Welcome to my blog dedicated to movie riffing! Here we will journey through the many episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, the files of RiffTrax, the DVDs of Cinematic Titanic, and hopefully many others.
Join me, won't you?
The special short presentation of this Gizmoplex special is Safety in Offices, a military safety film that also doubles as a slapstick comedy. As Mike says, "No one is funnier than the United States Navy." As proved by the movie Hot Shots! The short centers a group of Naval officers who fail to adhere to basic office safety procedures, leading to hilarious antics, especially that little firecracker Miss Dipple. The moral of the story is simple: if one is injured, it's funny!
Shake Hands With Danger this is not, and maybe we should be thankful for that. Nobody wants to see Miss Dipple in pieces on the floor. We'd rather see her in her Lucille Ball era physical antics while teaching us a lesson that there are simple things we can do throughout the day to prevent us from a Shake Hands With Danger scenario. Or to just prevent our finger being bitten by a filing cabinet or a typewriter.
"Typewriter bites girl!"
"I still do that with my laptop all the time!"
Mike, Kevin, and Bill seem to be the first to point out that, if anything, the short is anti-filing cabinet. Most of the accidents seem to center on the misuse of the trusted organization tool, be it smashing one's thumb or knocking over a pile of paperwork. But they also guide us through basic ladder safety, which Bill points out as something that leads to a "Me Too" moment. Sometimes the biggest laughs of the short are just the short itself because it actually is a pretty fun little slapstick comedy on its own, containing moments of "Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!" and wacky physical stunts. And the character of Miss Dipple is delightful, or, as the narrator calls her, "Killer Dipple." She's an ignorant little trainwreck who tears through this short like a storm with her "Unladylike gyrations." I'm not sure if the riff overcomes the short being shown with this one, but what I can safely say is that I had a blast.
Thumbs Up
👍
The Livestream
During the 2021 Kickstarter, the folks at RiffTrax gave a tiny nudge by offering to do a special event of their own on the Gizmoplex should the campaign succeed. The event wound up being the last special that the Gizmoplex streamed, and it was certainly a fun night. The event started with a special presentation of Gumby: The Movie (review here), which certainly seemed like a riff they were pretty proud of. With good reason. It's very fun and it shows RiffTrax putting their best foot forward while also showcasing a type of experience that MST3K didn't provide during its run, successfully letting MSTies know that supporting them brings a similar experience but just different enough. For that, the movie selection is a home run. No notes.
The actual new content begins afterward, other than a janky intro by Matt McGinnis where is sound is garbled. He fixes it for the post-show, thankfully, as Mike, Kevin, and Bill jump into their live riff of Safety in Offices. I will say that presenting the short after the movie was something that gave me creative indigestion. So much of Mystery Science Theater and RiffTrax formats the short before the movie, and even all of the Gizmoplex events kicked off with the brand new short debuting before the tribute episode. I understand why it's formatted this way, because it condenses all of Mike, Kevin, and Bill's participation into one section and it was probably easier on everyone. But the short is fun and I'm happy with the result.
Afterward is Q&A time with special guest host Emily Marsh! Emily jumps in with an immense fondness for this crew and she has questions for them about their creative process. It's probably the noob asking the boomers for advice. But first, Emily shocks the nation by admitting that she was one of the very few people who saw Gumby: The Movie in theaters when she was a wee girl, claiming that it was like The Pagemaster in that it was so horrifying that she couldn't look away. She then asks what draws them to the Gumby franchise, because both MST3K and RiffTrax have history with it. They claim it's just something fun and different that they try to wrap their head around, and Kevin has some colorful descriptions of the IP, such as "The worldbuilding they do is so overwrought." and "As interesting as the visuals are, the dialogue is absolutely pedestrian." It goes back to what I was saying about how movies like this are so rare in this format that it makes the ones that do appear something to treasure.
Emily then asks "What makes for a good RiffTrax movie?" Mike says that it's kind of loose, as he said they'd never do Plan 9 from Outer Space until they did. Bill points out a purpose of intent, claiming that the best of the movies for their format were made with a form of sincerity, like The Room or Birdemic. Mike also brings up interesting quirks of small productions like this, bringing up "a recent shark movie" (I believe he's referring to Jurassic Shark) that had an obsession with popcorn shrimp and how he can't figure out what the reference is supposed to be. Emily then asks them about self-awareness in a movie, and they all agree that it's hard. They use Sharknado as an example, as they dropped the series because it was becoming to self-aware to handle. They also bring up the sequels to Birdemic and Samurai Cop, which they opted out of doing because they were trying to be comedies. Bill points out that it's when they're handling a movie like this that their format "leans into anger," and have the riffers just get irate at the movie, using Hobgoblins as an example. Emily finds an apt description in calling the ordeal a "Turduckhen of comedy." When asked what the most difficult movies to riff are, they bring up Hobgoblins again, but Bill also goes in a different direction and goes back to the OG RiffTrax format and brings up the Transformers movies, claiming they're so chaotic that they were hard to get a foothold on.
Talk turns to the Live shows, and Emily wants to know more about Rad, which was the show that was being crowdfunded at the time (and this event is primarily an advertisement for). The boys discuss how this is an interesting kitchy teen sports genre that they don't do that often, the closest comparison being the volleyball movie Spiker. But they love this realm of 80's cheese, and bring up the potential for even more to come with their reward riff of the Sylvester Stallone movie Cobra that they hoped to do (and they did do). Emily then asks what they love about their live riffs, and Kevin loves the infectious energy in the room when a joke lands. Bill counters that he loves it when a joke tanks. Kevin agrees with that too, claiming that he loves the groans.
Matt then reads some listener questions. One asks if there is anything they actually learned from the educational shorts. Mike learned to not wash clothes in gasoline and Bill learned how to make masks from grass (corn?). I'll also add that the Keeping Clean and Neat short on MST3K taught me that it was easier to cut toenails after a shower and that knowledge has served me well over the years. Then someone asks if they can watch a movie and not riff it. The short answer is yes, especially in a theater. Though Mike and Bill admit their wives can get irritated when they start joking about little things throughout the day ("Stop riffing breakfast!"). The last question is about how they approach a movie they've already done before, and basically they all just forget what jokes they have or haven't done over the years. Though, they'll definitely go back to the well if there is a joke they absolutely need to do for fan service, pointing out that they absolutely had to repeat the line "I'm gonna sink this bitch." for their riff of Titanic.
And with that, the Gizmoplex closes its doors. For a final event, this is as good as you can ask for. We finally got Mike and Kevin to participate in our little corner of the internet and we had some fun adventures with Gumby. Also, Miss Dipple! RiffTrax Goes to the Gixmoplex was a rousing success, bringing hope for more RiffTrax events in the future. Of course, that never came to pass, but they closed out this one chapter in MST lore with a bang.
Starring: Charles Farrington, Art Clokey, Gloria Clokey
RiffTrax Year: 2021
Riffers: Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett
The Movie
Turning Gumby into a feature film seemed like something that definitely should have happened at some point. Unfortunately, the fact that it happened in 1995 is an oddity that would have only been topped had it come out in 2025. Gumby's been waddling around since the 1950's, usually in short segments on television. Maybe it was for the best that they never tried to bring him to an "overstaying his welcome" format during the height of his popularity, but doing so when Gumby wasn't the novelty he used to be seems to be a sign that a movie is going to be modernized in an unappealing way. Remember when the Jetsons came back for a movie and dubbed over Judy's voice actress with a pop singer and gave her musical numbers? Remember when the Looney Tunes decided to reinvent themselves by playing basketball with Michael Jordan? Gumby: The Movie is more of that. Gumby is doing Gumby things, in a longer format with a convoluted story and padded out with pandering sequences in an attempt to appeal to older children who are very unlikely to watch a Gumby movie.
The story, as it is, features Gumby, who is now in a rock band and putting on a charity concert to save the local farms, while also adopting a new dog named Lowbelly. Apparently Gumby's band is so bad that Lowbelly starts crying, and his tears turn to pearls for Gumby reasons. Wanting this golden goose of a dog, the antagonistic Blockheads kidnap the pup and replace him with a robot. It's up to Gumby and his friends to save the day with their shapeshifting powers and their abilities to jump into any storybook and VHS on the shelf and enter each magical land. Most of the movie is just an excuse for whatever, and it certainly just feels like every portion is just what the animators were in the mood for on any given day. Gumby has elaborate dance numbers, plays with mad science equipment, fights with knights, goes to space and gets a lightsaber, and also just basic yard work, all in that traditional "Gumby explains what Gumby is doing while Gumby is doing it style." It's like this movie is made for pre-schoolers but also wants to be hip enough for tweens and nostalgic enough for adults and it winds up being appealing for none of them.
There are ways to do this adequately. While Gumby: The Movie was in production, Muppet Babies was a very popular TV program for youngsters and it pulled off a lot of the things Gumby: The Movie tried to do in a far more consistent and inviting package. It's not that the ideas in Gumby: The Movie are bad, it's that it does them wrong. Things like Gumby jumping into different fantasy landscapes and having little vignette adventures, that could be fun. That could also justify why Gumby is in a feature film and why one would pay to see it in a theater. Wading through through a goofy subplot about robot dogs, a half-assed story about farmland, and watching Gumby play in a rock band? All of that sucks. It makes the movie a pain-in-the-ass to watch.
What's interesting to me is that the movie is directed by Gumby creator Art Clokey, so one can say that whatever this movie is, it was the "vision" of the man who created this franchise. When I watch this movie, it certainly feels like it's made with older sensibilities while trying to be "hip" and "cool." The streams did not cross. There is not much more to it than that. Gumby: The Movie is a thing that happened. Who knows if it will ever deliver on the title promise of a "Gumby 2," but if Gumby ever gets to that point, hopefully they have nowhere to go but up.
The Trax
"Gumby's attempt to push the word 'adventure' to its absolute breaking point."
There is like this strange synergy between Gumby and Mystery Science Theater 3000. We saw it all the way back in the day when they riffed Robot Rumpus in the Screaming Skull episode, which wound up being one of the most memorable shorts of the series. It feels like recently RiffTrax started to awaken to the fact that Gumby really lent himself well to riffing, as they threw up a few more Gumby shorts and also managed to score a full VOD of the weirdest thing the Gumby franchise has ever created, Gumby: The Movie.
The riff to this one makes me wish that there are more animated movies like this that RiffTrax could tackle. Say what you will about Gumby: The Movie, but it's not incompetent. It's the Gumby experience, just in feature format. And the Gumby experience always provokes some sort of reaction ("A lot of phallic stuff going on for a movie about a guy with no genitals."). The movie is both weird and familiar, pushing our trio of comedians to the brink of insanity before pulling back and going "Well, what did we expect?" Keeping up with the logic of a Gumby movie is hard because Gumby has no logic. Anything can happen and will happen. "So Fake Gumby is more worthy to be King of England than real Gumby?" You bet! Gumby: The Movie is almost like a feature film version of Mr. B Natural. It exists in its own reality and you just have to hope nothing pops out of the TV and tries to kill you.
"Oh no! The door is locked!"
"YOU CAN ALL WALK THROUGH WALLS!"
The RiffTrax experience is like men being guided through madness and trying to make sense of it all. They flinch at Gumby's gal pal Goo having "more power than any Marvel superhero" by turning into an air glider, like Hedorah in Godzilla vs. Hedorah. They cringe at the bulky, cluttered dialogue that litters each character's mouths ("Pokey yells 'Shotgun!' in the whiniest way possible.") They try to be threatened by Gumby and his band mates being replaced by robots, only to not understand the threat of their bad music ("Oh no, they're... Worse? Better?"). And, of course, "Poop covered robot dogs. You don't get many of those in animated movies." We sure don't. And RiffTrax brings the manure to us in what is truly a one-of-a-kind riff experience. For better or worse? That's up to you.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Classic
The DVD
Gumby: The Movie was released on DVD as a part of an exclusive box set sold through RiffTrax's website called the "Super Fun Time Box Set." Video was in standard definition, so it's a worse print than the HD digital download. Audio was solid, making it a solid option for those who want their RiffTrax to be physically on their shelf. The set was sold with Honor and Gorty, Dancin': It's On!, a disc full of shorts, and a bonus tin lunchbox!
Starring: Olivia Wilde, Cooper Hoffman, Mason Gooding, Chase Sui Wonders, Johnny Knoxville, Margaret Cho, Roxane Mesquida, Charli XCX, Daveed Diggs
In the area of non-Spider-Man film experiences this week, we have our second Olivia Wilde starring sex comedy of the last few months. If you hate superheroes, then I hope you love the idea of Wilde in latex straddling Cooper Hoffman. The latex doesn't bother me, but the less I see of Cooper Hoffman's paunch, the better. I mean, Mason Gooding's abs are right there. Let's see more of those.
I Want Your Sex has Wilde playing a modern artist who specializes in pieces inspired by human sexuality having an affair with timid underling Hoffman. She pushes the boundaries of his sexual limits, sometimes for his benefit but often for her own amusement. Weirdly enough, the movie reminded me of a modern, sub/dom pop version of Sunset Boulevard, like if you switched out Gloria Swanson with someone like Madonna. It's not as good, as funny, or as memorable as Sunset Boulevard. It just has more nipples. The basic idea of both films are about a man who is sucked up into a the somewhat crazy worldview of an icon, and things spiralling. Also, both movies plot themselves around a floating body in a pool. I have no idea if this is intentional homage or not, but I'm going to assume it is. Ultimately, the film is another movie about sexual power dynamics from this year. It's not the best one, but it's quirky enough to carve a little niche of its own.
It's amusing, but it also feels quite scripted and mechanical. Good comedy lies on a thin line between calculated and spontaneous. I Want Your Sex is begging for more spontaneity. This is weird because good sex requires spontaneity also. Some of the jokes in this movie can be funny. One of the gags in the movie that made me laugh the most is during a threesome scene where Wilde asks Hoffman's roommate Chase Sui Wonders to put on a strap-on dildo, but she's so inexperienced in this area of sexuality that she doesn't know how to wear it, so she straps it around her arms so she has a dildo on her chest. I laughed a good long while at that. But the problem with a lot of the comedy in this movie is that they seem to be big, expressionistic ideas that don't have grounding to them. Hoffman's bitchy girlfriend in the film is played by Charli XCX, and her character doesn't really make sense. I imagine the idea is that she's a woman who is bored with her relationship, but it often gives the impression that this was never a passionate relationship to begin with, which begs the question of why they are together at all. Then you have Wonders' roommate character, who seems to be coping with repressed bisexuality and/or personal growing feelings for Hoffman (possibly both at the same time), and the movie never explores what her role in the story is. That might be part of the point, because she's essentially a character who might have had a solid chemistry with Hoffman, who was too obsessed with Wilde to look at her, and he wound up burning that bridge. The problem is that Wonders is too underutilized for that role to actually hit the way it should. Additionally, the movie doesn't have anything innovative or inspired to say about human sexuality. It usually defaults to "Modern generations are a bunch of prudes and sex is awesome." Okay, cool, I guess. Maybe there is a morality of monogamy is a shackle and sexuality should be free. Sure, whatever. I never felt like the movie had a point worth sitting through it to get to. And it's finale kinda blows, feeling like they were written into a corner and unsure where to go, which makes me less likely to say this is a movie to stick with until the end. When a movie about sex can't bring itself to climax, then I wonder if it actually knows as much about sex as it claims it does.
Spider-Man: Brand New Day
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Superhero, Action, Fantasy
Director: Destin Daniel Cretton
Starring: Tom Holland, Zendaya, Sadie Sink, Jacob Batalon, Jon Bernthal, Florence Pugh, Tramell Tillman, Marisa Tomei, Mark Ruffalo
Chances are that long after the MCU dies, Spider-Man will likely be the last IP standing. It's probably inevitable. As I've always said, the superhero bubble could burst tomorrow and all of these movies could suddenly quality drop and I'd still reliably show up for Spider-Man, Batman, and the Ninja Turtles. Brand New Day is the eleventh film in the Webslinger's franchise, matched/surpassed only by the Caped Crusader's own tally (Batman's total film count changes depending on whether or not you consider Batman v Superman a Batman movie, but I won't get into such nerdy pedantics).
This film returns to the MCU version of the hero (as we continue to wait for the next Spider-Verse flick), who has spent his young adulthood sinking further and further into the Spider-Man persona after erasing his identity from the memories of eveyone in the world during the events of No Way Home. As he struggles with maintaining his distance with old friends Ned and M.J., he faces a brand new threat that can seemingly inhabit people's minds, seeking something unknown while carelessly harming people in their path. It's tricky to discuss, because Marvel wants this villain to be a big surprise. They might have needed to know when they're beaten though, because this particular actor has been pretty thoroughly linked to a particular Marvel character ever since their casting was announced, calling into mind back when J.J. Abrams thought he was being so coy when he was insisting Benedict Cumberbatch was absolutely not playing Khan in Star Trek into Darkness. If you don't know who it is, I'm going to side-step that particular spoiler. What I will say is that I'm happy with the way this character was portrayed and I think the casting is solid. Why they chose to introduce the character in this particular way is something that I'm not sure I fully understand, but it works and I'm interested in what they're doing with that particular storyline.
Fanboy thoughts on future potential aside and talking about the film purely as a movie, Brand New Day shines brightest in how well it nails its quiet moments. The scenes of heart and connection make this movie sing, which makes it jarring when it reverts to action formula and the movie has more plot than it's comfortable juggling. Certain elements from the comics seep into this particular story of the character, such as Peter finding that his spider powers are mutating and he is struggling to control them. My cheif problem with this aspect is that, if you're going to introduce it, then you need to lean into it. It serves a plot function, but it's essentially forgotten when it's not relevant. In the comics, this particular storyline leads to some twisted aspects of body horror, which Brand New Day nerfs into just Spidey having quirks with his superpowers. To an extent, this almost mirrors the storyline in Spider-Man 2 whete Peter struggles with inner turmoil, so his powers start to disappear. Only in this one, Peter struggles with inner turmoil, so his powers make him even more of a Spider-Man. If this was the main story of the movie, it could work, but while it feeds themes of repression and being whole, it's underserved because the narrative feels like it isn't complete. I assume they might pay it off in future Spider-Man movies, or probably even an Avengers movie, but it just makes this particular movie feel like it's sitting on its hands. Meanwhile, it's jumping from that to the villain's story and back to Peter longing for the friends he lost, and the movie gets kinda wonky. It speeds up, slows down, hits fast forward, comes to a complete stop, wallows for a bit, kicks back in...it just keeps jumping around like that.
I'm not going to say its pacing is a super fault because the honest to god truth is that the film's most calm moments are its highlights. The movie has so much heart with its themes about the importance of connection and friendship, and the movie really hits with this. It can be a powerful film when it's a drama. When it's an action movie, it can still be fun. When it's something to follow and dissect, that's the only time that it's frustrating. But in the end, it makes me long for a buddy cop movie that's just Tom Holland's Spider-Man and Jon Bernthal's Punisher. Brand New Day has a taste of that and it is delicious.
Netflix & Chill
The Devil's Mouth
⭐️
Streaming On: Prime
Genre: Thriller
Director: Jeff Wadlow
Starring: Kathryn Newton, Lana Condor, Gavin Casalegno, Nico Hiraga
Everyone remain calm! This is not a drill! Hold your excitement! It's important that we keep organized and use the streaming device in an orderly fashion! I'm aware that nothing brings more excitement to the world than the two most beautiful words in the English language:
SHARK MOVIE!
And Jeff Wadlow directed this one, which is one of those directors that has consistent quality to his name. When you see his name on a movie, it's pretty much guaranteed to suck. That means SHITTY SHARK MOVIE! That's even better!
A group of vacationing friends explore a cave system off the coast of Thailand, only to find that a Bull shark somehow became trapped inside of it. Together, they look for an exit without becoming lunch. And this is one hungry shark too. I'm curious how many people one Bull shark can eat within the span of an hour. According to this movie, it's about six. That seems like a lot. And it's still hungry. Talk about having eyes bigger than your stomach. One would think even sharks get full at some point. But this shark is crazy because it bit straight through a turtle in a clean break. Sharks have strong jaws, but they're not that strong. So this has to be some sort of super shark. I'm actually very curious about the turtle, because it's supposed to be a foreboding incident that implies the shark but I'm wondering how it killed that turtle outside the caves and got stuck inside them overnight. That shark must have had a hell of an adventure.
In case you can't tell yet, this movie doesn't make a lot of sense. It's actually pretty impressive how anti-sense it makes. It's rare that I come across a movie that is this determined to be this moronic. It even completes itself with a group of capable actors playing the most inept people ever to grace film. And I mean inept in a very special way. It's amusing how the movie doesn't really let the characters make traditional bad horror character decisions like movies like this usually do. The bad decisions that are being made by them is that they just bicker endlessly, whine incoherently, or panic by jumping up and down and screaming and it always contrives them straight into a bad situation. And it's sometimes contradictory, as these people will make one point then argue the exact opposite two minutes later so they can contrive themselves into another bad situation. Poor Lana Condor gets the worst of it, because she's playing a toxic character who degrades into useless load as the movie marches on. It sometimes tries to forge a touching moment between her and Kathryn Newton, but by the end of the movie Condor is nothing but a meatsack that we're supposed to be sympathetic for because she is now the most pathetic thing you've ever seen.
But, long story short, the movie is The Descent. With a shark. And terrible. Watch The Descent instead. Unless you want to see The Descent with a shark and terrible. Then watch this instead because SHARK MOVIE!
SOULM8TE
⭐️⭐️
Streaming On: VOD
Genre: Thriller
Director: Kate Dolan
Starring: Lily Sullivan, David Rhysdahl, Claudia Doumit
SOULM8TE is the third (and likely last) film in the M3GAN Cinematic Universe. After the surprise success and memeification of original M3GAN, there was an aggressive cockiness to what they had and it resulted in a push for M3GAN to rise from being a January horror diversion and become a summer blockbuster franchise that included sequels, spin-offs, and the works. M3GAN 2.0 came out and all of that changed. They made a sequel that leaned into M3GAN's icon status and went for broke in audience pandering, and I certainly saw pros and cons in the movie that resulted, which was watchable stupidity. Though if you were to tell me that you refused to support the film because they strayed from the horror genre, I'd stare at you like your head had caved in. Creatives should never listen to people who spew nonsense like this. If they did, we wouldn't have Aliens, Terminator 2, or Army of Darkness. M3GAN 2.0 isn't as good as any of those movies, but its failings are not caused by its genre switch.
Which brings us to SOULM8TE, a semi-innocent casualty in the crashing and burning of M3GAN 2.0. The movie will likely never escape it's collateral damage status because so far it has been pretty defined by it. SOULM8TE was supposed to hit theaters in January, but after M3GAN 2.0 happened, it was quietly removed from the schedule. Rumors then began to swirl that Universal was trying to sell the movie because they just didn't want to associate with M3GAN anymore. Cowards. You committed to this movie. Put it out. You don't even have to advertise it as a M3GAN spin-off. It's not a big deal. Eventually they did release it, in a way. They skipped theatrical release and just dumped it on VOD. On a Saturday. What kind of weird shit is this?
Anyway, this was a purchase only option and I bought it. I didn't even know if it was any good. I forked over twenty bucks to support the people who were getting jerked around and I'd do it again.
Anyway, it's fine. A little boring.
This spin-off centers on a widower whose tech company asks him to beta test a SOULM8TE prototype: an android designed for romantic companionship. He finds the experience lackluster, owing to the fact that she was programmed for complacency and had no defining attributes as an individual which would make her desirable as a companion. This, of course, means he starts changing her code, which makes her more lively, but also makes her more dangerous.
The cheeky camp of the M3GAN franchise is lacking in this entry, which is more melancholy and dreary. I guess some might prefer that it leans into suspense more than the last film, but it also isn't enthusiastic about itself nor is it very suspenseful. The movie's connection to the M3GAN franchise is also more spiritual than direct, which likely could have been edit tampering, trying to delete mentions of the other films within its narrative. I couldn't tell you for certain because I would need to know more about this film's post-production. But there are connections present if you pay attention, as the "bonding" process is very similar to M3GAN's and the skeletal structure of the SOULM8TE itself seems directly based on the tiny droid doll's design. But that just brings us back to the fact that the movie just isn't very fun. The M3GAN movies always prioritized fun, even when they were getting aggressive.
Taking away the main franchise comparisons, the movie is just kinda old hat. It feels like a story that has been done before and with better results. Just this year brought Obsession, which was another film about someone being "programmed" to love someone and how it spirals out of control. Obsession was an inspired banger of a movie, while SOULM8TE is very standard. One could also note that a quality antagonist lead performance is a difference between the two movies, but I don't think that's too much of a problem here. Evil Dead Rise's Lily Sullivan plays the killer love bot in this movie and she is up for everything she is asked to do. It's a quality performance; it just isn't enhanced by the film's script or direction. She has a few memorable body contortion scenes (likely with the aid of body doubles) and she kills a dude by squishing his dong in her tightening vajayjay. That's about all the cool stuff that you're going to get from her. And while the screenplay has no punch, it does have observation of the evolving trend of A.I. companionship in our society, from ChatGPT to the promise that actual sex bots are closer than ever. I don't think what it has to say adds anything new to the conversation, but they took a crack at it.
I think one of the things working against the movie is that it came so soon after Companion, which had a similar premise, was much more intelligent and wry with its theming, and was also one of the best movies of last year. And I'm not going to accuse the movie of being a rip-off or anything, because movies about android/human connection have been around for a very long time. Steven Speilberg made A.I., Chris Columbus made Bicentenial Man, Alex Garland made Ex Machina, and hell, even M3GAN was one of these. One could even say the same about a movie like Short Circuit. And even in the months before Companion, there was another fembot movie called Subservience that starred Megan Fox. It's a whole thing. SOULM8TE isn't the best of them. It does it with a full commentary but doesn't really hit as hard as some of its contemporaries.
As we close off the launch year of the Gizmoplex, we are given Tom & Crow's Unsupervised Year-End Review Revue, which is a round-up of everything the Gizmoplex had to offer in its first year of content. Well...only year of content, but I'll discuss that another day. Tom Servo and Crow host a series of clips from every episode and big event the Gizmoplex had over the course of the year, which includes episode premieres, tribute livestreams, Synthia's Selects, and more!
It's interesting to note that this combination of Crow and Servo is actually Kelsey Ann Brady and Baron Vaughn, which is a combination that has never happened on the show. I'm not sure why this happened. Maybe Hampton or Conor were unavailable for the primary shooting day and they made due, or maybe they just wanted to represent both teams and tossed the two together. But what makes this more awkward than it should be is that Baron's voice is notably hoarse throughout the entire event, so Servo speaks with less gusto than he is known to bring. I feel bad for him, to be honest, because he is clearly unwell and he's pushing through it for the fans.
Unfortunately, Servo's weak performance kinda brings down the energy and the mood of this particular event. Most of the new footage seen here is just Crow and Servo, and half of them is not on their A-game. Even still, most of the material here is pretty generic jokes like you would see in an award show presentation or the like and it doesn't feel like this special was given any exemplary push of creativity to exceed our expectations. It's pretty much a clip show with some minor new material from Baron and Kelsey, with special appearances by Rebecca Hansen as Synthia and Waverly and Growler, as well as bonus talking head scenes of Conor's Servo and Hampton's Crow. It's not a lot. The biggest laughs come with the various subtitles every character has paired when their name appears at the bottom of the screen. Is it enough?
I remember that like most events, I took a night to myself to watch it, ordered some food, and planned my whole night around it. After this particular one, the whole ordeal was over in forty minutes and I just kinda sat there, clearly overprepared, not knowing what to do for the rest of the night. That was clearly my fault, because this was just a bonus and not a full event. It still was given the same roll-out as the other Gizmoplex events, which made my brain think that maybe this was going to be bigger than what it was. As a recap, it's fine. As a livestream event, it was pretty underwhelming.
Frankly, given the Gizmoplex's ultimate fate, the vibe of this special is less disappointing and a little more depressing. This was supposed to be a celebration of what was created, but given the lack of energy in the whole production and how the Gizmoplex eventually shut down, it almost feels like a funeral today. I like that they tried this, but I can't help but interpret it as something much different than they intended anymore. That sucks.
Starring: Lil Rey Howery, Tiffany Haddish, Andrew "King Bach" Bachelor, Karlous Miller
Four friends who are down on their luck break into an old, abandoned house for some easy money, only to find out it is inhabited by paranormal racists. There is a basic "Abbott and Costello in a haunted house" appeal to the premise that makes me want to cut this movie some slack. However, the dynamic between the characters is paper thin and the comedic flow is off, as there are big personalities but there is no chemistry. It feels like there is a lot of improv at play, as most of the dialogue feels like it's just saying words in search of a joke that meanders into nothing, making the movie feel slow and uneventful. Sometimes it's jarring when a joke actually does result in a belly laugh, but I should never be surprised when a comedy is actually funny. I did get a few chuckles, so I'll give some credit, but what amusement I received didn't counter just how lost the movie felt.
Her Private Hell
⭐️1/2
Genre: Thriller, Fantasy
Director: Nicolas Winding Refn
Starring: Sophie Thatcher, Charles Melton, Havana Rose Liu, Kristine Froseth, Shioli Kutsuna, Aoi Yamada, Dougray Scott, Diego Calva, Hidetoshi Nishijima
If one watched the movie on mute, they might be forgiven for thinking Her Private Hell is a masterpiece. This is one of those surrealist expressionism movies, so those going for a story are going to be deeply disappointed. Whether or not it's a good example of surrealism or expressionism depends on what you see in all of them pretty pictures flickering on the screen. I didn't see much in them myself. Nothing meaningful, at any rate. What little throughline of a premise the movie has centers on Sophie Thatcher, who plays an actress who is struggling with emotional issues after best friend Havana Rose Liu marries her father. While she sorts out her emotional turmoil, there is a boogeyman type killer on the loose named Leatherman, who rips women's chests open. What does he represent? Who fucking knows. And who fucking cares. There seems to be a weird connection between his actions and sexual pleasure, comparing exploding hearts with that of an orgasm, which is strange for a movie that otherwise seems to be about daddy issues. The movie is at its best when its using its stylization to really enhance the emotional state of its leads. It's at its worst when it's a neon-lit backdrop to characters who are just chewing the scenery with their erraticism. The experience as a whole is like listening to beatnik poetry on the set of Blade Runner. My theater experience was me and seven other people. Around forty minutes in, people started leaving. At the end of the movie, the only people left were me and some other dude, and I think he was asleep. That feels like the exact right experience for a movie like this.
Motor City
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Action, Thriller
Director: Potsy Ponciroli
Starring: Alan Ritchson, Ben Foster, Pablo Schreiber, Lionel Boyce, Shailene Woodley
Some say that the script in an action movie doesn't matter. Here to put that to the test is Motor City, a revenge thriller done mostly in pantomime. Reacher star Alan Ritchson is framed by girlfriend Shailene Woodley's ex-boyfriend, Ben Foster, in a surprisingly elaborate ruse to steal her back. The film restrains its dialogue to only a few scenes, where it's not exactly necessary, but just used to give a sequence more punch. Some of the silent movie techniques it borrows cleverly from 1920's cinema, though it does sometimes strain itself to keep its gimmick going. There are scenes where people are staring at each other and nobody is saying anything, and while the actors adequately express the story with their eyes, the movie can struggle to justify why no dialogue is being said. Shailene Woodley's character, who is little more than a McGuffin to be fought over, can sometimes come off as dim because of this. Because of the limited storytelling device, she's not allowed nuance and is often blind to things that are right in front of her. The tragedy of her story is numbed out in the crossfire, so it's up to Ritchson to save the film with his story of blood-boiling anger. The tension of the thriller sequences make for an exceptional potboiler and the action is on point throughout. Motor City is hardly a silent masterpiece but it's a fun experiment.
One of the highlights of the 2021 Kickstarter campaign was getting to party hard with our beloved castmembers, and nothing exemplified that more than their Jackbox Showdowns, where the group sits down and plays Jackbox party games for our amusement. These really sat us down and let us jam with each individual castmember as they threw out improv comedy beats for the world to see in enclosed, group party settings. Obviously, these events needed to come back on the Gizmoplex, and of course they did. It was so demanded that they did it twice. Rather than doing separate entries for each game, I decided to group them up into a single entry. It's hard enough to summarize what is essentially a video game once, let alone twice. So, unceremoniously crammed into one entry it is!
The first event is titled "Crow vs. Servo," which pits Hampton Yaunt, Kelsey Ann Brady, and special guest Bill Corbett against Baron Vaughn, Conor McGiffin, and Tim "Technically was a Servo but only on tour" Ryder. This event was originally supposed to conclude the Tribute to Gamera vs. Guiron livestream but I believe it was postponed because they thought it it would run too long, choosing instead to stream it as it's own separate thing. This was probably a good call, because it winds up running near two hours long. That alone makes the event worth its own weight in gold because it's rowdy from start to finish. These bot performers are all ramunctious and full of zingers, and they are ready for these games to begin!
Four games are played in total. Like the YouTube streams, we always start with a round of Quiplash, which the boys at Jackbox actually put up a very special round of to offer these participants, as all the questions are monster themed! The obvious win of the night being the answer to what business actually thrives from a kaiju attack, which is, very astutely observed, Mystery Science Theater 3000. I did quite enjoy that someone wrote that the worst possible location to hear "Watch out for snakes" is "On a plane," bringing to mind a forgotten cult film of yesteryear. Tim probably gets the fail of the night when he overexplains "The Giant Walmart Invasion" for his monster movie title, which loses pretty decisively, causing Hampton to quip "Vote for Tim's tragedy NOW!"
Also, shoutout to the Thriplash round, which dubs King Ghidorah's heads as Moe, Larry, and Failure.
Probably my most endeared game is Tee K.O., where the crew design t-shirts with self-made images. It takes forever to set up, but once it gets rolling the laughs never stop. The only problem with the game is that recency bias usually gets the better of it, as the newer shirt usually wins. But the shirts are always a scream of randomness, with captions ranging from "MY SKIN HURTS" to "LIFE IS A HIGHWAY, GET OFF." They're all winners, in my book. And for a limited time, these designs were available for purchase with proceeds going to both the Gizmoplex and the World Wildlife Fund. This was also true of the custom shirts that all the participants are wearing themselves, and I personally bought one of those fun Crow vs. Servo tees and wore it to MST3Kon several years later!
Concluding the main game is Talking Points, where each participant improvises a Ted Talk about a subject picked out by another player. My favorite of the night goes to Tim, who does his little speech in a Southern Gentleman accent that he dubs Cornelius T. Racism. His delivery sends Kelsey into a mad fit of laughter that she barely survives. Of course, I was also having fun with Conor's speech about Mothra, which he insisted that she was "down to clown."
Results are tallied while the players play a game we haven't seen before called Champ'd Up, where the players make little drawing and make them Mortal Kombat each other. I really liked "Soup or Man," but alas, he died early on. But the winner is announced and the Servos murder the Crows, taking the win for the beloved gumball bot! Tim celebrates by paraphrasing a beloved Servo line: "We're the wind, baby." Kelsey steals his thunder by taking it a step further and just blurting out "I hate Tom's new voice," which is an intense deep cut that I think we all appreciate.
The second Jackbox event actually kicked off the holiday week on the Gizmoplex, which would lead into Tribute events for all of the holiday episodes and eventually into the series finale, The Christmas Dragon! The theme of the night: Hosts vs. Mads! Joel Hodgson, Jonah Ray, and Emily Marsh square off against Felicia Day, Patton Oswalt, and Mary Jo Pehl. Also, Rebecca Hanson is here, but while she participates, she doesn't seem to have a camp. M.C. Matt McGinnis points out that she has played both a bot and a Mad, so she could be either team. My counterargument is that this event is supposed to be Hosts vs. Mads and Rebecca was never a host, so she should be firmly on the Mads team.
This event is less of a noisy good time than the Crow vs. Servo one, but laughs are had. Like before, Quiplash opens yet again. I laughed the loudest during both of these events when the question is presented as to what moral is learned in a Hallmark holiday romance between a Christian man and a Jewish woman and the answers are "Mutual, Passive Spite" and "You Shouldn't Put A Dreidle There." My choice for new holiday classic title is obviously Santa Claus Conquers the Kardashians. Biggest raised eyebrow of the evening goes to Felicia's reason for Santa being unable to afford rent in Christmas That Almost Wasn't being "A prolapsed butthole."
Next we get a great round of Tee K.O., but nobody seems to understand how the points work for the whole thing, but they all accept the way it works because they get to profit off of other people's work. Just like businesses in real life. Biggest laugh of the night goes to "HAVE A CHRISTMAS, MARY" with a picture of what looks like a reindeer eating...something unspeakable, which has Matt laughing so hard that he leaves the screen for a bit. I personally like the "I DO WHAT I WANT" shirt, which looks like a bunny holding a bong (and Mary Jo concurs with me). Emily drew that picture, explaining that she was trying to draw the Coca-Cola polar bear and it just didn't look like it.
Talking Points is the weakest segment of the stream because everyone is rushing through it. Mary Jo doesn't seem to have much of an idea of how it works and she just kinda bluffs her way through her round. It's actually surprising how funny her speech winds up being even though she mostly ignores most of the images on screen and accidentally ends early. She scores pretty high, and I think we were all charmed by her attempt at a game that she doesn't normally play. On the other end of the spectrum, Jonah clearly does his with the most confidence and easily wins the round. Personally, I liked Joel's presentation where he pitches a movie about stews. I don't know why, I just thought the whole thing was pretty funny.
The winners of the night are the Hosts! Patton refuses to concede and asks his followers to storm the Gizmoplex, ending the night with the most political joke since "Epstein Didn't Kill Himself" (which happened earlier in the night, thanks to Jonah). And with that this showdown ends after an hour-and-a-half, likely because the Crow vs. Servo participants played an extra game. But I treasure these little nights of us, the cast, and some laughs. The Jackbox Showdowns gave us the feel of what it was like to be on set with these clowns and bounce jokes off of each other. They're so fun and do wonders to convice the audience that the show is clearly in the right hands.
Starring: Matt Damon, Anne Hathaway, Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson, Lupita Nyong'o, Samantha Morton, Zendaya, Charlize Theron, Jon Bernthal, John Leguizamo, Himesh Patel, Elliot Page, Mia Goth
Last year, we got a film adaptation of one of my favorite stories from one of the most talented auteurs in the business right now, as Guillermo del Toro offered up his take on Frankenstein. This year, another one of my favorite stories was adapted by another auteur I respect, as Christopher Nolan brings The Odyssey to the big screen. Unlike Frankenstein, adaptations haven't been particularly kind to The Odyssey. There is an an Italian film from the 50's starring Kirk Douglas, a 90's TV miniseries, and a stripped down Ralph Fiennes movie from a few years ago, and none are particularly notable. Outside of that, the best you're going to do is the Coen Brothers reimagining O Brother, Where Art Thou? Finally, a big lavish Hollywood version of the epic poem by Homer Simpson has arrived. Is it all it can be?
It's pretty okay. Good, even. Fine, it rattled my bones and it's pretty fucking great. There. Is that what you want to read?
Based heavily in Greek history and mythology, The Odyssey sees Matt Damon taking the role of Odysseus, the King of Ithaca, who must journey back home after winning the Trojan War. Of course, like most things in ancient Greece, that's easier said than done. The journey takes years, as Odysseus and his men encounter obstacles creatures and mythical beings, which make the journey near impossible. The movie is primarily told in the framework of Odysseus trapped on the island of Calypso, as he regains his memory through flashback. Meanwhile, his wife Penelope maintains hope that he will return while their land is overrun by uncouth suitors who seek the throne. Nolan's love for nonlinear storytelling works pretty well here because a lot of this would be crammed in at the end of the film, otherwise. Knowing that there is more at stake than just Odysseus returning to his loved ones keeps his journey urgent throughout the movie, even though a lot of the events take place a decade prior to this.
Nolan's usual grounded stylization concerned me a little bit in this adaptation. Sometimes when Nolan mixes this with a fantastical element, it comes off uneven and I find myself in a lukewarm state. I think this really hurts The Prestige (though, I admit I'm alone in that opinion), makes Tenet more convoluted than it needs to be, and it holds me back from genuinely loving Inception as much as everyone else. With The Odyssey, Nolan tries to bend the fantastical to his stylization, trying to make the world of gods and monsters look feasible, and I think it's one of his more successful efforts. The creature design fits the grim and dangerous world he has crafted, and he also looks for unique takes on magic that are always interesting. Circe's island was a highlight for me, because he used elements of body horror that I've never seen him try, and I thought it was uniquely disturbing.
One thing I was less won over by is that the movie sometimes makes scenarios where Odysseus traditionally won by using his wits and allowed him to brute force his way through them. It felt to me like Nolan was trying to avoid whimsy, but it also occurred to me that by doing this, he was dumbing the character down and making him more action-focused. I had some back-and-forth over how much this bothered me, but I think the film comes together quite nicely in spite of it, so I'm willing to ignore it. The fact of the matter is the journey is long and hard, as it's supposed to be, and once we reach the conclusion, it settles in that we've fully earned the moment of reunion that we've been building toward. This might be Nolan's best movie. I'm not sure, but it's one that hit me harder than others. And it's an excellent version of a story that I am very fond of, which wins it some points in my heart.
Netflix & Chill
Black Box
⭐️1/2
Streaming On: VOD
Genre: Horror, Science Fiction
Director: Stephen Quale
Starring: Tom Brittney, Holly White, Boadicea Ricketts, Betsy-Blue English, Georgi S. Georgiev, Georgina Leonidas, Vaughn Johseph, Weronika Rosati, Cel Spellman
So, I guess The Odyssey is kinda the Grand Theft Auto VI of cinema and Nolan bullied all other movies out of competition this week, so I was left with limited options for expansion. I almost saw a movie called Honeyjoon at my arthouse, but I overslept and missed the showtime. Other than that, this movie hit VOD this week. Sure. Why not?
Black Box is very B-movie. It has a very thin script, looks like it was filmed quickly on a tight budget, and has mostly no-name actors who stiffly deliver expository dialogue and meaningless padding. I think the intent is to be an homage to 1950's paranoia sci-fi and a mish-mash of Twilight Zone elements, but it's so haphazardly thrown together that it feels like Roger Corman filling in for Rod Serling. The story, as it is, mostly takes place on an airplane, where passengers experience strange symptoms and weird phenomena happens surrounding their craft. People start getting panicky, until they find that whatever is on the outside is trying to take them. It's hard to explain what's going on in the movie and what does and doesn't work without getting into the nitty-gritty of the spoilers, but it's one of those movies that feels like it was written around an ending. And it's a pretty solid ending, if derivative of other works. The problem is that the destination doesn't make up for a script that doesn't feel interested in how we get there. Every character is a base personality that exists only to be cannon fodder, while the more fleshed out characters have defined traits that are practically meaningless to the story its telling, so who they are largely doesn't matter. The movie is a cheap, eighty minute throwback. If one had adequately low expectations, it might make for a quick free stream on Tubi. It's hard to justify the money I paid to rent it, though.
