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Saturday, June 27, 2020

608-Code Name: Diamond Head


Film Year:  1977
Genre:  Adventure, Spy
Director:  Jeannot Szwarc
Starring:  Roy Thinnes, France Nuyen, Gilbert Lani Kauhi, Ian McShane
MST Season:  6
Featured Short:  "A Day at the Fair"

The Short

This short film replicates the fair experience...you know, something you could actually go out and do yourself, but here you are, sitting around and watching other people doing outside activities so you don't have to.  Follow this family (with a little kid named Johnny, who, unlike the other Johnny at the Fair, doesn't get lost) around as they visit the exhibits, enter a cow competition, and ride some rides.

All in all, it's an accurate representation of the fair.  What exactly does this short accomplish?  Does the fair experience really need to be sold, or was this shown during winter in which fairs are all packed away for the year?  Don't know, but it's not untruthful, so it's harmless.


The Movie

Hawaii.  If there is any US state that's a tourist trap, it's that one.  Maybe it's undermining it's wonderful culture and exotic locals, but it's an attention grabber, and its tourist industry is both massive and bank breaking.  It's really no wonder that the television series Hawaii Five-0 was a ratings smash throughout the 70's, which was a basic cop show with that gorgeous Hawaiian backdrop to trick viewers into thinking it was something special.  There is very little doubt that rival networks wanted in on that success and looked into maybe courting their own shows set in Hawaii.

Enter Code Name:  Diamond Head, which is a proposal for a basic spy show in Hawaii.  It sucked balls, so no series was ordered.  This featured a man named Johnny Paul in Hawaii, secretly an undercover agent named "Diamond Head," who is assigned to stop a villain from putting on fake mustaches and stealing a toxic gas.

Interestingly enough, this film was directed by Jeannot Szwarc, who wound up in a career in television like Diamond Head suggests, but soon after this pilot tried to transition to the big screen franchises with Jaws 2 and Supergirl.  He's not an untalented director (Jaws 2, in particular, is a pretty exciting monster flick), but Diamond Head doesn't show much flair.  It doesn't really stretch beyond convention and the shooting style is basic TV drama, with little to no kinetic energy.

Diamond Head could be saved with strong character work, though Roy Thinnes is about as vanilla a lead as you can ask for.  I found myself enjoying his Hawaiian native sidekicks more, leaving me wondering why a show set in Hawaii can't star actual Hawaiians instead of a generic white guy, which I think would add to the exotic appeal of a series like this.  Of course, that's complaining about 1970's racial politics in Hollywood over forty years later, and it's not like this thing was successful, so it doesn't matter in the long run.

I did enjoy seeing a young Ian McShane as the film's villain.  MST was quick to point out he's "That guy from Lovejoy," though most of us today know him as "That guy from Deadwood and John Wick."

Interesting Trivia Note:  While looking up info for this film I accidentally wound up on a page of a 1963 movie also called Diamond Head also starring France Nuyen.  I was confused for a second, thinking to myself "I didn't see Charlton Heston in this movie," before realizing it was an entirely different movie.


The Episode

"Code Name:  Cubic Zirconium Head." (The obvious joke, they went for it, and it was still funny)

The long and short about Code Name:  Diamond Head is that it falls into the same trap that Stranded in Space fell into.  The riffing is a pretty solid swing at this movie, but the movie fails to really hold up its end of the relationship.  It's a flat TV pilot for a TV series that never happened, and it's pretty clear why the series never sold.  Pilots like these are an uphill battle in my mind, because they're bad television at best and boring television at worst, only repackaged as a TV movie to get some sort of return on what resources the company put into it.  You can be funny in the moment, and this episode is in moments, but you eventually have to snap back into reality and realize you're watching something that just isn't engaging.  All things considered, the riffing of Diamond Head is a gung ho fight against a current of blandness that's fighting back, and I guess they deserve at least some credit for not getting washed away.  That being said, Diamond Head is not something I'm itching to rewatch, so while they survive the battle, the trauma of it still remains.

"This is the fair ground, where the fair is held."
"Any questions so far?"

Fairing better is the short, A Day at the Fair, which is a pleasant short outing for the series, which sees small delights in making fun of the excitement over quaint activities.  Probably the biggest laughs of the short come in the mid portion where the family participates in small competitions, like a bake off where the narrator ponders "Judging cakes ought to be fun!" but Servo takes one look at the judge and adds on "But this woman sucks the joy out of it!"  But my biggest howl comes at the end of the cow judgment, where the winner's owner stands up and the narrator notes in a then-progressive tone "The blue ribbon goes to a girl!" causing Crow to shout "THE COWS ARE FURIOUS!"

There is an interesting theme to the host segments, in which Servo and Crow seem a little disgruntled with Mike for various reasons, but Magic Voice intervenes and shows them various visions of what Mike would be like if he were someone else who was more annoying.  It has vibes of Appreciating Our Parents, and the phony scenarios it displays are pretty funny.

Boasting a good short, pretty good host segments, and a game commentary, Code Name:  Diamond Head is mostly let down by the tediousness of the film at the center.  Those who have an affinity for failed pilots like this may enjoy this episode the most, and those who tend to ignore the film's flow and watch solely for the riffs may wind up thinking a bit more highly of it.  I admit being a tad skewed because the movie isn't my bag, though the boredom is real, and I can't deny it.

Average


The DVD

Code Name:  Diamond Head was released on Shout Factory's Volume XXIII box set.  Audio was good, though video flaws are abundant.  There are a pair of featurettes here, lead by Codename:  Quinn Martin, which sees historian Johnathan Etters discussing the man behind the declaration "A Quinn Martin Production" and his role behind Code Name:  Diamond Head, The Fugitive, The Untouchables, and The Invaders, which starred Diamond Head's Roy Thinnes.  Fans of classic television will want to check it out.  The second feature is the first installment of the Life After MST3K series, this one centered on Kevin Murphy.  Kevin discusses his desire to stay in Minnesota after MST's cancellation, writing his book A Year at the Movies, the Timmy Big Hands website, the Adventures of Edward the Less webseries, creating The Film Crew, which begat his involvement in Rifftrax.

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

1113-The Christmas That Almost Wasn't


Onscreen Title: "Il Natale Che Quasi Non Fu"
Film Year:  1966
Genre:  Fantasy
Director:  Rossano Brazzi
Starring:  Rossano Brazzi, Paul Tripp, Alberto Rabagliati, Lydia Brazzi
MST Season:  11

The Movie

Christmas has faced many conflicts in the past...a grumpy man who needed to learn empathy from three ghosts, a hairy green thing that stole presents, a martian invasion, Santa falling off a roof and getting his clothes swapped by Tim Allen, Macaulay Culkin being left home alone, Santa fighting a devil, Jimmy Stewart trying to jump off a bridge, Macaulay Culkin getting lost in New York, Ernest P. Worrell "saving" it, Home Alone 3, 4, and 5 being made at all...

Nothing has prepared us for the one thing that could destroy Christmas for good:  Santa getting evicted!  But who would be dastardly enough to charge Santa for rent (and who the hell owns property at the North Pole)?  Why, Phineas T. Prune, of course!  He is here to collect the rent and will only absolve it if Santa promises to never deliver presents ever again.  Seems like an unfair trade, but whatever.  Santa seeks help from a lawyer named Sam Whipple, who told Santa in a letter when he was a child that if he "ever needed anything, let him know."  Whipple concocts a scheme to get Santa a job as a "Department Store Santa" to raise money.  But Prune, determined to destroy Christmas, tries to thwart it.

One thing that I should probably mention is that of the three Christmas movies on Mystery Science Theater 3000 so far, The Christmas That Almost Wasn't is arguably the best.  It's not as charmingly doofus as Santa Claus Conquers the Martions or as memorably weird as Santa Claus, but as an actual movie, it actually feels like a real movie, you know?

Kinda sorta.

Well, that might be giving it too much credit.  It heads in the most competent direction anyway.

If there is one word I'd use to describe this Italian import, it would be "theatrical."  And what I mean by that is that the film feels like it is staged and blocked like a stage play.  Things are just a bit exaggerated to emphasize emotions in ways that would project in a live audience.  Settings are few, feeling like they could be easily switched behind curtains in between scenes.  At times it bursts into song, and if it embraced that it would probably help enhance these qualities, but sadly this seems like its most restrained aspect, like it's really afraid to go that extra mile.  It's a weird presentation for this movie, because it wants to have a feelgood storybook vibe, but it feels a little too stage shy to get there.

You can get glimpses of the film that Christmas That Almost Wasn't is trying to be in Phineas T. Prune actor Rossano Brazzi, who also directed this film.  Brazzi is a big giant ham here, and it seems like that hamminess is his vision for it, especially as he dumpster dives straight into the "Prune has a change of heart" schmaltzy ending, where he creepily fondles kids and invites them into his house without the supervision of their parents (this movie would totally not be made like this today).  I get the intent of this film, if nothing else, but it always seems to be doing something to undermine it.


The Episode

On the last day of the Kickstarter campaign that brought back Mystery Science Theater 3000, Joel Hodgson threw us a curveball by saying that if we raised an extra $300 thousand on the total, we would get a bonus holiday special, giving the Jonah era an episode to mingle with Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Santa Claus.  We passed that amount early in the concluding telethon, and the moment was magic (we then stretched our arms for a fourteenth episode that became At the Earth's Core).  Here we are with The Christmas That Almost Wasn't.  It was our Christmas miracle.  Unfortunately, it doesn't live up to the impossible measurement of "miraculous."

One thing I notice about this movie in comparison to the other holiday specials is that while the movie is silly, there's a flatness to it and it's pretty forgettable.  There are an amount of words you can say about Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Santa Claus, but "flat" and "forgettable" aren't among them.  The Christmas That Almost Wasn't has an inane premise, which maintains a mild interest in seeing it through to the end, but it's mostly this light and low demanding watch that you might not even be paying attention to.  Crossing that over into MST territory is a little dangerous, because one thing a good episode of MST needs to be is fun.  The Christmas that Almost Wasn't has moments of flavor that try to make the episode fun (the opening credits are a gas), but overall it's just some vague thing that happens to be on the series.

As for the riffing, it's a swing, and there are some clever bits spread throughout.  I love the early on prediction that the reason Santa is so bummed in December is because "It's all about Jesus now."  There is also his strange lawyer who assists him, who doesn't seem to charge his clients.  "A lawyer that forgets to send out bills?  This movie JUST became unrealistic!"  The episode also points out late in the game that the easy solution to all the problems in this movie is if he just bills his clients, but...you know.  There is also a slide show montage late in the movie that is just fantastic.

There are a few things in this episode that counter that though, including the slow pace of the film and when the riffing lulls, there is never a momentum to it.  But the big torpedo to this episode, as far as I'm concerned, is a running gag where they refer to the lawyer character, Sam Whipple, as "I'm a wittle baby," which I suppose is supposed to be a representation of his glee toward being around Santa Claus.  While I understand what it's supposed to be, the gag doesn't really work because he's the one protagonist that seems to be working the hardest at achieving the main goal.  It's kind of dumb, not funny at all, and they ride the gag so hard that the episode becomes cringy.

That running gag unfortunately bleeds over to what should be the highlight of the host segments, a visit from Santa Claus, of course played by series creator Joel Hodgson.  Head writer Elliot Kalan plays Whipple, who jumps up and says "Wittle baby" while Joel tries to push him off.  You can tell by the look in his eyes that even Kalan doesn't think this is very funny, but he does what he can.  Joel does have some pretty good dialogue in the segment, so it's not quite sunk, but it should be better.  Other Christmas spirit segments fare better, mostly involving toys.  There's an early one in which Jonah and the Bots critique outdated Christmas toys with a Millennial attitude, while a great middle segment takes look at the toys featured in the film and labels them ("Screamie Babies" is a favorite of mine).  The Invention Exchange offers up the fun Re-Gifter and the pleasingly obnoxious Humbug FM, while the episode closes out with a fabulous parody of the slide show montage from the movie.

While the episode mostly stays at a consistently tepid amusement level, the episode has a jovial charisma to it.  It has a fun attitude and is very in the nature of holiday spirit, which makes me want to like it.  Because of that, it does earn a December rotation slot with other holiday episodes.  I just don't anticipate it when it comes up, though I don't complain while it's on.

Average


The DVD and Blu-Ray

Christmas was back on as a part of Shout Factory's Season 11 box set, which was released on DVD and blu-ray.  My blu-ray copy is the #WeBroughtBackMST3K Collector's Edition, which is on a disc virtually identical to the regular disc.  Audio and video are both fabulous, though the disc contains no bonus features.  It does, however, share a disc with the following episode, At the Earth's Core.

Saturday, June 20, 2020

324-Master Ninja II


Film Year:  1984
Genre:  Action, Comedy
Director:  Alan Myerson, Ray Austin
Starring:  Lee Van Cleef. Timothy Van Patten, George Lazenby, Crystal Lynn Bernard, David McCallum, Monte Markham (This one's for you, Frank!)
MST Season:  3

The Movie

It seems The Master had a head start on that whole home media breathing new life into a prematurely cancelled series fad that hit its stride with the advent of DVD.  Apparently the entire series was released under the Master Ninja label for home video, which was a pro of having so few episodes.  Was it the Firefly of its day?  Not even I am bold enough to make that claim, but there must have been someone buying these.

When I remember the first Master Ninja, I more or less remember the first half of that movie more than the second, with the silly origin and cheesy ninja fights.  The formulaic nature of shows like this can start to wear you down if you aren't hooked enough to keep watching, which is probably why the series was cancelled after thirteen episodes, because it never hooked.  There were a lot of shows like this, where drifters fight injustice while traveling town-to-town, like The Fugitive, The Incredible Hulk, and The A-Team.  And even then, even that genre wasn't different enough from your normal crimefighter TV show, like Charlie's Angels and Knight Rider.  The Master bet it all on the ninja and martial arts craze to be its hook.  It worked for a lot of things in the 80's, but not The Master.  When you get into a generic people in a little town with a big problem plot, Lee Van Cleef in a black ninja outfit looks pretty weird.

Because of that, I'm not too into the first episode, which as aired was called "State of the Union" and features Max and McCallister helping a woman build a union against her job, which doesn't want one.  There are not enough words in the English dictionary to explain how much I don't care.  The second episode, "Hostages," with terrorists vs. ninjas, is more fun and has more action.  Of course, it helps to get a ninja on ninja battle in this episode, which is definitely a plus when you're trying to sell a series on the ninja aspect.

Unfortunately it's clear that The Master as a series isn't going to do anything special with its premise in the long run, because it does fall into this rut of rudimentary TV series plot lines being thrown at the characters instead of giving the characters any attempt to develop their own stories.  If the series felt like it had any progression on the initial setup of McCallister looking for his daughter, maybe then I would feel different.  After all, even The Fugitive had continuing plot devices like Richard Kimble trying to distance himself from Lieutenant Gerard and the search for the man who framed him, while The Incredible Hulk had David Banner trying to research a cure for himself at various destinations.  In this batch of episodes, McCallister and Max are just doing random shit that has little to do with their journey as characters.

There's some cool guest stars in these episodes though, like one-time James Bond George Lazenby and Man from U.N.C.L.E. star David McCallum.  Like Demi Moore in the previous episode, there's even a neat "in retrospect" guest in Crystal Lynn Bernard, who landed a lead role in the hit sitcom Wings a few years after this.

The Master was probably destined to get cancelled, but those who love cheesy 80's television will find some kicks in this series in the long run.  Unfortunately this is the last the series will be featured on Mystery Science Theater, so we'll never find out where the Master and Max Keller wind up.  It's doubtful they wound up anywhere, but I believe their adventure continued in my heart!


The Episode

THE RETURN OF MASTER NINJA THEME SONG!

Master Ninja is a welcome return, because the cheesy 80's action series was a lot of fun the last time around.  That being said, Master Ninja II doesn't rev me up the way the previous episode did.  I think it's partially because the episodes are less interesting to me, though the more entertaining second episode jumps out a little more than the first.  It's the opposite opinion I had of Master Ninja I, where I think the first half is more enjoyable than the second, stemming from the TV series they're watching.

To be honest, reviewing this episode of MST now is really just an opportunity for me to comes to terms with something resembling an opinion on this episode, because it's always been just kind of there to me.  If I'm in the mood for Master Ninja, I usually pop in the first one and often don't bother with this one at all.  Not a lot about it sticks out to me, and even watching it with some solid distance between it and the first I find it fails to leave much of an impression.  It's weird, because the riffing doesn't strike me as being really all that worse than the previous Master Ninja installment, and I did laugh, but it just feels like more.  And if you watch this episode in production order, it comes so close to that previous episode to the point where it feels a little repetitive (although I will admit returning to Master Ninja is a huge pick-me-up after Castle of Fu Manchu).  I'm not saying bringing back Master Ninja is a mistake, but a more patient return would have been welcome, maybe bringing it back the following season where they're distanced enough to bring something fresher to it.

Interestingly enough, Master Ninja III was rumored to be a film up for a slot in season six, which I would have been game for.  The riffing had been given a new dynamic with Mike as a host and I really would have liked to see that era of the show tackle the further adventures of the Master and Max Keller.  It feels like it could have been fresher than Master Ninja II and added something fun to the show's Master Ninja legacy.  But MST always had this habit of burning through movie series almost immediately to dwindling returns, from running through the same five Gamera movies twice to Rocky Jones and even as recent as doing two Wizards of the Lost Kingdom movies back-to-back (the only exception to this nasty habit seems to be Ator).

There are some fun sketches though.  There's a fun bit where Servo pairs up fictional characters with pet companions, like Max and the Master's pet hamster.  It reminds me a bit of a scene from the movie City Slickers in which a duo of ice cream conglomerates proudly declare they can pair up any meal with the perfect flavor of ice cream and dare anyone to challenge them.  Crow's turn as General Patton is brief but a cute image, while the opening offers up a goofball take on bad improv.  The Invention Exchange offers up a Conveyor Belt Buffet and a Self-Perpetuating Hamster Habitat, both of which I enjoyed.

This episode doesn't do anything wrong really, it's just I don't have much to say about it except explaining why I don't have much to say about it.  I think there are stronger opinions out there on this one than my own, so I'll leave those opinions to state something more substantial.  That's probably a shit stance to take in reviewing something, especially when the subject is perfectly fine, but I just can't shift out of neutral after watching this episode.

Average


The DVD

This second verse of MASTER NINJA THEME SONG was released on Volume XX, right next to Master Ninja I.  Audio and video were pretty good, while the sole special feature is a Dragon*Con 2010 panel called Tom Servo vs. Tom Servo, which is attended by J. Elvis Weinstein and Kevin Murphy and they discuss the character.  What's cool about this panel is that J. Elvis has a lot to say about the character, even though he only played him for a fraction of the episodes Kevin did.  J. Elvis talks about evolving the character from Beeper to Servo to Tom Servo and figuring out who this bot was supposed to be, and Kevin takes it from there to establish how the bot settled for the rest of the series.  Kevin also goes the extra mile to dig out some goodies he had in storage from his days on MST, including the infamous "I HATE TOM SERVO'S NEW VOICE!!!" banner.

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Volume 3 DVD Retrospective


Release Date:  April 8, 2003
Re-Release Date: September 27, 2016


Episodes included:

Also featuring:

We have Movie Sign on another volume of Mystery Science Theater on DVD!  Like the previous volume, this set features one episode I put on a pedestal and two that weigh it down.  In this case, I prefer watching Unearthly and Atomic Brain over both Pod People and Angels' Revenge, which makes this the preferable set for me.  The issue with this volume is that Side Hackers is a rough one for some fans, due to aggressive subject matter.  Personally, I think the episode is hilarious, but that's just me.  It's also a bit of an odd man out though, since both Atomic Brain and Unearthly are dour mad scientist movies, while Side Hackers is a gritty biker film.

One thing's for certain, this set has some killer shorts!  Not only is Shorts Volume 2 the most consistent short compilation, but as much as I can knock Unearthly and Atomic Brain, their shorts are great.  If you love a good selection of shorts, this is the set for you!  But if you're only in it for the episodes, then this is another one of those pesky volumes that only features three and burned the fourth disc on something inconsequential.

Average Rating (Episodes only, out of 4):  2.667

Picture quality is pretty good across the board, with great audio too.  The one problem is that Rhino accidentally cut the stinger off of Atomic Brain, which was also the case for the Rhino VHS.  Bonus features are pretty interesting this time around, as they encompass B-roll footage of the host segments for each episode.  I, for one, find seeing the filmmaking process for the sketches pretty interesting to watch, and the alternative takes usually keep me at rapt attention to different gag deliveries.  I find that Side Hackers and Unearthly are of more interest, because they have better host segments, but overall I think these make welcome companions to the Poopie! blooper reels, if nothing else.

Rhino's package theme is the theater doors (Mike's theater doors, specifically), which makes this a pretty cool looking set.  I believe early sets may have had a fun pop-up door design, but my set does not.  If anyone has any information on how the initial run of sets may differ.  But if it did, the basic cover is the same picture of Mike's final theater hatch.  Pulling the interior set, the fold out cover has Mike's number "6" door, while the opening interior sees the silhouettes in the theater, watching a starry backdrop on the screen with a rocket that says "Volume 3" flying across it.  Opening this interior set to the discs themselves, we find that the art behind each disc shows off the Hexfield viewscreen with a different photo behind each.  Atomic Brain sits in front of a view of the Earth from space.  Unearthly sits in front of a photo of Crow sitting in a rocket in space.  Side Hackers sits in front of a pic of an upside down Gypsy floating above what I presume is supposed to be Uranus (the planet is blue, but the patterns on the surface of the planet lead me to believe it might be Jupiter painted blue).  Shorts Volume 2 sits in front of a photo of Tom Servo floating in space, connected to a space shuttle.

Disc art is all the same, which is a basic silver disc with a transparent MST logo.  Menus are a different story.  Atomic Brain's menu has the chamber from the film with character stills popping up in it (including Crow and Servo thrown in for good measure).  Unearthly has grainy shot of the movie's house, with a disembodied head of a beast man hovering to the left with glowing eyes.  Side Hackers has clips of the film playing in black and white projected behind footage of Joel playing "Only Love Pads the Film" from the ending host segment.  Shorts Volume 2 is in a classroom, with "Shorts 2" written on a chalk board, and on a projector to the right clips from the shorts play.  As usual for Rhino menus, each features the theater silhouettes at the bottom of the screen, with Joel and the Bots watching the menus, even in the case of Atomic Brain, which is a Mike episode.  The sole exception is Side Hackers, in which Joel has been removed from the silhouettes.

Years later, Shout Factory re-released the set, with solid audio and video for Unearthly.  Video is problematic for Side Hackers, which is considerably softer and lower resolution.  Atomic Brain has flawed video as well, but not consistently bothersome, and at least the stinger is restored here.  B-roll footage is retained for this release, but it also includes an interview with Side Hackers star Ross Hagan, who relates stories of his career.  There are also MST Hour bumpers for Unearthly.

The packaging for this release is the traditional slim case for re-release sets.  Disc art is the standard starry backdrops with the titles of the episodes, while the menus all have the default starry backdrop with silhouetted theater seats at the bottom of the screen.

The long and short of it is that extra bonus features are nice, and Ross Hagan's interview is pretty good and all, but I think most would buy this set for the episodes themselves.  If one wants the best presentation of these episodes on home video, Rhino's set is the one to have, missing stinger aside.  But if that stinger is important to you, seek out the re-issue.  Ideally, the best aspects of each set would be combined into an ultimate version of this set, but we can't have both apparently.

Shorts Volume 2 (MST3K Special)


Hands down the best Shorts compilation on the market, Volume 2 is full of laugh riots like What to Do on a Date, Keeping Clean and Neat, and the funniest short of the series, Last Clear Chance, while Catching Trouble and Days of Our Years may be more troubling shorts for viewers that are harder to watch, the riffing on both is pretty great and they're both classics in the series, as far as I'm concerned.  The one straggler is A Day at the Fair, and even that is a pretty good short.  The problem is that the other five shorts in this collection are just much, much funnier.  It does amuse, but it doesn't keep the laugh momentum that the other shorts have.  I can't knock this collection for that though, because it's just eighty minutes of solid short subject mayhem!

The one downside is that unlike Volume 1, this series of shorts doesn't have intros by Tom Servo, probably because the series was cancelled by the time this batch was put together and they didn't have the Satellite of Love set anymore (or they just wanted to spend less money on this one, one or the other).  It's a little disappointing, because Servo's presence in the previous collection boosted the fun factor of it.  It might have been fun to have Crow introduce these shorts (and bring a clueless Gypsy in for Volume 3), but alas, we would never have intros for short collections until J. Elvis Weinstein's interview on the Commando Cody set on Volume XXV.

That being said, the content on this set is quite strong, and it's a great series of riffs to have, even if you already own the episodes (the episode that each short came from were all eventually released on DVD).  I find this compilation just a really fun experience and still pop it in from time to time just to laugh myself silly.

Catching Trouble
Original Episode:  Teenage Caveman

Any animal rights activist who might watch the show might do will with a "trigger warning" for Catching Trouble, a short from the 1930's where animal trapper Ross Allen goes out into nature to catch several animals and put them on display in a zoo.  Of course, this is 1930's humane animal treatment, which would pass as animal cruelty today.

The most interesting line of this short to me is when Ross tells his employee to handle a pair of bear cubs he caught, by saying "Be careful, they've been a lot of trouble!"  I'd be trouble too if some dude popped out of nowhere and stole me from my family, just to put me in a cage for people to look and point at me.  This short will likely cause a discussion for the ethical treatment of animals today, because it comes off a bit like the almighty Caucasian busting in on nature and declaring "Everything here is mine!"  Is this a metaphor for colonialism and slavery too?

What the short is supposed to be is a look at cute animals in the wildlife and how they get transferred to your local zoo, and people were supposed to shrug off the treatment because Ross Allen was "conquering the savage beast" and proving the superiority of man.  I think Catching Trouble may have been considered a crowd-pleaser back in the day, for better or worse.  I do ponder how it must have been much more difficult to handle animals back then and it probably was never pretty, but still turning it into a pop entertainment show with this short film just makes me feel dirty.

Whatever we may think of it today, Ross Allen is still somewhat well revered mostly because of his work in developing snake anti-venom during World War II, and was very knowledgeable about animals in general.  I'm sure most will rather we remember him for that, but those who see Catching Trouble will most likely associate him with this small glimpse of outdated wildlife ethics instead.

At one point in Catching Trouble, Joel turns to the audience and apologizes for what we're watching, and what else can really be said?  I don't immediately look at this short and think someone could make it humorous, but I'm not Joel and the Bots.  They look at it and think "shock comedy," and their approach works.  They take this short and mostly just react, and they're disgusted by what they see.  They twist the short on its head and root for the animals rather than Ross Allen, like it wants you too, and somehow it make the short a bit easier to swallow.  There are also some fun plays on outdated expression, even to something as simple as using the term "pussy" to describe the wildcat.  One of the funnier run gags involves the narrator refers to Ross as "My boyfriend" (in a similar expression to how a woman would refer to her lady friends as "my girlfriends"), to which they respond with a "say no more" style of amusement.

What to Do on a Date
Original Episode:  Swamp Diamonds

A little advice to those who dare ask the question "What to Do on a Date?," a date can be anything.  You can go get something to eat, you can go get some coffee, you can go to a movie, you can go for a walk, you can even stay home and watch TV or hang with family and friends.  And yes, it can even be sneaking up into someone's room and mutually taking each other's pants off.  What makes something a date is the company you keep, common interest in the activity, and whether or not they have that serious condition known as "I think I like-like that person!"

What to Do on a Date is a short about a guy named Nick, who has that "like-like" feeling for a girl at school named Kay.  He is goaded into asking Kay to the movies, but while Kay is enthusiastic, she has already has seen the picture.  Nick then asks Kay to help out at a scavenger sale, which he initially thinks is a dumb idea, but they both wind up enjoying the activity quite a bit.

The short's point is the same as my opening paragraph.  A date is anything.  Rob's issue is mostly jitters of being labeled a dork for asking her to something mundane or that can be considered work, basically.  Knowing what type of activity your partner may want to do is a scary prospect, because you haven't gotten to know them well enough to know what that mutual enjoyment is.  What to Do on a Date is simple and old fashioned, but some messages never change, and this is one of them.

Minor note:  The actress playing Kay played a character named Kay again in a short titled "More Dates for Kay" (which was riffed by Rifftrax).  Sorry to hear you and Nick didn't work out, Kay, but good for you getting back on that horse!

There is a quaintness to What to Do on a Date that is a lot of fun.  It's easy to just make fun of its old-fashionedness, though all things considered Joel and the Bots keep the ribbing friendly.  They more or less mostly make jokes about Nick's awkward first date attitude toward Kay and how easily it could be crashing and burning.  Probably the biggest laugh of the short is when Nick comes up with the idea to go on another date at a weenie roast, to which the trio respond with the slang-term generation gap response of "NICK, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  There is also a slight bit of sexual attraction riffs between Nick and his friend Jeff, as the short opens with the two of them in a field causing Crow to respond "These two are on a date?"  There are a few more lines that follow it up, but I find this particular gag amusing because of the quaint old-timey heteronormative nature of the short and the fact that it's not a mean spirited gay joke.  It's just a funny idea that Nick starts this short with a desire for Kay only to deal with his feelings for Jeff.  That's good comedy.

Last Clear Chance
Original Episode:  Radar Secret Service

This traffic safety short was filmed in Meridian, Idaho, not too far from where I currently live.  In fact, I drive by many of its shooting locations just about every day.  And yes, I do look both ways before crossing the Railroad, in loving memory of young Frank Dixon.

Fairly persistent and undeniably effective in getting its point across, Last Clear Chance tells the story of a police officer stopping by a local farm to give newly-licensed Alan Dixon some helpful tips about driving, and how important it is to pay attention to the road.  In a hackneyed bit of irony, Alan’s brother Frank is killed in an accident for that very reason at the end of the short.

Undoubtedly shown to people trying to acquire (or re-acquire, just as likely) their driver’s license, this particular short is one of those important “Or ELSE” shorts that isn’t afraid to show the consequences of one’s actions.  They’re fairly important to their own cause, though Last Clear Chance probably isn’t one of the better ones.  The story hinges on the idea that despite going through driver’s education and having already been approved for a driver’s license, Alan Dixon listens with rapt attention to stories about street signs and traffic as if he has never heard of them before, even though he should have learned all of this while working to get a driver’s license.

The finale which hammers home its point drains all brain matter from our characters and has them doing the strangest and moronic behavior possible in order to make death inevitable.  We’re supposed to go “Oh my god, that could be me!” but in reality our reaction is more in tune with us shrugging our shoulders and saying “Well, they were going to die soon enough anyway.”  And instead of feeling any sort of sympathy, I find comfort in the fact that Frank Dixon won’t breed his stupidity to future generations.

One of my fondest MST memories was during high school where I had an art teacher who was very much an admirer of the series, and every once in a while we would watch episodes during lunch.  I brought in Shorts Volume 2 one day and we laughed like crazy during Last Clear Chance.  Finally as the short was ending he took a sip of coffee and suddenly Tom Servo started singing “They’re dead, they’re dead, they’re diddly-eye-de-dead, diddle-de-de-dead” to the pleasant music that closed the short and he spit his coffee out all over his desk laughing.  I had never seen someone do a spit take laugh before that day, and every time I watch this short the memory of it just makes it even sweeter.

As such the short is my pick for greatest short of the series.  The short is full of on-point quips that finish off the narration with just the perfect jab, with glorious observations on traffic portrayal, and definitely a more twisted spin on the darkest aspects of the short.

A Day at the Fair
Original Episode:  Code Name:  Diamond Head

This short film replicates the fair experience...you know, something you could actually go out and do yourself, but here you are, sitting around and watching other people doing outside activities so you don't have to.  Follow this family (with a little kid named Johnny, who, unlike the other Johnny at the Fair, doesn't get lost) around as they visit the exhibits, enter a cow competition, and ride some rides.

All in all, it's an accurate representation of the fair.  What exactly does this short accomplish?  Does the fair experience really need to be sold, or was this shown during winter in which fairs are all packed away for the year?  Don't know, but it's not untruthful, so it's harmless.

"This is the fair ground, where the fair is held."
"Any questions so far?"

A Day at the Fair is a pleasant short outing for the series, which sees small delights in making fun of the excitement over quaint activities.  Probably the biggest laughs of the short come in the mid portion where the family participates in small competitions, like a bake off where the narrator ponders "Judging cakes ought to be fun!" but Servo takes one look at the judge and adds on "But this woman sucks the joy out of it!"  But my biggest howl comes at the end of the cow judgment, where the winner's owner stands up and the narrator notes in a then-progressive tone "The blue ribbon goes to a girl!" causing Crow to shout "THE COWS ARE FURIOUS!"

Keeping Clean and Neat
Original Episode:  The Sinister Urge

Children are nothing but low down dirty pigs and you know it.  To help them get in line and look like actual human beings this short presents a bossy narrator to harass a pair of children, Don and Mildred, and force them to clean until their hands bleed!  And then they have them clean up the blood!  And it better be spotless!

The movie is meant to be shown to children in classrooms in hopes that they would learn good grooming habits from it.  It's actually pretty informative, with some neat tips like clipping toenails after bathing being easier.  It's hard to find much fault in it at all, because for what it is, it's effective.

Keeping Clean and Neat is a wonderful short for the series, and one of my personal favorites.  It is so fast-paced and Mike and the Bots go in full on sprint to keep up with it.  They're often putting precise riffs in to take advantage of small moments and facial expressions that last just a moment.  They work these in with some steady and hilarious riffs on a bossy narrator talking about clean underwear, kooky music, and obsessive compulsive cleaning habits.

The Days of Our Years
Original Episode:  The Amazing Transparent Man

The short that dares to either teach you important safety tips or depress the hell out of you, whichever comes first, Days of Our Years has a reverend telling three stories of accidents that changed people's lives.  But it's not just a trio of stories about people who get hurt but rather how their actions affected others around them and how their carelessness caused other people to suffer.  So be safe, or humanity will be crippled.

Like Last Clear Chance, Days of Our Years is another Union Pacific production filmed right here in my neck of the woods in Idaho.  The moral of this story is not only to think about the consequences of your actions for yourself but also those around you.  We're treated to a guy eager to get home to his wife speeding and getting into a car accident, an old man suffering from a heart attack and killing a co-worker because he ignored the warning signs, and an excitable father of a newborn forgetting safe welding procedure and taking a welding flame to the face.

Rumor has it this short was the inspiration for the Faces of Death series!

The short is something of a mood killer, but it's intended to be.  One can't claim that it doesn't let the viewer know the importance of safety, and if you don't practice it for yourself you should at least do so for those around you.  It's actually fairly effective.

Days of Our Years is an uphill battle.  The short can be a bit of a bummer and it's kind of hard to make it funny.  But our boys' penchant for dark humor comes in handy here, as they take the dark events unfolding and puts a humorous slant on it.  As Mike points out at the end, what he's gathering from the short is that the leading cause of accidents are "Joy, sex, and old age."  Days of Our Years could have been a disaster, but it's not and it's fairly funny.

The DVD

Shorts Volume 2 was released as a part of Rhino's Volume 3 collection, with good audio and video.  Shout Factory eventually re-released the Volume 3 collection, also with Shorts Volume 2 and also without bonus features.

320-The Unearthly


Film Year:  1957
Genre:  Horror
Director:  Brook L. Peter's (Boris Petroff)
Starring:  John Carridine, Tor Johnson, Myron Healy, Allison Hayes, Marilyn Buferd, Arthur Batanides, Sally Todd
MST Season:  3
Shorts Featured:  "Posture Pals," "Appreciating Our Parents"

The Shorts

Sit up straight, you worthless sack of crap!  Miss Martin is here to make sure your posture is up to scratch!  Our first short has her nitpicking her entire class and body shaming them, by doing silhouettes of each child on the board.  Not wishing to be ridiculed, four children take it upon themselves to improve their posture and suck up to the teacher.

Posture Pals is the type of educational short you'd see in school about making you appearance more proper, likely because in the 50's all teachers were afraid their students would grow up to be no good, dirty greasers.  This one spends an ungodly amount of time to simply tell its students to stand/sit up straight, deciding to build a narrative around it in the four children who become "Posture Pals."  It"s exactly as lame as it sounds.

Did it work?  Did the children who watched it become Posture Pals?  I doubt it.  It's a stupid thing adults will try and convince children to do because they think children are stupid, and think coming up with "with it" ways of learning to make learning "cool," though secretly kids are like "This is so stupid."  The Posture Pals short works best when it's simply relaying information, such as linking posture and appearance to mood or relating it to plants and buildings.  That's solid information getting lost in a worthless attempt at message camouflage.


Our second short is all about appreciating your parents, which is presumably why it's called "Appreciating Our Parents."  In this short, worthless freeloader Tommy decides to ask his parents for a raise in allowance, but overhears a conversation between mother and father about how hard they work during the day and where their money comes from.

When one is a child it's easy to overlook what goes into "adulting," so you may need to forgive your child for not understanding.  After all, they have people waiting on their every beck and call until a certain point in their lives.  One day that changes and it's like "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!  I didn't want this!"  This short tries to help children understand that adult's aren't there to serve, but to try and provide.  It's a well-meaning message, but one I don't think will sink in.  Not when a child's main goal is "MORE!"


The Movie

If you love a good mad scientist movie...too bad.  This one features the great John Carridine as the mentioned mad scientist trying to create immortality through artificial glands.  He takes in troubled people with little family into his mansion to experiment upon, but his latest guest, presumably a fugitive, gets a little too snoopy.

The best thing that can said for The Unearthly is that it's short.  I can't exactly say it doesn't wear out its welcome, but it could be a heck of a lot longer than it is.  The movie is very dull, as it's a budget feature filmed on minimal sets inside of a house.  But its drama is so stilted and uninteresting that it can't play up it as a strength.

The film can't play camp to its strength either.  While the film has its share of goofy looking creatures to HORROR at, there aren't really enough and there are seemingly more shots of the actors simply staring at the "Unearthly" than there is of the "Unearthly" itself.  The one exception is brute minion Logo, played by Tor Johnson.  He is the most fun thing in this movie because, of the silly things in this movie, he has the most screen time.  And when you consider that he spends most of that stumbling around and grunting, that's pretty sad.


The Episode

The one thing I can't help but note about The Unearthly is just how dialogue heavy it is.  Because of the film's limited locations, it relies on character interaction to make itself compelling (and fails).  While I can't say that Joel and the Bots don't assert themselves enough during this film, it's a very busy episode full of layers of commentary on top of dialogue scenes.  And since dialogue largely leads nowhere in this film, it's easy to give up on this episode, as you feel every minute of the movie's by-normal-circumstances-seemingly-brief runtime.  It's a drab and slow movie that they can't liven up with their jovial approach, though they do try.

The one thing they successfully latch onto in the theater is Tor Johnson.  Tor has limited dialogue, and is just a simple oaf of an assistant for John Carridine.  They take advantage of his lack of dialogue and personality and just fill in that gap with some decent laughs.  More often than not, when I think back on this episode, I can't remember much about the movie or the riffing, but I always remember Tor Johnson, and there's a reason for that.

"Time for go to bed!"

While the main course is undercooked, the appetizer is delicious.  The short's that begin the episode are a delight, with the exhaustive attempt at "posture is fun" in Posture Pals raising some wonderful quips at the expense of our nerdy gang of posture freaks.  The enthusiasm of the young cast comes under fire for being a bit too enthusiastic, while the gauntlet of posture reminders offers up some creative zingers ("Miss Martin!  Tommy drew a bong!").  Appreciating Your Parents is just as good, as the crew mocks young Tommy's naivete quite effectively, as well as relating a much harder look at middle class life (such as dad going over bills and Joel groaning "Oh man, we're in trouble!").  There is a lot of fun had with the innocence as well, with young Tommy sneaking out of bed after hours as Tom Servo proposes that he just might find mom and dad doing the nasty in the kitchen instead of the dishes.

The garnish is exquisite, as well, as this is an episode in which every host segment is a winner.  The Unearthly board game is a favorite of mine, with the rules trying to adhere to the film being a huge laugh for me.  There is a fun "retrospective" on Tor Johnson ("She Tor a Yellow Ribbon"), as well as effective parodies of Appreciating Your Parents and America's Funniest Home Videos.  The Invention Exchange is a riot, with the uproarious Hard Pills to Swallow and the delightful Celebrity Novelty Products.

This episode backs me into a corner.  We have two great shorts and excellent host segments, but that feature is dour downer that just threatens to drown the episode.  A third of this episode is worth recommending, but the real meat of it is rotten.  What do I rate it?  I guess I'll meet in the middle.

Average


The DVD

The Unearthly will live forever as a part of Rhino Home Video's Volume 3 collection, with solid audio and video.  The episode's sole bonus feature was B-roll footage of the cast filming the host segments.

Shout re-released the episode in an online exclusive single disc many years later.  There were no special features.  They then re-released Volume 3 in its entirety, with the B-roll footage also featured.  They also offered the MST Hour bumper segments as bonus features.

Are you still here?  TIME FOR GO TO BED!

Friday, June 12, 2020

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Singles Collection DVD Retrospective



Release Date:  May 22, 2018

Buy it here!

Episodes Featured:
The Crawling Hand
The Hellcats
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Eegah
I Accuse My Parents

Also Featured:
Shorts Volume 3

Mystery Science Theater 3000 has always had a flirtation with home video, way back in the day when video recording every episode and trading them with other fans was our version of catching different Pokemon or whatever-the-fuck kids do now.  MST officially released on home video markets just made sense, starting with Rhino Home Video VHS tapes in 1996 which eventually evolved into DVD versions of those tapes.  At the height of DVD, the market shifted into seasonal box sets for television shows, which for various reasons wasn't feasible for MST.  So they did compilation volumes of random episodes, but that wasn't before Rhino had already released ten episodes as single discs.

Years later, Shout Factory began their campaign to release as much of the series as possible on home media.  They did pretty well too, even re-releasing out of print Rhino volumes in their own editions (ignoring Rhino's home video rights clusterfucks of Amazing Colossal Man and Godzilla vs. Megalon, though properly releasing Women of the Prehistoric Planet, which Rhino never did).  But that left Rhino's single DVDs out of print and without a home.  Early on, Shout tried a single disc strategy with previously released episodes that didn't quite catch on, then decided to concentrate on re-releases of box sets.  Shout wound up releasing a good amount of the previously available Rhino library through one means or another, but in the end there were still five episodes left in the library that were still unavailable (not including the afore mentioned rights nightmare episodes), which included a few fan favorites.

So, here they are, in a multi-episode package Shout cheekily titled The Singles Collection, using a "singles bar" theme.  But if you're unfamiliar with the history of these episodes, the joke here is entirely lost on you.  This isn't just a set for bachelors.  "I can't buy that one!  I'm happily married!"

Okay, so the downside is that this isn't a complete collection of the previous singles (neveryoumind that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was never a true "single").  Ideally, as many episodes as possible would be gathered up in group sets.  Mitchell and The Brain that Wouldn't Die were released on the 25th Anniversary Edition set and "Manos" The Hands of Fate had a very special two-disc single by Shout, which celebrates what is unquestionably the most popular episode of the series.  Then there is The Wild Wild World of Batwoman, Beginning of the End, and Red Zone Cuba, which were all released as online exclusive singles.  While technically Shout released discs of those episodes, their exclusion of these for more pricey, close to chest releases is very disappointing.

But what of the episodes that are here?  Joel-heavy, but pretty great selection.  Eegah and I Accuse My Parents are worth the price of admission, while Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is also a solid inclusion.  The Crawling Hand and The Hellcats are okay bonus episodes (though Hellcats does seem to be disliked), but I doubt many people will be buying this set for them.  Also, we have Shorts Volume 3 for some reason.  Some good shorts, some not-so-good shorts.

Average Rating (out of 4):  3

The packaging is in a slim case similar to that of the re-release volumes, with artwork that depicts Crow and Servo presumably mingling at a singles bar with a pair of drinks, while the Crawling Hand reaches for Servo's (or Servo's neck, one or the other).  In the backdrop, there are drawings of characters featured in the films socializing behind them, including Santa Claus, a Martian, Linda from Hellcats, and Charles Blake from I Accuse My Parents.  Transfers and audio are pretty great across the board.

Bonus features are heavy.  Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Eegah, and I Accuse My Parents each feature introductions by Joel Hodgson, who reflects on the trio of fan favorites.  There are also a pair of great documentaries, Don't Knock the Strock (which chronicles Crawling Hand director Herbert L. Strock) and The Man on Poverty Row (the story of I Accuse My Parents/Mad Monster/Lost Continent/Radar Secret Service director Sam Newfeld).  Rounding out the set are MST Hour wraps for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and I Accuse My Parents, and trailers for The Crawling Hand, The Hellcats, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, and Eegah.

Disc art is Shout's traditional starry backdrop with title logos.  Interestingly, the title logos are more elaborate than that of the ones seen on other re-release sets, which leads me to believe that maybe some artwork for these episodes might have been commissioned that we haven't seen, but maybe the logos were made when the artwork for the box set was made.  But that's insider stuff that I don't know the slightest thing about.  Episode menus are standard theater seats against a starry backdrop with an episode title.

The bottom line about this set is that it's a better value than seeking out the Rhino singles, and the presentation is mostly just better.  Santa Claus Conquers the Martians has better video and Eegah doesn't have an obnoxious icon cluttering up the screen upon every viewing.  Plus there are more bonus features, unless one absolutely has to have unriffed versions of The Crawling Hand, Hellcats, and Eegah (though the blu-ray of Eegah would probably be the preferable option, honestly).  The lack of Mike episodes is a downer, but three of the episodes are can't-miss, and with five episodes total and a shorts compilation with a few heavy hitters, this set is a must own for every MSTie, while Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Eegah, and I Accuse My Parents would be a great starter kit for new fans.  The Singles Collection is for everyone, not just the bachelors.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Essentials DVD Retrospective


Release Date:  August 31, 2004


Episodes included:

Also featuring:

It seemed like a good idea at the time.  When making the shift between VHS and DVD, Rhino Home Video had Satellite News host an official poll as to what episodes fans wanted on DVD the most.  Rhino then began to release episodes it had already released on VHS on DVD through single discs before evolving into four episode volumes, then started tapping the previously untouched Sci-Fi Channel era episodes for a few volumes.

Then they decided to do The Essentials.

This oddity of a DVD set is them "listening to the fans" and releasing the two most requested episodes of the series in an affordable DVD package.  The fans they were trying to please were furious.  The issue Rhino didn't take into account was that the pairing of episodes featured an episode that hadn't been released before with an episode they already had, meaning the fans who had been collecting the series on DVD since the beginning had to buy "Manos" The Hands of Fate a second time to get Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

That'll teach Rhino to get creative!

It is a strange idea, though.  Rhino abandoned the formula they had established to suddenly jump into this one-off double feature set when they could have just put Santa Claus Conquers the Martians on Volume 6 (which, incidentally, only had three episodes anyway).  I don't see this as Rhino doing a cynical double dip cash grab that fans accused it of being, though.  I think Rhino was still trying to decide what the MST on DVD model was going to look like and were trying different things.  When it was rejected, they decided that the four episode volumes were the proven way forward.  That being said, I don't think abandoning singles into bundles should have been abandoned idea.  It's that they should have been bundled together for those who hadn't collected them for a fairer price instead of paired with unreleased episodes.

As for the double feature itself, it can't be argued that these aren't two classic episodes, though I personally find Manos to be about a quarter mile ahead of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians in quality.  Still, you can't go wrong with these two episodes, so if you were to buy a small sampler of the series, The Essentials is solid.  If you had ordered the set through Rhino's website, you would have received a bonus disc featuring Shorts Volume 3, an uneven collections of shorts with some stellar high points and dull lows.  It helped make this episode a little more worthwhile to those who felt burned by Manos at the very least.

Average Rating (episodes only, out of 4):  3.5

Manos's episode presentation is pretty good, while Santa Claus Conquers the Martians suffers a couple of video flaws, though the audio is spotless.  The only bonus feature is Poopie!, which is the official half hour blooper reel from the first five or so years of the show.  The only reason this was included was because it was on Manos's original disc, which was recycled for this set.

Speaking of recycled, the box set featured here is a slim case with the reused art from Rhino's Volume 4 set, which featured a group of planets orbiting the MST logo, though here the planets have been replaced with images from the movies.  Disc art is mostly purple, which seem to have something of steel walkway theme.  Since Manos is just a repackage, it features the same menu as the single disc, which features Joel and the Bots in theater seats watching the Master wave Torgo's charred hand around (it also titles the film "Manos:  Hands of Fate").  Santa Claus Conquers the Martians features Joel and the Bots looking in on the interior of a Martian spaceship, as clips from the episode play on a viewscreen.

The Essentials was controversial when it came out, but it's kind of a moot point today.  Both Manos and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians have superior packages today from Shout Factory, though Manos has a superior video presentation here than Shout offered.  If one wants the best possible video presentation of that episode, The Essentials offers it, though if you have the option of Rhino's single it's the exact same disc.  The only reason to buy this set today is if you just want these two episodes, without the extra baggage that came with Santa Claus Conquers the Martians on Shout's Singles Collection...but why would you consider Eegah and I Accuse My Parent bigger baggage than Manos?

Shorts Volume 3 (MST3K Special)



One of the more frustratingly uneven shorts compilations (Shout Factory's Commando Cody collection is likely the lowest in quality), Shorts Volume 3 is full of some gems and a few leftovers that hadn't been released yet.  Cutting to the chase, Speech:  Using Your Voice, Is This Love?, Design For Dreaming, and Once Upon a Honeymoon are all exceptional and must sees for any MST.  Draining from some enthusiasm is that Design for Dreaming was double dipped in Mr. B's Lost Shorts.

While these shorts all receive top marks, sucking enthusiasm out of this compilation are The Selling Wizard and Out of This World, which are two of the blandest shorts featured on the series, and compiling the back to back makes this set of shorts hit a dead end.  The plus side is that Once Upon a Honeymoon follows them up and lights up the room again.

And then there is Aquatic Wizards.  That short exists.  Yes, indeed.  It neither adds nor subtracts from the experience, though Shorts Volume 3 is a laugh riot for a good while before winding down for it's build up to its big finish.  Are we still enthused for that big finish, or are we ready for the experience to be over with?  That's up to you.




Speech:  Using Your Voice
Original Episode:  Earth vs. the Spider

"I said MISTER I said thi...::cough:: this inn't your seat you see I've been sittin' here a whole lot longer than you seemed to think I have..."

Listening to this guy is like my life story, man.

Listen, we all talk.  That doesn't mean we can all do it well.  Hell, we all probably suck at it.  That's why I have a blog and not a vlog, because nobody wants to hear me ramble.  Reading it is perfectly fine, though.  Speech:  Using Your Voice gives us helpful tips on how to present your words in a more precise and interesting manner to help captivate your audience.

Now, pardon me as I ignore every one of them.

That's not to say the advice isn't sound, as it likely is.  But the examples of careless speaking in this short are so hilarious that no matter how much the short tries to portray them as "boring and uninteresting," I can't help but be more enchanted by them than the examples of proper speaking.  Therefor I use them as my speech teachers and not the narrator.  Life's more fun that way.

We've got a short with plenty of "lip 'n' tongue action!"  Speech:  Using Your Voice gets the compilation off to a rousing start with a small instructional film that is really just a gift from the heavens.  There is so much to comment on here, as it's constantly using exaggerated speech examples which, to be honest, are kind of funny on their own.  It doesn't take much for Joel and the Bots to latch onto these examples and give them a good working over.  Plus the introspection of the short is properly played with, as they add on to the advice given in their own fun ways.

Aquatic Wizards
Original Episode:  Teenage Caveman

This short is one of those sports reels that shows off a bunch of people engaging in physical activities with daffy grins on their faces.  In this case it's water skiing, and we get to thrill to various tricks and waterplay.

It is what it is.  Back in the day before watching the Super Bowl in your own home, the only ways to watch sports was either to see them in person or to go out to the theater and see a reel like this with humorous (?) narration.  Back then it was likely more amusing than it is now, where you can watch water tricks on YouTube.

The short's riffing vibe mostly stays pleasant throughout it's brief stay.  The commentary mostly adds to the soundless pantomime of the skiers on display, having fun with the playful tricks, and quick-talking narrator.  It's workmanlike stuff, but it's an effective use of theater-time that keeps viewers amused.

Is This Love?
Original Episode:  Teen-Age Strangler

This first short of the Mike era is sex ed, 50’s style, where sexual relations don’t exist and men and women only get married because they find the other totally keen.  Peg and Joe are college students but have just gotten engaged and their family is concerned that they might be rushing into the commitment.  The short consists of people trying to talk sense into the young couple, only to have them elope in the end and drop out of college anyway.

The short was obviously meant to stimulate discussion in a classroom, as the teacher is supposed to ask the student whether Peg and Joe did the right thing.  It’s possible that the intent was for there to not be a right or wrong answer and let the viewer draw their own conclusions, but in the context of the film itself it seems to me that Peg and Joe are both stubborn and not too bright.  Maybe college wasn’t the best place for them after all, yet the idea of these two lunkheads breeding doesn’t appeal to me either.

Maybe that was intentional too, to sway toward the side of them being brash so they can plant the chastity seed in the heads of teenagers.  Whatever the reason, the short works well enough for its purpose, but its grey area needs work.

The riffing on the short is terrific, as our boys mock the simplistic affair with the greatest of ease.  I especially love their listing of made up short names during the end credits.

Design for Dreaming
Original Episode:  12 to the Moon

Did those salesmen from Hired! just not sell you on buying a Chevrolet car?  Well the good people at General Motors are here to try to sell you more!  In Design for Dreaming a dancing couple head to the FUTURE...of the past, and tour Motorama, looking at a bunch of neat gizmos and some shiny new automobiles.

There's not much meat on the bones of Design for Dreaming.  It's a song and dance number that's trying to sell product.  It's surreal and imaginatively shot, and the beat is catching.  Try not to get too weirded-out by it and you might enjoy yourself.

There is a companion short called A Touch of Magic.  This short was riffed by Rifftrax in their Summer Shorts Beach Party Live show.

Design for Dreaming is constantly in motion and giving Mike and the Bots different and weird imagery to work with.  This is pretty much T-ball, but a home run is a home run.  This short is the equivalent of a sugar rush and once the ball is rolling there is no stopping the energy in the room.  This is one of my favorite shorts in the series, with catchy musical numbers, eye candy, and hilarious riffs perfectly in tune with the material.

The Selling Wizard
Original Episode:  The Dead Talk Back

For those store-owners who need to know the importance keeping food fresh and cool with attractive packaging, this short is for you.  We see a large selection of refrigeration and freezing units as well as how it might display one's product.

And speaking of attractive packaging, here's a model in a skimpy outfit to guide us every step of the way.

For those maybe interested in how your fridge cools food down, this might be a helpful guide.  Though it's primary focus is to sell coolers to stores who might need them, but let's face facts, these models are long since out of production.  So the last point of interest for those who don't care is a pretty woman in a dress.  Yay!

The Selling Wizard isn't a short I remember much when I think back over the show.  Watching again now it occurs to me that it's probably because of how talky it is, and the riffers can hardly get a word in edgewise.  There are definite moments where they drop to silence and just kind of listen to the short because they can't fit a joke in, which is sometimes frustrating.  What material that does get through is uneven, though there are some nice laughs.  It's not the worst short of the series (my personal vote goes to Junior Rodeo Daredevils on that one), though it's toward the bottom.

Out of This World
Original Episode:  High School Big Shot

Bread, an important food and a healthy food.  This of course was filmed pre-Gluten-Free-mania.

Out of This World is an instructional short put forth to train vendors of bread and other baked goods of how to properly stock and sell their products while maintaining good relations with the stores you service.  It just does so with an ill-conceived attempt at a “story.”  It turns out that the war between Heaven and Hell only boils down to one thing:  bread vendors.  The collection of these particular souls shall populate the armies of the angels and demons when they wage war come Apocalypse.  In the meantime, a deceptive little devil makes a bet with a sexy angel that one particular bread vendor is on his way to Hell due to poor salesmanship.  The angel disagrees and visits our resident bread vendor as he goes about his daily business.

One thing that can be claimed about this short is that it does get its point across, and pushes some helpful tips to those who it’s instructing.  However it’s bogged down by too much nonsense in its attempted “storyline.”  The Angel and Devil characters slow the short down and make it feel like it’s been forever when it finally gets its point across.  And the whole angelic and demonic thing itself is a bit overthinking how you’re presenting your subject.  I’d argue that if they wanted to go for the “good vs. evil” motif, a much easier way to do it would have been by presenting the Angel and the Devil as the two sides of a conscience instead of an actual angel and devil.  It would abbreviate exposition and get straight to the point.

Tom Servo pretty much nails the intent of the short with his final riff as he leaves the theater, mimicking a gruff head honcho laughing about how hot the lead actress was and then reiterating the points the short made.  There’s pretty much no other way it could have played out in that room.

This short is merely adequate.  It’s not that Out of This World doesn’t give them openings, and it’s not that Mike and the bots don’t take the openings, but it seems like there is a gross overestimation of just how funny they can make this short.  While the short itself is silly, it goes in circles and often displays scenes that are pretty much exactly the same over and over again.  Perhaps it’s the Starfighters of shorts, only with more purpose.  Riffing makes you smile, rarely rising to the occasion of an all-out laugh.

Once Upon a Honeymoon
Original Episode:  Night of the Blood Beast

Strange, strange, STRANGE short about a housewife constantly daydreaming of kitchen appliances and telephones while her husband is forced to postpone their honeymoon until he is done writing a song.  An angel pushes the plot along by sprinkling confetti all over the place.

Promotional shorts like this weren’t uncommon, but I’m not quite sure what this one is selling.  Maybe the kitchen appliances or the telephones, but let’s be honest, I wouldn’t be in a buying spirit after watching this because I don’t really know what it was trying to sell me.  The short feels as if it’s a bit too concerned with entertaining than selling.  If you like random breaking out into song and dance, this short will have your attention.

That’s kind of a pro in this short’s favor; that it almost has the flavor of an old MGM musical short from the 1930’s, only done much, much cheaper.  But it doesn’t have much of a narrative hook to engage its audience, and doesn’t effectively sell the product it’s showcasing.  That unfortunately makes Once Upon a Honeymoon useless.

Once Upon a Honeymoon is an exquisite short, which Mike and the bots embrace for all its oddities.

The DVD

The compilation was released on DVD by Rhino as a special online exclusive through their website on orders of The Essentials collection.  I unfortunately do not own this disc, but from what I hear there are no special features.  Shout Factory also released it on their Singles Collection set, with crisp audio and video.  There were also no special features.