Multiplex Madness
The Conjuring: Last Rites
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Horror
Director: Michael Chavez
Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Mia Tomlinson, Ben Hardy
Our favorite spook chasers who don't wear Proton Packs are back, except this time it's canonically the mid-80s so they can finally make Ghostbusters references too (and you better believe that they make Ghostbusters references). Ed and Lorraine Warren are in retirement in 1986, only to be forced back into the game when a super evil mirror makes a house haunted with smiling ghosts, which is also connected to a case from the Warrens' past that coincided with the birth of their daughter. More Warrens in a haunted house, testing the limits of the spirits and dealing with their own personal drama. It's a return to the formula of the first two films for those who thought the third was too outside the box. It's a more melodramatic presentation of said formula, but it's trying to be scary movie comfort food as opposed to a shock to the senses.
Most of the film's weaknesses stem from director Michael Chavez, who has never been as effective a director as series originator James Wan and it's slightly embarrassing that the producers push him as hard as they do. I'm not sure what it was about The Curse of La Llorona that made them go "Yes, this is the guy" or if it's a budget thing and they keep hiring him because he's cheap, but Chavez is taking the franchise that housed talents like Wan, David Sandberg, and Gary Dauberman and making it stale. Chavez is not an incapable director, but he doesn't elevate a screenplay like Wan (The Conjuring 2 would have been much worse in the hands of a less stylized director). He's going to succumb to the drawbacks of a script because he just doesn't have a lot to offer in return. That's not to say he's incapable of putting together an unnerving scene. He has a few in the tank. Chavez likes to use sequences that predominately involve hands as a focal point, for some reason. What he does with them is not exactly scary but he likes to visualize them in interesting ways. There is also a sequence in a mirrored room that is quite striking.
The horror is countered by the family drama centering on the aging Warrens, as the movie is primarily about them accepting that their baby girl is a grown woman now. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are just as charismatic as they've always been, giving the franchise a beating heart under all the terror. The balance between the drama and the suspense is more off-kilter than it has ever been in this series, as the haunting story feels more like an afterthought at times. The Warrens don't even interact with it until the third act, making the film feel like a drama and a horror movie warring with each other for audience attention. It's this indecisiveness over what story the movie is committing to that exhausts it. It's easily the weakest of the Conjuring movies, but it's also surprisingly difficult to dislike. It's also better than two of the five Ghostbusters movies, so the Warrens can take comfort in that.
Lurker
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama, Thriller
Director: Alex Russell
Starring: Théodore Pellerin, Archie Madekwe, Zack Fox, Havana Rose Liu, Wale Onayemi, Daniel Zolghadri, Sunny Suljic
A rising music star accepts some rando into his inner circle to help with filming his videos and documentation, not realizing that the fucking weirdo is completely obsessed with him. Sounds like the traditional "public figure meets psychotic fan" narrative that has been done many times. Most of those movies are done more for pop entertainment, while Lurker is hoping to be more artistic and psychological. I'm not convinced it succeeded. The internal conflict I have with this movie is that I get what it's going for and technically it's as well-made as it could possibly be but it feels like a portrayal of an idea that it doesn't fully understand. It's not psychologically satisfying because everyone comes off one-dimensional and events play out too forced. To be fair, the movie does try to keep its obsessive main character enigmatic, which is tricky to do. The problem is that I can't get invested in a psychological presentation if the movie isn't interested in giving me a picture of psychology. It's just a creepy guy doing creepy things. Does he know he's creepy? Probably not. Nobody else seems to care that he's creepy though. At least, not for a good long while. The movie is at its most interesting in the third act, when the character has an aura of tension around him that other characters just stop cold the moment he enters a scene. I would have enjoyed this more if the movie had a more satisfying endgame to any of this, offering up an unconventional ending that is supposed to be a curveball. It just makes the entire film feel like suffering for nothing, though.
The more I reflect on this movie, the more I find that it has in common with another "cringe thriller" from earlier this year called Friendship. That movie also centered on a desperate outsider that found himself in a friend group that he idealized and became more psychotic once he was denied it. Friendship at the very least kept its viewers in on the headspace of its main character, causing one to understand him even if they couldn't sympathize with him. The main character of Lurker is such a distant enigma that it's hard to do the same with him. We spend a lot of time with him but we never actually know him. The film's character development is limited to his longing glances at the object of his desire, making it clear that the movie wants to be a thriller spin on a twisted homoerotic romance. But he's an empty character that just does things for attention. There is no nuance to his psychological state that makes the film a worthwhile commentary. Without that commentary, it feels like it's goal is demonizing the socially awkward in a package that can also be interpreted as homophobic. That just feels gross.
Splitsville
The Threesome
Obviously, we needed more than one edgy romcom about non-monogamy gone south this week, so here is The Threesome to provide us with more intercourse shenanigans. Jonah Hauer-King crushes hard on Zoey Deutch, who chooses not to acknowledge his sad puppy dog eyes. But the minute he begins chatting it up with random stranger Ruby Cruz, Deutch's jealous bug takes over and she takes control of the situation by highjacking their night which ultimately culminates with a ménage à trois between the trio. Deutch and Hauer-King try to have a budding romance in the aftermath, when Deutch suddenly discovers that she is pregnant. Things get more complicated when Cruz also reveals that she is pregnant. Every man's wildest dream turns into every man's worst nightmare pretty fast.
Tinā
Well-meaning, if generic, inspirational drama sees a grieving mother take on a job as a substitute teacher at a prep school, eventually leading the school choir. Teacher and student bonding, life lessons, reignited will, laughter, tears, and all that jazz. Movies like this could be better but you could also do a lot worse. It's the type of movie made by someone who thinks cinema peaked with Dead Poets Society and thinks more movies should be Dead Poets Society so they decided to do their part in making a less interesting Dead Poets Society. The secret to a movie like this always lies in who they cast in the inspirational teacher role, and one of the reasons Dead Poets Society is so fondly remembered is because it was an early showcase for the incredibly talented Robin Williams. Tinā has Anapela Polataivao, who is charming enough without actually being a powerhouse presence. Sometimes her role feels undercut by a questionable moment or two. There is one particular moment where the movie comedically has her making an idle threat of "I'm gonna kill you" hypebole toward her students, which feels like an awful attempt at endearment humor to me. As such, little imperfections about the movie make it weaker than it would be otherwise. The moment where Polataivao is crying over the corpse of her dead daughter is obviously meant to be powerful but it loses impact based on the fact that the deceased supposedly died in an earthquake but is in a flawless state. No bruises, no dirt, not even messed up hair. The movie exists in that realm where it's trying to be so hard to be a relatable life story but it's presented in a package that looks fake. This is not even bringing up screenplay issues, that compound as it goes along. When it hits the home stretch, there is almost too much happening. Important events happen in the blink of an eye with lackluster context, then it just pushes forward not noticing that its plot has broken down on the side of the road and needs a tow truck.
Twinless
Splitsville
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Comedy
Director: Michael Angelo Covino
Starring: Dakota Johnson, Adria Arjona, Kyle Marvin, Michael Angelo Covino, Nicholas Braun, David Castañeda, O-T Fagbenli, Charlie Gillespi, Simon Webster
Age-old adages say lots of things like "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" or "absence makes the heart grow fonder," both of which seem to make up the premise of Splitsville, a crazed comedy about our contradictory longing for freedom fighting our own longing for companionship. This knockout effort sees Kyle Marvin reacting to wife Adria Arjona's request for a divorce by bolting to Michael Angelo Covino's house for comfort, where Angelo Covino confesses that he is in an "open relationship" with wife Dakota Johnson. Marvin winds up having sex with Johnson, which Angelo Covino reacts negatively to and spirals into a depression as a result. Marvin then tries to save his marriage by proposing openness to Arjona, which she gleefully takes advantage of while Marvin begins to realize that he might actually be in love with Johnson. The premise is a trainwreck in the best possible sense, as it keeps the viewer on their toes as to see just how messed up this scenario is going to get. To top things off, this movie has some of the best comic staging I've seen in a very long time. Comedies aren't known for their cinematography, editing, or choreography but when you have lengthy bouts of slapstick sequences, the correct framing, pacing, and stunts can make or break it. Splitsville painstakingly makes sure to get it right, allowing its kinetic branches of chaos to glide with ease. This movie doesn't fully rely on slapstick either, switching back and forth between that style and screwball comedy when it decides to be more characterized. The male leads shine with the former and the ladies with the latter. If I were to judge a little harshly, I'd say Johnson and Arjona are given roles with greater personality than their co-stars, and Marvin, in particular, is too much of a passive protagonist that things just happen to. Other than that, the balance is splendidly done. So much so that I could easily picture a version of this movie that would have been made in the 1940's, albeit with some of the more promiscuous details danced around. It's a movie that takes classical beats of farce that never get old and freshens them up and gives them a new spin. I, for one, absolutely loved the ride.
The Threesome
⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director: Chad Hardigan
Starring: Zoey Deutch, Jonah Hauer-King, Ruby Cruz, Jabouki Young-White, Josh Segarra, Robert Longstreet, Arden Myrin, Kristen Slaysman, Allan McLeod, Julia Sweeney
Obviously, we needed more than one edgy romcom about non-monogamy gone south this week, so here is The Threesome to provide us with more intercourse shenanigans. Jonah Hauer-King crushes hard on Zoey Deutch, who chooses not to acknowledge his sad puppy dog eyes. But the minute he begins chatting it up with random stranger Ruby Cruz, Deutch's jealous bug takes over and she takes control of the situation by highjacking their night which ultimately culminates with a ménage à trois between the trio. Deutch and Hauer-King try to have a budding romance in the aftermath, when Deutch suddenly discovers that she is pregnant. Things get more complicated when Cruz also reveals that she is pregnant. Every man's wildest dream turns into every man's worst nightmare pretty fast.
The film isn't particularly well-made. The direction is messy and the film's music cues are strange, both of which feel like they're undercutting the film's humor throughout the picture. The fact that the film is still capably funny at times has a lot to do with its chosen leads who give grace to a less-than-stellar production. The movie sounds wacky but it's less wacky than you'd expect. It's actually quite earnest. The movie's sense of humor derives from awkwardness without deriving from cringe. It's almost as if it's trying to be sweet despite its smutty premise. It doesn't entirely succeed but it's cute that it tried. I mean, a movie with the jokey line of "I want to have this abortion with you" can only be so earnest without breaking character. The movie doesn't have a lot of logic to it, though it does counter it with some strengths on its own terms. There is actually an interesting theme of romantic idealism and reality failing to live up to it. I didn't expect that from a movie about "Bro, two chicks at once? Niiiiiiice."
The movie would be more interesting if there were a stronger conflict at its core. This romcom premise is aching for a love triangle angle but it surprisingly shoots that down pretty early on. Since they don't aim for that, it's a pretty basic romance with an awkward third wheel that the movie has little use for. Ruby Cruz's character doesn't do a whole lot in this movie. She's mostly an excuse to get the other people around her to argue about her. By comparison, Zoey Deutch overwhelms the movie's main story by talking swiftly in mostly double entandre and dirty talk. Most of the comedy comes from her, and I'm assuming this was likely because the movie was sold as a vehicle for Deutch (she has a producing credit on the movie). If it is, it's strange that it's focusing on one actress in particular for this particular movie when a rich ensemble of the three leads with three juicy roles would have made this premise so much more enticing. Cruz does well with what she has, though. And she is also the second actress from the movie Bottoms that I've seen in a movie this week (following Havana Rose Liu in Lurker), in almost a spiritual successor to last week's unofficial Doctor Who theme. Though if one wants to continue on from that trend, the central male character is played by Jonah Hauer-King, who played Ruby Sunday's douchy boyfriend in the latest season of the long-running sci-fi/fantasy series.
I expect most of these flaws won't matter to its target audience, who will likely eat up the taboo premise and enjoy the awkward tension. Being a flawed product never seems to hurt romcoms much. Just ask Anyone but You. The Threesome is a more enjoyable and funnier movie than Anyone but You, so for that audience I can safely say it's worth a gander. It could be sexier, it could be more romantic, it could be funnier, it could be more of all of those things you're going to ask of it, but it does hand out a product that sells exactly what the title suggests.
Tinā
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama
Director: Miki Magasiva
Starring: Anapela Polataivao, Antonia Robinson, Beulah Koale, Nicole Whippy, Dalip Sondhi, Jamie Irving, Alison Bruce
Well-meaning, if generic, inspirational drama sees a grieving mother take on a job as a substitute teacher at a prep school, eventually leading the school choir. Teacher and student bonding, life lessons, reignited will, laughter, tears, and all that jazz. Movies like this could be better but you could also do a lot worse. It's the type of movie made by someone who thinks cinema peaked with Dead Poets Society and thinks more movies should be Dead Poets Society so they decided to do their part in making a less interesting Dead Poets Society. The secret to a movie like this always lies in who they cast in the inspirational teacher role, and one of the reasons Dead Poets Society is so fondly remembered is because it was an early showcase for the incredibly talented Robin Williams. Tinā has Anapela Polataivao, who is charming enough without actually being a powerhouse presence. Sometimes her role feels undercut by a questionable moment or two. There is one particular moment where the movie comedically has her making an idle threat of "I'm gonna kill you" hypebole toward her students, which feels like an awful attempt at endearment humor to me. As such, little imperfections about the movie make it weaker than it would be otherwise. The moment where Polataivao is crying over the corpse of her dead daughter is obviously meant to be powerful but it loses impact based on the fact that the deceased supposedly died in an earthquake but is in a flawless state. No bruises, no dirt, not even messed up hair. The movie exists in that realm where it's trying to be so hard to be a relatable life story but it's presented in a package that looks fake. This is not even bringing up screenplay issues, that compound as it goes along. When it hits the home stretch, there is almost too much happening. Important events happen in the blink of an eye with lackluster context, then it just pushes forward not noticing that its plot has broken down on the side of the road and needs a tow truck.
Apparently, this movie was quite the smash hit in its native country of New Zealand, where it became one of the highest grossing domestic films at its own domestic box office. I'd like to think that a lot of my critiques boil down to cultural barrier but most of the issues I have are from the production itself. I'm happy that it at least found an audience, though.
Twinless
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director: James Sweeney
Starring: Dylan O'Brien, James Sweeney, Aisling Franciosi, Lauren Graham
Dylan O'Brien's twin brother suddenly dies and he seeks out a support group for born twins with deceased siblings for comfort. That's where he meets James Sweeney, and the two strike an unlikely bond of near brotherhood. That's where the movie starts. Where the movie goes is a different story. What starts out as a contemplative dramedy switches gears early on, enveloping the viewer in a twisted and complicated narrative. It's not often movies like this leave me guessing where they're going but Twinless is a surprising exception. The film is at the very least consistent about what its theme is, always centering on loneliness and the longing for companionship. O'Brien's character is a flawed character, who deals with his demons through pent up anger and violent tendencies which rear their heads at random points in the film and threaten to derail the few healthy relationships he builds in this movie. Sweeney's character is arguably in a less healthy mental state, giving more context for what he's going through as the film goes. Unfortunately, the positive relationship he builds with O'Brien is also the least healthy thing in the movie for him. He brings so many positive things to O'Brien's life, but they're under his own cloud and he's doing them for reasons that are psychologically maddening. Unlike a film reviewed above, Lurker, Sweeney's character is actually fleshed out and we understand all of his worst decisions. We feel bad for him but we also want to take him aside and tell him that he crossed a line long ago and if he continues down it, everything is going to hurt much worse in the end. It's a funny movie and a sad movie, brought to life by a pair of excellent performances. The film is a yearning for unconditional love that only a family can provide even when we're in our most fucked up mental state.
Movies Still Playing At My Theater
The Bad Guys 2 ⭐️⭐️1/2
Caught Stealing ⭐️⭐️⭐️
F1 ⭐️⭐️
The Fantastic 4: First Steps ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Freakier Friday ⭐️⭐️1/2
Jaws ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Roses ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Superman ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Toxic Avenger ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Weapons ⭐️⭐️⭐️
New To Digital
Nobody 2 ⭐️⭐️⭐️
She Rides Shotgun ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Coming Soon!
