Welcome to my blog dedicated to movie riffing! Here we will journey through the many episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, the files of RiffTrax, the DVDs of Cinematic Titanic, and hopefully many others.
Join me, won't you?
Starring: Nykiya Adams, Barry Keoghan, Franz Rogowski, Jason Buda, Jasmine Jobson, Frankie Box, James Nelson-Joyce
A troubled young girl befriends an awkward outsider who is searching for his mother in this indie coming-of-age drama. Bird starts off pretty straightforward, with rebellious teenage angst taking center stage of what, at first glance, is pretty run-of-the-mill and comes off an aimlessly generic attempt. Assuredly, it takes a turn. Does it make it more interesting? I'd be challenged to say it does. If anything, it turns its from aimless to lightly baffling. The film crosses into metaphorical fantasy as it goes on, which feels like it's doing so because it doesn't trust its drama. That's not entirely unwarranted, because while the acting is pretty good, the story ebbs and flows as it meanders without full certainty of where it's going. As its final element starts rolling, the film has something to cling to, even as it grasp slips while it clumsily tries to fuse it into itself. I'm curious if there is some local English folklore I'm missing that helps bring this movie together, but even if there is, I'm still left piecing this movie together from what abstract pieces it offers. But Bird is an interesting piece, even as it misfires.
A Real Pain
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama, Comedy
Director: Jesse Eisenberg
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Kieran Culkin, Will Sharpe, Jennifer Grey, Kurt Egyiawan, Liza Sadovy, Daniel Oreskes
Jesse Eisenberg directs himself and Kieran Culkin as cousins who go on a tour of Holocaust sites in Poland after the passing of their grandmother, while Culkin's erratic behavior makes Eisenberg and the rest of the tour uncomfortable along the way. A Real Pain is a contemplative dramedy featuring contrasting performances by its two leads. Culkin is given the jucier role of the two, allowing for an unfiltered character who projects a frivolous nature that masks an internal depression. Eisenberg gives himself a straight man role to use in observational study of such inner pain. The movie has no answers for its subject, opting instead to be a study of the aimless lives that haven't been figured out, and how small they might feel in contrast to both people they know and the people that preceed them. It's a lot to chew on for such a small movie.
The one-and-only Santa Claus has been kidnapped in the days leading up to Christmas, and personal bodyguard Dwayne Johnson teams up with professional tracker and "Level 4 Naughty Lister" Chris Evans to track him down and return him to the skies by Christmas Eve. Johnson reteams with his Jumanji director Jake Kasdan for another hectic family adventure, though Red One lacks the creative spirit of the Jumanji films, even if the good-natured humor still wins it some charisma points. The problem with doing a globe-trotting techno caper take on the Santa Claus mythos is that the novelty of "Christmas magic" falters while making things shinier and more action-based. The appeal of the holiday gets lost in the gloss. That's not to say it can't be done, but Red One is too pleased with its cheek to get in touch with its imagination. The movie does clearly think its genre mash is imaginative enough, though it's probably confusing imagination with Christmas-themed gimmickry. Red One is a lot of holiday paint airbrushed on basic noise. It's enough for an empty evening at the movies, though it likely won't inspire many to put it on their annual holiday rotation.
Starring: Mikey Madison, Mark Eydelshteyn, Yura Borisov, Karren Karagulian, Vache Tovmasyan, Aleksei Serebryakov
A stripper/prostitute elopes with a wealthy Russian party boy, only to be caught off guard when his parents send a group of henchmen to force their annulment. The movie sounds simple, but there is a sublimeness to its presentation that make it emotionally viable. It owes a lot to Mikey Madison, who glows in the title role and acts as a force of energy as a chaotic woman in a chaotic situation insisting that she's found true love when all signs point to her being used as a symbol of frivolity. Her attachment to the idea that she has found love makes her plight heartbreaking. She's quite funny in the movie too, highlighted by an extended scene where a group of men try to calm her down, but she grows so violent that they have to subdue her, carefully trying not to make her feel like she's being assaulted but she's so out of control that the situation grows out of hand. It's likely one of the best comedic setpieces you'll see in any movie this year, while it also highlights her emotional stress throughout the movie. She is a woman who firmly believes that she has found her life outside of being used by men, only for it to sink in that the idea she thought of as love might just be her being used more thoroughly than usual. It's a lovely look at one woman's idealism and how it can be thrown away.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Comedy, Faith
Director: Dallas Jenkins
Starring: Judy Greer, Peter Holmes, Molly Belle Wright, Lauren Graham
It's usually a general rule that the earlier in November that your Christmas movie opens, the worse it probably is, and if it opens in October then it needs to be ignored entirely. Or it means it's opening early so it can flop and hit streaming by December. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever opened as early in November as it possibly could have, so I didn't have high expectations. The movie is better than you'd might think, though. How much you enjoy it will depend on how embraclsive you are of its quaintness. The film sees Judy Greer putting on a Christmas pageant for her local church, which is upended by a group of out-of-control troublemaking children. It's simple and goofy, but it does so for broad family appeal, which is to be expected for a Christmas movie that doesn't star Billy Bob Thornton. Is the movie funny? Eh...more silly and rambunctious. The film works more thematically than it does as a laugh riot. The movie makes a point to target the idolization of the story of Christmas to the point that the story is softened up and loses its meaning, utilizing characters in poverty to show that the story is actually about perseverance through hardship and belief in something greater. It's a quality moral for a Christmas movie, and one a lot of faith movies could learn from, because most movies of this type are about white middle-to-upper class pricks acting as if they're being persecuted against because atheism exists. The movie actually parodies the dismissive attitude of the Christian church quite poignantly, showcasing that self-serving evangelical type that works against their religious teachings because their religion makes them feel above the downtrodden. The moral becomes about the perversion of faith in the hands of the privileged and how it becomes separated from the people it might actually mean something to. It's probably the best, most in-the-weeds moral I've seen in any Christmas movie I've seen in a while. It's likely to fall on deaf ears, but that's not the movie's fault. Its heart is full and in the right place, even if it could stand to be a little less vanilla when it's entire point is to give Christmas a little bit of an edge. It's made by people who don't know where the edge is, but I appreciate the effort.
Christmas Eve in Miller's Point
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Comedy
Director: Tyler Thomas Taormina
Starring: Matilda Fleming, Maria Dizzia, Ben Shenkman, Francesca Scorsese, Elsie Fisher, Lev Cameron, Sawyer Spielberg, Gregg Turkington, Michael Cera
Oh boy. Another Christmas movie before Thanksgiving. Just what I wanted, tow in on one weekend. This one is an indie comedy that sees a family gathering at their grandmother's house for what may be their last holiday party before the sale of the house and putting her into a nursing home. Laughter ensues as we watch family relations get out of hand. The movie is very good at depicting that rowdy Christmas atmosphere of a family holiday get-together, from the people who live for it down to the people who don't want to be there. It then sideramps into a slight teens-be-teens adventure to highlight that underground spirit of individuality breaking free from their roots, but still coming home in the end. Michael Cera and Gregg Turkington are also in this movie, looking out of place as they lean more into quirky character comedians instead of the silly family archetype the rest of the movie works with. Because of that, the movie struggles to maintain a consistent tone at times, but that's only five percent of a movie that mostly works.
Elevation
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Science Fiction, Thriller
Director: George Nolfi
Starring: Anthony Mackie, Morena Baccarin, Maddie Hasson, Tony Goldwyn
Mankind becomes an endangered species yet again in another post-apocalyptic thriller with creepy crawlies running around. Indestructible beasties cannot exceed above a certain elevation, so camps of survivors retreat into the mountains. Why can't they go up there? The movie doesn't explain. Maybe they don't like hard nipples and shrinkage. But Anthony Mackie needs medical equipment for his son, so he needs to venture out into the danger zone to retrieve it. If you've seen movies like Elevation before, then you've already seen Elevation. It's an unambitious, exposition-heavy script from people who have probably seen a hundred episodes of The Walking Dead, memorized every trope, and generalized them to their bare bones, ensuring Elevation is only passive entertainment. But solid actors and decent creature feature action help balance it's less polished edges. Mackie is a likeable leading man, and Morena Baccarin manages to make the movie heavier in some beats than it has any right to be. With a script this threadbare, the cast upping their game is a plus. The film climaxes on a bizarre ending that is unadulterated silliness, answering some questions but asking a hundred more, feeling like it's promising a franchise that it takes optimism to assume an audience will demand. The movie cost only $18 million to produce (and it resources it very smartly, in all fairness), so it wouldn't take that much to make it a success. It still feels like a lot to ask an audience to like this movie enough to want another one.
Heretic
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Director: Scott Beck, Bryan Woods
Starring: Hugh Grant, Sophie Thatcher, Chloe East
Heretic is the latest genre offering from Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, who are best known as the writers of A Quiet Place, though they have been trying to build a directing career outside of that film since even before it came out. They had a minor indie spooky house flick called Haunt, and last year they went blockbuster by shooting laser guns at dinosaurs in 65. Heretic is a snap back to lower-budget fare, and it's probably one of the better scripts they've put out. I say this with a huge caveat, because I'm not really one that gets into movies that are theological discussions that are clearly created by someone with a one-sided bias (probably the worst example of this is last year's Nefarious, which was so theologically naive that it felt like it was written by a grade-schooler). Heretic's screenplay sometimes comes off like it was written by the type who brags about being an athiest every time someone brings up their own faith, who convinced himself he's doing so to make a point, but is really doing it because he likes the way it feels to be a smug asshole. So, already there's a certain level of obnoxiousness to this movie that turns me off, but it's a tight screenplay and a well-crafted production, which does put my hesitancy on the backseat. Heritic's story is about two Mormon girls who are invited into the house of Hugh Grant to discuss his potentially joining the church. The tables start to turn when Grant plays mind games with the girls, seemingly pushing them to test their faith in front of him. What is his game? It has a few crazy turns, though I'll admit being a little underwhelmed with the final reveal. The movie is cautiously intricate, though despite that, it can't help but delve into clumsy habits. Grant is given a lot of detailed dialogue, and he belts it out effortlessly and with intense charisma. But as good as Grant is and despite the movie's theology pretense, it really just boils down to an old man being a dick to two young girls. It's a good thing it's an engaging example of that. Once you accept the meat and potatoes of the meal, it's a solid ride of twistedness. It's probably not one that was ever destined to win me over, but it's probably the highlight of Beck and Woods' resume to date.
Meanwhile on Earth
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Science Fiction
Director: Jérémy Clapin
Starring: Megan Northam, Catherine Salée, Sam Louwyck
French science fiction film features a woman is contacted by a disembodied voice, which tells her that it can bring back her brother, who was lost on a space mission years prior. Thematically, the film is about how loss haunts a person and the will to make that which is gone return to you. The movie is fueled by forceful sound design, mixed with intense cinematography focused on a locked in performance by Megan Northam. The vibes of the film are mostly grounded, coming off as an indie drama about mourning with psychological supernatural elements. As such, the movie is more about its metaphor than its premise, so it doesn't end on a note of full closure. The movie is lovely in that regard, though it never really breaks away from its modesty.
Fresh off his Oscar win, Cillain Murphy goes back to the Award-baiting performance well with this story where he plays a delivery man who suspects that women taken in by a local convention are being mistreated and abused. Normally movies like this are about confrontation with the people who do bad deeds, but Small Things like These is more about internal conflict. The film tells a story of a man living a mundane life who notices something is amiss, which gives him the turmoil of whether to keep his head down in his normalcy or to get involved in something outside his small world. The film has a low-scale view of this type of story, focusing on the moral stress of being the man to notice a wrong rather than an effort to right it. The film's sloth pace will be appreciated by some more than others, as it takes a while to get going and, even when it does, it focuses on Murphy's contemplation. If one is a Murphy fan, it's definitely a performance to chew on in a movie with an intriguing approach to its subject matter.
Weekend in Taipei
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Action, Comedy
Director: George Huang
Starring: Luke Evans, Gwei Lun-mei, Sung Kang
This inconsistent martial arts flick has Luke Evans as an American agent in Taiwan, where he leads a team tasked with taking down corrupt billionaire Sung Kang, going out of his way to protect the wife and son who have been leaking him information. The movie is primarily a throwback to the type of imported Asian action flick that swelled in the market about thirty years ago, though the film never reaches the heights of that subgenre. After a while it tonally downgrades into a low rent Jason Statham movie that borders on a bargain basement Steven Seagal movie. It never commits to any of the charm either could offer, just tiring out and working hard to end itself. Casting Luke Evans in a 90s martial arts action-comedy homage is like casting Bruce Willis when Jackie Chan and Jet Li won't return your calls. Sure, he'll get the job done, but there's a disconnect in style. In fairness, The movie's action is on point, but it's comedy is overtly staged and hammed up until it loses all impact. For example, the movie's female lead is introduced in a rather bizarre Breakfast at Tiffany's homage, dressing like Audrey Hepburn and with an instrumental of Moon River playing, before sucker punching us with her closing the scene with her racing a car through the streets that would make her co-stars who have been in Fast & Furious movies envious. That's only a slight hint at how stilted and awkward the movie can be, though it's moderately entertaining if you're only here to see people get punched.
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ron Perlman, Yolonda Ross, Daniel Diemer
Liam Neeson is back punching people in his latest aging-man thriller, though this one is more contemplative than most. Neeson plays a gangster who finds out his mind is going, and he tries to spend his remaining time trying to establish bridges with his estranged daughter, which is easier said than done. The movie is somewhat similar to Michael Keaton's Knox Goes Away earlier this year, which was a forgettable movie itself. That being said, it had more meat on its bones than Absolution. Neeson seems keen to play a more dramatic role than most of this fare allows him to do, but he seems to be lost in an indie drama that he has created in his own mind while the movie isn't willing to meet him at his level. The movie isn't really that thrilling while the drama runs inert looking for a place to go. The conclusion is only satisfying in that noir sense of nobody really getting what they want, though the resolution doesn't really make the premise feel whole. Those looking for a dementia thriller will be better off with Keaton's film, though it's not an absolute whether they'll think highly of it. Neeson's fans are better off checking out In the Land of Saints and Sinners from earlier this year instead.
Here
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Starring: Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, Paul Bettany, Kelly Reilly
I want nothing more than to be able to say Robert Zemeckis is one of the greatest living directors. The man has some of the greatest films ever made under his belt, and as the man progresses deeper into his career, he continues to try and experiment and innovate, wanting to make unique films that are unlike anything else on the market. Unfortunately, he sometimes struggles to make his experimentation and innovation pay off. Ever since he gave the world that nightmare of a Polar Express movie, something seems to have broken inside of him.
His latest movie is called Here, based on graphic novel of the same name. Here is a high-concept study of the passage of time and all the events that can happen in one spot over the course of years, decades, centuries, and even millenia. It's about the nostalgic memories you have in your home, even the other people who lived in it before you, and even the ones who lived in it after you. The movie simultaniously tells several life tales that happen in one living room in Pennsylvania and all the people who occupied it: An aviation pilot and his badgering wife (played by Downton Abbey allum Michelle Dockery), a guy who invents the La-Z-Boy recliner and his model wife, a modern family living through the COVID-19 pandemic, and even periods before the house existed during colonial times, the American Revolution, and a pantomime love story between Native Americans. The main narrive takes place when a digitally de-aged Paul Bettany moves in with his wife, an equally de-aged Kelly Reilly. They raise a family of which their eldest son grows into an even more digitally de-aged Tom Hanks, telling his love story with his high school sweetheart and de-aged Forrest Gump co-star Robin Wright. That's a lot of CGI face-lifts right there. It's bizarre if you think about it, because Hanks and Wright spend most of this movie playing versions of their characters in their 20s, while Hanks' parents are played by actors that are younger than both of them. I understand why you'd want actors as good as Hanks and Wright in this movie, but it occurs to me that this movie could have probably been made for half the cost if they used younger actors instead and utilized make-up instead of CGI. This is a movie where the camera stays in one spot, for god's sake. Why does it have so many special effects?
Zemeckis deserves credit for ambition in a film that strives to be poetry over narrative. He's tripped up when his presentation feels too staged for his metaphor of life and time to hit as hard as it wants to. The movie is jovial enough to be enjoyable, while its drama is lifeless because he has to play it up to the camera, which is only in one corner of the room. It's like putting on a theater production for drywall. It feels like the movie tries to mask this with its storytelling device, where the film uses framing panels to show different things happening in the room during different time periods, which it uses to transition to different stories. Unfortunately, the nonlinear narrative is so rapid fire that it's disorienting. It becomes distracting to switch from one story to another, getting deep into the Hanks/Wright narrative only to switch to someone else, having to remember who the new people in front of you are, only to switch to something different seconds later. The movie can come off as homework because of that. It's too bad, because deep in my heart I was rooting for this movie. It's not that bad, and I'd even argue that it's worth a watch. The movie might be overly sentimental for most of its duration, but I'd argue if one type of story earns sentimentality, it would be a life-spanning narrative like this. It's just hard to watch this movie without an nagging thought in the back of your head telling you that it should be great, but it isn't.
Hitpig
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Comedy, Adventure
Director: Cinzia Angelini, David Feiss
Starring: Jason Sudeikis, Lilly Singh, Rainn Wilson, Anitta, RuPaul, Hannah Gadsby, Charlie Adler
Goofy, under-the-radar animated offering sees a pig who is raised to be a bounty hunter tracking down an elephant to return to her owner. Hitpig is not an entirely disposable offering, as its cast has some notable names, and it can get a laugh at some of its dumbest lines, my favorite being "You just cracked a baby back rib." This movie is a pun machine. In its defense, some of the puns are actually pretty funny, though a movie with this many dad jokes and little narrative isn't justifiable as a theatrical experience. Hitpig is a movie that feels destined to be a distraction for five-year-olds whenever it hits Netflix. Going out of your way to see it is hard to envision. But it might be ideal for a home viewing scenario, while I can't picture it being played on rotation to the points parents will be driven insane. Is that a plus? I don't know. I'm gonna assume it is.
Lost on a Mountain in Maine
⭐️1/2
Genre: Drama, Adventure
Director: Andrew Boodhoo Knightlinger
Starring: Luke David Blum, Caitlin Fitzgerald, Griffin Wallace Henkel, Paul Sparks
Based on the true story of Donn Fendler, a 12-year-old who was lost in the wilderness for over a week in 1939. The film follows his survival trek through the woods while his parents launch a rescue effort. It's a pretty interesting story that is killed by the movie's hackneyed tendencies. The movie's hard lean into melodrama makes it less compelling than it would be if it had just used the same script but with less heavy filmmaking florishes, which give the impression that they didn't trust the audience to feel emotion without assistance. There is so much slow-motion, self-monologues, even a few patches a dream sequences that feel like the result of hard drugs. Was the kid licking toadstools out there? Because that's the impression I'm getting. From what I gather, Fendler did experience hallucinations during his time in the wilderness, so maybe I'm being harsh. The movie's presentation of them can get quite bizarre, though. I'd probably give them a pass if the movie had more ambition than the vibes of an ABC Movie of the Week, but it doesn't and here we are. This story could probably inspire an excellent movie. It's too bad that it didn't.
Netflix & Chill
Time Cut
⭐️1/2
Streaming On: Netflix
Genre: Horror, Science Fiction
Director: Hannah Macpherson
Starring: Madison Bailey, Antonia Gentry, Griffin Gluck
Christopher Landon may have accidentally sparked a meta slasher revolution when he made his goofy Groundhog Day homage in Happy Death Day, following it up with a killer take on Freaky Friday in Freaky. Last year alone, we had It's a Wonderful Knife, the holiday themed slasher take on It's a Wonderful Life, and Totally Killer, which genre crossed with Back to the Future. The last one is of particular note, because it seems as if it weren't the only film that aimed for that high concept premise. Time Cut was filmed a year before Totally Killer was, but for some reason it released a year after. I'm assuming there isn't much of a story to this, because Time Cut seems to be an independent acquisition by Netflix while Totally Killer was made in-house by Amazon/MGM to debut on Prime. The former works more slowly than the latter. One can tell the movie is just barely outdated, because it dropped a reference to being "viral on Twitter." Obviously it was written and filmed before that platform rehaul and gutting, but even if this was filmed before that, the trendier reference would have been TikTok.
As you might have guessed, this is another movie about a teenager being flung back in time and stuck in the middle of a serial killer rampage from the past. This time it's a girl who's sister was murdered before she was born, and she arrives in the year 2003 and gets to know the sister she never had while also trying to save her life. There is a sweetness to the sibling story that is hard to deny, though the movie tends to do a meandering stumble over its plot points, just kinda of mentioning them in passing rather than showing them unfold. The movie is obsessed with its characters talking about their feelings, which would be fine and dandy if this were a drama, but it's a high-concept time travel slasher movie. Plot twists need to be exciting. This movie gets lost in its sisterly tale and forgets what it's supposed to be doing.
When the movie does remember what it is, it doesn't do it particularly well. The movie is PG-13, and slasher action is more implication than startling. The movie hints that the killer probably does creative kills for the gore fanatics, but it cuts away from them, ensuring that audience will be disappointed. There is a subconscious element to this that is kind of perfect, because there were a lot of movies in the post-Scream/pre-Saw era that tried to cash in but diluted the product for a broader rating, but that's probably not a type of movie I'd craft a nostalgiac homage to. Even the time travel story feels anemic. The generational cross between Gen Z and Millennial has less to offer than the Gen Z and Gen X that Totally Killer brought to the table. Totally Killer was a vibe. The movie was aggressively culture clash in audacious ways, to the point where the killer wore a Max Headroom mask. With Time Cut, the culture clash is just a few social media namedrops contending with a lot of people wearing sweatpants, while the antagonist has no specific era motif about him other than he stabbed a guy with a broken DVD. Even the murder mystery isn't that good, as the obvious red harring is barely in it and the killer is the only person it could logically be; and when it turns out it is, the motive is unsatisfactory. I'll give Time Cut some minor points because the family story is cute enough, but everything revolving around it is such a missed opportunity that I can't find myself recommending it even for that. The director successfully got their 2000's mix CD playlist into a movie, though.
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow, Sergio Castellitto, Isabella Rossellini, Lucian Msamati, Carlos Diehz
Oh, good. As if American politics weren't stressful enough, now we have to put up with Vatican politics this season. After the Pope dies of a heart attack, Cardinal Ralph Fiennes organizes a conclave to select his successor. Tempers are flared, accusations are hurled, and secrets are laid bare as the pressure is on to find the next His Holiness. Tense with words rather than violence, Conclave is a dramatic tour de force on just about every front. Fiennes gives his usual 110% performance, locked in with contemplation and conflict. He and the audience both soak in the traits of individuality within the cardinals who are named, and weighing what they would mean for the Vatican and their faith. He is backed up by some reliable character actors in Stanley Tucci and John Lithgow, both of which hold their own against him. The film has a strong, intriguing script as its backbone, and it's difficult to fully guess what it's next move is at any given moment. That said, it's ending doesn't quite feel like it's a satisfactory resolution to the conflict, centering around a character who is barely present in the narrative until the climax. There are interesting elements in play with the ending, though some embellishment would have done some heavy lifting in making this movie even better.
The Line
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama
Director: Ethan Berger
Starring: Alex Wolff, Lewis Pullman, Halle Bailey, Austin Abrams, Angus Cloud, Bo Mitchell, Denise Richards, Cheri Oteri, Scoot McNairy, John Molkovich
Fraternities are obnoxious, toxic and stupid. I didn't need this movie to point out the obvious. And yet, here it is. This psychological drama sees a rowdy college fraternity go through their annual hazing ritual for freshman pledges as tensions run thick in their ranks, leading to a harsh outcome. In theory, there is nothing wrong with this movie. It is made capable enough and has some elements that show promise. It's just exhausting, witless, and uninteresting. I understand the movie's slow burn style, though it's dramatic setup to its third act is like wading through sewage as the audience is pummeled with overbearing frat attitudes that feel like caricatures. The movie feels rowdy in an effort to mask inadequacy and performative in the hopes that it doesn't come off as lifeless. It fails. The movie has no pulse. It's a slog to get to its centerpiece twist, and when it makes it there, it looks clueless as to where to go from here. It's a plot turn without a plot. Everything wrapped around it is padding, especially a bland love story subplot between Alex Wolff and Halle Bailey that serves little other than just putting a woman in the movie (other women, Denise Richards and Cheri Oteri, have nothing roles). It's a movie with a point that tells everything in a pointless way, and I felt like my time with it was thoroughly wasted.
Starring: Tom Hardy, Chiwatel Ejiofor, Juno Temple, Rhys Ifans, Stephen Graham, Peggy Lu, Clark Backo, Alanna Ubach, Andy Serkis
Oh hey, look, it's a Venom movie. They make these from time to time, probably. The Spider-Man fan in me likes seeing the big lug on the screen, though I'd be more excited if the movies were more than goofball noise. Sony's patented romcom sexual tension approach to Venom did wonders to tone him down to PG-13 while keeping him entertaining, but their failure to grow it from that hasn't been stimulating. The Venom movies are still the best of the Spider-Man-less Spider-Man universe movies, by a decisive amount. Though, if I'm being honest, that didn't stop me from enjoying Madame Web the most, which was the biggest knee-slapping chucklefuck of a bad movie any franchise can hope for in a low point. But if empty calory entertainment is what Sony wants these movies to be, the Venom trilogy does it best.
The latest feature for the Lethal Protector reveals that Venom is the keeper of "the codex" for some convoluted reason that I didn't care enough to pay attention to. Now he is being hunted by the imprisoned creator of the symbiote, Knull, who sends big alien hunting dogs down to Earth to retrieve it and free him. The movie has an aimless storyline, seeing Eddie and Venom hiding in Mexico, finding out they're wanted for murder, fleeing to New York because Venom wants to see the Statue of Liberty, and winding up in Nevada because Area 51 is there. New York is on the other coast, silly! It's all an excuse to find a new subgenre to latch onto the symbiotic duo. The first movie was practically a buddy cop movie, the second a breakup romance, and this third one is a road trip. They have a destination, but they are sidetracked because nothing ever goes right in this type of movie. Also, Eddie keeps losing his shoes. Funny, maybe? You decide. Like the other Venom movies, the film is diverting and amusing in its high points. I can't help but feel like it's a regression, as the previous film seemed to have "good movie" on the tip of its lengthy tongue but failed to commit, plunging into a whirlwind of chaos instead. One does wish they would stay true to what little these movies have going for them in the future, other than doing whatever the hell they did with Morbius.
Your Monster
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Comedy, Romance, Horror
Director: Caroline Lindy
Starring: Melissa Barrera, Tommy Dewey, Edmund Donovan, Kayla Foster, Meghann Fahy
Melissa Barrera has distanced herself from the Scream franchise, but it's okay, because she has a new horrific guy in her life. This dark romcom stars Barrera as a stage actress who has recently gone through a brutal breakup while still accepting a role in a play put on by her douchey ex. Helping her with her fragile emotional state is the monster who has lived in her closet since she was a little girl, who she might accidentally be falling in love with. Cutesy and broad, yet addictively silly. Your Monster takes the traditional Beauty & the Beast narrative and merges it with the story of the prom queen and outcast turn their angsty friction into sexual tension. The purpose of such a story is more metaphorical than anything, as its never confirmed or denied whether or not Barrera's gothic romance is a psychotic breakdown that's happening in her head (though it's heavily implied that it is if you read between the lines). The film's psychological read is fascinating, because it's both an analysis of post-breakup anguish and an argument in favoring self-love for healing and using one's resentment and anger as a doorway into it. Barrera is fabulous in this, drifting in between distrought and feral as each sequence calls for her to do. By the end, she merges them both into one performance, and it's wonderous to behold. And I've gone this entire review without referring to Tommy Dewey as "Former Presidential Nominee Thomas Dewey." I can show some restraint sometimes.
Netflix & Chill
Don't Move
⭐️⭐️1/2
Streaming On: Netflix
Genre: Thriller
Director: Adam Schindler, Brian Netto
Starring: Kelsey Asbille, Finn Wittrock
A man talks a suicidal woman off of a ledge, but as she tries to thank him, he tries to kidnap her. She manages to escape, only to be drugged and paralyzed with him closing back on her. It's interesting that someone would try to make a chase thriller where the chasee can't move, but it's a doorway to sequence creativity. Don't Move proceeds with enticing scenarios to play up its high concept, though it sometimes feels like it's stalling for time. The movie isn't quite as snappy as its ninty minute runtime would suggest, as it has long periods where the antagonist is driving and talking to someone who can't talk back, while also lot of its suspense scenes rely on the protagonist sitting in place and waiting for someone to notice that something is wrong. They're not unsuccessful plot progressions, but the movie is more casual than anything else. I think Don't Move would have benefitted from beefing up its themes, as its protagonist was a woman contemplating taking her own life caught in a scenario where she is practically waiting to die. She is unable to contemplate fully, because she can't talk, so the undertones need to work harder than they are. The film's antagonist is underdeveloped as well, with traits that are generic without giving personality to a man who paralyzes women because it's a thing to do (although I like how he incompetently lashes out at anything that mildly inconveniences him). Don't Move is diverting, but is stiffened out where it should be nimble.
Woman of the Hour
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Streaming On: Netflix
Genre: Drama, Thriller
Director: Anna Kendrick
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Daniel Zovatto, Nicolette Robinson, Tony Hale
Twilight and Pitch Perfect starlet Anna Kendrick jumps behind the camera in her directorial debut. The film depicts the victims of the "Dating Game Killer" Rodney Alcala, a rapist and murderer who happened to appear on the game show The Dating Game in the 1970's. Kendrick stars in the film as the "lucky bachelorette" who selected Alcala at the end of the episode. The centerpiece sequence features her flexing her comedic chops on The Dating Game, in a hilarious series of questions that she makes up on the fly that undercut just what a sexist facade the show really was. While I haven't seen the episode that this movie was based on, I feel like I can say with confidence that this never, ever happened on the show and, if it ever did, the network would have never aired it. Kendrick has fun with her creative license though, really tearing down one of television's crowning achievements in crap. She then follows this up with a post-game evening of drinks with Alcala, where her curiosity turns into unease in a slow downturn, which is a fairly strong sequence of its own. Sometimes the movie struggles with the fact that Alcala's appearance on The Dating Game is fairly removed from his psychotic secret life, since there was very little to tell except he appeared on the show and the bachelorette declined a date with him afterwards. Kendrick spices that story by using it to express the struggles of victims, especially women, in a society dominated by men who fail to see their suffering. The movie's strength lies in how well she portrays female oppression and their unease in a sexist surrounding, and often the only people who notice a women's distress are other women. Kendrick is really, really good with the drama. The tension sometimes slips her grasp, because she is so focused on the emotional isolation rather than expanding that sense of unease to the audience. But the movie will pressure an emotional response in most viewers regardless, and Kendrick should be commended for that.
Starring: Michael Keaton, Mila Kunis, Carmen Ejogo, Michael Urie, Kevin Pollak, Vivien Lyra Blair, Nico Hiraga, Danny Defarrari, Laura Benanti, Andie MacDowell
Michael Keaton plays an aging art dealer who is struggling to keep his business open while also coming to terms with his second marriage going down the toilet, as well as managing his both adult and grade-school-aged children. Quite a mouthful to explain, though Goodrich is more about emotional state than plot. It's a movie about a crisis of change, as Keaton's world shifts around him and it's kind of pissing him off. He does his best to understand why and tries to keep positive in hopes that he can maintain a semblance of a status quo, while also learning just how much of the issues surrounding him are his fault. It's a lot of Michael Keaton basically playing a Michael Keaton persona in amusing contemplation, though very little of it is laugh-out-loud funny. The film's theme seems right on the tip of its tongue. It struggles to express its own feelings, hoping the audience will get the idea if it runs on its tangent long enough.
Rumours
⭐️⭐️
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director: Guy Madden, Evan Johnson, Galen Johnson
Starring: Cate Blanchett, Alicia Vikander, Charles Dance, Roy Dupuis, Denis Manchester, Nikki Amuka-Bird, Rolando Ravello, Takehiro Hira
Stop me if you heard this one. A group of world leaders get lost in the woods. They argue and find a giant brain. Oh, you have heard this one? That honestly frightens me. Rumours is a bizarre satirical work made so actors can go full theatrical with their scenery chewing while also trying to provide a commentary on the facade of "strength in leadership." There's probably more on its plate, but I found the film difficult to work with. It's not very amusing nor is it engaging. It's a an aimless, goofball attempt at satire. Distant and drifted off, not particularly interested in impressing anyone, instead pushing quirky abstractness and hoping it works in some manner. The idea is kinda funny, as we watch a group of world leaders practically wander into an apocalypse and lose both their wits and their minds, but the movie soils itself in trying to outpace the viewer and keep them with their eyebrow raised. This project feels like someone thought hard about the script they wrote and the movie they created, yet it just fumbles around with nonsense instead of crafting something whole out of it.
Smile 2
⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Horror
Director: Parker Finn
Starring: Naomi Scott, Rosemarie DeWitt, Lukas Gage, Miles Gutierrez-Riley, Peter Jacobson, Raúl Costillo, Dylan Gelula, Ray Nicholson, Kyle Gallner
Cards on the table, I firmly believe the original Smile is one of the best horror movies this decade and is probably a contender for an all-time masterpiece, not just of its genre, but in filmmaking period. I find that movie to be an absolute work of art, crafting a thematic tale of trauma, stress, and anxiety that also manages succeed as a work in its genre, creating those feelings within its audience with ease. It's amazing how a story that dark could somehow wind up that beautiful.
Flash-forward to Smile 2, because if a horror movie succeeds, that means a franchise is around the corner. The entity of the previous film has spread to the life of a pop star, who is still recovering from drug addiction and the death of her boyfriend. As the ghoul haunts her, the outside sees her as having a public meltdown. Word on the street said this film is just as good as the first one, though I'm inclined to whole-heartedly disagree. It's bigger, bolder, and more ostentatious than the original, though it's not nearly as unnerving or as pure in its metaphorical expression. Taking the theme of traumatic reaction and adding substance abuse relapse could be inspired, but winds up undercooked. There are characters in the story that feel anemic, brought forth as an idea to give the main character something to do, while underwhelming with actual substance behind them as they don't have much meat on their bones. The original film didn't succumb to this. It was a film that felt lived in and the people had established and easy-to-understand relationships. There are characters in this film just tend to exist without context.
The saving grace of Smile 2 is its main star, former Power Ranger Naomi Scott. Scott is a power player throughout this entire movie and it's very easy to get invested in her performance. The same can be said for Sosie Bacon, who starred in the first movie, who was benefited from a project that was more fully formed around her. But if Smile 2 is worth seeing through to the end, it's because Scott is captivating enough to keep this franchise's blood pumping. Director Parker Finn is also solidifying himself as one of the most effective horror visualists in the industry, willing to not just startle, but jarr and get under your skin. Effective horror sequences are in less supply compared to the original, though he manages to pull of several exceptional sequences leading toward the climax. Unfortunately, said climax is a bit of a disappointment, as its twisted in mindgames to the point that it's difficult to really tell what the fuck actually happened. I'd give it a soft recommend, though horror audiences are more likely to go crazy for it than moderates. Time will tell if the Smile demon becomes the next Freddy Krueger, but it seems like an unavoidable fate at this point.
We Live in Time
⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Drama
Director: John Crowley
Starring: Florence Pugh, Andrew Garfield
Andrew Garfield and Florence Pugh are in love. Andrew Garfield and Florence Pugh are having a baby. Florence Pugh is battling cancer while Andrew Garfield supports her. Now stick it all in a blender and see what comes out. This love story is told in fragments, chopped up in an editing room and stitched together in little context chunks that unveil as the movie goes on. It doesn't not work, but it's also hard to care about. It's like watching a compilation of Lost flashbacks squeezed into a greatest hits reel. I spent most of the movie trying to figure out what the nonlinear narrative added to it. The only thing I could figure is that the love story would be basic and uninteresting without it. Its only selling point would be two appealing leads, who are admittedly both very good in it. There are worse justifications for a movie's experimentation than "Just because we can," though that doesn't quite mean it succeeds at it. It's something that just is. I think I would be further behind this movie if Andrew Garfield had more to do in it, because his role is mostly reactionary. A lot of stuff happens to Pugh in the story, while he is a bystander that it winds up affecting by default. If the movie maybe had shifted one of these storylines to him, it could probably even things out. Instead it's just a story of Pugh weathering a lot of shit and Garfield off to the side trying not to cry. I think perhaps the point is supposed to be about her impact on his life, whereas I'd be more invested in a movie that shows how they impacted each other.
Starring: Sebastian Stan, Jeremy Strong, Martin Donovan, Maria Bakalova
The second mainstream biopic of a former President of the United States, though this one is less of a shoddy, dick-riding propaganda piece than the last one. So much so that Donald Trump actually sought to have the film's released blocked. I'm not sure there's anything in the film that will soil his "branding," because everything in the film is what any astute person already knows about Donald Trump, whether they admire him or detest him. It will likely only irritate those under the delusion that Trump is a name of intense moral fiber and devote patriotism, but if you believe that, lol. The Apprentice, not to be confused with the semi-related reality show, is a story of a bad man who learns he can get away with almost anything he wants when he bends the rules to his own will. The Apprentice shows Trump in the 1970's being mentored by seedy lawyer Roy Cohn, who teaches him several ruthless rules that Trump takes to heart as he rises in the business world. Modern day Donald Trump is such a cartoon character of narcissism and bankrupt morality that it's hard to think of him in a grounded way, mostly because its feels like he has always been like this. It's interesting that The Apprentice actually does manage to humanize him while realistically paving a road to the Donald Trump we know today. Sebastian Stan is pitch-perfect casting. His facial expressions and hand gestures are spot-on, and he plays the young and relatively naive Trump and the older and colder Trump with stark effectiveness. The movie itself can't shake several redundancies about it, feeling like a retooling of Wall Street with slight elements of All About Eve peppered in. Excellent performances and a well-created character study help it overcome this, making it one to check out if you want a glimmer of an idea of what makes Donald Trump tick.
Piece by Piece
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Drama, Comedy
Director: Morgan Neville
Starring: Pharrell Williams
Rapper Pharrell Williams puts together a biographical semi-mockumentary based on his life and career...told entirely in Legos. It's a fun idea, one that's rich in novelty, while also tumbling over itself on mixing the straight autobiographical with the abstract. The point is to be exprssionistic with its artistic license, though it's sometimes so far into its own beat that it becomes coasting on vibes. It's an interesting attempt to step outside-of-the-box documentary, one that encourages imagination and individuality. It's a message that would resonate with the youngest of Lego enthusiests, though it's not exactly a movie kids will be interested in. That audience will be more interested in the Legos than the life story, which is probably for the best, seeing how the movie goes through its share of more adult-themed lyrics. However, the movie's existence is purely for the pleasure of those who made it, and even if never gains an audience, it has already pleased the people who wanted to see it.
Saturday Night
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Genre: Comedy
Director: Jason Reitman
Starring: Gabriel LaBelle, Rachel Sennott, Cory Michael Smith, Ella Hunt, Dylan O'Brien, Emily Ferin, Matt Wood, Lamorne Morris, Kim Matula, Finn Wolfhard, Nicholas Braun, Cooper Hoffman, Andrew Barth Feldman, Kaia Gerber, Tommy Dewey, Willem Dafoe, J.K. Simmons
Our third biographical movie in a row, Saturday Night flashes us back to 1975, where young producer Lorne Michaels struggles to put on the premiere of a new live sketch comedy program, which will eventually be known as Saturday Night Live. Onset, he has to control his rowdy cast, duck the censors, structure the show, and convince executives that he's worth putting on instead of reruns of Johnny Carson. Saturday Night is a colorful ode to wrangling up rambunctious comedic chaos. Longtime fans of Saturday Night Live couldn't ask for anything more than that. SNL is pretty much a fifty year dumpster fire of a TV legacy, and rightfully so if half of this is true. I'm sure a lot of it is embellished, because it's a lot of chaos to handle in ninty minutes, but even if it is, it works as a tribute to nature of the series it's inspired by. The cast is excellent, as each member captures the essence of their performer almost as if they are being possessed by their vengeful spirits. Then there is J.K. Simmons as Milton Berle, which is low-key the most brilliant casting I've seen in any movie all year. You don't realize how good he's going to be until he's right in front of you. Those looking for a film that gleefully cherishes the hot mess that inspired it will find a lot to love about Saturday Night. I, for one, had a blast watching it.
Terrifier 3
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Horror
Director: Damien Leone
Starring: David Howard Thornton, Lauren LaVera, Elliott Fullam, Margaret Anne Florence, Bryce Johnson, Antonella Rose, Samantha Scaffidi
As if one movie about a murder clown wasn't enough for this October, now director Damien Leone is back with his Art the Clown character to make heads go splat. Following where the franchise left off in the second film, Arthur resurrect himself yet again with the help of his crazed mutilated victim from the first film, Victoria. Five years after their last appearance, Art and Victoria stalk the survivor of the previous film during a bloody Christmas season, carving up anybody in their way. It's difficult to not get desensitized to any given horror franchise no matter what it has to offer, especially when all it wants to offer is more of the same. In Terrifier's case, what it's willing to give its audience is even more extreme blood and nastiness. But when you've already started at the ceiling, how high can you go? Shock value is nonexistent. We all know what to expect from Terrifier 3, and if you don't, then you're not seeing Terrifier 3. However, Terrifier 3's strength lies in what made the other films enjoyable for horror enthusiasts: it knows what it is, and it loves itself for it. The original Terrifier is an homage of an underground style of horror film from decades past that few outside the mainstream where most feverish of horror fanatics have gone out of their way to see, such as Blood Feast or Basket Case. The second and third are indulgent exercises in excess, and if you're not in the mood to watch faces getting kicked in, nether-regions getting chainsawed, or axes getting stuck in people's spines, then there is no point in watching any of them. It's another Terrifier movie. Those who seek out any Terrifier movie already know what they want from a Terrifier movie, and they'll get it. Personally, I think I enjoyed the first one the best, due to its crafty homage. This one is a little lesser than the second one, even though I found the Christmas setting fresh (albeit pointless), Lauren LaVera played her PTSD storyline with effectiveness, and the rebranding of Victoria as a sidekick villain was fun. Terrifier 3 also ends with little resolve and a cliffhanger tease, wanting us to be excited for Terrifier 4 instead of giving us a whole movie. It almost feels like John Wick 3, where we got the action we came for and just ends when it should be beefing up. Those who saw a third will definitely see a fourth, though.
