Wolf Guy: Enraged Lycanthrope (The Last Drive-In)

Film Year:  1975
Genre:  Action, Crime, Fantasy
Director:  Kazuhiko Yamaguchi
Starring:  Sonny Chiba as WOLF GUY!

The Movie

MSTies may recognize Space Chief himself Sonny Chiba in the title role in this film.  Chiba is a member of a clan of werewolves who gets sucked into dealing with a prostitute with syphilis who can turn into some sort of phantom tiger that mauls people by standing around and doing nothing.  This leads him into an intense battle with the Yakuza, who do what they can to kill Chiba, but little do they know that he becomes more powerful in the moonlight.

This slice of Japanese craziness is based on a manga series, which is apparently a bit more crazy.  Wolf Guy:  Enraged Lycanthrope doesn't have much of a budget, which couldn't even to turn its werewolf protagonist into an actual werewolf.  Sonny Chiba is always Sonny Chiba in this film, it's just that the moon gives him superpowers.  One wonders why bother to do a werewolf movie at this point if you're just going to make a Sonny Chiba movie, but it doesn't skimp on the action.  The action can overpower the fantasy though, which is a fun aspect of the film but is never truly explored.

Wolf Guy's plot is all over the place, as Chiba seemingly just goes from one character to another with little aim other than to beat up the men and/or sleep with the women.  It's not much on story, but it's just an excuse to see some boobs and let some blood squibs explode.  The werewolf fantasy aspect is redundant, as the film cares very little for it.  Wolf Guy is gloriously weird, but unfortunately it's also gloriously sloppy and wasteful.  It's not boring, and it's easy to watch.  How satisfying that watch is will vary on the person.

The Drive-In

Joe Bob has a gleeful twinkle in his eye this episode, because he knows he's unleashing a different offering that few people have probably seen.  He tries to describe it, but all of the words that come out of this mouth make this movie sound like the most insane thing ever filmed, which Joe Bob is trying to sell it as.  He's not exactly underselling the movie, though the film itself may be underwhelming depending on exactly how weird you expect it to be based on Joe Bob's opening monologue.  But he's right to be gleeful about it.

I do get the feeling that this movie was selected partially because Joe Bob wanted to talk about Sonny Chiba this episode, and he enjoys dropping tidbits about the world famous actor throughout, including his prolific film career, how he believed an actor needed to "train his abs," and how he tested stunts by "trying it once to see if it's dangerous."  What a fun man to talk about!  He also states that Chiba doesn't remember ever making the movie, but given how many films the man has made, that's not surprising.  Joe Bob even opens with a crew member who has actually worked with Chiba too!  There are also a few tidbits about the film's director and how he didn't care for the film, as well as the manga author who left a screening and threaten to sue the production!

When he's not glowing about Chiba, he tries to explain to the audience what they're seeing, in case they aren't picking up on how absurd it is.  Joe Bob's descriptions of the film's scenes are absolutely golden, especially when it comes to sex scenes.  He picks up on how every woman Wolf Guy meets winds up sleeping with him ("One look at Wolf Guy and the babes just drop their panties!"), and he is thoroughly obsessed with the film's final sex scene where Chiba suckles on a woman's breast while flashing back to his mother breastfeeding him.

Wolf Guy may not be the weirdest movie Joe Bob has ever shown, but it lights a fire under the man and the Joe Bob segments demand to be seen.  The episode also ends with a charity plug for seacrestwolfpreserve.org, so good things may come of this episode yet!

Joe Bob's Rating

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Madman (The Last Drive-In)

Film Year:  1982
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Joe Gionnone
Starring:  Gaylen Ross, Paul Ehlers

The Movie

During a campfire ghost story session in the final week of summer camp, a counselor tells the campers the tale of Madman Marz, a crazy hillbilly who murdered his family and was supposedly hanged for his crime but freed himself in these woods.  He claims that anybody who says Marz's name above a whisper will awaken him and Marz will start his killing spree again.  One of the campers puts this story to the test by yelling "Madman Marz!"  And indeed, Madman Marz is awoken, and he begins to murder the camp counselors one by one.

I think there is something to be said for simplicity, especially when it comes to low budget filmmaking.  Madman is a lesson in the effectiveness of simplicity.  It's storyline isn't elaborate, it lacks extending locations away from the bare minimum of what it needs, and it just stays tight and efficient.  It's not redefining the wheel, but by not being able to embellish much of anything the film winds up being refreshingly straightforward.  For me, that is the charm of Madman.  It's a story of a campfire tale that has come true for a group of unfortunate camp counselors, and in turn it almost feels like a campfire tale itself.  Brief, to the point, and ending on that spooky note that maybe the thing that goes bump in the night will strike tonight.

That's not to say that the movie doesn't stumble, even if it is simple.  In fact, I find myself wishing that it makes itself simpler earlier in the film, because what little character work the film tries to do is pretty poor.  Acting is not great, with Dawn of the Dead's Gaylen Ross (acting under the pseudonym Alexis Dubin) probably being the only strong performance in the film.  Character development is reduced simply to who is sleeping with who, and while that might sound bare minimum enough, there are times in which the movie stretches this defining character trait to the point where you just wish they hadn't bothered.  Sex scenes are a staple in horror flicks, but the sequence in which Gaylen Ross and Tony Fish swirl around in a hot tub while Fish provides a numbing song for the soundtrack is laughable.

The movie is at its strongest when it's the bare meat and potatoes, which is very early on and when Marz begins his killing spree about halfway through.  The movie isn't convincing most of the time, but it makes up for what it's lacking with its spirit.  For instance, a certain creative kill in the film involves a woman's head being decapitated with the hood of a truck.  Then later when other characters try to use the truck later in the film, they try to start it but the engine won't turn over, though when they try to start it you hear a little squishy noise in the engine.  That's gruesome fun.

When Madman ends I find myself thinking very highly of the experience of sitting through the film.  How much of that has to do with the awesome final images of the film, I'm not sure.  The "Song of Madman Marz" is incredibly catchy, and the stylized end credits of shadowy woods against a blood red backdrop are moody as hell.  Madman isn't the best film in the world, but it does just enough to make it an interesting find in the horror genre that I think enthusiasts should give a look.

The Drive-In

Joe Bob likes today's movie, but he doesn't love it.  He slightly scoffs at the cult following that says Madman's an underappreciated slasher classic because "It had that great video box!"  Personally I don't care for the video art shown, but I kind of dug the movie, so I can't side with Joe Bob on that one.  Darcy's on my side though, so I'm team Mail Girl.  Admittedly though, it's hard to argue with Joe Bob when he decides to question the stupidity of the characters, such as when a character hides in a refrigerator, causing Joe Bob to wonder if Marz concluded that she'd either freeze to death or suffocate.  And he's dead on the money with the awkwardness of the hot tub sex scene.

Madman has a fairly interesting history to share, as it's an independent production made by film students from Staten Island who were trying to get their foot in the door of Hollywood using the independent horror craze started by Halloween and Friday the 13th.  Joe Bob gives us fun tidbits about this slight production, such as how it was originally going to be based on the Cropsey urban legend before having to change their premise after learning that Cropsey was being adapted into The Burning.

Joe Bob has fun dissecting the cast as well, and points out that most are acting under pseudonyms, including Gaylen Ross, who was already decently known in the horror genre for her role in Dawn of the Dead.  He offers real names and what became of these mostly one-and-done actors, including Ross, who became a documentary filmmaker.  Madman Marz himself, actor Paul Ehlers, is one of the more entertaining castmembers for Joe Bob to discuss, as he shares how disappointed Ehlers was in that he wasn't featured in Fangoria magazine and a little story about how Ehlers went to the hospital for the birth of his son mostly in Madman Marz makeup.  Also of note, the film's composer, Steve Horelick, composed the Reading Rainbow theme!  Joe Bob also points out that he himself was one of the few people who reviewed this movie when it was originally released.

One thing Joe Bob and I see eye-to-eye on is a love for the Madman Marz theme, which Joe Bob and some crew sing at the close of this episode, completing the sense of fun a good Last Drive-In episode needs.  Madman may not be a Joe Bob favorite, but boy is it an episode that's worth a watch.

Joe Bob's Rating

⭐⭐⭐

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (The Last Drive-In)

Film Year:  1988
Genre:  Comedy, Fantasy, Horror
Director:  David DeCoteau
Starring:  Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bower, Brinke Stevens, Andras Jones, Hal Havins, Robin Rochelle, Buck Flower, Dukey Flyswatter

The Movie

A trio of horny college nerds (two of which seem to be in a competition as to who looks more like Cory Feldman in Stand By Me) are caught spying on a spank-filled sorority initiation by the sorority sisters themselves.  They are then "punished" to help the pledges with their final task of stealing a trophy from the local bowling alley.  At the alley, they bump into a punk girl who is robbing the place, who helps them break into the trophy case.  They accidentally knock the trophy open and a magical imp pops out.  He grants them all wishes at first, but then turns more mischievous and murderous as the night goes on.

Reviewing Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama is a thankless task, since you probably know if you'll enjoy the movie based on reading the title.  For the most part, you'll get what you paid for, as there are a few college girls (several disrobed to the bare minimum) and there's a bowling alley.  It can also be properly deduced from the title that the film doesn't quite desire to be taken seriously, which is a safe assumption to make.  The film is a comedy, though how successful of one may depend on your personal taste.  Considering the rather risque resumes of certain production members, it's not so surprising that the humor of the film wouldn't feel all that alien in a soft core porn film.  A lot of it is cheesy and broad, very little of it is actually witty or land with much precision.  But I won't lie, as sometimes the film managed to get a chuckle out of me when I least expected it.  Not often, though maybe the film's stupidity was wearing me down and I was starting to meet it at its level.  I also kind of liked that the reluctant hero if the film was a burglar who gets sucked up into it because she just happens to be there.

Creatively, the film seems to stem from a variety of sources.  The ordinary people in a horrific situation turning into wacky antics seems like it's borrowing from Return of the Living Dead (and even shares actress Linnea Quigley with that film).  The idea of friends becoming possessed and turning against one another in a sadistically playful manner has slight echos of Evil Dead.  But the movie that I most couldn't get out of my head while watching Sorority Babes is everyone's favorite MSTed movie, Hobgoblins.  These movies have a lot in common, and not just the overtly silly stabs at humor and innuendos underlining the film either.  Both films include magical critters that bring your dreams to life and eventually turn them against you.  Sorority Babes is a better film than Hobgoblins, to be fair, though the aim of both films is pretty much exactly the same.

It's a weird and hastily made movie that is made to appease the desires of its target demographic without putting more effort into it than its worth.  Every once in a while it feels like it's putting a slight bit of thought into itself, which is more thought than I think most will give it credit for.  There is one scene in particular that sticks with me in which one of the nerds gives the wish to the imp to make one of the pledges his sex slave, which the imp obliges, though when they head into the other room to do the nasty, he suddenly has second thoughts and considers that this is against her wishes and asks her to stop, though she continues to sex him up.  I would have though most productions of this ilk would just think to themselves "SEX AND BOOBIES!" without acknowledging just how rapey this entire concept is of turning a woman into a man's own pleasure toy without her consent.  Instead it takes a step back and decides to address that for a moment...before deciding it's best course of action is to portray it as sexual assault on both sides instead of overruling the act altogether.  Because two wrongs make a right?

I wasn't really sure how I would have described this movie.  So far this review is going on a lot longer than I thought it would have, and it's probably more words than Sorority Babes deserves.  But the simplest thing I can say is that the movie is exactly what you'd expect it to be.  If you think that sounds amazing, then go nuts.

The Drive-In

I'm not too convinced Joe Bob had much to say about Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, as I took far fewer notes while watching this episode than I have been in other episodes.  He seems mostly attracted to the fact that the film stars three 80's scream queens Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bower, and Brinke Stevens.  I can't claim much familiarity with the trio personally, with the exception of Quigley, who I mostly remember from her very...ahem...revealing performance in Return of the Living Dead.  I'm sure if Joe Bob continues The Last Drive-In for years to come (fingers crossed) I'll become more acquainted with the other two, as he treats the trio like royalty.  He shares the most information on Quigley, and gives comparison to the other two, claiming that you're either "a Michelle person, a Brinke person, or a Linnea person" depending on if you like your women nerdy, trashy, or tough.  But he settles that debate by deducing that Linnea would likely win in a three-way catfight.

Info on the rest of the film is fairly light.  He touches upon David DeCoteau's prolific career (who is the second director in this marathon to helm films in the Puppet Master series, after Tourist Trap's David Schmoeller) and has some slight production tidbits like the film being shot in nine days.  He jokes that the film is proof that you can "Have a script by Tuesday, film it on Wednesday, and have it in the video store by Thursday."  Info on cast members outside of the scream queen trio is fairly minimum as he mostly name drops them and lists a few films they've been in, including the primary piece of trivia for Robin (Rochelle) Stille's being her suicide.  Most of Joe Bob's bumpers are just snarky comments about the film, like asking why there are only three members of this sorority.  He also offers a random tangent about an actor's subtext, using Michelle Bower's sex scene as an example of "This nerd is making me horny!" subtext, then concluding "guys don't have subtext, only girls have subtext."

I think Joe Bob just showed this movie for the sake of showing this movie.  It's a nutty little movie, though there isn't anything particularly interesting to say about it.  The most memorable Joe Bob segment is the first, where he rants about the Los Angeles public transportation.  Sorority Babes is a crazy movie, but this episode isn't quite a crazy experience, though if you're all in for the movie itself you'll get the most out of it.

Joe Bob's Rating

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Rabid (The Last Drive-In)

Film Year:  1977
Genre:  Horror
Director:  David Cronenberg
Starring:  Marilyn Chambers, Frank Moore, Joe Silver, Howard Ryshpan

The Movie

I'm trying to think up an adequate way to give Rabid a synopsis, though putting these details into print makes the movie sound really dumb.  Rabid is the story of Rose, who is badly hurt in a motorcycle crash.  An experimental skin graft surgery saves her life, but it also mutates her into feasting on human blood, which she does so with a fang/worm appendage that comes out of her armpit.  Rose goes from person to person drinking their blood, but she leaves behind a trail of people who get a rabies-like (but totally not rabies) disease that turns them into zombie-like creatures that eat human flesh.

It's really hard to make an armpit worm that creates zombies sound cool.  The execution almost sells it, though.

Rabid was an early film directed by David Cronenberg, a popular director that I admit I'm not too familiar with.  I saw his remake of The Fly and didn't care for it (I by far prefer the original) and I saw A History of Violence years ago and remember next to nothing except Viggo Mortensen's ass humping Maria Bello on a staircase.  I'm not questioning the man's talent, it's just that I haven't been interested enough to explore it.  I found Rabid interesting, but not interesting enough to change that stance.

Rabid is a very well-made movie that feels like Cronenberg playing around with that age-old vampire tale and putting an bio-horror spin on it, infusing it with an STD metaphor as she creates a zombie epidemic as she seeks out "multiple partners."  I found myself sympathetic to Rose, as she's turned into something dangerous and in denial of it because she doesn't want it to be true.  Her final fate in the film is based on this denial, and it's a genuinely sad moment.  Meanwhile, the zombie outbreak is very well executed, and about as gruesome and gory as I think Cronenberg fans might hope.

I'm slightly held back because...this movie's fuckin' weird, aint it?  It's an armpit vampire movie.  And the armpit vampire is created by science, because that's just realistic.  But no amount of science used to explain it will change that it's an armpit vampire movie.  It's probably the best damn armpit vampire movie ever made, but I would think an armpit vampire would crave Old Spice instead of blood.

The Drive-In

Joe Bob gleefully talks about porn in this episode, as the film stars former adult film actress Marilyn Chambers, who does her fair share of nudity in this movie as well.  I think Joe Bob is thankful that he doesn't have to work around TNT's censors anymore, so now we get glorious nudity and his candid discussion relishes it.  But then he also brings up that Marilyn Chambers' real name was Marilyn Briggs, and he wonders if they're related (spoiler alert:  they're not.  Joe Bob's real name is John Bloom).

Sex is a big part of this episode, based on both the nature of the movie and the fact that is stars Chambers.  When the subject of Chambers comes up, Joe Bob immediately discusses her porn career, specifically Beyond the Green Door.  Speaking of porn, Joe Bob also analyzes the film's porno theater scene by going on a tangent that the movie they're watching wasn't real porn but "Maple Syrup Porn," of which his description of is hysterical.  He talks a lot about Cronenberg's style of "venereal horror" and his use of science to create the epidemic.

Darcy closes this episode out by giving Joe Bob a trick question from the viewers:  Who was the first actor other than Boris Karloff to play Frankenstein's Monster in a Universal production?  She stumps Joe Bob by bringing up an obscure 1941 comedy called Hellzapoppin', which featured the monster played by Dale Van Sickel, though unfortunately both of Joe Bob's guesses would have been wrong had this movie not have been in consideration.  Joe Bob first throws out Christopher Lee, who played the monster in Curse of Frankenstein (which wasn't a Universal production), and then settled on Glenn Strange, who started playing the monster in 1944's House of Frankenstein.  But before Glenn Strange played the monster, Lon Cheney Jr. (Ghost of Frankenstein) and Bela Lugosi (Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man) both had a crack at him.  So Joe Bob was thoroughly stumped on that one, but switching from Cronenberg to Universal Frankenstein would probably throw anybody for a loop.  Especially when we're talking as much about armpit vampires and porn as we have been today.

Joe Bob's Rating

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Solo: A Star Wars Story (Rifftrax)

Film Year:  2018
Genre:  Science Fiction, Fantasy, Action, Heist
Director:  Ron Howard (partially by Phil Lord and Chris Miller)
Starring:  Alden Ehrenreich, Woody Harrelson, Emilia Clarke, Donald Glover, Thandie Newton, Paul Bettany, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Jon Favreau
Rifftrax Year:  2018
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

The Movie

Hey.  You all want to know how Han Solo beats the bad guy in this movie?  HE SHOOTS FIRST!

Oh, spoiler alert, by the way.

There are a lot of stigmas that can either be addressed or danced around when talking Solo:  A Star Wars Story.  It seems like this movie was something of a perfect storm of shit just not working out.  The film was originally in production with the directors of The Lego Movie at the helm, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, who primarily direct comedies that lean heavily on improv, and apparently the production was considered a disaster under their watch and they were fired.  Without fully knowing the details of what went on behind the scenes, it's hard to know which side is in the right or if it was a maximum level of mixed signals leading to an unfortunate end.  Apollo 13 director (among many others) and former Andy Griffith kid/Happy Days teenager Ron Howard was brought on board to course correct and reshoot what was considered unusable.  Which is fine.  He's fine.  He's a fine filmmaker.  A fine, safe filmmaker.

It's fine.

Here's the thing:  I had little interest in a Han Solo movie.  But I had a lot of interest in a Lord and Miller Han Solo movie.  That's an idea worth going out of my way to see.  I'd love to see a sci-fi movie from those knuckleheads, let alone a Star Wars movie.  Add in the character of Han Solo to what these guys could cook up and that's an interesting movie, even if it wasn't good.

Behind the scenes trouble like this can sometimes lead to disaster, like the occasional Justice League or, in worst case scenario, 2015's Fantastic Four.  Sometimes watching such a movie can be entertaining in of itself, but Solo isn't much of a disaster.  You know, it's an alright movie.  Kinda entertaining, kinda fun.  Maybe a little bland.  It's just something to watch.  Ron Howard saved this movie from being a glorious disaster and turned it into something...fine.

It's fine.

Upon release the film underperformed pretty hard.  It made a decent chunk of change that for a normal $100 million production would have been...fine...but it was the lowest grossing Star Wars movie by a long shot (not including crappy animated Clone Wars movies).  Also the two productions under these three directors resulted in a $300 million price tag, the highest of any Star Wars film, and it wound up losing money.  A lot can be speculated on this.  Maybe people rejected the idea of someone other than Harrison Ford playing Han, maybe it opened too close to the behemoth that was Avengers:  Infinity War, maybe it was backlash against the divisive Star Wars:  The Last Jedi, or maybe the world is just Star Wars'd out.  After all, Disney's push of the franchise since obtaining it has been very aggressive, and the filmmakers who are trying to contribute are getting trampled by it.  Rogue One director Gareth Edwards was evidently sidelined during reshoots of his film, Last Jedi director Ryan Johnson was given free reign and is now apparently Star Wars fans public enemy number one, while directors like Josh Trank and Colin Trevorrow are kicked to the sidewalk before they can get too deep into it.  The only person to really escape it unscathed is J.J. Abrams, who I think is protected by lens flares.

Personally I don't think Solo underperformed because it wasn't great or a disaster or because of some outside influence.  I think it was because the word of mouth for this movie was "It's alright."  That's certainly what I said when people asked me what I thought of it.

The film is about a non-Harrison Ford Han Solo who grew up as a homeless kid on the streets of some generic Star Wars planet where he dated that other Game of Thrones chick that also played Sarah Conner in a crappy Terminator reboot.  He is forced to leave her behind for contrived chase scene reasons as he joins the Imperial Army as a pilot.  Several years later he joins a crew of outlaw smugglers led by Woody from Cheers, where he falls in league with a group of bad guys where his Game of Thrones dragon lady is coincidentally working with.  They must plan a heist of an expensive fuel of some kind.

If Solo has an ace-in-the-hole, it would be it's cast, which is shockingly good.  Alden Ehrenreich plays Han Solo about as naturally as a non-Harrison Ford actor can, and Donald Glover is a film highlight as Lando Calrissian.  The film also raids those ultra-violent, super-nude shows on HBO for its supporting players:  True Detective's Woody Harrelson, Game of Thrones' Emilia Clarke, and Westworld's Thandie Newton.  Regrettably Solo isn't quite as graphic as those shows, but this is some solid talent.

The movie tells its story competently but never really convinces its audience that it's a story that demands to be told.  Do we really need to know that Lando loves the Millennium Falcon because he wants to fuck it?  I mean that's an interesting take and adds a whole new layer to how we see the character, but did we want that layer?  The whole storyline between him and his droid companion, who is some sort of droid-rights-activist of some kind, gets weird and uncomfortable.  I know it's supposed to be funny, but it really isn't.

If the movie were more visually appealing it might have been stronger.  The film has a very dark and murky cinematography that makes it hard to look at.  It's not a bad movie by any stretch of the imagination, but I just can't keep my eyes on it.  It can be punishing to look at during the worst of times, and at the best it's grey and dreary.  Star Wars films are usually vibrant, and while Solo has the energy to keep a viewer entertained, it just winds up tiring because of how ugly it looks.

But the basic thing I can point out about Solo is that it's fine.  I liked it better than Rogue One anyway, and I think it would be fair to call it one of the better prequels.  I like Revenge of the Sith more, personally, but I'd say Solo has a more consistent screenplay and better acting.  But I can't really say anything else about it.  It works better than it probably could have, I guess.  And I can say that...it...um...it...

...it's fine.

The Trax

"Wacky prequel antics!  Famously beloved by the fans!"

The Rifftrax guys in general seem fairly disinterested in this film from the start.  After all, why would they want to watch yet another Star Wars prequel?  Not only that, but a prequel that isn't as noteworthy in its cringy goofiness like the one George Lucas directed.  They seem more than a little bored by Solo, which is because it's there isn't much to say about the film on the surface.  You can tell they're getting desperate when they start tapping the audience-winking comedy well of the behind the scenes drama and weak box office performance.  These quips are take them or leave them, but I was wishing for more creative onscreen commentary myself.

"Ah!  That was Wookiee for 'Marthaaaaaaaaaa!'"

Early on the only real riffs to be made are about how non-visible the grey cinematography makes the film.  It's a fair comment to make (and to be honest, it does feel like the only comment worth making), but it shouldn't be ridden too often.  As the movie goes on it breezes through character (probably to introduce more toys) which are killed off almost as soon as they're introduced, which is not gone unnoticed by the riffers, who make a paraphrased quip of "NO! I've barely met them and now they're dead!" in just about every circumstance.  It was funny the first time, though it gets a little tiresome.  The run-on gags in this riff are pretty much DOA.

I can note that I was laughing more frequently as the riff went on.  By the time Lando shows up, things begin to perk and Mike, Kevin, and Bill finally seem to have some genuine material to work with.  Donald Glover is a lot of fun in this movie, and our comedians latch onto his quirks, with his colorful attire (which they claim is the only color in the movie) and his very odd love story with a droid (which results in some strange innuendos presented).  Their love of Lando guides them through the rest of the movie, though he doesn't have nearly enough screentime to push this riff into any sort of greatness.

"Ugh!  They made New Jersey into a whole planet!"

The movie is fine.  The riff is fine.  This whole ordeal...it's fine.  I didn't get much out of the experience except a few chuckles and mild non-loathing of the film itself.  I can't quite recommend this riff based on it being fine.  If you simply must see every Star Wars film riffed, then by all means add it to the collection.  There are better ones to watch first, though.

Average

(read:  It's fine.)

What It Means to Be an American Parts 1 & 2 (Rifftrax Shorts)

Rifftrax Year:  2009
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

What It Means to Be an American is one big circlejerk of a short.  Funded by our government, it serves to remind us Americans that we are among the luckiest people in the world for living in a free land.  It can't stress enough the free speech aspect, which is repeated over and over again to the point where you want to exorcise your own right to free speech by shouting "I GET IT, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"  But it also takes a close look at American family life, work life, schools, and nature, all of which are presented as angelic as possible.  Too bad all of that has gone to shit since this short was produced.

What?  Free speech, motherfucker.

This is the first of several shorts that were split into multi parts for distribution on rifftrax.com.  This was an experiment, probably to not go over the ten minute mark in downloads and/or to try not to charge more than a buck.  Ultimately, they just decided to do longer shorts that cost more in the long run.

What It Means to Be an American is as dry and dull as they come, but the patriotism is full force.  Mike, Kevin, and Bill wisely latch onto that patriotism as the film starts to boast about the greatness of American life, while our riffers love to point out that one (of many) things that cheapens or ruins it.  It's not exactly a counterpoint to the film, but more of a hilarious exception to the rule.

If I were to recommend one part over the other, I'd say I laughed harder during the second half of the short, which makes part two the no-brainer recommend.  That first part more or less builds up steam, while our guys are just chugging along on a winning streak after that.  Plus the short has a lot of fades to black toward the end, which trick our boys into thinking the short is over, only to groan when the pic comes back to life.  I'm always a sucker for those laughs.

Thumbs Up

👍

Octaman (Rifftrax Live)

Film Year:  1971
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Harry Essex
Starring:  OCTAMAN!, Pier Angeli, Kerwin Mathews, Jeff Morrow, David Essex, Read Morgan
Rifftrax Year:  2019
Riffers:  Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett
Featured Short:  "McGruff's Drug Alert"

The Short

Drugs probably aided the creation of Octaman, so McGruff the Crime Dog is here with a drug PSA to remind kids to just say no!  He follows kids around an lectures them on drug danger, comparing it to poison and warning about stranger danger, alluding that drug habits can lead to selling drugs, which is crime!  McGRUFF HATES CRIME!

I remember McGruff from when I was a kid, with all the commercials asking us "Help me take a bite out of crime!"  I'm not sure how much of a bite out of crime I took, but I think I turned out alright.  I hadn't seen McGruff in quite a while, this short was a trip down memory lane.  It's not ineffective, since McGruff was a character I think most kids liked and somewhat respected...until they grew up and stopped doing what the cartoon dog told them to do.  But if you're the right age, the message is received.

The Movie

From the co-writer of Creature from the Black Lagoon comes Creature from the Black Lagoon again...only awful this time.

This movie sees a group of scientists in Mexico researching mutated sea life.  They come across a mutated octopus species and experiment on it.  Unaware these are the children of the mutant Octaman, the title creature comes into camp and starts killing people.  The scientists then try to do whatever they can to capture the beast, but they may need to kill it before it kills them.

The elephant in the room is that Octaman costume, which is hilarious.  Technically Octaman has eight tenticles, but two of them are entirely immobile, two more are controlled by strings whenever the crew feels like making them move, while the other four have the suit actors limbs in them, but look just like arms and legs.  Meanwhile the head looks like a Funko Pop figure (I would die of laughter if Funko released an Octaman) and his entire look is a weird mixture of plastic and Styrofoam.  If I told you this was some of the first effects work by Rick Baker, you might shit yourself.

At times it feels as if the production is making due with what they have.  The film tries hard to be atmospheric and feels like it's attempting to frame things in an effective manner.  I'd like to think that limited resources were the culprit here, but there are too many other things going haywire.  The acting is stiff, weird, and often stereotypical.  The blocking of Octaman scenes are often confusing and poorly choreographed.  The film pads out scenes of searching for Octaman or stumbling around in a cave beyond reason, and the film can be tiresome.

But when I get a glimpse of that Octaman costume, the movie puts a smile on my face.  There are swell intentions in this movie put forth by people who don't know what the hell they're doing, and it results in trashy, goofy fun.  Octaman is a worthwhile monster from the garbage heap, and I'm happy I got to see his opus on the big screen.

Minor Note, this was the final film of its female lead, Pier Angeli, who died of a drug overdose during shooting (McGruff tried to warn her).  I doubt she wants to be remembered for having died while making Octaman, so remember her as the female lead opposite Paul Newman in Robert Wise's Somebody Up There Likes Me instead.

The Live Show

Rifftrax Live's 2019 lineup gets off to a rousing start with one hell of a find for the movie and some pretty solid, at times hilarious, riffing.  This first one out the gate sets a pretty high bar for the rest of the year.

But first they test the mutated octopus waters with the McGruff short, which isn't as solid as other drug PSA's they've done, like Drugs Are Like That (which gets a cute reference), but stands on its own.  McGruff gets a lot of the quips because he's a beloved character that they've never tackled before, as gleefully point out a kid think's he's tripping on something in this PSA because he's seeing a talking, anthropomorphic dog.  There are a few dog quips here, including a "red rocket" joke, and the guys get confused about his catch phrase when he starts talking about poison:  Help me take a bite out of poison?

When Octaman starts playing, the audience lights up.  This is the type of cheese us riffing fans live for, and the movie gives us the title character straight away, marching his way through the opening credits ("Scenes like this are why we had to show this one on the big screen!").  We can tell this is going to be a goofy one, and bring it on!  The riffing is at its highest when Octaman shows up, with quips like "Bela Lugosi fought an octopus with more dignity!" and "It's like Tim Burton designed a Sesame Street character!"  The action then gets absurd, as the rubbery tentacles do crazy amounts of damage, as the guys wonder how it's possible a tentacle could stab somebody.

The main flaw with the feature is that laughs and interest in general can take a nosedive when our beast isn't onscreen.  This is when the padding of the film is at its most plentiful, and it can start to get frustrating as we watch unlikable characters mosey around.  The guys seem to realize the tediousness and set up a skit where Bill gets fed up and walks off the stage, which reminded me of a similar bit where Kevin was "fired" during the House on Haunted Hill live show, only with less Paul F. Thompkins.  I got a good laugh out of Mike and Kevin just shrugging it off.  "Did Bill just quit Rifftrax?  Yeah, you'll get that."

Octaman is the most fun I've had at a live show since Samurai Cop.  Part of it is that I thrive on weird finds like this movie, but the riffing caused me to throw my head back and laugh at the best of times.  The few slow spots prevent me in calling a great experience, but it's one worth watching.

Good