206-Ring of Terror

Film Year:  1962
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Clark Paylow
Starring:  George Mather, Esther Frust, Austin Green
MST Season:  2
Featured Short:  "The Phantom Creeps:  Chapter Three"

The Movie

Ring of Terror tells of a college "boy" (I use this term loosely since everyone in this movie looks to be in their 30's) named Lewis Moffitt, who is pledging for a fraternity on campus.  Moffitt has a fear of the dead and the dark stemming from a traumatic childhood experience.  When his final pledge task has him graverobbing a ring from a corpse, things go horribly wrong.

There's not much to this movie, which plays similar to an episode of Tales from the Crypt blown out unbearably to feature length.  There's even a "cryptkeeper" that relates this story to the audience, but my god did we not need to know every single detail.  Ring of Terror could have played more interesting as a twenty minute short (or less), but bloated to feature length this movie is a chore.

It's almost mind-boggling the way the film pads itself out, as we get a lot of scenes of campus students talking and discussing random nonsense.  There is a scene where a teacher demonstrates an autopsy to a classroom that goes on forever with almost no dialogue and just pans over various faces.  This scene is meant to be a plot point of our main character sitting through his fears, but it just drags beyond all reason.  When we get to the third act the nonsensical character moments continue, with a goofy sense of humor that really isn't all that funny.  The movie introduces a duo of overweight characters simply to make fun of them because they're overweight, having them chase after food and even wrestle over it.  Meanwhile another character wanders around in a speedo and acts like cupid all in the name of fraternity pledging.  It's all of these gags and more on repeat until we get to a lengthy climax as Moffitt walks through a graveyard.  The movie takes its sweet time showing us Moffitt walking to climactic encounter and by the time we get there it's a blink and you'll miss it sequence and the movie is over.

I'm curious about the behind the scenes production of this movie, because it seems lower rent than even the cheapest studios would make.  It feels like a student film at just about every turn, with improper sound equipment and standard and boring cinematography.  Ring of Terror is cheap, belabored, and gives the audience very little reason to stay in their theater seats.

The Short

What's this?!?!  A short at the end of the episode?!?!  CHAOS!

Paying off whatever the hell the previous cliffhanger was (it gets tiresome trying to keep track) in typical anti-climactic fashion, the latest chapter of The Phantom Creeps features Zorka rescuing his sidekick Monk from captivity.  Monk then double crosses Zorka and steals a formula from him, before being captured again.

GOOD ONE, MONK!

This fairly redundant chapter finds the lulls of serialized storytelling setting in on The Phantom Creeps.  While the serial is still far more compelling than Radar Men from the Moon was, the repetitive nature can only stay at bay so long.  It would seem that the crew of Mystery Science Theater would agree, as this was the last serial short they would do until Undersea Kingdom in the fourth season.

The Episode

The episode's main feature is a tremendous drag and it's going to be an uphill battle for our riffing team.  Joel and the Bots seem to be up for the challenge, as they latch onto several aspects of the production that stick out and ride them hard.  There are a lot of riffs on the age of the actors playing students in this movie.  And I mean a lot.  Some of them are pretty funny, but throughout Ring of Terror I began to crave diversity.  I get it.  These actors are older than the characters they play, but how many jokes do I need on this subject?  There are also points where the movie is pretty much a blank wall of nothing and Joel and the Bots try to riff through it.  It's admirable and not as painful as it could be, but Ring of Terror really comes off as a poor film choice for the series.  They comment on the age of the actors, occasionally are taken aback by it, but ultimately nothing happens worth noting here.

But just when you think you're out of it, they drag you back in!  There's a short this week, but it's at the end of the episode and not the beginning.  It's hard to tell why this is, but if I were to hazard a guess I'd say that since the movie is so damn anti-climactic that they felt they might want to close with more energy.  Whatever the case, the final segment feels a tad bit zippier but it doesn't really close the episode with a bang.  Goodbye Phantom Creeps.  Let those Bela Lugosi impressions rest until Bride of the Monster.

As for the host segments, they're mostly pretty good.  The commercial for the elderly college is probably the best "old student" joke in the episode, too bad it's outside of the theater.  The autopsy on the vacuum cleaner is a gas, and the opening Movie Sign prank is pretty fun.  We also have the final time Joel and the Bots did a "good thing/bad thing segment," which is one of their better ones.  Meanwhile Frank gets his own song in "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World."  The Invention Exchange has human organs on the brain even before seeing the autopsy scene, as Dr. Forrester offers an Operation game for real-life surgery and Joel shows off some internal organ pinball.

But I come down to the fact that this episode just feels weird.  The movie's off-kilter pacing doesn't really work for the show and placing the short at the end just makes the episode seem even stranger.  Meanwhile the theaterwork just doesn't sell it to me as a viewer to make the weirdness worthwhile.  It's not an episode I'm in pain while watching, but really just an episode I'd rather not be watching at all.

Not Recommended

The DVD

Rhino released Ring of Terror as a part of their Volume 11 collection.  Audio and video were good, and the only bonus feature was a Video Jukebox featuring songs from the show.