Multiplex Madness
I Live Here Now
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Horror
Director: Julie Pacino
Starring: Lucy Fry, Madeline Brewer, Sarah Rich, Lara Clear, Cara Seymour, Matt Rife, Sheryl Lee
A pregnant woman runs away from the stress of both her personal and professional lives, seeking refuge in a bizarre love hotel where weird shit happens. It doesn't really matter, because it's all an excuse to get the ball rolling on a psychological nightmare narrative. Symbolic, if hopelessly lost in admiring itself, I Live Here Now doubles down on visualizing feelings without bothering with cohesion. It's mostly a tour of expressionistic oddities having to do with a torn psyche, though its metaphors aren't always easy to follow as the movie can get a little Alice in Wonderland with its offbeat stylings. Whether I Live Here Now is worth watching depends on how patient you're going to be with waffling around in the torn apart environment it wallows in. My feeling on the picture are summed up perfectly in this line of dialogue: "It's a disgusting hot mess in here."
The Pout-Pout Fish
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Adventure, Comedy
Director: Richard Cussó, Rio Harrington
Starring: Nick Offerman, Nina Oyama, Miranda Otto, Jorden Sparks, Amy Sedaris
If Finding Nemo were made by a committee of boring people who think they understand the theory of whimsy without having personal imagination, it would result in The Pout-Pout Fish. This film is based on a children's storybook series that, from what I can tell, is just about a gloomy fish that just has little tales of opening up to the outside world. The feature film version of this story has the titular grumpy fish and a seahorse traveling across the sea to get a magic wish from a sparkly fish. I'm not sure I understand the connection between this story and the morals of breaking free from being introverted, but I also haven't read the books, so for all I know this was some epic storyline at some point. It feels like the point this movie is trying to make has to do with your actions leading to a better life as opposed to just hoping things get better. It's a fine moral but it's in a very bland and repetitious package. The Pout-Pout Fish is not very visually interesting and a few of its character designs feel like they're ripped from more notable movies, including Starfish who look like Oogie Boogie from Nightmare Before Christmas. The movie is also not very funny nor very spirited as an adventure, which is a deathblow to children's entertainment. That being said, having sat through Charlie the Wonderdog and Tafiti: Across the Desert just in the last few months, I know children can do worse than this. So, if the choice was solely between these three movies, the obvious choice is The Pout-Pout Fish. I don't think that should be the measure you should be aiming for, though.
Project Hail Mary
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Science Fiction, Adventure, Comedy
Director: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Sandra Hüller, James Ortiz, Lionel Boyce
The Martian author Andy Weir offers up another tale of a lonely man in outer space, which I'm assuming is his thing. All I'm saying is if we're doing the epic space opera version of the Mystery Science Theater premise, he's the guy to call. Project Hail Mary sees Ryan Gosling suit up and blast off into another solar system in an effort to research how to prevent a catastrophic global event that threatens humanity. Along the way there, his entire crew dies, leaving him humanity's only hope, though he might recieve help from an unexpected source. The film version of Project Hail Mary really underlines the "interstellar bromance" aspect of the novel, riding with a lovable odd couple. A lot of the book's science-based problem solving is cut back to brief and dense info dumps as a result, but it's working with its heart before its noggin. That's a little bit of a disappointment, because the movie suffers some pacing issues as it races through its plot for the sake of character comedy, but it's touching spectacle all the same and is a great time at the movies. I think the adaptation of The Martian is a better and more-rounded movie, but Project Hail Mary does hit the spot if you want more movies to fill that niche that The Martian did.
Ready or Not 2: Here I Come
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Thriller, Comedy
Director: Matt Bettinelli-Opin, Tyler Gillett
Starring: Samara Weaving, Kathryn Newton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Shawn Hatosy, David Cronenberg, Elijah Wood, Nestór Carbonell, Kevin Durand, Olivia Cheng, Varun Saranga, Masa Lizdek
If you thought your honeymoon sucked, we're getting a look at what Samara Weaving is up to post-nuptuals in Ready or Not 2. Taking place immediately after her bloodbath of a wedding night, Weaving's survival accidentally triggers a sudden death round where the powerful and wealthy Satanist families have to hunt her until dawn for the chance at the high seat of their council. This time she isn't the only one running, as her sister Kathryn Newton has been handcuffed to her. I'm not entirely sure why they needed to handcuff them together, as the only reason Newton is here is for leverage to make sure Weaving plays the game. Putting her onto the field seems to defeat that purpose. That's a sample of certain plotting that feels underdeveloped in this movie, even if it is a swift and exhilarating ride. Ready or Not 2 is bigger and bolder than the original and arguably more fun, even if it's not better. While the first film had a build of its unexpected surprises and sharp humor, Here I Come uses that film's peaks as the status quo, refusing to go underneath what the previous film did. The only issue is that when you start at the ceiling, you can't escalate. The movie is a barrage of chaotic action, graphic violence, and cheeky humor that is just hoping to keep its own momentum going for an hour-and-a-half. Sometimes it does so ecstatically, such as a blind fight which is probably the most hilarious thing I'll see in any movie this year. In other points, the movie can feel a little exhausted with how it hasn't stopped moving. It concludes with a climax which is just different enough from the first film, if not as memorable. The original Ready or Not ended with, what I'd argue, is probably a contender for what you would call a "perfect" ending. It's one of the most satisfying conclusions to any movie because it's exactly what needs to happen and what you didn't know you wanted to see. The ending to this film is less poetic and gleeful but it's an interesting setpiece with great costumes and sets. Ready or Not 2: Here I Come is worthy of the original but will always live in its shadow because it just isn't the same perfect little package.
Vampires of the Velvet Lounge
⭐️1/2
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Driector: Adam Sherman
Starring: Mena Suvari, Dichen Lochlan, Stephen Dorff, Rosa Salazar, Lochlyn Monro, India Eisley, Sarah Dumont, Tyrese Gibson, Tom Berenger
A trio of vampire seductresses catfish naive innocents into their evil lair through dating apps in this campy attempt at aloof entertainment. Vampires of the Velvet Lounge is weird and dumb, and while it's not exactly endearing, it's oddly intriguing as a piece of eccentric devil-may-care outsider art. The movie's self-aware tone does help make it an easier pill to swallow than it would have been if it had been played straight. The film's sense of humor is more from its lack of taking anything in its content seriously rather than any comedic ambition, as the funniest thing in the movie is the fact that it seriously tried to pass off Stephen Dorff as being 39. The movie often runs in circles in trying to come up with things for its characters to do, detouring in senseless ways that are either supposed to dramatic or surprising but never organic. The trio of vampire hotties do sexy things until one of them has an existential crisis for no reason, coinciding with a pointless subplot with Tyrese Gibson playing the role of a lifetime: a depressed, middle-aged divorced man. I kinda vibed with vampire hunters Dichen Lochlan and Rosa Salazar as they were doing a goofy noir parody, but they really weren't given a whole lot to do. But if the movie had actually centered on them and given them an actual plot to follow, this movie might have been an entertaining time-waster. Instead they're pretty mopey, Salazar is trying learn how to twerk in a handstand because sexy or something, and they have group chats with Tom Berenger, who looks like he could have filmed most of his scenes on Cameo. This movie is not really anything, but it wants to be a vibe. It's maybe 25% successful at that, so I'll give it the slightest bit of credit for it.
New To Physical
Anaconda ⭐️⭐️
Good Boy ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Housemaid ⭐️⭐️1/2
Is This Thing On? ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
We Bury the Dead ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Coming Soon!
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