The Livestream
Welcome to Crow T. Robot's Festival of Shorts! Introduced by our shorts-master, Crow T. "The 'T' Stands For 'Taste'" Robot! It took him a while to come up a title for it, but it finally clicked...
"CROWDANCE!"
Of course, he didn't actually come up with this title until the special was already underway, so we're just going to run with the whole "Festival of Shorts" title. If you have ever watched one of the shorts compilation DVDs, the Festival of Shorts is the same basic thing. What I particularly enjoyed about Festival of Shorts is that it's a similar format to Shorts Vol. 1, which had introductions by Tom Servo for each short. That way we're getting new MST3K material to go along with it. It's slightly grander than Vol. 1 in that the actual intros are light host segments and not just a blurb of slight wit. Crow is featured (Hampton Yaunt version), as the title suggests, but Jonah and Tom Servo (Baron Vaughn version) also pop in to see how he's doing and help him out when he's in the weeds. There are not any huge gutbusters in the intro bumpers, but highlights include Crow's fancy French accent introducing the affair (and trying to shoo off an interrupting Servo), Servo listing the "best Januarys" (January Jones, January Hooks, January in the Pan, ect.) and a fun little talk show style interview with Jonah. The segment of the night honors go to Crow painting Servo head to toe in gold and having him perform a melodramatic monologue as Crow, delivering it in full Lawrence Olivier mode. The paint seems to bother Servo the most, asking Crow "Isn't this how Shirley Eaton died in Goldfinger?"
The later bumpers that introduce the new shorts are more lackluster. Mr. B Natrual's has Jonah running to Crow explaining that they found the lost footage of Kinga and Max watching Mr. B at the end of last season, which is good lore but not very funny. Let's Keep Food Safe to Eat has an intro that isn't really much of anything. It feels pretty slapped together, fueling my speculation that they initially had it set for the Christmas That Almost Wasn't livestream and kicked it over to the Festival of Shorts stream for some reason. It's not the only sign that changes were made behind the scenes, because the stream concludes with Jonah stating they'll return for the final livestream in a few weeks, I Accuse My Parents. I Accuse My Parents was indeed the final livestream, but there was a livestream of Overdrawn at the Memory Bank between this stream and that one.
Whatever. Doesn't matter. What matters are laughs and shorts, of which there a few of both. Let's let the guffaws take us, leading up to our world premiere shorts!
A Case of Spring Fever
Original Episode: Squirm
Fed up with fixing his couch, a disgruntled man wishes he never sees another spring as long as he lives. Enter: Coily, the Spring-Sprite, who grants him his wish to prove just how horrible life would be without springs!
Call it It’s a Wonderful Life…with SPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS! ::whistles:: I really dig this weird little educational short, with its kooky little Looney Tunes omnipotent character that turns the world upside down. It gets a bit talky in its second half, as our main character lists the many uses of springs. I do somewhat wonder who the audience of this short was. I lean toward kids because of the wacky Coily segment, but I can’t really justify the crotchety old man as a main character if it was targeted at a younger demographic. I also wonder if questioning the usefulness of springs was really a huge problem back in the day. Or is it a short meant for adult spring manufacturers? Probably. Did they need it to do their job? Probably not. It’s not like you need to sell the importance of a spring.
But still, if you didn’t have a great appreciation for the many ways springs are used in your daily life, you will when this short is over.
Call it It’s a Wonderful Life…with SPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS! ::whistles:: I really dig this weird little educational short, with its kooky little Looney Tunes omnipotent character that turns the world upside down. It gets a bit talky in its second half, as our main character lists the many uses of springs. I do somewhat wonder who the audience of this short was. I lean toward kids because of the wacky Coily segment, but I can’t really justify the crotchety old man as a main character if it was targeted at a younger demographic. I also wonder if questioning the usefulness of springs was really a huge problem back in the day. Or is it a short meant for adult spring manufacturers? Probably. Did they need it to do their job? Probably not. It’s not like you need to sell the importance of a spring.
But still, if you didn’t have a great appreciation for the many ways springs are used in your daily life, you will when this short is over.
A Case of Spring Fever is a pretty great ending to the abbreviated shorts run on the Sci-Fi era (though I think Robot Rumpus tops all three). And it’s great that they finally featured this short on the show to give the Willy the Waffle segment in Viking Women and the Sea Serpent some context.
Circus on Ice
Original Episode: Monster A-Go Go
Why settle for one indignity when you can have two? Circus on Ice is exactly what it sounds like, a circus on ice. Here we have ice skating shenanigans being put on for our entertainment.
There’s not a lot to say about this one, except that some of the show is kind of neat. And some of it...not so much. When we’re reduced to interpretive dance on a deer being shot then that’s when I get up to refill my popcorn.
There’s not a lot to say about this one, except that some of the show is kind of neat. And some of it...not so much. When we’re reduced to interpretive dance on a deer being shot then that’s when I get up to refill my popcorn.
The short probably put them in a good mood, as it was zesty and high on energy. They warmed up with some fast and steady quips for the appetizer, which kept their level respectable for the mean, indigestible main course.
Snow Thrills
Original Episode: It Conquered the World
The movie going public will THRILL to seeing sporting events in any form, because we’re too fat and lazy to do it on our own!
Before television was a thing, audiences had very limited ways of following sports. You had to see it live in order to see it in practice, otherwise you had to listen to it over the radio or read about it in the paper the next day. Shorts like Snow Thrills were meant as a means of small glimpses to things that were difficult to see in certain parts of the country. Snow Thrills gives us a look at the wonders of snow sports, and why you should spend your vacation at a ski lodge this winter and risk a broken leg.
Nowadays when it’s easy to watch the Winter Olympics every four years, Snow Thrills doesn’t seem all that special, but back then it was something fun. It wasn’t something you saw every day, or even COULD see every year. The stunts are cool, and audiences enjoyed them. Snow Thrills serves its purpose.
Before television was a thing, audiences had very limited ways of following sports. You had to see it live in order to see it in practice, otherwise you had to listen to it over the radio or read about it in the paper the next day. Shorts like Snow Thrills were meant as a means of small glimpses to things that were difficult to see in certain parts of the country. Snow Thrills gives us a look at the wonders of snow sports, and why you should spend your vacation at a ski lodge this winter and risk a broken leg.
Nowadays when it’s easy to watch the Winter Olympics every four years, Snow Thrills doesn’t seem all that special, but back then it was something fun. It wasn’t something you saw every day, or even COULD see every year. The stunts are cool, and audiences enjoyed them. Snow Thrills serves its purpose.
The short is very visual, which means there is a lot for our crew to play with. When they’re not mocking the sports, they take aim at the narrator, and especially get mileage out of his proper pronunciation of the word “ski,” which is supposed to be pronounced “shee” (“You’re full of skit,” Joel responds, the foul-mouthed bastard). This leads to a lot of fun with the phrase “ski jorring” (pronounced “she-whoring”).
The Selling Wizard
Original Episode: The Dead Talk Back
For those store-owners who need to know the importance keeping food fresh and cool with attractive packaging, this short is for you. We see a large selection of refrigeration and freezing units as well as how it might display one's product.
And speaking of attractive packaging, here's a model in a skimpy outfit to guide us every step of the way.
For those maybe interested in how your fridge cools food down, this might be a helpful guide. Though it's primary focus is to sell coolers to stores who might need them, but let's face facts, these models are long since out of production. So the last point of interest for those who don't care is a pretty woman in a dress. Yay!
The Selling Wizard isn't a short I remember much when I think back over the show. Watching again now it occurs to me that it's probably because of how talky it is, and the riffers can hardly get a word in edgewise. There are definite moments where they drop to silence and just kind of listen to the short because they can't fit a joke in, which is sometimes frustrating. What material that does get through is uneven, though there are some nice laughs. It's not the worst short of the series (my personal vote goes to Junior Rodeo Daredevils on that one), though it's toward the bottom.
Pipeline to the Clouds
Original Episode: A Tribute to Manos
This is an industrial short made to show the important everyday uses people use water for in their general lives while also acknowledging what it takes for our workers to bring water into everyday homes all across the country. That stuff doesn't just come out of the faucet like magic, ya know!
This short's a bit haphazard as it shows off the importance of water by showing what a drought can cause and scratches the surface of how we can prevent it. Unfortunately it only scratches that surface and not much else. The short doesn't bother to explain how really any of this works and just comes off as a whirlwind of water related imagery. It's a bit irritating really. I'm being shown lots of things but I'm not exactly learning anything from them.
Likewise for the riffing, this short is like water itself: It's there but it's not solid enough to latch onto. The short has actual content but not enough to work with in any sort of meaningful way. Jonah's crew is in the theater seats for this one and honestly they seem a little stumped on how to make this funny. They do jump at what imagery they can however they can though it tends to stay tricky. They take a few establishing shots of a dam and use them to sass call "DAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYUUUUUUUUUM!" There are also points where we see pretty women bathing yet all they can do is catcall, which is a little lazy. But occasionally they'll come out with something great, and Jonah gets the most killer potshot of the entire short as he targets the anti-mask/vaxx movement:
"If there is one thing Americans can be counted on to do it's to selflessly accept mild personal inconvenience for the betterment of society as a whole."
But unfortunately the first short of the Gizmoplex is a disappointment. It's mostly subpar material aimed at a short that seems like it's an uphill battle to contend with. This one is a sinker.
The Debutantes
This short compilation livestream concluded with two new shorts, neither of which was accompanied by a "Short of the Month Club" intro by Pearl, though Let's Keep Food Safe to Eat has one on its solo presentation online. Pearl apologizes for the overdose of Emily shorts this season, because Jonah's crew hasn't taken on a short since Let's Make a Meal in 20 Minutes, which was ages ago. It doesn't stop her from giving Emily another short, while Jonah doesn't get another one at all this season.
And now for a very special presentation, as we have a short that acts as a bridge in between Seasons 12 and 13. As one might recall at the end of Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Kinga and Max were sucked up into the theater and forced to watch Mr. B Natural. We only got to see a snippet of that event, but now this short has been dug up from the archives and we finally get to see the duo take on Mystery Science Theater's famous musical sprite.
I suspect what happened is that since Emily's crew only had four episodes to themselves, as they had to go off on tour during production, they decided to make up for their lack of content by handing them the majority of shorts. It's weird that Jonah's shorts were so few and only at the beginning of the season, and even the Mads took a few slots that could have gone to his crew. That being said, I wouldn't trade the Mads shorts this season for anything.
Anyway, food. Let's eat! But are those filthy hands of yours clean? Of course they aren't, you dirty animal, you! Let's rectify that, and also take a look at the many ways we keep our food fresh and healthy for when we're ready to chow down. For example, did you know if you were to leave food sitting out for a week it might go bad? You did? I learned that the hard way when I found a pizza box behind the couch that one time, but luckily this short is here to keep you from making my mistakes.
This short is pretty much that in a nutshell, just spelling out food safety for kids and why you shouldn't just eat that Jolly Rancher you found in the parking lot. It's pretty encompassing, from pointing out what food is spoiled and showing off the healthy eating habits your parents have likely instilled in you already that you haven't thought about but do anyway. It's informative but like most similar shorts, is easy to just zone out as it drones on.
"If a fly lands on your food, it can leave harmful germs there."
"But add texture and flavor."
This is probably one of the better shorts of the season, and might specifically be Emily's short highlight. It's one of those silly little fast-talking info dump shorts with a lot of visual cues to bounce off of and educational bits to add on to. Emily's crew does pretty solid work, from asking about the "Five second rule?" to the moral of just "Say no to leftovers." Laughs are plentiful, including the implication that a child at mealtime with dirty hands only has them because he was so hungry that he ate dirt. I guess Servo was right, it was a "Four Screwdriver morning." I get it. With kids like these, why wouldn't it be?
Thumbs Up
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And now for a very special presentation, as we have a short that acts as a bridge in between Seasons 12 and 13. As one might recall at the end of Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Kinga and Max were sucked up into the theater and forced to watch Mr. B Natural. We only got to see a snippet of that event, but now this short has been dug up from the archives and we finally get to see the duo take on Mystery Science Theater's famous musical sprite.
Nevermind that Kinga's hairstyle is clearly her shortened Season 13 do with a little bow, and not the Season 11 & 12 Wilma Flintstone look with the boney hairpins. I assure you that is irrelevant and this totally was not a result of this short being filmed this season.
::sits crossarmed ala Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons::
Worst Fan Service EVER.
But it's cool that they went back to the pool and did this little short for the fans. I love that they did this, even as Mr. B isn't really a favorite of mine. But I guess since I've always felt there was room for improvement on that short, maybe Felicia Day and Patton Oswalt's go at it will make for a more appealing option for me?
My original Mr. B Natural summary from War of the Colossal Beast:
The androgynous music sprite Mr. B Natural appears to a socially awkward boy named Buzz to turn him on (?!) to the wonders of music. Mr. B gets him to toot is own horn (?!?!) by going out and buying a trumpet. And with no practice necessary, he is awesome at it. Mr. B then goes into hibernation, awaiting to be called upon once again.
This weird short has been a long time favorite among MSTies for being something of an oddity. And it lives up to the oddity part. It tries to make children interested in music by creating a magical character out of it, but this storyline comes off less encouraging than intended. Mr. B is a bit of a high pitched annoyance and Buzz doesn't really experience much of a growth. His story arch pretty much consists of buying a trumpet and reaping the rewards.
Remember kids, being instantly good at music makes you popular.
To an extent, while I think some of the bigger laughs from the original short are missing, this version of Mr. B is a little smoother and more consistent to my ears. Kinga and Max rely less on the shock expressions, and while they're still present, they work a balance with actual jokes. I like Kinga's crack that the short feels like being "Trapped in one of the Nicholas Brothers' nightmares" and her verbal disgust to Mr. B claiming "You gotta inspect your horn, boy!" Max has a few funny bits as well, including some points where Felicia and Patton both stay in character and Kinga treats Max like her stooge to be controlled. That usually is a tall ask for the Mads when they're in the theater, because they usually play it as riffers first and characters second. Max also has one of the funniest lines in the short, right at the start as he notes the director's name of "Phil Patton."
"I just love the name 'Patton,' so strong and viral!"
Is it funnier? Well, it probably depends on perspective. I think those who grew up with the original Mr. B for all these years thinking it's the funniest segment of riffing the show ever offered will probably treat this reriff with indifference. I'm in a unique position where I don't really have a large fondness for Mr. B Natural and find this one pretty okay. I think it's good enough to recommend and while some similar territory is shared, it's unique enough to work on its own. I'd say it's above average, and even if you idolize Mr. B's place as an MST legend, it's probably good enough for a fresh chuckle or two.
Thumbs Up
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