Multiplex Madness
About My Father
⭐
Genre: Comedy
Director: Laura Terruso
Starring: Robert DeNiro, Sebastian Maniscalco, Leslie Bibb, Kim Cattrall
Oof.
I mean, what can I say about a movie that thinks screaming "SUCK THE LEMON!" is a funny bit worth devoting two minutes to.
Influenced by the life of stand-up Sebastian Maniscalco, About My Father is yet another Meet the Parents scenario featuring Robert DeNiro. I guarantee you there are better options for anybody who wants one of those. It's a very blandly presented comedy trying to wring laughs out of broad accents and poorly structured slapstick. This is a very unfunny movie, but positives include some good comedic chemistry between DeNiro and co-star Kim Cattrall, which begs for a better movie to be showcased in. Also I thought an adult coloring book gag was pretty funny. That's about all I got out of this poor comedy, which misfires for 90 belabored minutes of mugging and just made me feel sad.
Kandahar
⭐⭐1/2
Genre: Thriller, Action
Director: Ric Roman Waugh
Starring: Gerard Butler
Kandahar was last week's Regal Mystery Movie, which I didn't attend because Regal's accelerated schedule for the promotion was so rapid that taking time off work to attend was becoming problematic (AKA I needed to save that time off to attend Shin Kamen Rider next week), and there were no movies that fit the profile that I thought it was worth taking a night off to attend (I was leaning toward the theory that the screening was going to be The Machine, admittedly). Kandahar was the lucky draw, which is a fairly sturdy thriller starring Gerard Butler, which has him as an American agent in Afghanistan, seeking to make his way out when his cover is exposed. Can he do it? Of course he can, because he's Gerard Butler, motherfucker. He's like Batman if he were Scottish and instead of a costume had large amounts of body hair. Butler fans might be better served by the movie Plane from earlier this year, which was a heavier action showcase, while Kandahar keeps action to slight plot events while there is a heavier emphasis on dramatic beats while exposed in enemy surroundings. It's pretty okay, though it never thrills as hard as it aims to. It's a solid two hour investment if it looks up your ally.
The Little Mermaid
⭐⭐1/2
Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Musical
Director: Rob Marshall
Starring: Halle Bailey, Melissa McCarthy, Javier Bardem, Jonah Hauer-King
It's that time again. Time for another live action remake of a Disney animated production. They will not stop until all they have left is Home on the Range and Chicken Little. Do those now, you cowards.
This time the choice for de-animation is The Little Mermaid, which is possibly a much more unthinkable production in a pre-Aquaman world. But sadly Aquaman worked its underwater world better. There's a strange non-committal to realism or expressionistic fantastical. Animals like Sebastian and Flounder try to look like real animals with bizarre features to exaggerate them while underwater physics are inconsistent, coming off as real gravity with floaty hair. The water almost seems choosy on what it affects and doesn't. The result fails to capture the beauty it aspires to, but at least it isn't the garish nightmare that was Beauty & the Beast or the blandness of The Lion King. But credit where credit is due, director Rob Marshall embraces the Broadway nature of the Dinsney Renaissance era films by trying to deliver a showstopper with flair. It probably would have done wonders if the movie had been guided by someone more stylish though, but that might be my bias as I enjoyed that spicy little Bollywood favor Guy Ritchie gave Aladdin. But even when the movie struggles to work at full efficiency, it has a secret weapon in Halle Bailey, who shines like a bright star as Ariel. When the movie sputters, it just points the camera toward her and everything falls into place. That's a lot of power for one performer.
(True story, when coming out of The Little Mermaid, the theater was next to another theater playing Evil Dead Rise with an open door. I just got to see a dozen families pass by a black hallway that was screaming "DEAD BY DAWN!" at them.)
The Machine
⭐⭐
Genre: Comedy, Action
Director: Peter Atencio
Starring: Bert Kreischer, Mark Hamill, Iva Babic
This is the second movie this week based on a comedian's stand-up act that I've never heard of. I guess this one is supposed to be a viral one, so that shows how hip with the kids I am. This one is a sequel to Bert Kreischer's "The Machine" bit, where he relates a story about robbing a train with the Russian mafia in his 20's, seeing that come back to haunt him as the daughter of a kingpin comes looking for a watch he stole. I don't know anything about Kreischer or even if any of this nonsense is true. Is it funny? Ehhhh...maybe the stand up is, but the movie struggles to maintain itself. It has a tendency to tucker itself out on its own plot and just broadly mugging for the camera for lengthy sections. Some of it is good for a laugh, while some of it is just tiresome. Even Mark Hamill isn't immune and is sucked into the movie's vices. But Iva Babic is surprisingly the most consistent player, as while mostly she's confined to being a straight performer to Kreischer and Hamill, she handles a lot of her comedic material with more heft, and works the action beats like a trooper. Spin-off of her, please.
The Wrath of Becky
⭐⭐
Genre: Action, Thriller, Comedy
Director: Matt Angel, Suzanne Coote
Starring: Lulu Wilson, Seann William Scott
Cards on the table, I thought Becky was one of the worst movies of 2020. That was quite a hill to climb, because that year was a hellscape of mediocre releases studios didn't think would make money and scattershot indie productions that had nothing to lose. Becky was one of the latter, and from what I understand it created waves in drive-ins while normal theaters took a hit during the summer. Unfortunately I didn't seem as crazy about it as others were. It was an idea that was amusing on paper, which saw a hormonal teenager with anger issues going gory Home Alone on a group of Neo Nazis who had targeted her family. Watching bigoted assholes (which included a terribly miscast Kevin James) getting their faces sliced off had primitive charm, but the issue was that Becky herself was a misfire of a character, who sabotaged the film with her unlikability. While it's true that she never was less likable than her antagonists, it was hard to care about the outcome when the warring factions were nobody you wanted to root for.
Now they're franchising the character. Yay.
I guess you can say I liked The Wrath of Becky better than the first one, but not enough to the point where it matters. This sequel sees Lulu Wilson reprising the role, vowing to kill another group of Neo Nazis who stole her dog and killed a woman she befriended. To put it bluntly, the thing that stuck out about the original was its chaotic, relentless carnage, which seems to be something Wrath of Becky knows but is unable to replicate. Gore and over-the-top kills are featured, they all feel light and none of them feel centerpiece. If I were a bigger fan of the first, I'd probably be disappointed with how little Wrath pushes the envelope. However, the slight edge is that this movie makes strides to make Becky more of a character and less of a screaming psychopath. Those who liked that she was just a hellfire ball of rage in that first movie might be disappointed in that, but it worked wonders in making her an appealing protagonist. There might be a much better movie in cross pollinating the pros of each movie into something that is as gleefully edgy as it thinks it is. The Becky series might be slowly figuring that out. Unfortunately it hasn't figured out how to be fun yet. But it's hard to dislike a series that hates alt-right white supremacists as much as the Becky series does, so it's doing that right. But it's also hard to recommend these movies for that when you could watch Sisu instead.
You Hurt My Feelings
⭐⭐⭐1/2
Genre: Comedy
Director: Nicole Holofcener
Starring: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Arian Moayed
The always wonderful Julia Louis-Dreyfus stars as an author married to a therapist, who overhears that he doesn't like the latest book she's writing, and the existential crisis it stirs within her. The film is very dry, but stunningly sharp as it explores the supportive deception people partake in in personal friendships and relationships. It's not just her story in play, because we see the ripple of the theme work its way though her and her supporting cast and how the little pieces of gaslighting they all partake in to make it through the day create an almost hollow reality. While it saves criticism of it for its final act, it mostly stays observational, though its honesty about "honesty" is delightful and therapeutic.
Art Attack
Everything Went Fine
⭐⭐⭐1/2
Genre: Drama
Director: François Ozon
Starring: Sophie Marceau, André Dussollier, Géraldine Paihas
Former Bond Girl Sophie Marceau (The World is Not Enough is a goddamn classic and I won't hear a word against it) stars in this French import as a woman who cares for her father, who has just suffered a stroke, and finds herself hearing his pleas for assisted suicide. Movies like Everything Went Fine are usually a contemplative study of mortality, of which I didn't feel this was quite its full intention. Themes about the acceptance of a loved one's loss are present, but to me Everything Went Fine was more about the reluctant embrace that a loved one's wants and needs are different than another's own. The father's wishes are prevalent and never change, as eyes turn to Marceau to have a character arc where she goes through the stages of grief while her father is still alive and the tension the idea brings as his request hangs above them in every moment of their day, whether it's mentioned or not. I think there are aspects of its conclusion that are left too open ended to satisfy, but life is messy and closure doesn't always happen the way we desire, so in a roundabout way it still works.
Netflix & Chill
Influencer
⭐⭐⭐1/2
Streaming On: Shudder
Genre: Thriller
Director: Kurtis David Harder
Starring: Cassandra Naud, Emily Tennant, Sara Canning, Rory J. Saper
An absolute knock-out of a thriller has hit Shudder this week. To say too much is to spoil the game, but to stay as coy as possible about it, Influencer features a social media diva meeting a mysterious stranger while out and about, who may not be what she seems. If that sounds familiar, that's because that's the basest elements to it, which it jumps from about twenty minutes in and compounds. If there's a flaw to the plan, it's because it reveals so much early on and what plays after aren't so much plot twists rather than complications. The ending is a tad predictable based on how it plays out, but when the product is this dynamite, it's easily forgiven. Influencer takes influence from the iconic, from Single White Female to Gone Girl, while spicing it up with its own take based around the fleeting fame of social media. If you have that Shudder account and are waiting for Joe Bob Briggs to come back from hiatus, this is a good flick to keep you entertained until then.
Movies Still Playing At My Theater
Sisu ⭐⭐⭐
New To Digital
John Wick: Chapter 4 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Love Again ⭐⭐
New To Physical
Consecration ⭐⭐
Creed III ⭐⭐⭐
Shazam! Fury of the Gods ⭐⭐⭐1/2
Coming Soon!
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