Multiplex Madness
Ballerina
⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Action
Director: Len Wiseman
Starring: Ana de Armas, Angelica Huston, Gabriel Byrne, Norman Reedus, Lance Reddick, Ian McShane, Keanu Reeves
The second attempt at branching out the John Wick franchise into a Cinematic Universe, following the Continental miniseries on Peacock, Ballerina gets more in depth with what Angelica Huston was up to in the third movie. Ana de Armas plays a Kikimora assassin who bumps back into the cultmembers who are responsible for her father's murder. Defying the orders of her house to let sleeping dogs lie, she furthers herself into her own investigation, leaving a trail of bodies in her wake. From my understanding, Ballerina was derived from a screenplay that was inspired by John Wick but otherwise unrelated. In a curious case of serendipity, Lionsgate purchased it and decided to incorporate it into the John Wick franchise, even setting elements up in Chapter 3 to directly tie into this film. The film does smell like it has been shoehorned into this franchise, because it doesn't entirely feel like it's walking at the same pace. The action is on point, and de Armas is capable lead, but the film is just too slow. The John Wick franchise stretched itself to three-hours, and even then it never became slow. The film is a continuous stretch of stop-and-go, slowing to a crawl and interrupting itself with a raucous action sequence. If the film were littered with the colorful characters that John Wick is known to bring, there might be more fun to be had, but we're given a cast that's is full of stoic tropes, where everyone has a sob story and a rehearsed monologue. Ballerina becomes a blend of that new generation post-John Wick hyperenergy while also being old fashioned to a fault. This might be an issue that director Len Wiseman brings with him, because he is a filmmaker of the post-Matrix generation, who created action films with slow motion and wirework. This franchise is the next level after that, and that flavor was seemingly added in reshoots with previous Wick helmer Chad Stahelski on hand as a consultant. If Lionsgate wants John Wick to be the franchise that they seemingly want it to be, they need to learn how to do this without Stahelski, otherwise it's just going to flail and waffle off, like a fart in the wind. That's not to say that the movie doesn't have its moments, because the flamethrower duel was worth the price of admission by itself. There is little reason to yet be concerned that John Wick might lose its status as the defining action franchise of the post-millenium. But if Lionsgate wants to keep pumping out spin-offs, they need to really work hard to maintain its mojo. You can tell Ballerina tried, which is better than nothing. But I'm going to have to insist that they push themselves until their feet bleed. Otherwise, they're just going to die in the field.
Dangerous Animals
⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Thriller
Director: Sean Byrne
Starring: Jai Courtney, Hassie Harrison, Josh Heuston, Rob Carlton
Jai Courtney plays a man who runs a "swim with the sharks" experience off the coast of Australia who feeds his customers to said sharks for kicks, though one wonders how he manages to actually stay in business if the mortality rate is 100%. For the most part, Dangerous Animals is just Wolf Creek on the ocean, where unsuspecting wanderers just fall afoul of some grizzled Aussie who kills people because he's an asshole. Simply being an asshole is one of my least favorite serial killer motivations in films like this, which is why I don't particularly care for Wolf Creek, but Jai Courtney is eating this role up and I'm going to let him have his fun. Besides, he seems to genuinely get off on watching people get eaten, so maybe he's just really into vore. The screenplay focuses on suvivalist elements, though feels stretched thin, while the main leads are not very compelling and some wonky CGI can take one out of the movie. It comes back to how committed Courtney is and how tense the movie can get, and both are of a higher tier, making Dangerous Animals a casual recommend for those looking for a Saturday night thriller.
The Phoenician Scheme
⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Comedy
Director: Wes Anderson
Starring: Benicio del Toro, Mia Threapleton, Michael Cera, Riz Ahmed, Tom Hanks, Bryan Cranston, Mathieu Amalric, Richard Ayoade, Jeffery Wright, Scarlett Johansson, Benedict Cumberbatch, Rupert Friend, Hope Davis
Oh look, Wes Anderson made a movie. Not only that, it's a movie about arms dealers, espionage, and assassins. I mean, the mere idea of a Wes Anderson movie with any of that is kinda funny (of course, "kinda funny" is probably the base description of Anderson's entire filmography). Obviously, the movie needed a title like a Robert Ludlum book, because if Anderson did a Ludlum adaptation, it would likely look a lot like The Phoenician Scheme. Benicio del Toro stars as an arms dealer who, after a near-death experience, decides to bond with his daughter (who is a nun, but wears far more make-up than any nun I've ever seen outside of pornography). All the while, he puts forth a swindle that allows him control of Phoenician labor. The movie is what I expected it to be, which means my experience is the same as any Anderson movie. That is to say that I think it's amusing for a while, think it's almost over, check the time, discover there is an hour left, then wish I were dead. I'm perfectly happy knowing that Anderson sits in his corner and does the thing that he's good at. And as always, that's no promise that I'll care when it finds its way in front of my eyes. As I've said many times before, a little bit of Anderson goes a long way, and I'll never be a completionist of watching his work because it really doesn't appeal to me. Is there anything distinct about The Phoenician Scheme that sets it apart? Nothing too notable, though Anderson does attempt to block out his unique take on an action scene toward the end. Not sure if I've ever seen him do that before, and the result is kinda cute. I watched the movie just fine, so I'll give it a pass. There's nothing here to change my mind about Wes Anderson movies, though. I'm content with accepting that, and Anderson is content with only appealing to those who are obsessed with his movies. If it ain't broke, let's let it be.
The Ritual
⭐️1/2
Genre: Horror
Director: David Midell
Starring: Al Pacino, Dan Steven's, Ashley Greene, Abigail Cowen, Maria Camila Giraldo, Meadow Williams, Patrick Fabian, Patricia Heaton
Based on a real-life, well-documented exorcism from 1928, The Ritual features Dan Stevens as a priest who assists exorcist Al Pacino with the lengthy process of expelling a demon from a young woman. Basically the same story as every exorcism movie ever. If you're going to do something derivative, true story or not, at least do it with personality. The Ritual is like watching a mockbuster of The Exorcist that accidentally spent what little budget they had on Al Pacino. That almost seems like what it's aiming for, a performance drama where we're meant to be captivated by Pacino and Stevens as they interact with one another. There's not enough to their interactions to get excited about, unfortunately. That means it's up to the horror to pick up the slack, but it's mostly flash zooms and screeching noises. The film is a failure as both a drama and a shocker, making it a hollow watch.
Netflix & Chill
Predator: Killer of Killers
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Streaming On: Hulu
Genre: Action, Thriller
Director: Dan Trachtenberg
Starring: Lindsay LaVanchy, Lewis Ozawa, Rick Gonzalez, Michael Biehn
We need to mark this day on our calendars because for the first time in human history we have made two good Predator movies in a row. This new one, Killer of Killers, is the first animated film in the franchise, and it's enough of an argument in the format to make me hope it isn't the last. Probably the biggest fear when it comes to such a project is that it would turn out like The Animatrix, a wildly inconsistent collection of short stories that only served as advertisement for 2003's Matrix sequels. Killer of Killers might be a hype-builder for this year's theatrical sequel, Predator: Badlands, but even if it is, it works as its own individual sequel and not just a promotional tool.
The film is also an anthology of sorts, following suit of the previous Predator movie, Prey, by showcasing stories of Predators appearing throughout human history, fighting with Vikings, Samurai, and World War II soldiers. Each story shows one human overcoming each Predator, which isn't really a spoiler because that's what happens in every Predator movie, and all come to a head when they are collected by a Predator clan that seems to specifically seek out the prey that manages to overcome their race. I have questions about this process, seeing how this collection seemingly has been frozen for centuries only to randomly get defrosted to partake in a bitchy little honor fight for what appears to be no reason. There's not a lot of purpose to the film's entire central premise, but it makes up for in sheer amount of badassery. Killer of Killers exists to be a bloody showcase of the Predator franchise unrestrained. This is seemingly what Shane Black's The Predator wanted to do with its larger budget blockbuster approach but dropped the ball on by overthinking the concept of Predator. Killer of Killers keeps things basic and lets them build, working its way to a climax that the audience is building anticipation for as the movie gets more and more brazen with how hardcore it's going to be. The climax is arguably the least exciting sequence in the movie, and it ends on an almost ill-advised cliffhanger that copies a better-executed ending in 2010's Predators, but the movie has earned enough good-will by this point that the whole of the film is not damaged.
Killer of Killers is enough of a sign that the franchise is in safe hands with Dan Trachtenberg, who is not only the first person to direct more than one Predator movie, he already has a third one due out in a few months. My appetite is properly whetted as the franchise finally has found its footing after a few rough false-starts. But we're finally getting movies that we can hold up with the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic (and the underrated 2010 sequel, but I'll forgo my soapbox for now). That's impressive by itself, but if Trachtenberg really wants to turn this franchise into gold, he'll pick up Shane Black's baton and follow-up that plot thread of Predators harvesting autism. If he can turn that into a coherent storyline, this franchise will truly be salvaged.
Movies Still Playing At My Theater
The Accountant² ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Bring Her Back ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Friendship ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Karate Kid: Legends ⭐️⭐️
The Last Rodeo ⭐️⭐️
Lilo & Stitch ⭐️⭐️
On Swift Horses ⭐️⭐️1/2
Sinners ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Thunderbolts ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
New To Digital
The Legend of Ochi ⭐️⭐️
Sinners ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
The Surfer ⭐️⭐️1/2
New To Physical
The Ballad of Wallis Island ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Coming Soon!
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