MST3K, RiffTrax, and Beyond: Cinema Playground Journal 2023: Week 37 (My Cinema Playground)

Multiplex Madness

Camp Hideout

⭐⭐

Genre: Comedy

Director: Sean Olson

Starring: Ethan Drew, Corbin Bleu, Amanda Leighton, Christopher Lloyd

Camp Hideout sees a teenager threatened with juvenile hall being sent to community service at a summer camp. This is one of those kid-targeted movies who's only real crime is that it's humor is flamboyantly silly instead of witty, so it's likely to attract negative reviews like flies to...well anything at a summer camp. Peak of comedy in this movie can be summed up with:

"Hi! I'm Becky! With a 'B!'"

"What else would 'Becky' start with?"

"Oh, it's a game!"

This all leads up to a climax where the movie goes Home Alone lite by booby trapping a duo of criminals, which would have likely have been much shorter if one of these guys had a gun instead of misplaced self-confidence in that children would find them intimidating. Those who grew up with Disney Channel Original movies and Nickelodeon sitcoms will likely recognize the stylings of this movie, seeing that it's just playing itself up for what its audience wants it to do. Ten-year-olds will likely get a kick out of it, but it probably won't have much appeal beyond targeting that demographic and likely won't have lasting impact beyond its generation.

A Haunting in Venice

⭐⭐⭐

Genre: Mystery, Horror

Director: Kenneth Branagh

Starring: Kenneth Branagh, Michelle Yeoh, Tina Fey, Kyle Allen, Camille Cotton, Jamie Dornan, Jide Hill, Ali Khan, Emma Laird, Kelly Reilly, Ricardo Scamarcio

The moustache is back, baby! A Haunting in Venice is the third of Kenneth Branagh's Hercule Poirot adaptations, following Murder on the Orient Express and Death on the Nile. Those were two of the most adapted stories from the vast library of Agatha Christie novels, of which Branagh chooses to scale back with the relatively lesser known "Halowe'en Party," which sees Poirot investigating a death at a seance that may or may not be based in the supernatural. Given Poirot's thought process has always had basis in logic and reasoning, it's not difficult to figure out just how supernatural the environment is. It's just a matter of following Poirot to the answer, which is hopefully worth the time it takes to get there. It's mostly an excuse to keep the budget down, as the story mostly takes place in a single, confined location. The lower budget is very welcome, as the location landscapes of Venice and gothic set design are far more visually appealing than the CGI backdrop in Death on the Nile. Coming with it is a mixture of horror, as it tries to add a haunted house into its mystery. Branagh has never been one to indulge in horror, as his only dip into it was Mary Shelley's Frankenstein nearly thirty years ago, which didn't exactly pan out the way I think anyone planned. Branagh doesn't seem to have much fascination with the macabre, but what Branagh does have is a gift for theatricality. He knows how to use it to its strengths when most would utilize it poorly, which gives him a confident presentation. A Haunting in Venice is likely to disappoint horror fans, though, as it's not a pure-blooded horror movie. It's a Poirot mystery through and through. Horror is just a means to an end. And those likely to see a Poirot movie aren't necessarily in much of a demographic overlap with horror fans, which I think limits the movie's audience far more than it intends. Agatha Christie fans who do give it a shot will probably be happy with what has been done here, though.

The Inventor

⭐⭐⭐

Genre: Fantasy, Musical

Director: Jim Capobianco

Starring: Stephen Fry, Daisy Ridley, Marion Cotillard, Matt Berry

Stop-motion animated film tells a whimsical take on the life of Leonardo da Vinci, turning it into an ode to creativity that those who it inspires. It's a movie that's probably too soft and quaint to really compete in the children's entertainment market of today, more than likely to gain more admiration from adults who look at the craft and care in which it was created, which will likely lead it to be a movie kids watch in school down the road. Regardless of what the movie's fate is, it's clearly a work of passion made by people who put it together with love. It's a lovely little movie, and while that might not be powerful enough to stand out, it certainly is a distinct work of its own creation.

The Retirement Plan

⭐

Genre: Comedy, Action, Crime, Thriller

Director: Tim Brown

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Ashley Greene Khoury, Thalia Campbell, Ron Perlman, Jackie Earl Haley, Ernie Hudson, Joel David Moore, Lynn Whitfield, Grace Byers

After stealing a hard drive from a criminal organization (which is actually a thumb drive, but whatever), a mother sends it to the Caribbean with her daughter to hide them both with her estranged father, who she is unaware is actually a retired CIA assassin who can handle all the thugs that are after the drive. Clumsy comedic caper only has slight interest through Nicolas Cage's reliably eccentric performance (which involves looking as much like Kris Kristofferson as humanly possible). In fact, the film's character actor quota is more than filled with supporting roles for Ron Perlman, Ernie Hudson, and Jackie Earl Haley, who also get on camera and do what they're best at. The script gives them all nothing to work with, though. It gives Cage nothing to work with either, but Cage is brave enough to take a boring role and turn it into something, even if it's still not that great. Most of the film's budget seems to have gone to the cast with hopes of elevating it, which seems like a smart play until you realize that there is only a fraction left to give the movie anything more than a handful of sets and locations and almost no stunt or effects work for its action. It tries to work it out with haphazard editing techniques, but it constantly looks flat and unengaging. Even if you like the actors involved, the movie is so flimsy in its production that it's easy to skip entirely and feel you haven't missed anything in their career. Though I will admit I'm impressed with the confidence it took to exhibit this movie in a theater when it should be sold for ten bucks on DVD at most.

Netflix & Chill

Elevator Game

⭐

Streaming On: Shudder

Genre: Horror

Director: Rebekah McKendry

Starring: Gino Anania, Verity Marks, Madison MacIssac, Alec Carlos, Nazariy Demkowicz, Liam Stewart-Kanigan, Megan Best, Samantha Halas

Horror + Elevator = Elevated Horror

Pardon my ignorance for not being hip with the kidz and whatever they're doing on the TikTokz, but apparently Elevator Game is based on an actual social media game that people do, filming themselves in an elevator pushing buttons in a certain sequence that's supposed to open a door to a hell dimension or something. The poster I found for this entry claims "Based on actual events," which is quite possibly the most hyperbolic relation of this that they could have come up with. As far as I can tell, the game is a real thing, but the movie's story is a very fictional, very basic dumb kids get killed by horror thingie type movie. The plot involves YouTubers that do ghostly, urban legend "Bloody Mary" type games on camera for audience amusement. They play the Elevator Game, and surprise surprise, they are chased by a real ghost contortionist lady. Look, I'm good with a dumb supernatural murder chase movie, but if it's going to be done, it needs to be a fun experience, or even a stylish one. Elevator Game simply doesn't give its characters enough to do to make it an enjoyable time investment. They play in an elevator, scoff and sulk for a bit, play in the elevator again because reasons, then run around. There isn't enough here for a movie, and even if there were, it's delivered too much in the tradition of assembly line pop horror to leave an impression. There might be some value for those who like movies about killer ghoulies, because some of the contortionist sequences with Samantha Halas as "The 5th Floor Woman" are pretty well done (though her make-up looks like ass), but this is a hard recommend unless you're a tween who is really into Elevator Game videos and are looking for maybe your first horror movie.

Love at First Sight

⭐⭐

Streaming On: Netflix

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance

Director: Vanessa Caswill

Starring: Haley Lu Richardson, Ben Hardy, Dexter Fletcher, Rob Delaney, Sally Phillips, Jameela Jamil

It's Netflix romance time, where a woman late for her flight and meets a guy at the airport while waiting for the next one. This dude is supposed to be a nerd, but he's only a nerd in the romcom leading man sense in that he's pretty enough to look like he could be in a boy band and talks with a deep, sexy accent. Anyway, they wind up sitting next to each other on the flight and fall in love, only to lose each other in London and do the star-crossed lovers thing for literally two hours before finding each other again. It's hard for me to get a read on this movie because one minute it's doing something really cute and charming and the next it feels like it really hasn't thought itself through. Oddly, the movie works best when it was the simple guy meets girl sequences at the beginning, then it just gets meandering and aimless as it wanders on. That being said, I kinda like the format this movie uses to present itself, which has Jameela Jamil as a sort of Cupid-type figure who narrates and interjects herself in the flow of the story, giving the character's little nudges when they need it. It's such an adorable idea for a romcom that I wish the rest of the movie were as creative and as funny as it.

A Million Miles Away

⭐⭐

Streaming On: Prime

Genre: Drama

Director: Alejandra Márquez Abella

Starring: Michael Peña, Rosa Salazar, Garrett Dillahunt

I had a perfectly (by all accounts) mediocre new show starring my imaginary wife Jenna Coleman that's also on Prime staring me in the face that I had to click away from so I could watch this instead. This movie better be worth it.

The film is based on the true story of José M. Hernández, who overcame his humble background and many discouraging rejections to go from being an engineer to the first Mexican-American astronaut. Well-intentioned, but cheesy and trite, A Million Miles Away tells its biographical story with an earnest bounce that engages in that way that it's something most will say they watched but were actually playing on their phone the entire time. The film's primary ace in the hole are its charismatic leads in Michael Peña and Rosa Salazar, who I enjoy seeing in any movie at all, but together deliver a charming chemistry that give the movie what little lift-off it has. But the movie struggles to use them wisely for a good long while, including trying to pass off Peña, a man in his mid-40s, as an 18-year-old high school graduate. I mean, yeah, there are more than a few biopics that do this, but a lot of them are better than A Million Miles Away too. It just didn't hit me in the heart like it wanted to, which is making me far more scrutinizing of it.

Movies Still Playing At My Theater

Barbie ⭐⭐⭐1/2

Blue Beetle ⭐⭐⭐

Bottoms ⭐⭐⭐

The Equalizer 3 ⭐⭐⭐

Gran Turismo ⭐⭐1/2

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny ⭐⭐⭐

Jurassic Park ⭐⭐⭐⭐

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 ⭐⭐1/2

The Nun II ⭐1/2

Oppenheimer ⭐⭐⭐

Strays ⭐⭐1/2