tell by the look in his eyes that even Kalan doesn't think this is very funny, but he does what he can.  Joel does have some pretty good dialogue in the segment, so it's not quite sunk, but it should be better.  Other Christmas spirit segments fare better, mostly involving toys.  There's an early one in which Jonah and the Bots critique outdated Christmas toys with a Millennial attitude, while a great middle segment takes look at the toys featured in the film and labels them ("Screamie Babies" is a favorite of mine).  The Invention Exchange offers up the fun Re-Gifter and the pleasingly obnoxious Humbug FM, while the episode closes out with a fabulous parody of the slide show montage from the movie.

While the episode mostly stays at a consistently tepid amusement level, the episode has a jovial charisma to it.  It has a fun attitude and is very in the nature of holiday spirit, which makes me want to like it.  Because of that, it does earn a December rotation slot with other holiday episodes.  I just don't anticipate it when it comes up, though I don't complain while it's on.

Average

The DVD and Blu-Ray

Christmas was back on as a part of Shout Factory's Season 11 box set, which was released on DVD and blu-ray.  My blu-ray copy is the #WeBroughtBackMST3K Collector's Edition, which is on a disc virtually identical to the regular disc.  Audio and video are both fabulous, though the disc contains no bonus features.  It does, however, share a disc with the following episode, At the Earth's Core.