"Cavalcade" & A Tribute to Secret Agent Super Dragon (MST3K Sepecial)

The Short

At long last, Mystery Science Theater 3000 has enough clout that it can feature a Best Picture Academy Award Winning film.  Kinga should be proud.  That film is Cavalcade, the 1933 film that tells a generational saga of life in England...

Hold on a second...I'm being told that this Cavalcade is actually something different.  It's actually an industrial short showcasing various livelihoods in rapid succession (a "cavalcade," if you will).  We get to see those great American workers as they build communication towers and automobiles, work with lead, and, most importantly of all...ostrich racing.

Cavalcade is just a ten minute salute to American ingenuity, hitting you so hard with constructive achievements and moving onto the next one before you get too bored.  It has a sort of "Gee whiz!" enthusiasm underlining it that might get someone curious about one subject or another.  Basically these sort of shorts accomplish what can be done in a quick YouTube video today, except you don't have to search through all the cat videos and engagement grifters to find it.

Still...those ostriches came out of nowhere.  Is that still a thing?  I might change careers if I can get in on that.

On the riffing end, we have a bit of a surprise, as for some reason this short is selected for Pearl Forrester and Dr. Lawrence Erhardt.  A curious selection to be sure, but a welcome one.  The former Cinematic Titanic performers of Mary Jo Pehl and J. Elvis Weinstein hit the theater to show off their chops and they hit a home run with what is easily the best short the Gizmoplex has offered yet!  Mind you, these Gizmoplex shorts haven't quite been series highlights (as Court Case has been the best one so far, and that was only fairly good), but I will say that Cavalcade successfully brings in that classic short flavor into the theater and it offers up a lot of retro outdatedness to successfully mock.  Mary Jo and J. Elvis are quite exceptional here, offering up quality quips that bring plenty of belly laughs.

"The Paradox of Lead."

"If it's so dangerous, why does it taste so good?"

If I were to nitpick one thing, I'd say the ostrich segment, while funny, never takes off with its brazen oddness.  It feels like it should be the epic and memorable conclusion, but it winds up just more of the same.  I guess I'll have to settle for this being quite funny instead of hilarious, though what Cavalcade does make me desire is to see more of Mary Jo and J. Elvis in the limelight.  These are two exceptional talents and Cavalcade shows off just how much they bring to this franchise.

Thumbs Up

👍

The Livestream

I've been doing what I can to keep my finger on the pulse of these new Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes and special events, but this one was cursed.  I was all set and prepared to watch it the night it streamed live, but my internet completely collapsed from under me.  I tried to get it steady throughout the short, of which I was initially under the impression that it was Joel and Emily in the theater because I was only seeing frames of it and not hearing dialogue.  The minute I finally heard a riff I finally realized that it was actually J. Elvis and Mary Jo and I was missing something special.  But my internet would not cooperate and I had to give up for the night.  Since I had already missed the short and I'm not too fond of Secret Agent Super Dragon (review here), paired with how the last few tribute events only offered DVD bonus features as the aftershow, I retired for the night instead of watching on my phone.  I finally watched what I had missed during my lunch breaks during work that week.  I missed a great short and an improv RPG event, and now I was irritated.

Making matters worse was I was going to watch the event in full this weekend for review, but my laptop completely went belly up, which means I'm typing all of this on my phone until I can get it fixed and you better appreciate me right now because this suuuuuuuuuuucks.

Anyway, tribute event.  Excellent short, not so great episode, excellent aftershow.

Listen, the episode selections for the tribute shows aren't going to please everybody.  I'm sure there are some fans who aren't crazy about some of the episodes already selected and are probably ecstatic that Super Dragon is at the center of attention here.  This event is for them.  And whether of not I think Super Dragon is that good or not, there is some interesting presentation experimentation going on.  Instead of the "surgically enhanced" look that Pumaman was going for, they do play around and try to work the episode into filling HD screens in a way that might please more people.  This time they do something similar to what old Disney Blu-ray discs would do for movies like Snow White and Dumbo and add theater curtains to the side of the picture where the full frame black bars would be.  This is a smart use of it, because it would look good in the Gizmoplex virtual theater, adding to the Gizmoplex experience.

The added new content with Jonah and the Bots sees them mocking the jazzy Secret Agent Super Dragon theme host segment, relating the Bots still hear from Mimzy the Atomic Powered Robot, and Crow claims he has given up screenwriting to grift books on screenwriting to people who think they can do it.  Emily and her Bots have a segment, where Emily is being given spy gear by her Bot quartermasters is a fun idea, but the weird decision to constantly have the group change their accents in extremes (shifting from suave British to Cockney to Scottish ect) makes it very odd and a little unpleasant.  The show concludes with a new rap from Ross Bryant, the brilliant mind behind Mother Crabber, who takes Joel and the Bots' failed attempt at a theme and builds an actual song around it.  It's no Mother Crabber, but it's fun.  And there is even a bonus surprise, as they advertise our next episode, The Shape of Things to Come, and it's introduced by that classic Comedy Central announcer from the 90's, Penn Jillette!

Thrown in are some pre-recorded segments of Emily, (Kelsey's) Crow, and (Conor's) Servo thanking select Kickstarter backers, and Crow also reads a fan letter.  Whether this is the new way they're doing the name reads, I'm not certain, but I think it's an improvement over the stop-and-halt way they were doing it during the livestreams.

It's also possible they're just doing this specially for this stream because they wouldn't have been able to during tonight's show, which is a special role playing game called DIY Spy hosted by Tim Ryder, who puts rookie spies played by Emily, Conor, and Kelsey through hypothetical scenarios.  Like a lot of improv, it can have its ups and downs based on what the performers have to work with, but Emily, Conor, and Kelsey are game to see everything through to the end.  Emily is the MVP of the night, who brings us a character named Missy Livingston, who is obviously inspired by the Cockney homeless Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady.  Emily is seemingly the most mentally prepared and the most suggestive, throwing out more ideas of how to proceed than her teammates.  She seems to know that she is overwhelming the stream a bit too, sometimes refraining herself so Conor and Kelsey can influence events as well.  But Emily's ideas are so colorful and interesting that most of the time they'll default to what she suggests.  If nothing else, it makes me want to see a performance of My Fair Lady starring Emily.  Conor's character is Danny Landon, who is an excitable and nerdy rookie, while Kelsey goes femme fatale, puts on a ridiculous sunhat, puts on your stuffy southern belle accent that we heard so much in Demon Squad, and names herself Miss Chevious (get it?).  It can get a little confusing telling "Missy" and "Miss" apart as Tim refers to them, but whatever.  It's just fun and games.

Biggest laugh of the night goes to Emily (of course it does), who describes how she's going to use a bicycle pump to create and EMP grenade, which causes Conor to turn red in the face and fail at stifling his laughter.  Emily makes matters worse by seeing just how much she's affecting Conor and continually pumps it to make him laugh harder.  Flub of the night also goes to Emily, who says on air "Have you seen this shi...Have you seen this?"  I heard that, Emily.  You're on notice.  Random moment of the night goes to Kelsey, while they're assigned to eat sentient enemy pickles, who just reaches off screen, grabs a jar of pickles she happens to have lying around, and starts eating.  Now that's method.

After a couple of stale livestream events which just gave us an episode and a DVD bonus feature most MSTies have already seen, this event was a breath of fresh air.  It was fun, it was creative, and it was out of left field.  It also shows that they can still surprise and delight and just deliver a good old fashioned good time.  I don't know if they have anything else unique coming up, but this was certainly one that promises exciting things.  And all of this built around an episode I don't even like, so kudos.

1309-The Million Eyes of Sumuru

Film Year:  1967
Genre:  Thriller, Spy
Director:  Lindsay Shonteff
Starring:  Shirley Eaton, George Nader, Frankie Avalon, Klaus Kinski
MST Season:  13

Host:  Jonah

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

Many might be familiar with Sax Rohmer's infamous villain creation Fu Manchu, though fewer might be familiar with another series of novels he wrote with another antagonist named Sumuru.  Sumuru is basically Fu Manchu again, only sexist instead of racist.  To the surprise of nobody, the producers of the 60's Fu Manchu films starring Christopher Lee also decided to bring Sumuru to the big screen, with less yellowface and more bare skin.

Sumuru is a lady criminal mastermind with an army of women at her disposal.  Her master plan sees her agents to marry the leaders of the world and murder them.  However her plans are threatened by a pair of smarmy and horny agents from America.  Their misadventures continuously come to a head (pun intended?  I don't even know anymore) as these guys make love and kick ass all the way to Sumuru herself.

In the more sexually liberated world of the 1960's, spy films of the era were shameless about utilizing women who used their curves as a weapon to distract from their own deviousness and, more importantly, sell tickets to men, because bad girls were hot.  The Million Eyes of Sumuru is something of a inevitable peak of that, as all women featured are dangerous, shapely, and very ready, willing, and able to show off their bodies.

Million Eyes of Sumuru isn't unentertaining, as there is a very primal 60's pop entertainment value at play (and, let's face it, the mostly female cast is hard for any male to resist).  It's a bit problematic in that it pretends to be about female liberation and empowerment, yet as the plot moves forward we see Sumuru's plans thwarted by women in their army who seemingly just discovered their lust of male body parts, and turn on their master simply out of desire for the male leads in the film.  In the end we get a movie that clearly thinks its feminist but feminist in a way that still has men dominating women.

Of course, if you want to deep dive into those themes you can argue the film is anti-Sapphic as well.  If you think about it, the film is about a large group of alienated women who only trust each other and don't wish to be associated with men, while being subservient to their queen dominatrix Sumuru.  If that doesn't scream lesbian undertones, I don't know what does.  Not to mention a fear of homosexuality in general, as these women are inherently evil.  Then going back to the men of the film turning the women through sex, one can definitely say the ultimate message of the film is that all that's needed to turn a gay girl straight is the male member.

The movie's humor can be a bit of a double edged sword too.  The main characters have so many wisecracks and are so unphased by the violence happening around them that they almost border on parody.  This isn't exactly a James Bond-ian suave one-liner type of dynamic that's in play (though it might be intended) as they see people they've interacted with moments before get killed and even crack jokes at their expense, which is weird and tacky.  This movie might even have been intended to be seen as a parody because of this, as there is a certain argument that can be made for its off-center tone.  I don't think it quite works in either direction, because it just winds up offputting.

But, if you're into 60's adventure flicks, Million Eyes of Sumuru has its pleasures.  Action is abound, and intrigue is in play for a while.  I'm charmed by the idea of the girl power premise, even if it doesn't quite deliver on that.  If someone were to debug the idea of a femme fatale spy organization seeking world dominance and make it less problematic this could be a fun idea for a franchise, but as is Sumuru doesn't hit the mark.  I was almost entertained, though I probably would never be interested in watching it again.

Million Eyes of Sumuru was followed by a sequel several years later called The Girl from Rio.  There is a RiffTrax for this movie, as well as Sumuru, so there's an easy way for fans to double feature these flicks without having to watch them straight.

The Episode

Another film prominently featuring lady abdomens and navels so soon after The Batwoman?  Why, Mystery Science Theater, I'm flattered and bashful all at once.  But I'm not going to say no!

"This one sounds familiar."

"Shhh."

The new seasons of Mystery Science Theater 3000 seem to fulfill a pattern of bringing in a movie selection as a nostalgia play from a series fans recognize from the show and also picking a movie that was already used for riffing fodder by sister project RiffTrax.  For season 11, the nostalgia pick was Loves of Hercules while the RiffTrax pick was Wizards of the Lost Kingdom.  For Season 12 they combined into one with Ator, the Fighting Eagle.  In season 13 we received Gamera vs. Jiger for our nostalgic warm fuzzies while we also have The Shape of Things to Come down the pipeline, which was already given the RiffTrax treatment.

Then there is Million Eyes of Sumuru.  The thing about Sumuru for all us seasoned MSTies is that it was featured on MST back in the KTMA days, so this in essence is like "Nostalgia Pick 1.5" for this season, after seeing Gamera's return a few episodes ago while also calling back to the KTMA reriffs of Season 3.  One could also argue it's the candidate for "RiffTrax Did It" film of the year, but MST had this movie first, so I'd argue a veto might be order of that title.  Maybe we should meet in the middle and say it's two flavors in one bite, like Ator!

"Who was the man?"

"You da man, my lady!"

I'm happy they picked Sumuru because the KTMA episode is half fun and half dead.  But even if it were a great episode, there was plenty of room for improvement over what KTMA had to offer.  And it's a weird movie that offers a lot of strange stuff to showcase, so it would be interesting to see what a scripted commentary could mine from it.  And whatever can be said about the episode, it's certainly an upswing from the first one.  Humor is solid, and there were some jabs that got me to bark a laugh at many points, though I hesitate to name anything that made me roll.  But this movie tends to wander around and stumble into its plot accidentally, which gets Jonah and the Bots to amp up its more absurd elements to colorful results.  There is an assassination scene late in the movie that is a domino effect of nonsense sequentially tumbling in motion, and as it gets crazier, a character shouts "It's a girl!" at the would-be assassin, prompting the trio to just yell "CONGRATULATIONS!" like they were at a gender reveal party.  I don't think this riff normally would have gotten a reaction out of me, but the chaotic nature of the scene just kind of set it up as a punctuation to absurdity, and I laughed more than I probably should have.

I'm tempted to restate my criticism of Batwoman and say there are some easy wells to tap in this movie that the rebooted show always seems nervous to take advantage of.  But if there is one advantage Sumuru has over Batwoman it's that Jonah's crew is a bit more adventurous with where it sails than Emily's was in the previous episode.  While humor isn't quite as risqué as it could be (and believe me, this movie is asking for it), riffs do cut deeper into the sexist/sexy themes of the movie without getting too naughty or trashy.  Throughout the movie Sumuru's army are depicted as Karens, slumber party girls, chattering cheerleaders, southern belles and the like, while sexual situations are tip-toed and given a few catcall-style jokes to push it a little.  They can get a little randy if they need to, as during a scene midway through the film we see George Nader pass two giant doorknockers and Crow just lets out the on-the-nose line "WHAT KNOCKERS!" which I will freely admit made me laugh.

The host segments have ups and downs.  I found myself most amused when the fraternity energy between Jonah and the Bots was at its fullest.  I really enjoyed the segment where the Bots are obsessed with how tall Jonah is (likely because they have the more petite Emily to compare him to now) and just roughhouse with him.  By comparison, the segment where Jonah plays a prank on the Bots (with a wig) is kinda lame, but Crow's aggressive reaction toward Jonah at the end is hilarious.  More movie-focused, they taunt just how aimless the heroes of our movie are and play with coded messages in acronym, both of which are cute ideas that didn't really land.  Down on Moon 1, Dr. Kabahl has notes and Kinga gets a song honoring all the lady supervillains throughout history.  The Invention Exchange includes coffee that wakes you up with your deepest, darkest fears and mundane workplace Skittles.

Sumuru is an upswing from the little-too-straight-and-narrow-but-spirited Batwoman, though I'd still advise against using films like this unless you're going to fully commit to what they have to offer.  It feels like there is something of a Girl-in-Gold-Boots-like minor-gem to make in this movie but they won't handle it the way it's asking for and it's frustrating to see movies like this wasted.  It's a funny episode that rests on the lower end of offerings of the season, though this season has been largely consistent, so saying it's a lesser offering isn't really raking it through the coals.

⭐⭐⭐

Good

The Livestream

This livestream almost seemed like a direct response to my complaint about the last one, where I said it was too fluffy and not substantial, in particular noting the lack of real production talk.  This time Matt McGinnis gathered up a group of people from the writer's room, some of which we haven't seen before on the stream, namely Devon Coleman and Tammy Golden, and it was absolutely lovely to see the duo live and on camera after all the social media interaction I've seen them do.  Also here is Tim Ryder and, finally guesting on a stream for more than five minutes, Felicia Day!

This is a very fun, very substantial conversation about the writer's room.  They answer a lot of questions about joke writing, filling up allotted time, and how many times they watch the movie.  They talk about having any desire to watch films again after using them on the show, to which Devon sings praises of Doctor Mordrid and Kinga describes very colorful things that she would do if she had to watch Munchie again.  They even discuss the Sumuru's prior usage on MST, which Tim says he decided against screening because he didn't want to cement himself to previous jokes like he did during the Eegah live tour.  I would say that since Sumuru's previous episode was a KTMA show, he didn't really have much to worry about.  However Matt does provide a comparison between the openings of both the new version and the KTMA version, of which both feature a reference to supermodel Twiggy.

Of note:  Matt claims they have no master copies of KTMA episodes, which is unfortunate though it's contradicted by the quality copies of Invaders from the Deep and Revenge of the Mysterons from Mars that were released, as well as high quality KTMA material that has been released in general (admittedly before Shout purchased the show from Jim Mallon).  Perhaps they don't have copies of all the KTMA episodes or they got lost in transition?  Dunno.  But the KTMA clip they use is definitely recorded from television, though it feels cleaner than my personal copy of the episode.  Don't know where they got it from, if they did their new remastering process on it, or if it was just a taped copy for the MST archives.  At any rate, Tim is happy they don't have to display time and teperature anymore, to which Ivan Askwith provides a Cambot style joke at his expense.

The writers have this sort of weird fondness for this movie that they'll dog but do so with such warmth.  They have fun dissecting the weird creative choices of this movie and postulate some theories.  Sometimes they come up a blank, and Felicia can't figure out why everyone is indifferent to death in this movie (which is admittedly very odd).  They get a few good digs in at the height differences between George Nadar and Frankie Avalon while also trying to figure out just what the hell was up with Klaus Kinski's weird role in the film, prompting the biggest laugh of the stream from Devon who claims Klaus told them "You get a day to shoot with me because that's how long it takes for Werner Herzog to track me down."

Fan questions are a lot better during this stream than the previous one, and they prompt some delightful discussion and joking around.  Matt and Tim react to some of the user names, including "Bob Dole" and "Q" (the latter gets an absolute homerun response from Tim, "You can't just switch forums like that!").  The stream's final question is a bit of a fizzle and pop, as they revert to one of those hypothetical questions that haunted the last stream and it's a not very interesting one (though it doesn't help that Matt misreads it).  Basically it's about board spaces on a potential MST Monopoly, but nobody can really run with the idea.  Tim does host a mini-rant about how much Monopoly sucks, and Felicia wonders if MST Clue could work, but the question is almost granted a mercy killing as the stream runs out of time.

They also announce a new cosplay contest for Halloween, with the winner to be announced during the livestream of The Mask.  I've already lost.

1308-The Batwoman

Film Year:  1968

Genre:  Superhero, Action, Science Fiction

Director:  René Cardona

Starring:  Maura Monti, Roberto Cañedo, Hector Goody

MST Season:  13

Host:  Emily

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

This movie that is totally copyright infringing on the original property of The Wild Wild World of Batwoman is a film from Mexico so obviously it is also about wrestling.  Wrestlers have been turning up dead with their pineal glands sucked of their fluids, which is a part of the diabolical plot of a mad scientist, who intends to use the fluid to create a race of fish men to do his bidding.  The authorities call for the help of the superheroine Batwoman, wrestler by day and bikini-clad crimefighter by night!  Batwoman deep dives (no pun intended) into the mystery to uncover the diabolical plot, but she puts herself at risk of being mutated into a fish woman herself.

This film is of course a flick that toes on those copyright laws while it tries to cash in on the success of the 60's Batman TV show.  The film largely seemed to have gone unnoticed back in its day, but Wild Wild World of Batwoman also seemed to slip through the cracks so maybe the DC offices didn't care.  Wild Wild World seemed less intent on copying Batman than The Batwoman is, as that was just a vampire beach comedy with a similar name to a popular show.  The Batwoman is more shameless, as it's a gender-swapped superhero tale that shows skin.  But it's weird to think they were both able to use the name "Batwoman" as DC had already established a Batwoman in the comics back in the 50's.  She didn't really get adapted into film media until post-millennium projects (notably a recent Batwoman TV series on the CW), but her roots had already been established.

Outside of its dubious connection to the Batman franchise, the first thing you realize about Batwoman is that it's a very thirsty flick.  Lead role actress Maura Monti is a statuesque and shapely Italian beauty, and this production wants to show that off.  The majority of her scenes in this film feature her in a purple bikini, which is her crimefighting outfit for some reason.  I get that the standard tights for superheroes wasn't even all that protective in the 60's, but this is an outfit that doesn't seem all that protective from even a nip slip.  But hey, at least it's free flowing for maximum movement!  It's a movie that very much wants you to look at the breasts.  Even when Monti is wearing less revealing clothing, the cleavage is abundant.  The girls down there are the star of the show.

The production at least has the advantage of being a more professional looking movie than The Wild Wild World of Batwoman.  That accomplishment wasn't hard to do though.  The movie at least has some good location work to make it feel expansive, but when it comes to special effects work you can see the pennies being pinched.  The science lab scenes are full of plastic with little convincing while the villainous fish man monster makes the Horror of Party Beach look dignified, with a flabby rubber costume and a toothy grin that is admittedly less creepy than the one Matt Gaetz has.

Less a fault of the production itself, the worst thing about this movie is the dub.  It's more recent than a lot of the dubs you'll hear on movies this age (I theorize it was commissioned in the last few years) but it is shoddy work.  I've heard fan dubs that are more professional than this.  The audio quality is very sharp, feeling laid over the movie instead of integrated into it.  You can definitely tell something is off during crowd scenes, where they just use crowd audio from the movie and lay an English line that doesn't match it over the top of the gabbing crowd.  Meanwhile there is a scene late in the movie has one of Batwoman's male companions fighting a fish man while you can hear Batwoman's awkward grunting and moaning noises during the struggle from offscreen.  It's weird, it's awkward, it feels like it was rushed.  It's quite possibly the worst dub I've ever heard.

All of this taken into consideration, The Batwoman is an enjoyable enough diversion in trashy cinema.  It constantly has sex appeal and it utilizes camp as a strength.  It's goofy fun, occasionally funny and not always intentionally.  And it does try to make you laugh.  The last scene of the movie has Batwoman and her partners laughing about surviving the danger they just faced, but Batwoman starts screaming and jumping into their arms because she saw a mouse.  You see, because the mighty Batwoman is still a member of the fairer sex and it's funny because she does super things but is afraid of something so little and harmless.  Irony!  Because of how cringe and on-the-nose it is, it's not very funny, but this backwards attempt at being clever is so dumb that it almost accidentally becomes funny again.  And that sums up Batwoman, it's accidentally fun.

The Episode

Boy, this riff hit at an awkward time.  We get to watch female Batman variant film immediately after a nearly completed film based on Batgirl was tossed in the trash by Warner Bros. via tax break shenanigans.  That movie was officially licensed and is now ash, meanwhile this flick was made through shady loophole jumping and actually got released.  I respect the latter more than the former.  And even if it wasn't Mystery Science Theater's intent with this episode, they allow us to have a lady version of the Caped Crusader, even if it's not the one we planned on.

"Bat-Keeba!"

Quip quality is a bit all over the map on this one.  There are a few gut-busters that got a solid belly laugh out of me, while large portions made me think "That's cute," while a sizable fraction didn't really feel like it was playing the movie up like it should.  You know for a fact that if this movie were riffed during the Sci-Fi era, we would have toed a naughty line with the jokes, thinking Horrors of Spider Island style.  As stated above, the movie is thirsty, and it makes sense to fire thirsty material back at it.  But the new MST3K seasons have seemed to snap back into being a family friendly comedy, and less family friendly humor probably isn't going to fly.

Still...why do a flick showing this much skin if you aren't going to go there?

I'd hate to say this, but perhaps Emily's crew was a wrong fit for this one.  I get why you'd want to give it to them, because with the film's faulted feminism, having a crew of riffers that are two-thirds women probably seems like a solid line-up to make fun of it.  But they aren't really playing that angle up either.  A lot of the humor seems sterile; trying to make it out without hitting on anything too sensitive.  Jonah's cast might have hit harder on this movie, maybe working up a bit of a frat house rowdiness in the theater.

I'm not going to knock the commentary too hard, because it's spirited, even if it is going through the motions.  It's a fun movie to watch, and Emily and the Bots seem to be enjoying themselves.  There are some cute nods, such as noticing a boat in this movie is named "Reptilicus," which prompts a Spanglish rendition of Every Country Has a Monster, and they seem to keep their beat in a musical mood throughout the episode.  In fact, most of the theater segments end by having them dancing on their way out to the movie's groovy 60's tunes.  And one of my favorite jokes of the episode has the bikini'd Batwoman entering a car and yelping, causing Servo to respond "Sorry Batwoman!  We should have told you about the hot vinal seats!"

I had a lot of fun with the visuals of the host segments in this episode, though few of them stood out to me as being very funny.  For example, the Billionaire Vigilante Gala is fun to watch because the costume designs are so good, though I didn't quite find the dialogue as engaging.  There's a fun segment that has Emily captive by the Bots who plan to turn her into an animal monster which has a great rope prop that Emily keeps playing with, but the scene it's parodying happens much, much later in the movie and it doesn't quite land as early as it's placed.  And the Batwoman kit is cute, though it doesn't hit the bullseye of jokes they could be making about her costume.  But then again, perhaps we shouldn't be asking any of our castmembers to go full-on Batwoman bikini.

In the previous episode, Kinga and Pearl decided to go on a family bonding trip and left Max in charge of Moon 1.  If you're dying to know what happens from there, there's not a whole lot of pay-off to it except the final scene.  Synthia is actually the most featured Mad in this episode, while it also gives the most screentime for Mega-Synthia since she was introduced (and it's about time, poor Yvonne has been shushed in the corner long enough).  The Invention Exchange features a Vin Diagram of Vin Diesel movies while Mega-Synthia has a Duck Tape Dispenser for duct tape.

I don't know if watching the latest RiffTrax Live hours before this episode dropped tuckered me out, but I did feel a bit winded while watching Batwoman.  Ultimately I didn't find the episode inducing many laughs, at least not quite as many as the last two episodes.  What I did feel from this episode was a sizable amount of good vibes.  It's fun to watch and it felt like our riffers were having a blast doing it.  If good vibes are what an episode offers, then that's enough for me to consider it an enjoyable endeavor.  It's clearly Emily's weakest episode yet and the weakest episode since Robot Wars, but that just makes it the lowest on a totem of consistency.

⭐⭐⭐

Good

The Livestream

Okay, before I talk about the livestream for this episode, I want to bring up something that was brought to my attention immediately after it ended and I was retroactively disappointed that the stream did not address.  Yvonne Freese has been absent from these streams for a while (I think the last time we saw her was Beyond Atlantis) and it has gone without comment so far.  I heard some rumblings that she was ill, but like all rumors you take it with a grain of salt.  Then after the premiere festivities I saw confirmation that Yvonne had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, which is absolutely heartbreaking to hear.  Our hearts and prayers are with you, Yvonne.

Right now she needs help with medical bills, so if at all possible, please contribute to her GoFundMe.  And if you have no change to spare, please share the link around and hopefully it will be reached by many people who can help.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/yvonnes-ms-medical-costs

I'm not going to offer too much harsh judgment on the stream not bringing this up.  It's meant to be a celebration of the series and we don't want to dampen the fun (it's also very possible Yvonne didn't want them to bring it up).  But at the same time, MSTies would care about this and MSTies would want to help.  This is definitely a missed opportunity to raise awareness for someone in our fam.

All of that aside, how is the livestream?  Just like the episode, no hysterics, just good vibes.  Seeing that our guest cast is Emily's crew (including Yvonne, for the first time in months, albeit with crappy internet in the middle of a thunderstorm), which is usually the rowdy group of the bunch, brings expectations of a complete off-the-rails show where everyone goes off script and makes everyone double over in laughter, but they are light on that here.  I don't know if they're restrained because they want to keep it orderly or if they just didn't have the opportunity to completely sink this boat, but they're on their best behavior tonight.

Talking points usually revolve on the goofiness of the film.  Master of ceremonies Matt McGinnis admits he was a little flustered about choosing this movie, for reasons such as...it's so thirsty.  He says her outfit was "not flattering."  I disagree.  Maura Monti looks flattering in anything.  Whether or not it was tasteful is a different story.  Meanwhile there is talk about how much the cast loves these Spanish Luchador movies and Emily specifically requests for more.  There is also comparison between Santo and Batwoman, of which the cast just about universally prefers Batwoman.  They also compare this Batwoman and the Batwoman from Wild Wild World of Batwoman.

The fan questions are mostly softball hypothetical questions, like what superhero would look good in a bikini or who's your favorite superhero.  There are some colorful answers, though I would have preferred some spicier conversation starters.  I'm not going to whine about not being picked, but one question I submitted had to do with the costumes during the Vigilante Gala, which I'm sure we could have had an interesting discussion on.  I was mostly curious about Emily's and whether she was only wearing an above counter costume, because I could only envision wearing a dress over a puppet trench to be an issue both in safety practicality and...well, functionality.

(#ClaraGIF)

(those who follow me on Twitter understand)

(Yes, I only brought this up so I could post this GIF, what about it?)

That's just an example of questions that could have been asked that were more about production and less about filling time with fluff.  The stuff talked about here is cute, but I didn't really feel the urge to watch this stream a second time for review like I normally do because I think I soaked in everything I needed to the first time around.

But whatever.  It's a fun but soft stream to a fun but soft episode, though very little of the night will prove to be a memorable one down the road.  We've had more wild nights, but I'm not gonna complain about hanging with our peeps for a night of just chillin'.

"The Wonder of Reproduction" & A Tribute to The Pumaman (MST3K Special)

The Short

Learning all about the birds and the bees...from fish!

Let me tell you, with a title like this there were a number of ways this short could have gone and not all of them (0.01% of them) would have been family friendly.  I didn't expect it to be about a bunch of kids bugging some dude about seeing his new fish, but here we are.  How did these fish get here?  Well, it's the wonders of everyone's favorite social activity:  reproduction!

Just be glad we don't have to blow bubble nests or keep our eggs in our mouths, otherwise sex would be much more awkward than it already is.  I built a bubble nest once.  That date did not go smoothly.

This short is from a series of educational shorts called the "Wonder Series."  Whether every short is fish related or if this is just a one time deal, I couldn't tell you.  I'm not sure how many kids are interested in fish reproduction (unless they're a little too into The Little Mermaid), especially if what they know about human reproduction is up in the air.  All I know is I don't like fish.  Their giant eyes creep me out.  The less I know about how they have sex, the better.

Emily's crew takes on this short, and for the most part they keep it clean.  There are a lot of openings for some blue humor and it seems on the tip of their tongue, but this is a family show so restraint is probably for the best.  Still, if you're trying to please family audiences, then maybe a reproductive short isn't your best bet for material.  Emily's crew does well with the short regardless, though it's not a riot by any means.  It feels a bit safe to me, and while that's good for a few chuckles, openings for better jokes make me long to hear them.  But, you know, family show.  Maybe RiffTrax wouldn't have been afraid to take the shot.

Thumbs Up

👍

The Livestream

This livestream is less a celebration of an episode but rather a celebration of...upscaling, I guess.  Something that has been happening behind the scenes of the Gizmoplex is something that Joel Hodgson and Matt McGinnis refer to as "surgical enhancement."  Basically this means that they're working on a sort of digital remastering of the episode library of the original series.  Now, since the classic series was filmed and released in standard definition, there isn't a lot you can do, but they're working on making the best possible picture quality for these episodes anyway as our home media experience becomes more scrutinizing with video quality.  We have 4K home media discs now and TVs are up to 8K now (despite there being very little 8K content at the moment).  To expect classic Mystery Science Theater to meet those standards is unreasonable, but making the episodes look as sharp as possible is a prospect worth looking into.  Not to mention that new episode transfers could potentially drive traffic to the Gizmoplex for classic era MSTies who don't give a damn about new episodes.  It's something that could boost the MST library for a few decades in streaming.

So what is this, exactly?  Mostly it's an upscale.  Those of us who have seen classic MST on blu-ray releases has an idea of what it can look like (at least the better transfers), though they're also working on enriching the colors of the films and episodes.  Joel hosts an opening intro to this stream showing a side-by-side comparison, showing how faded Pumaman originally when the episode aired in the 90's while also showing off how colorful the enhancement is.

It looks fine.

Look, I'm of two minds of this.  I think altering the looks of the movies could potentially collide with the comedy of the episodes, since some jabs could mock the prints of the films themselves which would ruin the punchline.  Embarking on something like this is a thankless task that could potentially hurt the episodes.  But as stated above, video quality gets more important for media watchers by the year so there is a payoff, even if it could be a limited one.  So sure, work your library how you can.

But please, for fuck's sake, don't crop it.

What really grinds my gears about this stream isn't the remastering itself, it's that they cropped the episode.  They zoomed in to try and minimize the theater seats as much as possible, and it's not even enough to take away the full frame experience, so cutting off even that much is pointless.  However it should be noted nothing is cropped during the host segments (and I did ratio comparisons to confirm this) so all we're losing is a batch of black at the bottom during the theater segments.  But no matter what is cut off from the picture of the episode, altering an aspect ratio is something that doesn't sit well with me.  I even get pissed off watching Gamera vs. Guiron and seeing how the video on the film in that movie is stretched vertically.  I don't want it and if this is what "surgically enhanced" is bringing to the table, I'm not buying.  Luckily Joel does stress that the original versions of the episodes will still be available to viewers who don't want this.

So the last few paragraphs are just me wasting time getting to the point of me saying I don't care.  But there are probably people that do, so do it for them.

While the "enhancement" is the star of the show with this stream, let's not forget that Pumaman is a great episode (review here).  This stream doesn't have much to offer it except a few cute new host segments with Emily, Jonah, the Bots, Pearl, and Synthia.  Bonus host segments feature the Bots trying to get superpowers in a variety of Marvel and DC related means, Crow throwing around conspiracy theories, and just about everyone debating the pronunciation of "Pumaman."  And like the Gamera vs. Gurion stream, we conclude with a bonus feature from the Volume XXIX collection, which is an interview with Pumaman himself, Walter George Alton.

This stream is less a friendly episode rewatch and more a look at more of what the Gizmoplex can offer the series in the long run.  I don't have much use for it myself (at least not in the way featured here), but I do appreciate the effort and think it could be for the best.  I just ask that they don't fall into the darker traps of what projects like these can do, which they disappointingly already have.  I hope they can pull themselves out of it, though.

1307-Gamera vs. Jiger

Onscreen Title:  "ガメラ対大魔獣ジャイガー"  ("Gamera vs. Giant Devil Beast Jiger")

Film Year:  1970

Genre:  Kaiju, Science Fiction, Fantasy

Director:  Noriaki Yuasa

Starring:  Tsutomu Takakuwa, Kelly Varis, Katherine Murphy, Kon Omura

MST Season:  13

Host:  Jonah

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

A Gamera movie without a Sandy Frank dub?  What is this nonsense?

Like most of the original Gamera movies, Gamera vs. Jiger was originally imported to the US by American International Television, which it played under the title of Gamera vs. Monster X.  The Sandy Frank imports happened over a decade later, and Gamera vs. Jiger was one of the titles overlooked by the producer (along with Gamera vs. Viras and Gamera:  Super Monster).  That's why this film wasn't on the original Mystery Science Theater, because their deal was with Sandy Frank and he didn't have the rights to this movie.  It's a little bit of a shame, because Jiger is one of the more enjoyable Gamera entries.  Like any of the original Gamera movies, it's not a great movie, but it is a solidly goofy execution of its formula with some fun expansions upon it to put it ahead of the pack.

Gamera vs. Jiger was scripted around the anticipation of Japan's Expo '70 in Osaka at the time, working it into the storyline to show off locations of the grounds.  The movie sees a mysterious totem being removed from its site on Wester Island (get it?), which unleashes the monster Jiger from its slumber.  Gamera appears to try and subdue the monster, but Jiger proves to be a powerful opponent for the turtle, finally bringing the mighty Friend to All Children down by planting an egg in Gamera's lung with her stinger.  The only way to help Gamera is by venturing inside his body, and the two new Kennies of the movie, Hiroshi and Tommy, take the charge by getting into a minisub and piloting it straight down Gamera's throat and curing the big lug.

All the Gamera movies surrounding this one features the turtle squaring off against cosmic threats (Gamera vs. Viras, Gamera vs. Guiron, Gamera vs. Zigra, Gamera:  Super Monster), which is a lot of outer space to tangle with.  It's almost refreshing that Gamera vs. Jiger not only chooses to keep its story earthbound, but also tackle inner space as well.  The wacky premise of "going inside Gamera" makes Gamera vs. Jiger a bit of treat for this franchise because it allows the filmmakers to do something different.  Noriaki Yuasa isn't a daring enough director to take full advantage of the situation, as he doesn't entirely seem to comprehend that there is a whole world of setpieces open to him with this new opportunity of exploration.  He even sets up the idea that the minisub might see danger if it ventures into Gamera's stomach but instead of exploring that idea they just veer away from it.  Instead the kids just play around in Gamera's lung (which looks like a cluster of artichokes) and get chased by a mini-Jiger.  Yuasa is playful enough to make the situation amusing but with this scenario the audience almost yearns for it to go a bit further.  But in a series this formulaic, one takes innovation however they can get it.

The kaiju action is amusing in that traditional absurdist Gamera style and there is quite a bunch of it this time.  Gamera fights Jiger a grand total of three times throughout the film, almost punctuating each of the film's three acts with a brawl between the two beasts.  The first happens when Jiger is unleashed, where Jiger sticks pins in each of Gamera's limbs ensuring the turtle can't retract into his shell and fly away.  After Jiger rampages through Osaka, Gamera is back for round two but meets Jiger's stinger leading to the Fantastic Voyage twist of the movie.  As Gamera revives, he takes the totem and impales it straight into Jiger's forehead.

Children's entertainment, folks.

It's actually fascinating to me that Gamera films are squarely aimed at kids but they're so nonchalant about death and destruction as they are.  One could probably make the same claim about the Godzilla series but even as Godzilla became a bit more self depreciating and catering to younger audiences, it always seemed to embrace the weight of the circumstances in which it was portraying.  Gamera vs. Jiger features a scene in which Jiger incinerates the entire middle of Osaka and everybody with it, and the movie just plays it as...

While Gamera vs. Jiger is held back by limitations, the truth of the matter is all Gamera movies are held back by limitations.  They're made cheap and fast with ideas so wild that it's hard for them to unearth potential without certain resources at their disposal or maybe fresh blood behind the camera.  Yuasa makes movies with spirit, you got to give him that, and one can't say a Yuasa Gamera film isn't distinctly a Yuasa Gamera film (the one non-Yuasa Gamera film of the original Showa series, Gamera vs. Barugon, is distinctly non-Yuasa).  Gamera vs. Jiger is what you'd expect from a Gamera movie but, based on what formulas it has established for itself, it's playing more outside the box than usual.  Gamera vs. Jiger may not offer much more than the traditional Gamera film with a few new flourishes but it's probably my favorite of the original series.

The Episode

We're halfway through this new Gizmoplex season of Mystery Science Theater and I feel I've seen enough to hope it's the first of many.  I started out cool on this season with a pair of episodes that had their moments but were unmemorable, however in the months since have seen the series on a smooth incline.  Emily's run smashed expectations with the wildly funny Beyond Atlantis and Jonah's crew unleashed the hilarious horrors of Munchie on us.  This culminated in an episode that was just pure joy from top to bottom in Demon Squad, which gave me something that no other episode has given me so far this season and that's the desire to rewatch immediately.  Beyond Atlantis and Munchie were both solid, don't get me wrong, but I haven't had an urge to revisit them, especially with new MST content on the horizon to fill the MST voids in my life.  Demon Squad, on the other hand, I have watched four times since it debuted and each time just fills me with ecstasy.  Has the new season peaked?

Not if an old friend has anything to say about it.

So, as I have made note of in the last two seasons, the relaunched Mystery Science Theater is not above going for a shameless nostalgic power play in a movie selection (Hercules and Ator, respectively).  Gamera is one that I didn't think we should have expected, but during the Kickstarter I started noticing little clues that seemed to be falling into a pattern, such as an out-of-the-blue renewal of the Gamera license by Shout Factory to bring both the DVD box set back in print and also those episodes to streaming coming just months before the Kickstarter launched, which eventually saw the announcement that Joel wanted to announce select movie titles during a live stream of Gamera vs. Guiron during the campaign.  That announcement wound up not happening, as they did a last minute delay to a later stream where they announced Demon Squad and Robot Wars instead, but then wound up announcing Gamera vs. Jiger the day after the Kickstarter ended, vindicating my hypothesis.  I'm not a conspiracy theory guy, but I'm still absolutely certain they wanted to announce this movie during the Gamera vs. Guiron stream but ran into overtime on negotiation.  I mean, not to knock Demon Squad and Robot Wars, but those two titles didn't really set the fan anticipation on fire.

But Gamera is back, baby!  Turtle soup is finally back on the menu!

Jonah and his Bots are the ones tackling this movie, even though original Gamera episode host Joel is back on the show.  While the purist in me is bummed to see that the cycle of Gamera episodes being hosted by Joel is broken, it's also somewhat of a christening for the new blood to be able to take on the beloved icon.  Adding some cushion is the fact that Gamera vs. Jiger is likely my favorite of the original Gamera series, which gives them a soft and watchable movie to work with.  But the writers for the show have been vocal about how they were unable to edit this film for the MST version, due to insistence by the rightsholders, which means we're here for the full ride.  Blessing and a curse.  On one hand, sometimes the editing of the films can be unfair.  Demon Squad's editing wasn't entirely plot friendly, but Gamera vs. Jiger can play out without having to worry about that.  And the movie is only eighty-three minutes long, so this isn't some impossible task as the film still runs shorter than the average MST episode.  At the same time, you can see several parts of this flick they could have cut to improve the pace of the film, while sometimes the jokes tend to run on at several points to fill the movie's dead air.  This isn't an obvious problem, mind you, because they take it like professionals and constantly keep the flow smoother than it probably should be.

Still, this episode runs one hour and forty-eight minutes, which makes it the longest episode in the history of Mystery Science Theater 3000.  The only other episodes that ran over an hour forty are episodes from the KTMA days, and even those didn't run that long.

(For prosperity's sake, the shortest "episode" is still The Movie/This Island Earth, and you can thank Universal on that one.  Shortest actual episode is Lords of the Deep, which is the only one to run less than eighty minutes.)

"Your move, Charles Darwin!"

While the weight of "too much movie" seems to be a concern for the people who make this show, Gamera vs. Jiger is an argument that they probably shouldn't worry about it.  The episode is wildly funny and impressively is able to keep that humor momentum consistent.  While I did feel they were running out of steam toward the end, it wasn't really enough to kill the mood that they had successfully created by reintroducing this beloved series and just hitting hard with everything they had for about three-quarters of the episode.  I loved modern reference barbs at Gamera's flying saucer mode, which is referred to as "a flying Roomba."  I howled as they notice that Gamera can't seem to land without crashing, to which Crow asks "Did Gamera just defeat himself?"  I enjoyed the crack at the sudden appearance of American excavators in this Japanese monster movie where Servo claims "It's a lovely day for some light colonialism!"  I even loved Crow's pun about the movie's "SUB plot."  One of my favorite bits of the entire episode happens during a lengthy "Gamera is in pain and chewing scenery" sequence, which you know would have been a scene on the chopping block if they were allowed to edit this movie, but they plow through it as if Gamera is putting on a Broadway musical number, which is absolutely inspired.

And also, I did not expect a reference to The Critic.  I lolled.  "BUY MY BOOK!  BUY MY BOOK!"

(Warning for the weak-stomached:  a fairly graphic scene featuring an elephant's trunk being cut open with parasites spilling out is in this movie and is absolutely gross.  The guys are just as disgusted as we are, but they do their best.  "And that's lunch!")

The host segments aren't the strongest of the season, but I got some solid chuckles out of them.  Donna St. Phibes is back, but unfortunately she doesn't have anything to say about the monsters in the film but instead examines X-rays of Jonah and the Bots before feeding a giant Brain monster, a reference to a movie shown on one of the Live tours.  Jonah and the Bots also put together their own Expo and later make fun of the voice of the little girl from the film (who's voice is funny but not as extreme as they think it is.  They also close out with a fun little Irish pub song eulogizing Jiger, which is no Mother Crabber but a lot of fun on its own terms.  The Invention Exchange is cute, offering up a TV show lie-detector test and a plasma microwave.  Meanwhile, Kinga seems to be going on vacation with Pearl and leaving Max in charge.  Shenanigans ensue?  I think we'll find out next time!

Gamera vs. Jiger very swiftly became one of the best Gamera episodes of the series, probably second only to Guiron in my books, as I laughed nonstop and may even have peed a little at several points.  Like Demon Squad, I already have a hankering to watch it again, even after watching it twice for this review.  If that's the method of measurement for what makes my favorite episodes of MST3K, then so be it.  I have no scientific method to any sort of critical theory or analysis method, I just go where my gut tells me.  And my gut tells me I'm going to be watching this episode a lot.

I kind of hope that there is a lesson they can learn from this episode where they shouldn't necessarily be afraid of the film they're showing.  They should trust the audience's attention span more and trust their writers to work with it.  I get the desire to keep things tight, like avoiding when RiffTrax takes on a two-hour-plus blockbuster which can really wear you down, but they can afford to keep things loose as well.  We're in the streaming era of the show so hitting specific runtimes shouldn't be a factor.  I'd love to see them open up to pushing episodes to an hour forty-five on a regular basis, especially since most of us classic era fans used to sit through this show for two hours straight with commercials.  And I certainly hope the door is open to bring Gamera vs. Viras to the series in a proposed fourteenth season.  And if we make that play, we should give Emily's team a crack.  It seems only fair.

Then we highjack Mike and make him watch Super Monster.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Classic

The Livestream

The Gamera vs. Jiger livestream is unique, because for once everything goes off without a hitch.  Matt's not on mute, nobody is having trouble joining in, the Gizmoplex isn't crashed for over an hour...I'm impressed.  Good job, guys!  Keep it up!

Anyway, previous livestreams have usually revolved around onscreen talent fucking around and completely throwing uniform event structure out the window (Emily, Conor, Kelsey, and Yvonne more than anyone else) and fun talks with people who have worked on the films themselves.  Tonight is something different, as it's more of a tribute to the MST3K writers' room and the fun, colorful people who inhabit it.  Tonight's guests feature producer Matt McGinnis, host Jonah Ray, and writers Lesley Kinzel, Kennedy Allen, and Ross Bryant as they discuss the writing process of the series.  Kennedy and Ross haven't yet participated in these streams yet, so it's fun to have some fresh faces on the screen and they're funny people, so I'd like to see them on more (Kennedy mentions the only other episode she worked on was Demon Squad, so that's probably not going to happen, while Ross says he worked on The Mask, so maybe...).

Discussion starts off with a little bit of storytelling as Lesley, Kennedy, and Ross all tell of how they met Joel and how he asked them to be a writer on the show.  Moving on to writing for this specific movie, one thing they love to harp on is the little girl, Susan, who they claim is the evil entity of the film, which they claim has malevolent looks throughout (and they're not wrong).  They also discuss the girth of the film, which they were not allowed to edit down.  Matt and Jonah claim it was excruciating, while Kennedy and Ross seem accepting but worn down by it, and Lesley just says she was happy to be there.  Jonah and Ross seem to have mostly found the monster fights repetitive, having to find different jokes for similar looking fights.  Jonah also points out the scene (that upon first glance I was already certain they wanted to trim out of the movie) where a wounded Gamera just stumbles around for a full minute and the thought process it took to get to the song, which they called "Gamera's Lament."  I'm really glad they talked about this scene specifically, because it's the moment in the episode that really stands out as being both brutally long in the film but hilarious in the riffing approach.

This livestream is a bit shorter than previous ones, running less than fifty minutes, which they attribute to the length of the episode.  Also they decide to not do the traditional "Backer Thanks," because of the lack of cast members on the stream to do them (though they do have Jonah, so...).  It's a pretty swift stream and it goes down easy.  There is not a whole lot to talk about in a recap, but these are fun personalities having a fun conversation.  And it ends with Matt plugging the next event as A Tribute to Pumaman, which he claims is "specially enhanced."  Now I have to know what that is.  Jonah claims it has walkie talkies instead of guns and more Ewoks, while Matt plays along by saying they sing Yub Nub at the end now.

Yub Nub to the Pumaman theme?

Yub, Nub-Nub, Yub-Nub-Nub-Nub-Yub-Nub...

This I gotta see!