1011-Horrors of Spider Island

Film Year:  1960
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Fritz Bottger
Starring:  Alexander D'Arcy, Barbara Valentin, Rainer Brandt, Harold Maresch
MST Season:  10

The Movie

In the final black and white feature of the original series, we journey into the wonderful world of German sexploitation.  Talent agent Gary Webster (lol, WEBster, get it?) takes a group of attractive dancing girls to Singapore, only to have their plane crash in the ocean.  The survivors drift ashore on an island where they await rescue, only for Gary to be attacked by a large spider and be turned into a human spider-monster as well.

Did I mention navels, bras, midsections, and panties?  Because that’s pretty important too.

Apparently the original cut of this film features far more nudity than is seen in this edited version.  But since this is TV-PG to TV-14 maximum television, we get the version that is all tease and no strip.  Even with that being the case, if you’re in the mood for black and white era beauties showing a bit of skin, this is the movie for you!

It’s hard to form an opinion on a film when it has no interest in forming any opinions in general.  It’s like rating a porno for its filmmaking.  The filmmaking isn’t why you’re there, and the reason you’re watching it makes you less inclined to judge it in any form.  The movie’s mind is on one thing, and aspects such as “horror” are nothing more than an afterthought, which is kind of a shame because the roughness of the production and low lighting do allow for decent tension.  Or at least it would if it weren’t for a hammering jazz score.


It is what it is, and if you went in knowing what it was you’ll get exactly what you want.  If not, you shouldn’t have been there in the first place.  That doesn’t make it a good movie, just a sure-footed one.

The Episode

Oh yeah!  With this movie there’s one direction to go in with the riffing, and the word this week is “Nymphomaniacs!”  Sex is all that’s on the movie’s mind, which means sex is what the riffers throw back at it.  The women are the primary target of Mike and the bots, who put up every gender generalization they can think of, be it bimbos or frail weaklings.  You may think this is un-PC of them to riff like this, but then you realize that it’s actually the movie that’s portraying women like this, and the boys are just running with it.  Men are also on target too, often portrayed as easily distracted dweebs or greasy sleezebags (again, also an actual portrayal in the movie).  They also emphasize the title quite often, “The HORRRORS of Spider Island!”  Especially when there’s nothing horrifying going on, which is quite often.

The crew at Best Brains clearly enjoyed this particular movie, because they let it litter the host segments as well.  They put their own spin on its daftness, which sees Mike play a talent agent scumbucket, getting caught in an obvious giant spider web, and turning into a giant (non-)spider creature himself, while he Tom and Crow crash the Satellite of Love to see if they become murmuring, sex-starved vixens.  The only point the show doesn’t have the film on its mind is the opening, which features Crow having a column in the Boston Globe and Pearl moving Castle Forrester to the suburbs.

It’s a naughty experiment for those who are in the mood for a bit of blue humor, right down to the final image of Bobo and Observer cradling a bunch of condoms.  This episode is not for children, or those who don’t dig the whole “sex sells” vibe the movie has pushed on the entire experiment.  Those who stick with it will laugh long and hard.

Teehee.  Long and hard.

Good

The DVD

Rhino webbed up Horrors of Spider Island in their Volume 11 collection.  Picture was clean, with the exception of the tape hits featured on the print of the movie itself, but one can’t blame the transfer of the episode for that.  Audio is quality, and the only special feature is a trailer for the movie.