904-Werewolf

Film Year:  1996
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Tony Zarrindast
Starring:  Jeorge Rivero, Adrianna Miles, Richard Lynch, Federico Cavalli, Joe Estevez Tony Zarrindast
MST Season:  9

The Movie

This fan favorite woofer of a movie (no pun intended) is about archaeologists who discover the fossilized remains of a “yetiglanchi,” specifically a half-man, half-wolf.  They soon discover that anybody who scratches themselves on the bones will become infected and turn into a werewolf.  The heads of the dig then concoct a scheme to infect a man with the curse and capture him, leading to the discovery of the century.

Whew boy.  Where to begin on this dog? (okay, now the puns are definitely intentional)

This direct to video trash from the mid-90s has some great concepts at its core.  The idea of finding an ancient werewolf skeleton is actually novel, and the imagery of a human skeleton with a wolf head by itself seems compelling enough to develop a movie around.  The movie that envelopes it however never does the visual concept justice.

Werewolf lacks the common basics of competence.  For one, the basic thing a werewolf movie needs is a solid werewolf at its core, both in visual image and character.  The Wolf Man is a prime example of everything done right.  In makeup, Werewolf executes its titular monster inconsistently.  At various points in the film the wolf can be a normal guy with messed up hair, in others he will have Dracula fangs with hair glued on his face, in others a mildly impressive prosthetic face not unlike the Wolf Man, and in yet others a guy in a bear costume that they were hoping would pass as a wolf.  At first it feels as if the film is trying to depict various stages of lycanthropy, but as the film goes on it’s clear that it is not the case.  These makeup effects switch back and forth on a dime with little to no continuity from one look to the next, sometimes in the same scene.

The film backs up its poor effects with poor acting.  In fact this is some of the finest bad acting on the show.  There’s an eagerness to the performers, as if they have enthusiasm for the project, yet they slip in and out of accents, look lost from time to time, and just deliver things as stiffly as possible in the film’s most deadly serious moments.  This is exemplified by the character of Natalie, who for my money is one of the greatest MST characters who ever lived.  Everything about her character is wildly inconsistent:  she’s supposed to be a brainy archeologist but comes of as a dizzy ditz, she is supposedly foreign but from god knows where because that accent is from nowhere on this Earth, and her mispronunciation of common words is hilarious.  The only reason this actress seems to be here for is because of her bust size, which is substantial.  Apparently the MST version of the film cut out a two-minute sex scene in which her talents were seen in their full glory, among other talents in other regions that she possessed.

The film is directed by the late Tony Zarrindast, who seems to be known in the business as “The Persian Ed Wood.”  I haven’t seen any other films he has directed, but I’m curious to know if they’re all as gloriously silly as this film and if they are MST worthy as well.  Even if they aren’t, then he will live in infamy for this film’s popularity among our fan base, and his Plan 9 has been discovered.

The Episode

Werewolf will make you howl.  (Oh yeah, now my puns are shameless)

But seriously, this is a contender for best episode of the Sci-Fi era and even a contender for top ten episodes of the series.  The movie gives them so much to work with and at every turn they’re finding something new to make fun of.  My personal favorite is of course Natalie, who is hilarious on her own.  Her stunted speech patterns bring many amusement to Mike and the Bots and riffs just kind of flow naturally when she is onscreen (“Pool, you is a warwilf!”).  But even outside of Natalie Werewolf has no shortage of crazy characters, with the slimey Same the Keeper, the appearance changing villain Yuri, and our “hero” Paul.  And that’s really where Werewolf shines:  the character riffs.  While other aspects of the production come under fire, it’s the characters that take most of the fire and are why we come back to this episode over and over again.

The most fun host segments in this episode are a pair where Mike scratches himself on Crow and turns into “A WereCrow.”  The wild WereCrow design is fabulous, and a huge shout-out needs to go to the props and design department for making this wonderful costume.  Other highlights include a dazed Mike thinking he’s James Lipton, a failed escape attempt down a ladder, and the outstanding “girl group” song Where-Oh-Werewolf?  The least of the segments is “Who Would You Want in Your Werewolf Movie?” which is a mildly amusing poke at co-star Joe Estevez, brother of Martin Sheen, but is a lengthy single joke segment that doesn’t really have a payoff.

But that’s a slight blemish on a fantastic episode that just gets better and better on repeat viewings.  Werewolf is an all-time crown jewel in the series.

Classic

The DVD

Werewolf was selected by Shout Factory for their first DVD set, the 20th Anniversary Edition.  Audio and video were excellent.  The primary bonus feature is part 3 of The History of MST3K, which chronicles Mike taking over hosting duties, the move to Sci-Fi, Trace leaving, Bill and Mary Jo taking over, and the fan base/legacy.  Overall this three part documentary is pretty spectacular.  Also included is a very direct to video-ish trailer for the film.